Giving

[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

Giving

Learning to be a healthy giver can be a challenge. Many of us got caught up in compulsive giving - charitable acts motivated by uncharitable feelings of guilt, shame, obligations, pity, and moral superiority.

We now understand that catering and compulsive giving don't work. They backfire.

Caretaking keeps us feeling victimized.

Many of us gave too much, thinking we were doing things right; then we became confused because our life and relationships weren't working. Many of us gave so much for so long, thinking we were doing Gods will; then in recovery, we refused to give, care, or love for a time.

That's okay. Perhaps we needed a rest. But healthy giving is part of healthy living. The goal in recovery is balance - caring that is motivated by a true desire to give, with an underlying attitude of respect for others and ourselves.

The goal in recovery is to choose what we want to give, to whom, when, and how much. The goal in recovery is to give, and not feel victimized by our giving.

Are we giving because we want to, because its our responsibility? Or are we giving because we feel obligated, guilty, ashamed, or superior? Are we giving because we feel afraid to say no?

Are the ways we try to assist people helpful, or do they prevent others from facing their true responsibilities?

Are we giving so that people will like us or feel obligated to us? Are we giving to prove were worthy? Or are we giving because we want to give and it feels right?

Recovery includes a cycle of giving and receiving. It keeps healthy energy flowing among our Higher Power, others, and us. It takes time to learn how to give in healthy ways. It takes time to learn to receive. Be patient. Balance will come.

God, please guide my giving and my motives today.

My heart is open to all that happens in my life today. There is such joy in being alive and feeling everything with a full and open heart. --Ruth Fishel

The gifts of recovery keep on coming if you keep on giving.

[MajestyJo]

As it says in AA, and I think it also applies to Al-Anon, 'You have to give it away in order to maintain it," or words to that affect.

I learned this early and I wasn't capable of much, the best thing I could do in early recovery was go to meetings. I went to meetings and shared what got me to the doors of recovery and what had happened when I first got through those doors.

When I got to two years in recovery, I went to the local jail, detox, recovery houses, and groups in AA and in Al-Anon to share my story. After 60 meetings I lost count.

i had some special moments. I was asked by a counselor (who was at my first meeting) in a treatment center to speak on Spirituality in recovery. I thought it was an indoor group. It was to a group of 10 girls going through treatment. When I finished sharing she gave me a big hug and said, "My girl you have come a long way." I was 5 years sober Another highlight was speaking for a groups 40 year anniversary when I was about 10 years sober and the speaker thanker was a gentleman who was a big part of my early recovery.

One of the highlights of recovery was being sent on a trip to the Dini Petty Show as part of a thank you for the volunteers at detox. I said to the girl beside me, "I hope this is something worthwhile, I have a lot of things better to do with my time and watch a TV Show. The program was on "Intuitive Healing." It is still something I use in today.

We never know where and how the gifts will come, but when you give, they do come, often from unexpected sources.