Today's Thought - July

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July 16

If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances.
--Julia Soul

Do we avoid making new friends because we're scared they won't like us? Do we get embarrassed when we make a mistake and avoid trying again? When we get our feelings hurt, do we think we're bad, or that something is wrong with us?

Being scared or shy or hurt are all part of being alive. When we try to stay away from painful feelings, we keep ourselves from having many wonderful adventures. If we're afraid to meet new people, we may never have any close friends. If we stop trying when we're embarrassed, we may never learn a better way of doing things. And if we don't share our hurt feelings, we may never find out that everyone else has the same feelings we have.

What can I try again today that I failed at yesterday?

You are reading from the book:

Today's Gift by Anonymous

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July 17

The Milkmaid and Her Pail

A milkmaid walked to the village with a pail of milk balanced on her head. She began to think about what she would do with the money she would make when the milk was sold, and decided she would buy some chickens. "They would lay eggs, which would bring in a good price at the market. Then I will use the money I earn to buy a new dress and hat," she said. "I will go to the market dressed so nicely, and all the young men will notice me. All the women will be jealous of me."

Eager to get on with her plans, she began to walk a little faster. "I will just look at those women, smile, and toss my head in the air." With that, she actually tossed her head. The pail fell to the ground and all of the milk spilled out.

The Moral of the Story: Do not count your chickens before they are hatched.

While it may be tempting to think being clean and sober means you can show others they were wrong about you, this is not the purpose of recovery. Recovery is a program that helps you stay clean and sober. Your work in the program is something you do for yourself.

I will not use my recovery as a means of retaliation or personal gain.

You are reading from the book:

Morning Light by Amy E. Dean

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July 18

More important than learning how to recall things is finding ways to forget things that are cluttering the mind. Before going to sleep at night, empty your consciousness of unwanted things, even as you empty your pockets.
--Eric Butterworth

Many of us may make lists of things we need to do. We may refer to a calendar for our scribbled notations of places to go and people to see. We may look over our course syllabus for chapters to read or papers to write. Or we may keep it all in our heads, mentally checking off each item as it's done.

But tonight we can put away the lists, close the calendar book, put away the course syllabus, and empty our minds of obligations, tasks, and duties. Unless we want to keep our heads spinning during a sleepless night, we must learn to turn off the achieving and doing sides of our minds and give room to the relaxing and spiritual sides. We can take away the items cluttering our minds, one at a time. Tomorrow will arrive in its own time; tonight is the time for us to relax.

Tonight I can close my eyes and visualize putting aside each item. I will achieve total relaxation and peace.

You are reading from the book:

Night Light by Amy E. Dean

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July 19

One comes, finally, to believe whatever one repeats to one's self, whether the statement is true or false.
--Napoleon Hill

Our inner dialogue can have awesome power. It often determines the behavior that defines who we are. We do, of course, have some choice as to the direction this inner dialogue will take. It's as easy to affirm our self-worth with positive messages as it is to tear ourselves down with negative ones. And yet, many of us fall so easily into negative patterns of thought.

As with so many aspects of our life, we become proficient at what we regularly practice. The regular, preferably daily, use of positive affirmations can make such a profound contribution to our well-being and willingness to grow and learn, that it can change the course of our life. All we have to do is develop the discipline to make these positive messages habitual. In so doing, we bring our vision of ourselves in line with God's, Who accepts us completely as we are.

The messages I give myself today will remind me that I am a capable and lovable child of God.

You are reading from the book:

In God's Care by Karen Casey

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July 20

Better Relationships

I pray for the opportunity to form better relationships now that I am in recovery.

The Program has revealed a need to completely overhaul my attitudes about intimate and personal relationships.

Most of the time I never really needed better partners, I just needed to be a better person.

You are reading from the book:

The 12 Step Prayer Book Volume 2 by Bill P. and Lisa D.

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July 21

One faces the future with one's past.
-Pearl S. Buck

We are never divorced from our past. We are in company with it forever, and it acquaints us with the present. Our responses today reflect our experiences yesterday. And those roots lie in the past.

Every day is offering us preparation for the future, for the lessons to come, without which we'd not offer our full measure to the design, which contains the development of us all.

Our experiences, past and present, are not coincidental. We will be introduced to those experiences that are consistent with our talents and the right lessons designated for the part we are requested to play in life. We can remember that no experiences will attract us that are beyond our capabilities to handle.

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg

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July 22

Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done.
--C. S. Lewis

We often try to turn our will and our life over to the care of God, as we understand God, but we're not always successful. We are human. We change our mind. We talk ourselves out of our good resolutions. We forget. We fall back into old, destructive habits of mind and mood.

But all we have to do is make a decision. We don't have to do the actual turning over. We are, in fact, incapable of sustaining this action. But we can, very simply, make the decision. Surprisingly, when we do, turning over our will often gets taken care of for us. We find that we are indeed enjoying what seems to be God's will for us. The secret lies in making the decision as often as needed. We can decide daily or even hourly. We can, in fact, rely on God every time we need help.

This day and every day, I will decide to rely on God all over again.

You are reading from the book:

In God's Care by Karen Casey

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July 23

Ousting the Green Demon

Victory over Jealousy. We hear of successful people who drop their old friends after moving up the ladder. Maybe, however, it wasn't their choice. Maybe they were driven to do so because their friends' jealousy made the friendship unworkable. We have little trouble accepting a stranger's good fortune; it's a different feeling, however, when friends and co-workers move ahead of us.

If the green demon of jealousy strikes during the day, we can come to terms with it in several ways. First, accept no guilt that it happens, because jealousy is part of the human condition. Next, depersonalize it by remembering that good fortune comes to all people in various ways. Then check your own gratitude level to make sure that it hasn't been sinking. This serves as a reminder that there's no shortage of the things that really make for happiness and personal well being in life.

We can easily tell when we've been able to oust the green demon. We'll be able to be relaxed and gracious while extending congratulations for another person's good fortune. And months down the road, we'll be genuinely sympathetic - not vindictive - If the other person's luck turns sour.

While I don't expect to feel jealousy today, I accept the fact that it can happen. Should it appear, I'll work calmly to deal with it.

You are reading from the book:

Walk in Dry Places by Mel B.

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July 24

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.
-- Flora Whittemore

We often hear the phrase, "When one door shuts, another opens." It means everything has a beginning and an end. When our travels on one path are completed, another path lies ahead.

It's not easy to feel a door close. Relationships, friendships, careers, and lives end. Although we may not understand why a door closes, it's important to remember our Higher Power has everything to do with it. By the same token, we may not understand why certain doors open, revealing opportunities we may have longed for. Again, our Higher Power feels we are ready to pursue that new experience.

The doors that open and close today help prepare us for our experiences tonight. The doors that open and close tonight will help us grow toward tomorrow. We are not mice in a maze, randomly pursuing paths for a reward of cheese. We are children of our Higher Power, guided towards our chosen goal through the many doors we open and close along the way.

Have I learned there is a reason for everything in my life? Can I trust that my path has been prepared for me by my Higher Power?

You are reading from the book:

Night Light by Amy E. Dean

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July 25

No matter what faces us - an unhappy relationship, a serious operation or illness, a feeling of uselessness or helplessness - it is vital to realize that there is a solution.

We must not expect that the solution to our problem will bring us immediate peace of mind. Focusing our energies and emotions on the answer, not the problem, will, however, alleviate much of the futility and frustration we feel.

A medical doctor, George S. Stevenson, wrote, "The solution may not give you everything you want. Sometimes, it may give you nothing but a chance to start all over again. But whatever little it gives you is much more than you give yourself by letting your emotions tear you apart."

Today I will focus my energies and emotions on the solution, not the problem. I will allow the solution to flow through me, with the help of my Higher Power, knowing there is a satisfactory answer to my difficulty.

You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

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July 26

Some days I feel like a tightrope walker.
- Jeannette N.

We all perform a balancing act, trying to keep perspective on what's important and what is not. Sometimes we fall - crazy drivers cut into our lane, the supermarket line takes forever, the baby's crying. At those times a minor insult at work or a cross word from a friend is just too much, and we lose our cool - and our balance.

During our years of active addiction we were impulsive, living in an all-or-nothing, black-and-white world, completely out of balance. Minor slights became major issues. We were subject to any whim our distorted thoughts cooked up.

We've had lots of practice being out of balance, so we have to work harder to regain it, but now we have the tools to change. Our program gives us a new focus, reminds us of what's important in our lives. We're reminded, too, of our powerlessness over people, places, and things. These ideas are new to us at first. We thought we had to control everything and everyone around us, and so we failed. But now we're learning how to keep our balance, and recover it when we've lost it. With practice, we'll get better every day. Now, we're learning how to let go and let God.

Today help me remember what's important. Help me keep my balance.

You are reading from the book:

Body, Mind, and Spirit by Anonymous

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July 27

. . . what we want more deeply than winning.

When our relationship is in conflict, we may think that our partner always has the last word. We think it would feel good, just once, to come out on top. If our relationship is like a poker game, the winner takes all. We scramble to be the winner at almost any cost. If our partner wins, we feel like the loser. If we score a point, then our partner feels like the loser. In the end, if either one has lost, what have we won? Certainly not serenity.

What do we really want in our relationships? Do we want to stay in the fight until we score the final knockout? No. We want companionship and connection. To get beyond the game, one partner must stand up and say what she or he wants more deeply than winning. When we stand in favor of communication, our relationship improves.

Name what you really want in your relationship.

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

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July 28

I find it awfully hard to give myself a break. I don't know where that attitude comes from.
--Walker I.

"I can't. I shouldn't. It's my fault." These self-abasing and self-defeating thoughts are expressions of shame. Because repeated thoughts turn into beliefs and long-held beliefs turn into actions, thoughts rooted in shame can lead to tragedy.

People who live in shame come to believe that it is not okay to make a mistake. They imagine they should know what to do without having to learn it. They think their wrong judgments mean they themselves are wrong.

But it is human to make mistakes. If we acknowledge we are human, we are defining ourselves as people who always have something to learn (Thomas Edison failed to perfect the light bulb until his ten-thousandth try). We are saying we have to keep going if our plans don't work out right away (Walt Disney went bankrupt seven times before he met with success).

"Thou shalt not be human" is the command of shame. What rubbish! How can we be anything else? Why would we want to be?

I pray I will live comfortably with human limitations. I will try to accept from myself what I accept from others.

You are reading from the book:

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty

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July 29

If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
-- Abraham Maslow

When we can take a long view of our problems, we can sometimes see that we're using inappropriate tools to try to solve them. What's necessary for us to do is to move away, to detach. That may show us a whole new context into which our problem fits, and in which it may not even be a problem.

Detachment is hard to achieve when we're deeply hooked into a situation. When we send ourselves drastic messages like "now or never!" we're pressing our noses right up against the problem - a position in which it's difficult to maintain a balanced view. To stop and say, "If not now, then perhaps some other time," unhooks us and lets us remember that life is richer and more varied than we thought when we were hooked.

Crisis thinking can be like a hammer - it flattens everything. This can be our way of trying to control the outcome of our individual struggle. But when we remember that we make up only small parts of one grand and beautiful design. We can surrender our problems to it.

To be a competent worker, I will seek out the tools that are best suited to my task.

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg

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July 30

As he thinketh in his heart, so is he.
--Proverbs 23:7

How we view our circumstances directly affects how we feel about them. Being in debt can cause us to cast dark shadows over our world - shadows that create a sense of doom and gloom. I can't get out from under it; I can't go on vacation; I can't get my hair cut, buy a shirt, go out to dinner, get season tickets. I would go to school but ...

Most of us were told as children not to say can't and to never say never. We rephrase our negative thoughts and statements in the positive and in the present, as if the positive already exists. Our outlook and, amazingly, our circumstances brighten considerably. Ideas about how to move forward pop into our head, replacing excuses with a powerful energy - an energy that moves us toward accomplishing our goals.

Today I will ask myself whether I see the glass as half empty or half full.

You are reading from the book:

Letting Go of Debt by Karen Casanova