Links

Join

Forums

Find Help

Recovery Readings

Spiritual Meditations

Chat

Contact


Go Back   Bluidkiti's Alcohol and Drug Addictions Recovery Help/Support Forums > Alcohol, Drugs and Other Addictions Recovery > Alcohol, Drugs and Other Addictions Recovery > Family and Friends of Alcoholics and Addicts
Register FAQ Community Calendar Arcade Today's Posts Search Chat Room

Share This Forum!  
 
        

Family and Friends of Alcoholics and Addicts This forum is for families and friends whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking and/or drug abuse.

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 11-30-2013, 06:44 PM   #2
MajestyJo
Super Moderator
 
MajestyJo's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Hamilton, ON
Posts: 25,078
Default


When I look back on my life, I find it disturbing that I never knew that it was okay to be me. I was always what I thought you wanted me to be or I was who I was told I should be and when I wasn't I was riddled with guilt.

So many times I was either forced into a mold or someone wanted to mold me as they thought I should be. I asked a friend one time, "I wonder how many mold he made?" I asked this about an ex-boyfriend. My friend replied, "He probably run out of clay."

I looked to others for validation, affirmation, and love. As the song says, "Looking for love in all the wrong places." What I couldn't find within me, I look for in you." Ironically, I didn't know that I had to look within. The thought of looking at me wasn't an option that I thought I had. I had been put down for so many years by so many people in so many ways, I thought I was a useless, unlovable being. When I came into recovery, I was so glad to hear, "God didn't make no junk!"

This is how a good little girl should act. This is how a parent, a sister, a wife, a lover, a friend should act. This is how a good little Christian girl should act! I feared I was d**ned to hell forever. If I was going to get hung as a lamb, I might as well go out as a sheep. Which I proceeded to do, I followed many people into a whole lot of trouble.

I am so glad that in today, I don't have to play a role. I no longer have to play other people's games. I no longer want to play games. Life isn't a game. I want to live in the real world.

Not very good at the 'not beating myself up' although it is getting better. Most times it is a mental thing, when I make a mistake at bridge or make an error when posting. For years I had a motto, "I can't stand stupidity, especially in myself." It sometimes leaks into today. Although, in today, I prefer, just because I make a silly mistake doesn't mean I am one. I am much quicker at forgiving myself for having made them.

Again, it is the Ms. Perfection who is trying to control her life. Perfection is part of my disease, not my recovery.

__________________

Love always,

Jo

I share because I care.


MajestyJo is offline   Reply With Quote
Post New ThreadReply  

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What is the Role of Sponsorship? MajestyJo Sponsors and Sponsees Help Forum 10 10-01-2013 12:41 PM
The Great Victory in Toronto in Restoring God to His Major Role in 12 Step Recovery dickb A.A. History With Dick B. 0 08-31-2013 09:58 PM
Role Models yukonm Daily Spiritual Meditations 0 08-22-2013 09:35 AM


Click here to make a Donation

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:20 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.