QUESTION???

[MajestyJo]

Today at my meeting the topic was about things that started with the letter 'Q'.

When I first came to Al-Anon, I questioned my right to be there because I was one of the 'others'. I questioned being an alcoholic. I knew I was an addict, but had a hard time accepting my own alcoholism. I justified every way possible trying to talk myself out of it. I didn't like beer. Never drank more than one beer in my life, so I just couldn't be an alcoholic. I drank because I couldn't stand to be around my husband, it was his drinking that was the problem.

What I was doing was leaving a door open to take a drink if I wanted one. If I wasn't an alcoholic and I drank because of OPs, then I could go to Al-Anon and if I chose to have ONE glass of wine with my meal it was okay! Talk about stinking thinking and self-justificatIon.

I am not sure if the disease is in our genes or not. What I do know is that I am a product of my environment and if I was continually around people who drank, I would drink too. It is just the nature of this beast and my disease. I could look at them and again play the blame game and give myself an out.

I knew that I was one when I finally realized I used alcohol like I used people, places and things to get my own way and to control my life so that I could be a part of the insanity instead of being on the outside looking in. I questioned my husband's insanity not recognizing my own.

In today, I need to question "what is good for my sobriety (soundness of mind)" Just because something has stood me in good stead for several years. Is it still working in today? Am I complacent? Am I sitll on that spiritual quest or have I stopped looking for God.

God is Good. Good is God. If I look for the goodness within myself and those around me, I am connected to my Higher Power.

What is in my best interest and for my Higher good in today?

What knowingness do I need in today to do what I need for my own health and well being on this recovery road?

Something I posted on another group in April 2009

One day on the elevator a guy who was about half snapped who I knew from the building I lived in before was complain about his life and he said, "Why me?" I looked at him and said, "Why not you?" He looked at me shocked and then started to laugh. It was something my sponsor had told me many times.

I can identify with the angry with God. I just wish He would give me a little hint so We both know what He is doing!

In order to accept the disease, I looked at it as a dis-ease. I was at dis-ease within myself, and was always looking for something outside of myself to make me feel better. An allergy of the body, I don't metabolize alcohol the way others do. According to a tape I heard, normal people metabolize one in 10-15 minutes. An alcoholic often takes 20=30 minutes. By the time he has his second drink, the first one is still in his system. It is also an obsession of the mind. It took over my life and all my values, principles and integrity were put aside and I became a different person. One I had trouble recognizing and as I have said so many times, every time I picked up, I gave away a piece of me. When I came into recovery, there was very little 'me' left.

It is a disease that tells me that I don't have one. It tells me this time will be different. It tells me this time I can control it. If I take charge of my life, I can control what is happening. The Spirit of Alcohol becomes the God of my life and became my life. When I came into recovery, the Spirit of God takes control of my life when I give it over to Him.

June 2009