Vulnerability

[MajestyJo]

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Vulnerability

Some of us may have made a decision that no one was ever going to hurt us again. We may automatically go on "feelings freeze mode" when faced with emotional pain. Or, we may terminate a relationship the first time we feel hurt. Hurt feelings are a part of life, relationships, and recovery. It is understandable that we don't want to feel any more pain. Many of us have had more than our share, in fact, at some time in our life, we may have been overwhelmed, crushed, or stopped in our tracks by the amount of pain we felt. We may not have had the resources to cope with our pain or take care of ourselves.

That was yesterday. Today, we don't have to be so frightened of pain. It does not have to overwhelm us. We are becoming strong enough to deal with hurt feelings. And we don't have to become martyrs, claiming that hurt feelings and suffering are all there is to life.

We need only allow ourselves to feel vulnerable enough to feel hurt, when that's appropriate, and take responsibility for our feelings, behaviors, and what we need to do to take care of ourselves. We don't have to analyze or justify our feelings. We need to feel them, and try not to let them control our behavior.

Maybe our pain is showing us we need to set a boundary; maybe it's showing us we're going in a wrong direction; maybe it's triggering a deep healing process.

It's okay to feel hurt; it's okay to cry; it's okay to heal; it's okay to move on to the next feeling, when it's time. Our willingness and capacity to feel joy will eventually match our willingness and capacity to feel hurt.

Being in recovery does not mean immunity from pain; it means learning to take loving care of ourselves when we are in pain.

Today, I will not strike out at those who cause me pain. I will feel my emotions and take responsibility for them. I will accept hurt feelings as part of being in relationships. l am willing to surrender to the pain as well as the joy in life.

Was just sharing with a friend tonight about how it is about my reaction to people, places and things. It isn't the people, places and things that have a problem, it is mine to own and take responsibility for it. I can't take my pain out on others. I can't inflict pain on others, because I think they caused my pain, I had to come to realize they didn't have the power. If they had the power, it was because I gave it to them and allowed them to hurt me, or I took on their pain trying to fix them.

So many time I took things on that were not mine, I felt anger because I felt their pain and even more pain when I saw them not willing to change. I can't put on expectations on people who are not capable of meeting them in the moment. Then I got angry at myself for taking it on and giving up my power.

Allowing myself to become vulnerable was one of the hardest things I had to do in order to recovery.