Addiction in Recovery

[MajestyJo]

My addiction in today, after sixteen years in the program is 'Bejewelled.' I am a Bejewelled Nut. When I am not posting on here and my other sites, I am playing the game. There is something about it that I want to challenge. I often don't get over 10,000 points, yet I have had over 300,000 once, over 100,000 several times, I keep want to bettering my score. I get really annoyed when I don't make my 'normal' quota.

Posted this on another site, now I have had totals from 1 million to 3+, which makes me want to play more. It doesn't happen often, but like all dis-eases, you want to reach that feeling again.

I keep telling myself that it is ridiculous for a 65 year old woman to be addicted to a game. I should know better, but as yet, I am not willing to let it go. There have been times when I haven't been totally obsessive about it, but they have been short periods. Those times when I have turned it over and asked for help. Then I got addicted to 'Word Mojo.'

The bottom line for me seem to be, once an addict always an addict. Thank God for this program that allows me to recognize it and put my program into place. I have had other issues that seemed to create insanity back into my life. i.e. bridge (I use to play on line, now I only play at my club), scrabble (word mojo is similiar), yahtzee (no one around to play with, this was a big issue in early recovery), my computer (I don't spend the hours on it that I use to), work (My health doesn't permit me to keep up my sites the way I would like to). It doesn't matter what the substance is, it can all lead to the same soul sickness.

I hated it when someone would phone or come by and interrupt me.

I wouldn't eat at regular hours because I was 'busy'.

I would stay up at night and not keep regular hours, my night turned into days.

I suffer from chronic pain, and it is so easy to detach and look for something outside of myself to make me feel better. Reading and TV can be great escapes from reality. There was a time for about six years I never read. I was so busy living my life, I didn't have time to read about others. As my health has gotten worse and I am not as mobile, I am more and more housebound, I am looking for things to fill my day. There was a period of about two years that I didn't have TV. Now I have extra channels.

Now I have a TV in my bedroom. One is good, more is better. LOL.

Again, it is about balance.