There Is A Program

[MajestyJo]

So many people don't seem to realize that once you get to Step "Whatever" the journey isn't over, it is a process. It doesn't stop at Step Twelve. It doesn't stop at Step Three because we don't want to do a Step Four. It doesn't end at Step Four because we don't want to tell a living soul. It doesn't stop at Steps Six because I know my defects, I am suppose to find a willingness and a desire to let them go. I can't stop without doing an amend to myself, my God, my friends and family.

Steps Ten, Eleven and Twelve are maintenance steps. You have to do the others to be able to have something to maintain. They are steps to be worked, just in today. As we get honest, as we heal, as we grow, the process goes on, and the road continues. We may make some detours along the way, but God willing, we will get back on the road and follow a path to recovery.

Real like the first line

The Program is a road, not a resting place

We are on a journey, one we take one day at a time. We get out of it what we put into it. We have a choice between sober and sobriety (soundness of mind). Sobriety isn't just for alcoholics. I am an addict, and I need to work on my emotional sobriety every day.

When we are new in recovery, things are new to us and they become ingrained in us I think. They become a part of our lives. Sometimes when I am going through rough patches, I go back to basics, do the things I did when I first came into recovery, and I think most of those things are still in place, except for the fact that I don't get out to meetings like I did then. The people at the recovery sites I go to are my recovery family.

There is a program if we choose to use it. My first boyfriend in recovery, celebrated his one year and he had a priest speak at his anniversary. The priest didn't become a priest until he had been in recovery for a few years.

I said to him, after he told me that he had never had more than 11 months, but he kept going back out. I said, "You didn't have a program." He said, "Yes, I had a program, I chose not to use it.

We have freedom of choice. Just for today, I choose to be clean and sober. I choose the freedom of sobriety, instead of hanging on by my finger tips.

Like this little guy, I opened my arms and soaked it all up. I was very sick, and each day was just a little bit more healing, of my mind, body, and spirit.

[MajestyJo]

From "An Act of Providence:"

"I experienced the total bankruptcy of active
alcoholism -- everything meaningful in my life
was gone. I telephoned Alcoholics Anonymous
and, from that instant, my life has never been
the same. When I reflect on that very special
moment, I know that God was working in my
life long before I was able to acknowledge and
accept spiritual concepts."

Daily Reflections, page 17

From The Hoffields

God's grace brought me to the rooms of recovery, His grace is what keeps me here, and His grace kept me alive to find the way.

He is gracious in all things and loved me no matter where I have travelled on this journey of life, and He continues to sustain me as I approach each new day.

I often think that there were others so much more 'deserving' than me, yet on the other hand, I looked at things as my 'due' and how dare you. I leaned a long time ago, not to ask, "Why Me?" because I always got the answer, "Why not you? What makes you think you are so different, so special that you deserve anything different than anyone else living this journey they call "life!"

I stayed sick for a long time because I chose to play the blame game. When I went to Al-Anon and heard, "Let It Begin With Me!" it helped to change my perspective and take responsibility for myself. With the focus on me, then I was able to grow and change.

They say a change of attitude brings about a spiritual awareness, and as I become more aware, I become attuned to that grace working in my life.
__________________

[MajestyJo]

A Way

from: "You Are Not Alone"

"Alcoholics are experts at not being able to see their own illness. They are often the last to admit that they have a drinking problem.

"Help is available, but you must make the decision to ask for it.... [In A.A.] you will simply meet men and women who have found a way to free themselves from their dependence on alcohol and have begun to repair the damage it has done to their lives. Such freedom and recovery can be yours, too."

A.A. for the Woman (A.A. Pamphlet P-5), pages 8 and 9

From: Just For Today - The Hoffields

When I came into recovery, it was so nice to know that I wasn't alone. My thoughts were not original, and I was only unique in my journey to get to the doors of recovery, I was not so unique in the fact that I was the only one who had gone through what I did in their life.

What I say is not only my words, only the interruption of what I heard around the tables at meetings, listening and sharing with others. My best thinking got me here. Sharing that thinking, allows me to let go and make room for new thoughts to come in. When I learn to identify instead of compare, I know I am in the right place.
__________________

Alkiespeaks

I'd call him up and say; Norm, my prograam ain't working.' He'd say, 'Yea, why don't you try ours.' - Johnny H.

This reminds me of my first meeting. A Native American woman lived next door to me at the YWCA. I think I have told this somewhere else on the board. She said, "My ride cancelled (lie) and I am nervous (lie) about going on the bus alone (lie) and I have to speak and I am really nerveous about going on my own (lie) to do this, would you go with me and support me. Good old me, sure A.... (sucker) I am shocked, surprised, never heard anything like this, talk about guns, knives, and horror stories, this is the woman who said she was nervous about going on the bus alone who says she carries a knife in her boot, I don't think so. I walked out of that meeting, and I said, Gee A...., that would have been a good program for my dad, he might not have died like he did, and if my husband had a program like that, our marriage might have worked. Absolutely, no identification for myself. About a year later, I walked into a Women's discussion meeting, she was there, she got up, walked over to me, put her arms around me and said, "Thank God, you lived long enough to make it."

The program works if you work for the program.
__________________

[MajestyJo]

Not sure if these are duplicates, I know they were on the old site.

For me, when I surrendered and said, "My way isn't working, the Spirit was given to me and it was my believe that it was there, the trusting in that new source of power, and my continual feeding of the Spirit which allowed it to grow. It became a Source so much more powerful than I could have ever imagined, and it has been my mainstay through all tribulation.

The Spirit is there, the Light is within, it is whether I choose to smother it, or nurture it within my soul as to how much it can do for me, one day at a time.

This was posted in March 2004. It is still true in today. I just had a new awakening. Thing have been happening in 7s for me. My 21st anniversary is another 7 year cycle. Guess in some areas in my life, I still need to learn the hard way.

Was two years sober before I took the 1st step 100%, I couldn't get rid of the denial. I kept comparing instead of identifying. I didn't have black out. I wasn't a falling down drunk. I could walk and drive a straight line. I had total contempt for my woman friends who couldn't stand up and had to be practically carried out of the Legion. My biggest fear was making an ass of myself and doing something stupid. I would go into the washroom, stick my finger down my throat, upchuck so I could drink more rather than cross the line, between being in control and out of control. "If you have to control it, it is already out of control." Now how lady like is it to do something like that, so you won't stagger and miss a step walking across the floor. You wonder why they say this is a disease of perception. My husband has 20 beers, can't stand without staggering out of the bar. I have 20 rye and coke, I help him or let him fall out of the place, get behind the wheel, say, "I'm not drunk, and drive him home. A police car is sitting in the corner lot, I say, "Slouch a little bit more, the left signal light isn't working." I stop at the stop sign. I pull out to the edge of the pavement to see past parked cars and pull out into the street, with my window down and using hand signals. I am hoping they think, "The wife taking the drunken husband home," that is what it looks like, the reality is, she is as hammered as he is, even though she doesn't want to admit to it. 20 drinks is 20 drinks, be they beer or rye, if anything, I should have been drunker than he was.

If I got angry, I tended to sober up, then I would be already to start again. With my husband, he was the opposite, you would swear he had drank about 3 times the amount he had already drank. So this might be why I drove home alright because he generally made me royally ticked off by the end of the night.

It isn't how much you drank but what it did to you and how you metabolized it. As you can see, some of those words were quotes from certain incidents that happened, I was not a very nice person when I was drinking. I don't think I was too normal on most things in life.
__________________

Was two years sober before I took the 1st step 100%, I couldn't get rid of the denial. I kept comparing instead of identifying. I didn't have black out. I wasn't a falling down drunk. I could walk and drive a straight line. I had total contempt for my woman friends who couldn't stand up and had to be practically carried out of the Legion. My biggest fear was making an ass of myself and doing something stupid. I would go into the washroom, stick my finger down my throat, upchuck so I could drink more rather than cross the line, between being in control and out of control. "If you have to control it, it is already out of control." Now how lady like is it to do something like that, so you won't stagger and miss a step walking across the floor. You wonder why they say this is a disease of perception. My husband has 20 beers, can't stand without staggering out of the bar. I have 20 rye and coke, I help him or let him fall out of the place, get behind the wheel, say, "I'm not drunk, and drive him home. A police car is sitting in the corner lot, I say, "Slouch a little bit more, the left signal light isn't working." I stop at the stop sign. I pull out to the edge of the pavement to see past parked cars and pull out into the street, with my window down and using hand signals. I am hoping they think, "The wife taking the drunken husband home," that is what it looks like, the reality is, she is as hammered as he is, even though she doesn't want to admit to it. 20 drinks is 20 drinks, be they beer or rye, if anything, I should have been drunker than he was.

If I got angry, I tended to sober up, then I would be already to start again. With my husband, he was the opposite, you would swear he had drank about 3 times the amount he had already drank. So this might be why I drove home alright because he generally made me royally ticked off by the end of the night.

It isn't how much you drank but what it did to you and how you metabolized it. As you can see, some of those words were quotes from certain incidents that happened, I was not a very nice person when I was drinking. I don't think I was too normal on most things in life.
__________________

[MajestyJo]

How The Big Book Tells It!

"This is a selfish program"

Page 20, paragraph 1: "Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs."

Page 97, paragraph 2: "Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A kindly act once in a while isn't enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be. It may mean the loss of many nights' sleep, great interference with your pleasures, interruptions to your business. It may mean sharing your money and your home, counseling frantic wives and relatives, innumerable trips to police courts, sanitariums, hospitals, jails and asylums. Your telephone may jangle at any time of the day or night. "

Page 14-15: "For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead."

Page 62, paragraph 2: "Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles"

Page 62, paragraph 3: "So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it
kill us!"

"Meeting makers make it"

Page 59, paragraph 3: "Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery"

"I'm powerless over people, places and things"
Page 132, paragraph 3: "We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others."

Page 122, paragraph 3: " Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. "

Page 82, paragraph 4: "The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough."

Page 89, paragraph 2: "You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail."

"You're in the right place"

Page 20-21: "Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason - ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor - becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention."

Page 31, paragraph 2: " If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right- about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him."

Page 31-32: "We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition."

Page 108-109: "Your husband may be only a heavy drinker. His drinking may be constant or it may be heavy only on certain occasions. Perhaps he spends too much money for liquor. It may be slowing him up mentally and physically, but he does not see it. Sometimes he is a source of embarrassment to you and his friends. He is positive he can handle his liquor, that it does him no harm, that drinking is necessary in his business. He would probably be insulted if he were called an alcoholic. This world is full of people like him. Some will moderate or stop altogether, and some will not. Of those who keep on, a good number will become true alcoholics after a while."

Page 92, paragraph 2: "If you are satisfied that he is a real alcoholic"

Page 95, paragraph 4: "If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience."

"If an alcoholic wants to get sober, nothing you say can make him drink. "

Page 103, paragraph 2: "A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity. We would not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by one who hates it."

"We must change playmates, playgrounds, and playthings"

Page 100-101: "Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so.

We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything!"

"I'm a people pleaser. I need to learn to take care of myself"

Page 61, paragraph 2:"Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind?"

"Don't drink, even if your ass falls off."

Page 34, paragraph 2: “Many of us felt we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it—this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.”

"I haven't had a drink today, so I'm a complete success today."

Page 19, paragraph 1: "The elimination of drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs.”

"It's my opinion that..." or "I don't know anything about the Big Book, but this is the way I do it..."
Page 19, paragraph 1: "We have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it. We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge. This should suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with a drinking problem."

"Don't drink, no matter what."

Page 34, paragraph 2: “Many of us felt we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it—this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.”

Page 31, paragraph 4: "We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition."

"We need to give up planning, it doesn't work."

Page 86, paragraphs 3-4: "On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.

In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while."

"I have a choice to not drink today."

Page 30, paragraph 3: "We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals - usually brief - were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better."

"If all I do is stay sober today, then it's been a good day."

Page 82, paragraph 3: " Sometimes we hear an alcoholic say that the only thing he needs to do is to keep sober. Certainly he must keep sober, for there will be no home if he doesn't. But he is yet a long way from making good to the wife or parents whom for years he has so shockingly treated."

Page 82 paragraph 4: "We feel a man is unthinking when he says sobriety is enough."

"You don't need a shrink. You have an alcoholic personality. All you will ever need is in the first 164 pages of the Big Book."
Page 133, 2nd paragraph: "But this does not mean that we disregard human health measures. God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. Most of them give freely of themselves, that their fellows may enjoy sound minds and bodies. Try to remember that though God has wrought miracles among us, we should never belittle a good doctor or psychiatrist. Their services are often indispensable in treating a newcomer and in following his case afterward."

“My sponsor told me that, if in making an amend I would be harmed, I could consider myself as one of the ‘others’ in Step Nine.”

Page 79, paragraph 2 “Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences might be.”

"I need to forgive myself first" or "You need to be good to yourself"
Page 74, paragraph 2 “ The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others.”

"Take what you want and leave the rest"

Page 17, paragraph 3: "The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism."

"Just do the next right thing"
Page 86, paragraph 4: " We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision."

Page 87, paragraph 1: " Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas."

"Don't make any major decisions for the first year"

Page 60, paragraph 4:
"(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.
Being convinced, we were at Step Three, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him."

Page 76, paragraph 2: "When ready, we say something like this: "My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen." We have then completed Step Seven."

"Stay out of relationships for the first year!"

Page. 69, paragraph 1: "We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct."

Page 69, paragraph 3: "In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come if we want it."

Page 69, paragraph 4: "God alone can judge our sex situation."

Page 69-70:"Counsel with other persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge."

Page 70, Paragraph 2: "We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing."

"Alcohol was my drug of choice"

Page 24, paragraph 2: "The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink."

"Keep coming back, eventually it will rub off on you"

Page 64, Paragraph 1: "Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us"

"Ninety Meetings in Ninety Days"

Page 15, paragraph 2: "We meet frequently so that newcomers may find the fellowship they seek."

Page 19, paragraph 2: "None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did."

Page 59, paragraph 3: "Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery"

"You only work one step a year" "Take your time to work the steps"

Page 569, paragraph 3: What often takes place in a few months can hardly be brought about by himself alone."

Page 63, paragraph3: "Next we launched on a course of vigorous action."

Page 74, paragraph 2: "If that is so, this step may be postponed, only, however, if we hold ourselves in complete readiness to go through with it at the first opportunity"

Page 75, paragraph 3: "Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for AN HOUR, carefully reviewing what we have done."

"You need to stay in those feelings and really feel them."
Page 84, paragraph 2: "When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them."

"There are no musts in this program."

Page 99, paragraph 1: "it must be done if any results are to be expected."

Page 99, paragraph 2: "we must try to repair the damage immediately lest we pay the penalty by a spree."

Page 99, paragraph 3: "it must be on a better basis, since the former did not work."

Page 83, paragraph 1: "Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead."

Page 83, paragraph 2: "We must remember that ten or twenty years of drunkenness would make a skeptic out of anyone."

Page 74, paragraph 1: "Those of us belonging to a religious denomination which requires confession must, and of course, will want to go to the properly appointed authority whose duty it is to receive it."

Page 74, paragraph 2: "The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others."

Page 75, paragraph 1: " But we must not use this as a mere excuse to postpone."

Page 85, paragraph 3: " But we must go further and that means more action."

Page 85, paragraph 2: " Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities."

Page 85, paragraph 2: "These are thoughts which must go with us constantly."

Page 80, paragraph 1: " If we have obtained permission, have consulted with others, asked God to help and the drastic step is indicated we must not shrink."

Page 14, paragraph 2: " I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all."

Page 62, paragraph 3: " Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us!"

Page 144, paragraph 3: "The man must decide for himself."

Page 89, paragraph 2: "To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends - this is an experience you must not miss."

Page 33, paragraph 3: " If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind"

Page 79, paragraph 2: "We must not shrink at anything."

Page 86, paragraph 2: "But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others."

Page 120, paragraph 2: "he must redouble his spiritual activities if he expects to survive."

Page 152, paragraph 2: "I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I?"

Page 95, paragraph 3: "he must decide for himself whether he wants to go on"

Page 95, paragraph 3: "If he is to find God, the desire must come from within."

Page 159, paragraph 3: "Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary."

Page 156, paragraph 3: " Both saw that they must keep spiritually active. "

Page 130, paragraph 2: "that is where our work must be done."

Page 82, paragraph 3: "Certainly he must keep sober, for there will be no home if he doesn't."

Page 143, paragraph 2: "he should understand that he must undergo a change of heart"

Page 69, paragraph 4: "Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it."

Page 69, paragraph 4: "We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm"

Page 44, paragraph 3: "we had to face the fact that we must find a spiritual basis of life - or else."

Page 78, paragraph 3: "We must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them."

Page 93, paragraph 3: "To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action."

Page 43, paragraph 4: "His defense must come from a Higher Power."

Page 66, paragraph 4: "We saw that these resentments must be mastered"

Page 146, paragraph 4: " For he knows he must be honest if he would live at all."

Page 73, paragraph 5: "We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world."

But Remember... "When the man is presented with this volume it is best that no one tell him he must abide by its suggestions." page 144, paragraph 3

Posted on my site Star Choices

Here is the link to the chapter:

http://www.step12.com/alcoholism-chapter-3.html

Many people don't see alcohol as a drug. Many drug addict, feel that they can drink as long as they don't use their drug of choice. Substitution didn't work for me and I saw so many, pick up a drink and found themselves right back to where they were, often in worse shape than when the came in. It is a progressive disease. It doesn't stop just because I stop adding fuel to the fire. It continues on, and I found that only through the 12 Steps am I granted daily reprieve from active addiction.

I can escape into anything, and that 'anything' can become a new addiction. I had to quit all substances in order to recover.

Have found that using other substances will take you back to drinking or on to stronger drugs, if the alcohol stops working for you. At the end of my journey, I was abusing everything: pills, alcohol, relationships, and food. I decided to quit drinking because I couldn't afford to keep myself in the style that I had become accustomed. There was no one left to pay my way and obtaining through other sources and addictions were not an option. Ironically, when I did my inventory, I found that I gave 'it' away looking for love and yet had scruples about taking money. I think it was more an old tape, thinking I wasn't attractive enough and good enough to be paid for services rendered. I was kidding around with my 1st husband, his cousin and his wife who was my best friend. I said, 'Well if you won't give it to me, I will go out on the streets and earn it." I was told, "Do you have change for a quarter." Words hurt, it didn't seem so funny and got past the kidding stage. I like to think it was the good Christian values that I was brought up with, stopping me from going that extra mile.

I need to give up all drugs in order to recover. It all leads to the same soul sickness. As my sponsor said many times over, "What is your motive and intent?"

[MajestyJo]

If I was ever inclined to forget what it was like and what happened, all I have to do is look at my son and I see my disease in him. He thinks I don't understand because I never used the drugs he did, and yet his using is all alcohol based and he only went on to other things, when the alcohol stopped working for him. I had the same symptoms as they describe in AA meetings, and yet "I" wasn't an alcoholic you know. I hated beer, the taste, the smell, and I even tried to get it down, because I thought I should like it and it was cheaper than liquor. I committed the ultimate sin, I added coca-cola to it, and all it did was make my coca-cola taste bad. I think they called it a Shanty, but I know a lot of people who thought it was sacrilegious.

I could never understand the premise, I didn't feel drunk. I drank liquor and my husband drank beer, he staggered and couldn't drive, while I could walk a straight line and drive him home and not get stopped by the police. The reality is, I couldn't have been sober when I matched him drink for drink, and I compared instead of identifying. I was okay so therefore I was sober, only to find out that I was a functioning drunk.

In today, I know he was a drunk and I am the alcoholic. I had the stinking thinking behind the drinking.

It isn't how much we drink, it is what it does to us when we drink it. I became a different person, one I got to not like very much. As the song says, when I drank I felt like I was 10 ft. tall and bullet proof.

I pray that I may meet the test of waiting for God's guidance. I pray that I will not go off on my own.

24 Hours

Life is just so much better when I remember to pray at the beginning of each day. I love this quote. How often I have started my day without asking for direction and have started out without any knowing thoughts and it is only when I get into a quandry or wonder what the heck I am doing, that I have to stop and restart my day.

Prayer is asking for help. Meditation is listening for the answers.

Sometimes it comes in the form of thought, or a reading, a song, a post on a message board, a phone call, but it will come if I am patient and willing to listen.

When I turn the day over, those little things that turn up makes me know that God is on my side and that I am truly blessed.

God is only a prayer away. If one is good, more is better when it comes to alcohol, it only stand to reason that it works for prayer too.

Each day when I put my life into the care of my God, I have daily reprieve from that first one! I am given a choice. I chose prayer every morning to start my day, a prayer during the day to touch base, and a prayer of thanks every night.

[MajestyJo]

Have always loved the way the first 164 pages came to an end.


Still you may say: "But I will not have the benefit of contact with you who wrote this book."

We cannot be sure. God will determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.

Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little.

God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got.

See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows.

Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us.

We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.

May God bless you and keep you-until then.

2008

A friend of mine use to say to me, "...this is a program of suggestion! I use to say to him there are also some darn well betters, or you will go back out drinking; which he repeatedly did. The program works if I work the program. He was one of many I have heard say the program doesn't work for him. I always ask, "Did you work for the program?"

When I "clear the wreckage of my past that can still come up in today and work the Steps into my daily life and do service," I can find happiness in today.

2009

When I looked back at 6 years sober and read my journal as to what I had written at 2 years sober, I laughed. It didn't mean to stop journaling, it meant to journal more and get honest more often. When I was 2 years sober, thought I knew all. I learned, it was the first step and had so much more to learn.

[MajestyJo]

Feel the fear and do it any way, put your faith in your Higher Power. Faith in the unknown, but if you watch closely, you will see it working in your life and gain more faith.

Faith that everything will work out. Faith in the program, faith in my God, faith in myself, that with Him/Her all will turn out as it should, not always as I would have it be.

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.