Today's Thought - June

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June 16

When you teach your son, you teach your son's son.

~The Talmud

As we look at our own life history and begin to understand how we reached this point, we have to examine what was passed on to us by our parents and then realize that they were doing the best they could with what they had been given. We talk about the chain of transmission through generations who had problems with addictions and codependency. Many of us know that we want to break that chain so that our children don't inherit the negative patterns.

How do we break the chain of generation after generation of addiction and abuse? We become the best father we know how to be. We develop genuine relationships with our children, letting them truly know us; we tell them about our lives and listen to them talk about their lives. It isn't all about discipline; it's about having a bond and being honest in telling our children that we love and care for them. Certainly, setting limits and being consistent are important tenets, but the most important thing a father can give his child is letting his child know him.

Today, I will be engaged with my child in a genuine and open relationship.

Today's reading is from the book Stepping Stones: More Daily Meditations for Men*

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JUne 17

I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.

~Winston Churchill

We addicts are used to learning the hard way. Many of us think we're different and can do things our own way. But then we get in too much trouble or pain. The first AA members were just like us. They knew how it is to hate being told what to do. So they suggested we follow the Twelve Steps. They didn't say we have to do anything. They didn't say working the Steps is the only way to live sober. They just said the Steps worked for them.

We're finding out that the Steps work for us too. We don't have to work them. We don't have to stay sober. We just like our new sober life better than our old drinking or drugging life. And we’re learning how to live this new life by working the Steps.
Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me be open to your lessons. Teach me gently and help me listen.
Action for the Day

I will list five ways that I get in the way of my own learning.

Today's reading is from the book Keep it Simple: Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal*

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June 18

Originality is unexplored territory. You get there by carrying a canoe - you can't take a taxi.

~Alan Alda

We are on an adventure trip in this program. Each of us is a wilderness that is only partly explored and mapped. We can't know exactly what we will find along the way, but we can expect to find some great and moving beauty, some spectacular experiences as well as awesome and frightening ones, and some soft, pleasant rest spots. Any day will have a mixture of various feelings.

This program is not a map of the uncharted territory. It is a guide for survival in the wilderness. It tells us how to orient ourselves when there are no familiar landmarks and how to learn and grow from the experience. The more time we spend in this wilderness, exploring the mystery of living, the more comfortable we become with it and the greater appreciation we have for its unique beauty.

Today, I pray for the courage to explore the original person I was created to be.

Today's reading is from the book Touchstones: A Book of Daily Meditations for Men*

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June 19

Imitating

We don't need to imitate anyone. If we admire someone, we might aspire to her or his qualities (substance), but we needn't imitate that person's every gesture and word (style). A person's talent is the sum of his or her experiences; we can't simply adopt them. And we don't need to! Our Higher Power will teach us what we have to offer.

We don't know our capabilities - nor do others - until we have exhibited them. When we do what we are asked to do, to the best of our ability, we feel a moment of great joy and fulfillment. No matter how small the task, we are then right in the eyes of our Higher Power. Have I stopped imitating?

Higher Power, I pray for your presence in all areas of my life and your guidance in all I do.

I will practice being my best self today by...

Today's reading is from the book Day by Day: Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts*

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June 20

Summer

I have a nostalgic attachment to summer because I remember it as being such a joyful time in my childhood. Despite the family dysfunction, mosquito bites, sunburns, and unbearable humidity of the East Coast town where I was raised, summers were fun. We had a big pool, and our backyard was filled with cousins, Kool-Aid, and hot dogs every weekend from June through September. Those were some of the happiest weekends of my young life. I live clear across the country these days, and I still love summer.

Recovery has taught me to appreciate and be present for the best that season has to offer. I love the smell of cut grass, even though I'm allergic to it. I love the sunshine that lasts long into the night. I love that I can get to the beach in ten minutes. I love Saturday drives out into the country, the farm stands, the corn, and all the fresh fruit and vegetables. I love hanging out at home with friends, family, and especially my grandkids. The backyard menu no longer includes Kool-Aid, and the pool is just a kiddie pool, but I know those kids are making memories that will last their lifetime too.

Every season of the year, and of our lives,
has its own highlights.

Today's reading is from the book She Recovers Every Day: Meditations for Women*

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June 21

God Keeps Giving

I am grateful for the gifts of recovery. Obviously, I have to put in work toward this program. And I'm okay with doing it every day - for the rest of my life. I used every day - I also put a lot of work into that. But today I have these little changes in my life. I want to put the work into my recovery.

Looking back, I have so much more in my life today than I ever had before. I'm not talking about materialistic things; I'm talking about spiritual ones. From the glow in my eyes to the fire in my heart.

You can't put a monetary value on the life I have today. It's worth so much more than anything I've ever gotten.

God keeps giving and giving and giving.

~John F., U.S. Air Force, 1985–1996

Today's reading is from the book Leave No One Behind: Daily meditations for Military Service Members and Veterans in Recovery*

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June 22

Happiness is a decision.

We came into this program desperate for help and perhaps solace too. We knew our lives were more painful than most. Seeing all the smiles and hearing the laughter of the women and men at the meetings convinced us we were right! Fortunately, we have stuck around long enough to understand where their smiles and laughter are coming from.

We can experience joy regardless of whether the alcoholic is drinking or not. The example of other people has taught us this. And now we are the teachers for the newcomers.

The Twelve Steps are suggestions for living one day at a time. When we let the Steps guide our thinking and our actions, we discover that life doesn't have to be painful. Thinking and acting are fully in our control. Staying close to the program, even if the drinker continues to drink, can bring us happiness.

I will set a good example for someone else today. I will be living proof of the maxim "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Today's reading is from the book A Life of My Own: Meditations on Hope and Acceptance*

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June 23

One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.

~André Gide

When we've let go of our old certainties but aren't yet established securely in the new, we may be afraid we’ll flounder forever. During periods of indecision or risk - when we've let go of an unfulfilling job or relationship, for example, or when we've admitted powerlessness over an addiction - we don't have to retreat into doubt or fear. Now is the time to let go of our reservations even more completely.

We're not reckless; we've made the decision to enter unmapped territory because of a deep need for change. Our inner wisdom is with us; we can take a deep breath and listen. We can remember that others have made changes like ours and are fulfilled and happy. We can have faith that our Higher Power has not brought us this far only to abandon us. We can feel exhilaration, surrendering the need to control our process of change. We can open to surprise, inspiration, and success beyond our expectations.

Today, I'm patient with the process as I continue on my chosen path.

Today's reading is from the book Glad Day

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June 24

Honesty

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

~Step Five of Al-Anon

Talking openly and honestly to another person about ourselves, in an attitude that reflects self-responsibility, is critical to recovery.

It's important to admit what we have done wrong to others and to ourselves. Verbalize our beliefs and our behaviors. Get our resentments and fears out in the open.

That's how we release our pain. That's how we release old beliefs and feelings. That's how we are set free. The more clear and specific we can be with our Higher Power, ourselves, and another person, the more quickly we will experience that freedom.

Step Five is an important part of the recovery process. For those of us who have learned to keep secrets from ourselves and others, it is not just a step - it is a leap toward becoming healthy.

Today I will remember that it's okay to talk about the issues that bother me. It is by sharing my issues that I will grow beyond them.

Today's reading is from the book The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency*

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June 25

Love bade me welcome: yet my soul drew back.

~George Herbert

A loving invitation is far more powerful than a sales pitch. When we welcome newcomers to the program, it is always appropriate to assure them that things can get better, that they can make them better. We must never give the impression that the task of recovering is easy if you just do it.

The demons behind some of our locked doors have been there for many years. These demons may conceal the death of another, a life spent on drugs, a corner in which to hide because the alternative was just too ugly to face. It is true that we have to face our demons in order to heal. But it is equally true that insensitivity can scare newcomers into backing off. A heartfelt "We’re glad you’re here" is a powerful message of hope.

Today, I will remember how it feels to look, for the first time, at the long path winding over the mountain.

Today's reading is from the book Days of Healing, Days of Joy: Daily Meditations for Adult Children*

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June 26

I am grateful for this minute.
My eternity may be in it.

~AA Grapevine, March 1947

The present moment is our link to the divine. How we conduct ourselves in the present moment is how we come to know what we believe in. We must never forget that moments are tied together, one moment leading into the next. Thus, by acting from our values in this moment, we increase our chances of acting from our values in the next moment. If we stay tied to the divine in this moment, we increase our chances of being tied to the divine in the next moment.

Recovery allows us to choose what we do with our moments and what we choose to be tied to. Dependence, on the other hand, is the loss of choice. Are we grateful for having choices again? Are we grateful to be able to connect with the divine this very moment?
Prayer for the Day

I am grateful to have this moment. Higher Power, help me to use it to help others and to do what you want me to do. In reality, it is your moment. Thank you.
Today's Action

I will work to live today in the moment. I will work to see and find my Higher Power in the moment. If I can do this, I will stay connected to eternity.

Today's reading is from the book God Grant Me: More Daily Meditations from the Authors of Keep It Simple*

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June 27

Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.

~Henry Ward Beecher

Do we speak the truth when we are angry? We are always quick to say, "I really didn't mean it," and we may even try to make amends for our thoughtlessness. But people, especially children, rarely forget what was said to them in anger.

Angry words hurt and mark people. Even if our parents didn't really mean it, those angry voices and words are still with us. We often come to believe that our parents didn't love us or respect us; otherwise, how could they have said those angry things that still hurt?

We will always have moments of anger. But we can think twice before letting anger dictate our speech. Words can hurt and people remember.

I know I will sometimes feel angry. But if I speak in anger, I want to be sure that what I say is honest, because people may take me at my word.

Today's reading is from the book Answers in the Heart