Being Who We Are

[MajestyJo]

We can be who we are, and do it the way we do it - today. That is the essence of avoiding perfection.

The Language of Letting Go - Melody Beattie

Sometimes those old tapes come creeping back. This is how a good mother should act and be. This is how a good parent, daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, etc. should be.

For so many years I was a role player, playing to another person's tune. I had high expectatons on myself because for most of my life, they were projected onto me.

That Ms. Perfection was shamed if she was less than. How could she ever raise her head again because she failed to do things right.

My measuring stick was the measure made by other folks. If you can't do it right, don't do it at all. If I didn't do it right, I had to do it again. The standards were those of other people's and I felt less than if I couldn't measure up.

Having lived my life through other people for most of my life, I had no identity of my own. I had to re-evaluate myself. Find my own truth. Set my own standards and boundaries and lower my expectations.

The failure wasn't about not measuring up. Failure is in the not trying. Success is about picking yourself up and trying again.

A post I made in 2010

Don't think it is so much going back to 'old' tapes, it was the recognizing of what was old and needed a new one. Looking even at things that were new in early recovery that needed revised and revisited and adjusted to what is in today.

This reminds me that I am a product of my environment as I was saying to my friend earlier. When my mind goes into the past or I act out in my dis-ease in today, I am not being present in the moment. As I like to say, "Bring the body and the mind will follow, unfortunately, not always at the same time.