More Recovery Readings - November

[bluidkiti]

November 1

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Oh, this is the creature that doesn't exist . . . . In fact, it never was. But since they loved it, a pure beast came to be.
--Rainer Maria Rilke
The unicorn, serene and white, is a strong and graceful animal with the body of a horse. A single white horn grows from its brow, making it unique among all animals. It is gentle, shy, and good, and though stories have been told about it for centuries, many people say it never existed. We call it a myth, yet in telling its story, we make it real.
Friendship is like the unicorn: created from faith. Before we speak, reach out, believe in the possibility of relations with another, friendship does not exist. But when we share a meal, a joke, or a walk--a piece of ourselves--we open up to two friends . . . one in the other person, the other within ourselves.
How does sharing myself with another create a friend within me?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. --Berthold Auerbach
We may have spiritual experiences in our daily lives that we don't think of as spiritual. For many of us, music lifts us from the practical and mundane circumstances of our lives into communion with the universe. One man may like to listen to country music on the radio, another one might play the piano, and another may go to rock concerts. For each of us, music is a different world from the reasonable, hard data, task-oriented world we usually live in. Music touches our feelings and speaks to us in a special language. It brings us back to special times in the past, perhaps recalls a night of fun and excitement or a person we shared a song with. Music lifts our spirits and opens us to deeper feelings we weren't in touch with. Many of us meet our Higher Power through the music we love.
Today, I will make room for the restorative powers of music in my life.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
For to be a woman is to have interests and duties, raying out in all directions from the central mother-core, like spokes from the hub of a wheel. --Anne Morrow Lindbergh
It is sometimes easy to get overwhelmed by our duties, forgetting that our interests fit the scheme of our lives. They are inspired by our lives and flow from them. Our interests round us out; they beckon us to become our better selves.
Our duties have their places as well. In our careers, with our families and friends, we have responsibilities. People need to be able to count on us for our part in completing their particular scheme for life.
Finding the right balance between our duties and our interests takes daily attention. It is perhaps our greatest struggle. Feeling duty-bound is common among women; putting a low value on our interests is a familiar trick we play on ourselves.
We need reminding that our interests will cull out our better, inner selves. We must stretch to become all we are meant to be. Our interests entice us to live up to God's expectations.
Each day I need to pay heed to interests as well as duties. I will let no day go by without heeding an interest.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Transformation through Grief
We're striving for acceptance in recovery - acceptance of our past, other people, our present circumstances, and ourselves. Acceptance brings peace, healing, and freedom - the freedom to take care of ourselves.
Acceptance is not a one step process. Before we achieve acceptance, we go toward it in stages of denial, anger, negotiating, and sadness. We call these stages the grief process. Grief can be frustrating. It can be confusing. We may vacillate between sadness and denial. Our behaviors may vacillate. Others may not understand us. We may neither understand our own behavior nor ourselves while we're grieving our losses. Then one day, things become clear. The fog lifts, and we see that we have been struggling to face and accept a particular reality.
Don't worry. If we are taking steps to take care of ourselves, we will move through this process at exactly the right pace. Be understanding with yourself and others for the very human way we go through transition.
Today, I will accept the way I go through change. I will accept the grief process, and its stages, as the way people accept loss and change.


It feels so good to know that I am truly full of goodness and love and that I can begin from this very moment to choose to express that part of myself. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
November 1
Open Up to Your Connection

Many religions teach about interconnectedness, the subtle effect each person and each movement in the universe has on all the others. I was profoundly reminded of this teaching at Chaco Canyon in New Mexico. In the remnants of the Anasazi culture can be found symbols for the connections the people believed in, taught, and lived. One dwelling was a structure in which over eight hundred rooms were built in a connected circle. Each room touched the next, and the structure contained all the areas the people needed to work, to live, to play, and to worship.

An exhibit in the visitor’s center describes the spiritual philosophy of the descendants of the Anasazi. The Pueblo people live at the center of their universe, all things are interconnected and form a part of the whole. Where the sky and the earth touch are the boundaries for all things to live. All things share in the essence of life through cycles of birth and death.” Although the walls of the circular structure have crumbled and the Anasazi themselves have disappeared, the Pueblo philosophy still symbolizes the way we’re connected to each other today.

Take time to remember how connected you are. You are connected not just to the people you’ve met and know, but to all who live, past and present, in this world. You are part of a dance, the magical dance of the universe taking place each moment in time.

Even if you live alone, you’re part of a large family. Even if you work alone, you’re really part of a team. Take time to honor your connections, and the impact of each person you’ve met. See how people have helped shape you; see how you’ve touched and shaped them. Each interaction creates a ripple affect; each encounter helps shape destiny.

You no longer have to be isolated or suffer from separateness. Take time to see and honor your connections and value your place in the whole.

*****

more language of letting go
Learn to say I can

"This is for you," my friend said on my birthday.

I opened the tiny box with that feeling most women get when they know they're about to receive jewelry. I was right. I lifted out the necklace and held it in my hand.

"Read the brochure that comes with it," my friend encouraged.

I picked up the tiny leaflet. The necklace was more than a piece of jewelry. It was an ancient symbol that represented self-confidence-- that intangible thing that can so easily enhance, or distract from, our ability to joyfully and peacefully live our lives.

It was exactly the reminder I needed.

The next day, I drove to the airport for my flying lesson. I wasn't exhilarated to be flying that day, but I wasn't dreading it, either. I was simply living each moment. It was time for me to get into the pilot's seat and fly the plane.

I taxied down the runway, then pushed in the throttle, wearing the self-confidence medallion around my neck. The plane lifted happily into the air, I gently took us up to five thousand five hundred feet. Following Rob's instructions, I turned left, steeply. Then I did a steep turn to the right. I did a power-on stall, something that had horrified me in the past, then a power-off stall. The airplane and my flying worked.

It was a breakthrough day in flying. Until then, I had been acting as if, going through the motions, making myself fly. Today, I genuinely enjoyed my time in the air.

The necklace didn't have any power. The power came from remembering to believe in myself.

It's easy to give up confidence in ourselves. We can give it to people from the past who encouraged us to not believe in ourselves. We can give it to mistakes we've made, building a solid case against ourselves based on some lessons we went through, past errors in judgement, and learning experiences. We can forfeit our confidence to a traumatic event-- like a divorce, a death, or a loss.

Don't panic.

Breath.

Stop saying, I can't.

Part of the language of letting go is learning to say,I can.

Give the gift of confidence to yourself.

God, I believe in you. Now help me learn to believe in myself,too.

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Anxiety about Change
Anticipating the Good

by Madisyn Taylor

Change will occur in almost every aspect of our lives, we can learn to embrace it while releasing the past with grace.


When we find ourselves going through any kind of change in our lives, our natural response may be to tense up on the physical, mental, or emotional level. We may not even notice that we have braced ourselves against a shift until we recognize the anxiety, mood swings, or general worried feeling toward the unknown that usually results. There are positive ways to move through change without pushing it away, however, or attempting to deny that it is happening. Since change will occur in almost every aspect of our lives, we can learn to make our response to it an affirmative one of anticipation, welcoming the new while releasing the past with grace.

One thing we can do is change our perspective by changing the labels we use to identify our feelings. We can reinterpret feelings of anxiety as the anxious butterflies that come with eager expectation. With this shift, we begin to look for the good that is on its way to us. Though we may only be able to imagine the possibilities, when we acknowledge that good is there for us to find, we focus our energy on joyful anticipation and bring it into our experience while allowing the feelings to carry us forward.

We can also choose to do a ceremony to allow our emotions to process. Every culture has created ceremonies to help people make the transition from one phase of life to the next. We can always create a ceremony too, perhaps by burning written thoughts to watch the smoke carry them away, thereby releasing them, or we can welcome new endeavors by planting flowers or trees. Some ceremonial activities such as a farewell send-off or housewarming party, we may do automatically. Society also has built-in ceremonies, like graduation and weddings, which may satisfy the need we feel. Sometimes the shift from denial to acceptance is all that is needed to ease our anxiety, allowing us to bring our memories with us as we move through nervousness to joyful excitement about the good to come. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
November 1

Reflection For The Day

Those whom I most respect in The Program — and, in turn, those from whom I’ve learned the most — seem convinced that pride is, as one person put it, the “root-sin.” In moral theology, pride is the first of the seven deadly sins. It is also considered the most serious, standing apart from the rest by virtue of its unique quality, Pride gets right into our spiritual victories. It insinuates itself into all our successes and accomplishments, even when we attribute them to God. Do I struggle against pride by working the Tenth Step regularly, facing myself freshly and making things right where they’ve gone wrong?

Today I Pray

May I be on guard constantly against the sneakiness of pride, which can creep into every achievement, every triumph, every reciprocated affection. May I know that whenever things are going well for me, my pride will be on the spot, ready to take credit. May I watch for it.

Today I Will Remember

Put pride in its place.

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One More Day
November 1

Old age, to the unlearned, is winter; to the learned, it is harvest time.
– Judah Leib Lazerov

Too many of us fear old age, for it is seen all too often as merely the bridge between retirement and senility or death. This, of course, is only a myth. Advancing years do not automatically mean poor health or dependency.

We should always be aware of the pride and integrity that come with old age. Some older people stand as role models to youth. Decades of work have honed skills which can and should continue to be used in various ways. There is always more to learn and more to do. We can use our time to pursue interests and to develop any skills that give us joy.

I will not be frightened of growing older, for I intend to do so with the pride and integrity developed with age and experience.

[bluidkiti]

November 2

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
For no actual process happens twice; only we meet the same sort of occasion again. --Suzanne K. Langer
Today is not going to be like yesterday. Nor will it resemble tomorrow. Each day is special and promises us many new ideas--perhaps the chance to make a friend, or to learn something interesting from a teacher or a book. Some activities today will be familiar, just like playing a game for the second, third, or tenth time is familiar. And yet, the way each player moves the pieces around the board will be different. The excitement about today is that it is full of surprises. Every thing we do, every conversation we have, will not be repeated in just the same way again, and this reminds us how special each of us is.
What new discovery will I make today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Honesty is stronger medicine than sympathy, which may console but often conceals. --Gretel Ehrlich
We owe our brothers and sisters in this program our honest feedback. And we need the same honesty from them. There are times in meetings when it would be easiest to give someone sympathy and privately mutter to ourselves, "He isn't facing the bitter truth." That sympathy avoids a confrontation, but it doesn't give the healing medicine of honesty. In the same way, we may long, at times, for someone to give us warm strokes, and what they give instead is a bitter pill.
The most important thing we have to give one another is the truth of what we see and hear. We don't have to tell them what to do. We don't have to have all the right answers. But we do have the obligation to speak up about how things look to us. And we need to listen without defensiveness when others are honest with us.
Today, I will say what I see and hear. I will listen to other people's honesty with me.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Love and the hope of it are not things one can learn; they are a part of life's heritage. --Maria Montessori
Love is a gift we've been given by our Creator. The fact of our existence guarantees that we deserve it. As our recognition of this grows, so does our self-love and our ability to love others.
High self-esteem, stable self-worth were not our legacies before finding this program. We sought both through means which led nowhere. These Steps and our present relationships are providing the substance and direction needed in our lives to discover our worthiness.
Had we understood that we were loved, in all the years of our youth, perhaps we'd not have struggled so in the pain of alienation. We were always at the right hand of God, never apart, loved and watched over. But we didn't recognize the signs. The signs are everywhere present now. Each Step is a constant reminder. Every human contact is a message from God. Any desire we are eager to make manifest is a beckoning from God for growth.
I will look for the signs of my benefactor today. They're present everywhere.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
The Grief Process
To let ourselves wholly grieve our losses is how we surrender to the process of life and recovery. Some experts, like Patrick Carnes, call the Twelve Steps "a program for dealing with our losses, a program for dealing with our grief."
How do we grieve?
Awkwardly. Imperfectly. Usually with a great deal of resistance. Often with anger and attempts to negotiate. Ultimately, by surrendering to the pain.
The grief process, says Elisabeth Kubler Ross, is a five stage process: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and, finally, acceptance. That's how we grieve; that's how we accept; that's how we forgive; that's how we respond to the many changes life throws our way.
Although this five-step process looks tidy on paper, it is not tidy in life. We do not move through it in a compartmentalized manner. We usually flounder through, kicking and screaming, with much back and forth movement - until we reach that peaceful state called acceptance.
When we talk about "unfinished business" from our past, we are usually referring to losses about which we have not completed grieving. We're talking about being stuck somewhere in the grief process. Usually, for adult children and codependents, the place where we become stuck is denial.. Passing through denial is the first and most dangerous stage of grieving, but it is also the first step toward acceptance.
We can learn to understand the grief process and how it applies to recovery. Even good changes in recovery can bring loss and, consequently, grief. We can learn to help others and ourselves by understanding and becoming familiar with this process. We can learn to fully grieve our losses, feel our pain, accept, and forgive, so we can feel joy and love.
Today, God, help me open myself to the process of grieving my losses. Help me allow myself to flow through the grief process, accepting all the stages so I might achieve peace and acceptance in my life. Help me learn to be gentle with others and myself while we go through this very human process of healing.


I am filled with all the strength and energy I need today to follow my own truth. I am willing to take risks today and to find out for myself what works for me in my life. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart
November 2
See How Much Easier Life can Be

The old way said do do, do. Push, push, push. Only when the work was done could we allow ourselves time to rest. But when the work was finished, we often forgot to reward ourselves. The old way won’t work anymore. We have learned too much, come too far. Our body won’t let us. Our heart will object.

Let the work be more fun. Don’t push yourself so hard. Let your actions be effortless– an easy result of learning to focus and learning to trust your inner timing. Learn to let your actions spring naturally and easily from there.

Let your inner voice and life guide you into breaks while you’re working, while you’re focusing on the task. Stop fearing it won’t get done. Stop worrying if you’re doing it well enough. Take breaks when you need to and really let go.

Take time at the end of the task,too. Take time to reward yourself, to feel pleasure in your accomplishment, to play at the end of the day.

See how balance occurs naturally when we trust our heart. See how much easier life can be when we live it from the heart.

*****

more language of letting go
Yes, you can

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
--Step Two

Oh.no. I couldn't possibly do that.
Well, maybe I could try.
I guess I can do it, but not very well.
I'm doing it, but I'm very, very frightened.
Oh,my. I'm doing it better.
Oops! I made a mistake. Guess I can't do it, after all.
Oh well. I'll try again.
See! I'm not doing any better this time.
Okay, I'll try one more time. Maybe twice.
Hey look! I'm pretty good!
I guess I can do it, after all.
Wow! This is really fun.

There's a learning curve for anything we want to learn to do. We don't just know how to do something, and do it well.

One good reason to have a Higher Power is that He or She believes in us, even when we don't believe in ourselves. We don't just need to come to believe in God. We need to come to believe in ourselves.

Let your I can't turn into an I can. Take all the time you need. Learn to enjoy the process of coming to believe you can. Be patient. Accept where you are in your learning curve today.

God, please grant me a humble confidence that allows me to enjoy the gift of life, myself, and all the things you've given me to do.

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Bear Medicine
Living in All Realms

by Madisyn Taylor

We can incorporate bear energy into our lives by remembering to take time to go inward to rest and rejuvenate in daily mini hibernations.


When the image of a bear enters our consciousness, we may first notice their size, strength, and power, but beyond their physical attributes lay many traits that can guide us deeper into our experience of life. Their abilities as hunters and powerful protectors of their loved ones are well known, but you may also envision them on a quest for variety as they seek out the flavors and scents of the world, first fishing, then enjoying berries, or braving angry bees to indulge in honey. But their hidden strength lies in the bear’s ability to travel between the physical and spiritual worlds, a talent that is recognized all around the world by those who live in harmony with nature.

One way that bears access their inner world is during hibernation when they find a safe and womblike environment to let their physical bodies rest while their spirit travels. They travel through time, mentally digesting and learning from their experiences, but they also travel beyond the realm of mind and body into the dreamtime, where they are able to be rejuvenated by the source of all life. In this sacred space, they are connected to physical, mental, and spiritual realms all at once and can find the balance that they need to reenter the world.

Polar bears don’t enter a deep state of hibernation like other bears, but instead fluidly cross between realms on the physical plane as well the spiritual. Their reflective, translucent fur makes them difficult to see as they move across the frozen ice, blending into terrain covered with snow, making them seem like they are shimmering between dimensions. They move as easily in water as on land, agile and able in both worlds. They can remind us that we are one with our environment, inseparable from it. They teach us that while we can take time apart to connect with spirit, we can also carry that awareness with us as we move through life, making the spiritual indistinguishable from the material. By aligning ourselves with bear energy, we fully embody the best of all worlds. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
November 2

Reflection For The Day

For more self-searching we do, the more we realize how often we react negatively because our “pride has been hurt.” Pride is at the root of most of my personal problems. When my pride is “hurt,” for example, I almost invariably experience resentment and anger — sometimes to the point where I’m unable to talk or think rationally. When I’m in that sort of emotional swamp, I must remind myself that my pride — and nothing but my pride — has been injured. I have to pause and try to cool off until such time as I can evaluate the problem realistically. When my pride is injured or threatened, will I pray for humility so that I can rise above myself?

Today I Pray

May I know that if my pride is hurt, the rest of me may not be injured at all. May I know that my pride can take a battering and still come back stronger than ever for more. May I know that every time my pride takes a blow, it is liable to get more defensive, nastier, more unreasonable, more feisty. May I learn to keep my upstart pride in another place, where it will not be so easily hurt — or so willing to take credit.

Today I Will Remember

Humility is the only authority over pride.

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One More Day
November 2

Grace is the absence of everything that indicates pain or difficulty, hesitation or incongruity.
– William Hazlitt

Grace is the power to look within ourselves and become stronger. When we’re truly gracious, we try to put ourselves in another’s place so we can imagine how that person might feel. This becomes an especially important issue when we are physically impaired, for those around us will take their cue from our behavior.

Trying to cope with the internal forces of health changes can be very lonely. When we need to use assistance devices such as canes, walkers, or wheelchairs, other people may at first not know quite how to react. We can help ease their discomfort and guide their reactions by our positive actions.

I will be gracious to others by being aware of their level of comfort when we are together.

[bluidkiti]

November 3

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Here's Sulky Sue
What shall we do?
Turn her face to the wall . . . .
--Mother Goose
When she put her Sulky Sue up against the wall, was this mother a wise or silly goose? If Sue was confused, could she talk sense with a wall? If she was angry, would the wall ever know why? If she was sad, would the wall wipe her tears away? If she was lonely, would the wall take her by the hand? Some walls are built for support, others to keep people away. To sulk is to look for support, someone strong to hold us up, not a silly goose who will turn us away.
Sulking is not the best way to look for help, and when we sulk, we are likely to end up isolating ourselves in some corner of our own making. And on the other hand, when we see another sulking, how much better it is to offer support instead of isolation!
Do I build walls of isolation, or walls of support?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
I, God, am your playmate! I will lead the child in you in wonderful ways for I have chosen you. --Mechtild of Magdeburg
Our relationship with our Higher Power is not all solemnness. Facing the pains and guilts and griefs of our codependent relationships and our addictions might lead us to think recovery is only serious business. Not so!
This program liberates us from the heaviness by facing it. We are not meant to stay stuck there. Recovery teaches us to enjoy life. Our Creator has concocted a world of many pleasures and delights to play in. As we progress in our recovery we learn to let our hair down and play. Some of us have become more able to enjoy good-natured roughhousing with our children. Maybe we have become more free to joke and banter with friends. Our spiritual lives grow with good-natured fun.
I am grateful for the child who still lives in me. He keeps alive my delight in the world.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
It is the calm after the storm. I feel a rainbow where there once were clouds, and while my Spirit dances in gratitude, my mind speculates on the next disaster. Duality. --Mary Casey
Our growth as women is contingent on our ability to flow with the dualities, the contradictions inherent in one's lifetime, not only to flow with them but to capitalize on them.
We are not offered a painless existence, but we are offered opportunities for gathering perspective from the painful moments. And our perspectives are cushioned by the principles of the program. The rough edges of life, the storms that whip our very being, are gifts in disguise. We see life anew, when the storm has subsided.
We can enjoy the calm, if that surrounds us today. We deserve the resting periods. They give us a chance to contemplate and make fully our own that which the recent storm brought so forcefully to our attention. We are powerless over the storm's onslaught. But we can gain from it and be assured that the storm gives all the meaning there is in the calm.
I will be glad today for the clouds or the rainbows. Both are meant for my good. And without both, neither has meaning.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Denial
Denial is fertile breeding ground for the behaviors we call codependent: controlling, focusing on others, and neglecting ourselves. Illness and compulsive or addictive behaviors can emerge during denial.
Denial can be confusing because it resembles sleeping. We're not really aware we're doing it until we're done doing it. Forcing ourselves - or anyone else - to face the truth usually doesn't help. We won't face the facts until we are ready. Neither, it seems, will anyone else. We may admit to the truth for a moment, but we won't let ourselves know what we know until we feel safe, secure, and prepared enough to deal and cope with it.
Talking to friends who know, love, support, encourage, and affirm us helps.
Being gentle, loving, and affirming with ourselves helps. Asking ourselves, and our Higher Power, to guide us into and through change helps.
The first step toward acceptance is denial. The first step toward moving through denial is accepting that we may be in denial, and then gently allowing ourselves to move through.
God, help me feel safe and secure enough today to accept what I need to accept.


In the silence of my meditation, I receive guidance and direction. I am filled with all the power I need to take my next step. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart
November 3
You Haven’t Lost Your Place

Sometimes when life shifts and changes, it can feel like we’ve lost our place.

During those times when our lives are changing, we may feel out of tune, out of rhythm, out of balance. Out of step. Maybe an old feeling is surfacing, clearing, so that we can learn something new and move forward to a new place. Maybe our attention is being diverted to a new focus so we can find and experience another lesson. Sometimes the form or shape of our life is changing dramatically. The old picture is being erased so a new one can be drawn. Familiar people are leaving; new people are entering. We may ache, feel irritable, and doubt the course of our entire journey. We may doubt whether the magical way we were living was even real and whether the magic will ever return.

Let the changes happen. Take extra loving care of yourself. Be attentive to what you need. The magic isn’t gone; it hasn’t disappeared. You’re just going through a shift. That means things are moving, and movement is good.

For now it may feel like you can’t find your place, but that’s because your place is changing.

*****

more language of letting go
You're learning something new

"What are we supposed to be looking for?" Stanley asked him.
"You're not looking for anything. You're digging to build character."...
[Stanley] glanced helplessly at his shovel. It wasn't dedective. He was defective.
--Louis Sachar, Holes

Sometimes when faced with a difficult obstacle in life-- a new job, new school, new anything-- it's easy to feel overwhelmed and to start believing the worst about ourselves. Maybe we really don't have what it takes after all, we think. Myabe we should just stay where we are-- whether we like that place or not.

One of the wonderful things about being human is our ability to adapt to new situations. Another is our ability to change and grow.

What new situation is facing you? Whether it's beginning a recovery process, starting a new job, going for your master's degree, learning to be divorced, or learning to be a happy spouse, you're up to whatever life is asking you to do.

It is important to start at the beginning of things, and often that means feeling ill prepared for the task ahead. That's good. If you were completely comfortable with everything going on around you, then chances are you wouldn't be growing and learning anything new.

Be aware of how you talk to yourslf, whether you're telling yourself I can or I can't. Then let the words be filled with cheerful confidence. Recognize any feelings that prevent you from believing in yourself. Then let those feelings go. Let go of fear and feeling overwhelmed.

You can learn the new task. You can harmonize with your new boss. You can learn to take care of yourself. You can. You can. And you will. You can and will grow into this role.

You're not defective. Neither is your shovel. Grab it, and dig in.

God, give me the strength and the confidence to grow, learn, and see the wonder of this world.

*****

Making Time for Reflection
Going on Retreat

Putting our trust in the retreat process will make space and dedication for the necessary work we have to do.


Giving ourselves time to reflect and heal can be a powerful way to process the things that are happening in our lives, and one of the best approaches to do this is by going on a retreat. Going on a retreat means that we have set the intention to heal and learn more about our spirit, and doing this is a decision that we make for ourselves.

Since everyone sees and experiences the world differently, it is important to choose a type of retreat that works best for us. Even though a friend or loved one may recommend something, we have to trust our intuition and select a path that really connects with what our soul needs most at the time. The most essential thing is to be willing to respect our unique stage of development and to be patient with ourselves since any thoughts or issues that arise are simply part of the process of healing. Just remembering that a retreat is an intense period of time where serious soul searching takes place can help us allow whatever may happen to us to fully unfold. Going on retreat may sound like a vacation, but most retreat experiences ask you to look deep inside of yourself, and sometimes this can be uncomfortable or stir the pot of our soul.

Putting our trust in the retreat process will make space for the necessary work we have to do, making it easier for our hearts and minds to explore wholly the innermost reaches of our soul. By paying attention to these messages, we pave the way for greater healing and transformation, since spending time in contemplation at a retreat will give us the gift of insight and understanding that we can use in all aspects of our daily lives. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
November 3

Reflection For The Day

The Program’s Twelve Steps comprise a body of living spiritual wisdom. To the degree that we continue to study The Steps and apply them to our daily lives, our knowledge and understanding expands without limitation. As we say in The Program, “It gets better…and better…and better.” The Eleventh Step speaks of prayer and meditation, urging us to apply our minds quietly to the contemplation of spiritual truth. By its nature, the Eleventh Step illuminates for us the purpose and value of the other Steps. As we seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, the remaining Steps become ever more useful in our new way of life. Do I take the time each day to pray and meditation?

Today I Pray

May I seek — as the Eleventh Step says — to know God better through prayer and meditation, talking to and listening for God. As my life becomes more full of the realities of earth — may I always keep aside a time for communion with God. May this communion define my life and give it purpose.

Today I Will Remember

Take time out for God.

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One More Day
November 3

It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give when unasked through understanding. -Kahlil Gibran

Some of us wonder how we will live the rest of our lives with the problems we are currently carrying. The days loom long, with no specific goals in sight; so it is up to us to formulate new plans and goals for ourselves.

These plans — social, spiritual, academic, or volunteer — are good for us if they revolve around other people, many of whom have even greater problems than ours. Sharing our hope, faith, and varied experiences with others who also suffer is a caring gesture and an opportunity to see ourselves and our problems more clearly within the total human picture.

Today, I will choose some way to help myself and others. Sharing my experiences and skills keeps me in touch with my humanness.

[bluidkiti]

November 4

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise. --Sigmund Freud
The truth is our friend. It is a rough and humble kind of friend--but a friend nonetheless. Each of us will need to learn to spend time with this friend because it is one that is not easy to escape. It is always turning up when we least expect it. The truth about ourselves is hard to avoid. It seems to knock at our door until we let it in.
Perhaps we have played the game of hide and seek sometime in our lives. Sometimes we tell little lies about ourselves to impress others, or we act in ways that, deep down, we know are not really the way we want to be. We can never be comfortable this way. We know what it is like to hide and try to keep from being found. The truth about us is an expert player. It seeks us out until we put our arms around it and welcome it.
Is there something I am hiding from today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Much as I long to be out of here, I don't believe a single day has been wasted. What will come out of my time here it is too early to say. But something is bound to come out of it. --Dietrich Bonhoeffer
These words, written by a man imprisoned for standing up against the Nazis, speak to us today about our own lives. We too long for release, and we cannot see where things will lead us. His spirituality is heroic; it inspires us. We do not know just where our lives will lead or what the outcome will be. But we can know our lives are taking us in the right direction. We make our choices today and stand up with all our energy for the honesty and dignity, which this program provides.
We choose to trust life. In each tiny detail of this day we move forward, asserting our faith and seeking to know and do the will of a Power greater than ourselves.
I will open myself to the will of my Higher Power as I move forward on the path, living with my unrevealed future.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Beginnings are apt to be shadowy. --Rachel Carson
When we embark on a new career, open an unfamiliar door, begin a loving relationship, we can seldom see nor can we even anticipate where the experience may take us. At best we can see only what this day brings. We can trust with certainty that we will be safely led through the "shadows."
To make gains in this life we must venture forth to new places, contact new people, chance new experiences. Even though we may be fearful of the new, we must go forward. It's comforting to remember that we never take any step alone. It is our destiny to experience many new beginnings. And a dimension of the growth process is to develop trust that each of these experiences will in time comfort us and offer us the knowledge our inner self awaits. Without the new beginnings we are unable to fulfill the purpose for which we've been created.
No new beginning is more than we can handle. Every new beginning is needed by our developing selves, and we are ready for whatever comes.
I will look to my new beginnings gladly. They are special to the growth I am now ready for.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Anger
Feeling angry - and, sometimes, the act of blaming - is a natural and necessary part of accepting loss and change - of grieving. We can allow ourselves and others to become angry as we move from denial toward acceptance.
As we come to terms with loss and change, we may blame our higher Power, others, or ourselves. The person may be connected to the loss, or he or she may be an innocent bystander. We may hear ourselves say: "If only he would have done that... If I wouldn't have done that... Why didn't God do it differently?"... We know that blame doesn't help. In recovery, the watchwords are self-responsibility and personal accountability, not blame. Ultimately, surrender and self-responsibility are the only concepts that can move us forward, but to get there we may need to allow ourselves to feel angry and to occasionally indulge in some blaming.
It is helpful, in dealing with others, to remember that they, too, may need to go through their angry stage to achieve acceptance. To not allow others, or ourselves, to go through anger and blame may slow down the grief process.
Trust the grief process and ourselves. We won't stay angry forever. But we may need to get mad for a while as we search over what could have been, to finally accept what is.
God, help me learn to accept my own and others' anger as a normal part of achieving acceptance and peace. Within that framework, help me strive for personal accountability.


I speak from my own truth today. I come from a place of love or I say nothing at all. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart
November 4
Move On To Joy

Are you willing to be here in constant, abject pain one minute longer? I’m not. Are you willing to be here suffering endlessly and needlessly through distressing situations– worrying, fussing, fretting about things you can do nothing about? I’m not. And we don’t have to be.

We’re here to feel joy and absorb all of life’s beauty we can. If pain comes, let it pass quickly through. Then move on to joy.

It’s a conscious choice.

*****

more language of letting go
Let yourself be uncomfortable

"It seems as though everything you do for fun terrifies you," my friend Andy said to me one day. "What's that about?"

I thought about his question. It was true. Flying scared me. Jumping out of that airplane for the first time was a terrifying prospect. I wasn't comfortable at all. I started hyperventilating and thought I was having a heart attack, at first.

The first day I decided to be sober and clean and not use alcohol and drugs anymore, I was faced with changing my entire life. The prospect of starting this new life scared me to death.

The day my divorce from the children's father was finalized, I was exhilarated for one moment, then I was terrified. I had an anxiety attack and called 911.

I was paralyzed with fear the first day I sat at my cubicle at the newspaper office staring at the blank screen while the deadline for the front-page story I'd been assigned was only two hours away.

"It's not that I'm an adrenaline junkie," I said to my friend. "At least the issue isn't entirely that. It's that everything new and worthwhile I've ever done on my path has required me to be uncomfortable and sometimes downright scared for a while. I've had to walk through a wall of fear."

I enjoyed creating a comfortable place to live with downfilled sofas and beds that make me feel like I'm sleeping in the clouds. Learning to relax and learning to identify what makes us comfortable is an important part of learning to take good care of ourselves.

But sometimes we need to leave that nice, comfy, cozy place.

"I can't do this. I'm not comfortable," I'd say time and time again to my flight instructor Rob as he insisted that I take the controls of the plane.

"Yes, you can," he'd say, not feeding into my fear. "Just breathe. And relax."

Sometimes fear is a good thing. It warns us of real dangers and imminent threats. It tells us "don't do that" or "stay away."

Sometimes afraid and uncomfortable is just how we're feeling because we're learning something new. Relax. Breathe deeply. Do it-- whatever it is-- anyway. You're supposed to feel that way.

Is your fear based on an intuitive feeling of self-protection or something new and unknown? If your fear isn't based on a legitimate intuitive threat, then get comfortable feeling uncomfortable.

Walk through your wall of fear.

Do the thing that scares you. Grow. Then check your fear and do it again.

God, teach me to overcome my fears. Help me mature by becoming comfortable with this discomfort of growth.

*****

Plunging Into The Deep
Life Can Be Scary

Life can take us on a roller coaster ride full of highs and lows and twists and turns. Even for those of us who enjoy unexpected thrills, it’s frightening to suddenly find ourselves heading for a deep plunge. Yet, it happens to all of us. At these moments, it is important to remember that you are not alone in your experiences. No matter how brave, strong, or levelheaded we are, sometimes, we all get scared.

Our fears may revolve around our physical safety, particularly if we are not feeling well, living under difficult circumstances, or doing work that exposes us to hazardous conditions. Or, we may be experiencing financial woes that are causing us to be fearful about making ends meet. We may also fear the loss of a loved one who is sick, or we may be scared of never finding someone special to spend our life with. We may be scared to start at a new school, begin a different job, move to a new town, or meet new people. Whatever our fears are, they are valid, and we do not need to feel ashamed or embarrassed that we are, at times, afraid.

It may be comforting to know that everyone gets scared, and it is perfectly OK. Sometimes just acknowledging our fears is enough to make us feel better. And while it sometimes takes a lot more to ease our mind, we can console ourselves with the knowledge that life can be scary at times. Giving ourselves permission to be scared lets us move through our fears so we can let it go. It also makes it alright to share our fears with others. Sharing our apprehensions with other people can make our fears less overwhelming because we are not letting them grow inside of us as pent up emotions. Sharing our fears also can lighten our burden because we are not carrying our worries all by ourselves. Remember that you are not alone. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
November 4

Reflection For The Day

Were taught in The Program that debate has no place in meditation. In a quiet place and time of our own choosing, we simply dwell on spiritual matters to the best of our capability, seeking only to experience and learning. We strive for a state of being which, hopefully, deepens our conscious contact with God. We pray not for things, but essentially for knowledge and power. If you knew what God wanted you to do, you would be happy. you are doing what God wants you to do, so be happy.

Today I Pray

May I find my own best way to God, my own best technique of meditation – whether I use the oriental mantra, substitute the name of Jesus Christ, or just allow the spirit of God, as I understand Him, to settle into me and give me peace. By whatever means I discover my God, may I learn to know Him well and feel His presence — not only at these quiet times, but in everything I do.

Today I Will Remember

Meditation is opening myself to the spirit of God.

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One More Day
November 4

You cannot create experience. You must undergo it.
– Albert Camus

Who among us hasn’t wanted to play with or read to a pleading child? Who hasn’t thought of volunteering some time so others — and we — could have happier and richer lives? We may have put off or refused these opportunities because we felt overwhelmed by the limitations of a chronic illness. Perhaps we felt like victims who had lost an essential power to control our lives.

Our days are increasingly better when we understand that all experience, good and bad, isn’t orchestrated by us — and it never was. Yet this doesn’t mean we are helpless. We now see choices and chances to let our actions be positive life-affirming statements. We see opportunities for sharing, for joining in, and for reaching out. And we take them.

I will concentrate on making good choices, not just easy choices.

[bluidkiti]

November 5

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Nature, the Gentlest Mother, is
Impatient of no Child . . . .
--Emily Dickinson
When a girl sits on the seashore, the waves do not try to slap her around. When a boy wanders alone in a field, the sky does not accuse him of talking back. When a man is alone in the woods, does the earth nag him for failing once more? And when a woman is alone in the park, does the wind whisper behind her back? Nature never blames or condemns: she gives us freedom of thought and plenty of space. Nature's ways are proven and true; she lets us grow at our own rate. Nature brings us sleep, dawn, new days; she is full of new life.
We are a part of nature, and everything we do is part of it. We can find comfort in this knowledge, if we take the time to remember it when we are feeling bad. Nature is always willing to share its serenity.
When we escape to nature, what feelings do we have that we want to take back home with us?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
The struggle of the male to learn to listen to and respect his own intuitive, inner promptings is the greatest challenge of all. His ... conditioning has been so powerful that it has all but destroyed his ability to be self-aware. --Herb Goldberg
Men strive to be successful with mechanical, physical, and powerful things. Some of us have succeeded in those supposedly "male" ways and others haven't. But whether we have or not, most of us have poured our energies into those directions and neglected the other way of being strong men. We may not have learned how to be gentle and helpful fathers, sensitive lovers, or men in tune with our own spirits and feelings. Many of us never learned to recognize what we feel.
Perhaps we were taught to stand up for ourselves. But have we learned to stand up for our right to have feelings? Do we stand up for our right to be learners and to make mistakes? Do we stand up for our right to be aware and to be the men we find ourselves to be, rather than what others tell us we should be?
I will become more aware of my inner-self as a growing man on this uncharted journey.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
The future is made of the same stuff as the present. --Simone Weil
The only lessons that matter for our lives at this time will come to us today. Just as what we needed and were ready for yesterday came yesterday, tomorrow insures more of the same. Concerning ourselves with any other moment but the present prevents us from responding when "the teacher appears."
In years gone by, we perhaps hung onto yesterday's problems. We may still struggle to hang onto them. Or perhaps we try to see too far ahead. But we are learning that there is a right time for all growth. A right time for all experiences. And the right time may not fit our timetable. What doesn't come our way today, will come when the time is right. Each day we are granted just what is needed. We need not worry about the future. It will offer us whatever rightly comes next, but it can't do so until we have experienced these 24 hours before us.
There is wonder and joy awaiting me, each day. The growth I experience is just what is needed at this time. I am a student, and the teacher will appear.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Let's Make a Deal
The relationship just wasn't working out, and I wanted it to so badly. I kept thinking if I just made myself look prettier, if I just tried to be a more loving, kind person, then he would love me. I turned myself inside out to be something better, when all along, who I was okay. I just couldn't see what I was doing, though, until I moved forward and accepted reality. --Anonymous
One of the most frustrating stages of acceptance is the bargaining stage. In denial, there is bliss. In anger, there is some sense of power. In barraging, we vacillate between believing there is something we can do to change things and realizing there isn't.
We may get our hopes up again and again, only to have them dashed.
Many of us have turned ourselves inside out to try to negotiate with reality. Some of us have done things that appear absurd, in retrospect, once we've achieved acceptance.
"If I try to be a better person, then this won't happen...If I look prettier, keep a cleaner house, lose weight, smile more, let go, hang on more tightly, close my eyes and count to ten, holler, then I won't have to face this loss, this change."
There are stories from members of Al Anon about attempts to bargain with the alcoholic's drinking: "If I keep the house cleaner, he won't drink.... If I make her happy by buying her a new dress, she won't drink... If I buy my son a new car, he'll stop using drugs."
Adult children have bargained with their losses too: "Maybe if I'm the perfect child, then Mom or Dad will love and approve of me, stop drinking, and be there for me the way I want them to be." We do big, small, and in between things, sometimes-crazy things, to ward off, stop, or stall the pain involved with accepting reality.
There is no substitute for accepting reality. That's our goal. But along the way, we may try to strike a deal. Recognizing our attempts at bargaining for what they are - part of the grief process - helps our lives become manageable.
Today, I will give others and myself the freedom to fully grieve losses. I will hold myself accountable, but I will give myself permission to be human.


Today I do everything that I can to be in the now. That means letting go of all the baggage of the past that I am still carrying with me. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

Create Your Destiny from Your Heart

Be aware of life’s energy moving, pushing, pulling, guiding you forward each moment of the day

And know each moment is your destiny.

You’re connected to and part of a mysterious, invisible life force. Let it guide you forward. Let it move you along. Clear yourself of all that blocks your connection to that life force– old emotions, old beliefs, remnants of the past.

Listen to your heart. It will take you, move you to where you need to go. No, you cannot see as far ahead as you would like, as far ahead as you used to think you could. That is because you have undertaken the journey to your heart. Seeing would prevent you from listening, trusting, opening to the magical guidance that comes from within. You would confuse things, think you had to control, manage, make things happen. You would confound yourself with the illusions of the past. You would become afraid.

Stay in the present moment. Listen to your inner guidance. Trust the wisdom of your heart. Feel the life force, guiding you, moving you forward. Go where it leads.

Embrace your destiny. Know you help create it by what you choose each step of the way.

*****

more language of letting go
A miracle is taking place

One evening, I was sitting with my children around the dinner table. Shane was talking about his plans for the next day. Nichole was planning a pajama party. I was working on some project at that time. I was partly thinking about it but still enjoyed listening to the children talk.

It was a friendly, relaxed supper. Later, I put the children to bed and quietly went to my room, peacefully getting ready to retire for the night.

That's when it hit me. Like the proverbial bolt of lightening, it struck out of the blue.

I was so terrified when I had begun the journey of being a single parent. After ten years of being married, I was scared of little things like sleeping alone in bed at night and falling asleep without a man in the house.

Sometimes I went to bed with the phone in my hand, ready to dial 911. Everything about this new life as a single parent had overwhelmed me. I didn't feel up to the task. But somewhere along the line, I had come to believe I could. I didn't know when it happened. It wasn't an instant transformation. It had happened slowly, bit by bit.

"Woohoo!" I said, doing a victory dance in the room.

"I didn't think I could do this. But I can and I am."

Celebrate the miracle of transformation in your life-- whatever you're trying to become, do, or learn. Let it happen as quickly, or as slowly, as it needs.

Day by day, month by month, then year after year, the feeling of quiet confidence will slowly replace the overwhelming fear. That task or job that first seemed so overwhelming will begin to feel natural and right. You'll gradually become so comfortable you may not even know when that miraculous transformation took place.

Enjoy where you are today in your process of growth. You might not see it or know it yet, but an ordinary miracle is taking place.

God, thank you for where I am in my learning curve and growth process today. Help me know that whether I see it or not, a miracle is taking place.

*****

Seeing Ourselves
You Are Beautiful

by Madisyn Taylor

Many of us do not take the time to notice and acknowledge how beautiful we are as humans.


Many of us do not take the time to notice and acknowledge how beautiful we are as humans. We may be great lovers of beauty, seeing it in the people, places, and things around us, while completely missing it in ourselves. Some of us feel that it is vain to consider our appearance too much, or we may find that when we look at ourselves, all we see are imperfections. Often we come to the mirror with expectations and preconceived notions about beauty that blind us from seeing ourselves clearly. As a result, we miss the beauty that is closest to us, the beauty we are. Sometimes we see our beauty in a shallow way, noticing how well we are conforming to social norms, but failing to see the deeper beauty that shines out from within and that will continue to shine regardless of how we measure up to society’s ideal.

If we can cut through all these obstacles and simply appreciate how beautiful we are, we free up so much energy. We also become less dependent upon the opinions and feedback of others since we become our own greatest admirers. Many of us know that after a great yoga practice or a long, deep meditation, we are more able to see how beautiful we are. This is because we have released some of our baggage, thus unburdening ourselves and summoning forth the spirit that dwells within us. It is the heady combination of the divine spirit and the human body that conveys beauty more accurately than anything else.

To keep ourselves in touch with our own beauty, we can surround ourselves with images that reflect our beauty back to us—photos of a relative or child who has our eyes, images of teachers who embody spirit, or self-portraits that capture our essence in a way that allows us to see ourselves anew. The best way to keep ourselves in touch with our own beauty is to keep looking deeply into our own souls and opening our eyes to the human being we see in the mirror every day. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
November 5

Reflection For The Day

For many months after I came to The Program, I paid little attention to the practice of serious meditation and prayer. I felt that it might help me meet an emergency — such as a sudden craving to return to my old ways — but it remained among the lowest levels on my list of priorities. In those early days, I equated prayer and meditation with mystery and even hypocrisy. I’ve since found that prayer and meditation are more rewarding in their results than I could ever have imagined. For me today, the harvest is increasingly bountiful, and I continue to gain peace of mind and strength far beyond my human limitations. Is my former pain being replaced by tranquility?

Today I Pray

May I discover that prayer and meditation make up the central hall of my life’s structure — the place where my thoughts collect and form into order. May I feel God’s mystery there, and an overwhelming resource of energy.

Today I Will Remember

Fantasy is mine. Mystery is God’s.

*************************************

One More Day
November 5

I remember those happy days and often wish I could peak into the ears of the dead the gratitude which was due to them in life and so ill-returned.
– Gwyn Thomas

We respond to loss in predictable ways. One common response to loss — whether of a loved one or of good health — is regret. “I should have told him how much he was loved,” or “I wish I’d told her I was sorry for what I said.” These statements of regret are much like the regrets accompanying chronic illness. “I wish I’d pursued my dreams when I was healthy.” We move out of our sadness only when we are able to remember that our only mistake was a human one — always believing there would be more time to say and do the things we wanted. Our healing is complete when we bring this awareness to the present, when we say and do positive things today.

Letting go of past regrets frees me to be a more loving person today.

[bluidkiti]

November 6

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Work is love made visible. --Kahlil Gibran
Family members show love and concern for others through their work. Parents might build a bookcase or prepare the meals. Children might help by emptying the wastebaskets. All are showing love through what they do. In our lives together, our work is an important way of saying I love you. We will still want to give them lots of hugs and kisses. But our work shows how much we care, and who is important to us. Our work around the house is an investment. It makes a home for all of us, constructed of visible love.
How can I make our home a better one today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
The main thing in life is not to be afraid of being human. --Pablo Casals
The "shoulds" of our lives can be found all around us. We should wear our seat belts. We should not cry. We should go to our meetings. These "shoulds" usually serve as good guides for us, but they can intrude upon us. If we give them power, they only condemn us and give no useful help. At times we jump toward the "should" because we don't have the courage to live with the insecurity of being human.
If someone at work gets an unfair shake, it takes courage to speak up and say what we think. We may have an impulse to reach out to a stranger, but it takes courage to do it. When an inner feeling emerges from our honesty, fear may prompt us to avoid it, and we need to call on our courage. That is how we fulfill the uniqueness of each of us.
I am alive as a man and a human being. I will not shy away from opportunities to express my humanity.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Of course fortune has its part in human affairs, but conduct is really much more important. --Jeanne Detourbey
Behaving the way we honestly and sincerely believe God wants us to behave eliminates our confusion. When we contribute in a loving manner to the circumstances involving us, we carry God's message; and that's all that's expected of us in this life.
This recovery program has involved us in the affairs of many other people. We are needed to listen, to guide, to sponsor, to suggest. Each time we have an opportunity to make an impact on another person, it's to our benefit, and hers too, to let God direct our conduct.
Too often God's message is missed due to our selfish concerns, but it's never too late to begin listening for it. God is forever at hand, awaiting our recognition. We can be mindful that the ease of our lives is directly proportional to the recognition we offer.
Right conduct is never a mystery to us. We may not always choose to do it, but we never fail to know what should be done.
I will trust my conscience to be my guide every moment.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Enjoying Life
Do something fun today.
If you're relaxing, let yourself relax, without guilt, without worrying about the work that is undone.
If you're with loved ones, let yourself love them, and let them love you. Let yourself feel close.
Let yourself enjoy your work, for that can be pleasurable too.
If you're doing something fun, let yourself enjoy it.
What would feel good? What would you enjoy? Is there a positive pleasure available? Indulge.
Recovery is not solely about stopping the pain. Recovery is about learning to make ourselves feel better; then it's about making ourselves feel good.
Enjoy your day.
Today, I will do something fun, something I enjoy, and something just for me. I will take responsibility for making myself feel good.


Today I know that I am in charge of the quality of my life. I am growing in the ability to become aware of the thoughts that have been controlling me. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

Value Each Moment

How often we wait for those grand moments of revelation, those intense times that blast us into transformation, those turning points that forever change us and our lives. Those are the dramatic moments we write about, see in movies, and long for in our lives. Yes, they are wonderful. But turning points such as those happen only a couple of times in a movie and a few times in a lifetime.

Each moment of each day in our lives is a valuable turning point– an important part of our spiritual growth, an important scene in the movie of our lives. Each feeling is important: boredom, fear, hate, love, despair, excitement. Each action we take has value, an act of love, an act of healing. Each word we speak, each word we hear, each scene we allow ourselves to see, and each scenario we participate in changes us.

Trust and value each moment of your life. Let it be important. It is a turning point. It is a spiritual experience.

*****

more language of letting go
Become willing

There's nothing against you to fall down flat.
But to lie there-- that's disgrace.
Edmond Vance Cooke

Sometimes the problem isn't that we don't believe we can. The problem is that we don't want to do it, whatever the current task or challenge is.

When I began my writing and recovery, I wanted to do these things. The challenge was invigorating. I wanted to get back up. I wanted to push ahead. I wanted to get into the game.

When my son Shane died, I didn't want to get up.

I didn't want the challenge. It wasn't invigorating. I didn't want the loss, and I didn't want to heal from my grief.

One day in those painful, awful, early years of grief, a friend stopped by the house. I had known him for a long time. He had suffered a permanent loss,too-- the use of his leg muscles from a form of polio he had suffered during his teenage years.

People hadn't known what to do with me back then. They had watched me flounder in my grief. They had tried to be compassionate, and that was good. But right now compassion wasn't exactly what I needed to hear.

"You've got to get up," my friend said in a loud voice. "You've got to get back up on your feet again. Stand up to life."

Sometimes life's problems and challenges are invigorating. Sometimes they're not. But no matter what we get hit with, we need to get up again.

Let yourself grieve. Let yourself become enraged over your losses, if you must. Then, whether you want the loss or not, get back up again. You don't have to want to, you don't even have to believe you can. Sometimes all we need to do is be open to wanting to and then believe we can.

God, help me believe in life.

*****

Actions Speak Louder than Words
Aligning Actions and Words

by Madisyn Taylor

Words carry a lot of weight in this world, but it is through our actions that we bring things into being.


Words carry a lot of weight in this world, from how we say them to what we say with them, but it is through our actions that we bring things into being. This is what we mean when we say to one another that actions speak louder than words. In many cases, what we say doesn’t necessarily line up with what we are doing, and it is here that it becomes clear that it’s easier to talk about doing something than it is to actually do something. At the same time, it’s easy to keep doing something that we don’t necessarily acknowledge ourselves doing verbally. It’s good for all of us to take a look every once and a while to make sure there is alignment between what we say and what we do.

For example, it’s easy to talk about our dreams, but it takes a lot more energy to take the many small steps that lead to bringing our dreams into reality. If all we ever do is talk about it, we begin to lose faith in ourselves because nothing changes on the external level. In this way, being all talk and no action is actually a form of self-sabotage. It’s also useful to examine our actions to see if, through them, we are following through on our words. For example, in expressing concern about the environment, we can look to make sure that we are taking the simple steps we can take to put that concern into action.

It’s always helpful to observe what we talk about and who we say we are, and then to observe what we actually do in the world. Sometimes we realize our actions haven’t caught up with what we are saying, and at other times we see that we might change our words in a way that it will more adequately reflect what we do in the world. Either way, the more we align our words and our deeds, the clearer we are in expressing our truth in the world, and the more powerful we are in bringing it into reality. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
November 6

Reflection For The Day

There are no boundaries to meditation. It has neither width, depth nor height, which means that it can always be further developed without limitation of any sort. Meditation is an individual matter; few of us meditate in the same way, and in that sense, it is truly a personal adventure. For all of us who practice meditation seriously, however, the purpose is the same; to improve our conscious contact with God. Despite its lack of specific dimensions and despite its intangibility, meditation is, in reality, the most intensely practical thing that e can do. One of its first rewards, for example, is emotional balance. What could be more practical than that? Am I broadening and deepening the channel between myself and God?

Today I Pray

As I seek God through daily prayer and meditation — may I find the peace that passes understanding, that balance that gives perspective to the whole of life. May I center myself in God.

Today I Will Remember

My balance comes from God.

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One More Day
November 6

To achieve great things we must live as though we were never going to die.
– Vauvenarques

Of all the limitations we face, one of them greatest is actually one we impose upon ourselves. We limit ourselves by believing that it’s too late to go back to school, to change careers, or to start something new. We artificially restrict ourselves because we misunderstand the concept of time.

We can decide if time is a friend or an enemy. It’s our enemy when we shy away from new experiences. But when we willingly take unsteady steps into unknown territory by lifting a brush to canvas or finally learning to drive a car or applying for the job we’ve always wanted, then time is our friend. We have all the time in the world because we have this moment, this day, and that is all the time we need to begin great things.

I am the only one who can decide which great things I will begin today.

[bluidkiti]

November 7

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. --Henry David Thoreau
One of the greatest gifts of our lives is the ability to enjoy solitude. Many of us are unable to enjoy this gift. We are too busy--busy with work, with friends, with entertainment.
When we slow down, we find out we can feel peaceful when we are alone. For most of us, solitude is ordinary--we each find our private place and take up our favorite activities: fishing, sewing, writing, building models, and making pictures. These simple activities are so much fun it's hard to figure out why it took us so long to calm down and enjoy them.
Our dreams may be quite ordinary. We can learn how to find them.
What ordinary activities have I been putting off because I think I'm too busy?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
If the Great Spirit wanted men to stay in one place He would make the world stand still; but He made it to always change, so birds and animals can move and always have green grass and ripe berries, sunlight to work and play, and night to sleep. --Flying Hawk
The American Indian's spiritual knowledge teaches that God has a rhythm and a benevolent purpose for the earth. How we relate to the changes, which overtake us, is central to our spiritual lives. With our overdeveloped will, we still fight change in many ways. We fight the aging of our bodies by oversensitivity to our thinning hair and increasing grayness. We refuse to accept the end of summer by pouting and getting depressed about the cold. We try to hasten the time when our children are more independent and then hold them back when they get there. Peace comes with trusting the Great Spirit to bring changes in their natural progression. The extent of our willfulness affects our serenity - but not the progress of change.
God, help me accept the changes in my life.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
. . . we will be victorious if we have not forgotten how to learn. --Rosa Luxemburg
For most of us the struggle was long, painful and lonely to the place where we are now. But survive we have, and survive we will. The times we thought we could go no further are only dimly recalled. The experiences we were certain would destroy us fit ever so neatly into our book of memories.
We have survived, and the program is offering us the means for continued survival. Step by Step we are learning to handle our problems, build relationships based on honesty, and choose responsible behavior. We are promised serenity if we follow the Steps.
Gratitude for our survival is best expressed by working the program, setting an example for others, helping those women who haven't yet attained victory. We must give away what we have learned to make way for our own new growth. There are many victories in our future if we keep pressing forward, opening new doors, and trusting in the process of the program and its promises.
I am still willing to learn or I wouldn't be here, now. There are victories in my future. I will look for a victory today. It's certain to accompany responsible action on my part.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Relationships
There is a gift for us in each relationship that comes our way.
Sometimes the gift is a behavior we're learning to acquire: detachment, self esteem, becoming confident enough to set a boundary, or owning our power in another way.
Some relationships trigger healing in us - healing from issues of the past or an issue we're facing today.
Sometimes we find ourselves learning the most important lessons from the people we least expect to help us. Relationships may teach us about loving ourselves or someone else. Or maybe we'll learn to let others love us.
Sometimes, we aren't certain what lesson we're learning, especially while we're in the midst of the process. But we can trust that the lesson and the gift are there. We don't have to control this process. We'll understand, when it's time. We can also trust that the gift is precisely what we need.
Today, I'll be grateful for all my relationships. I will open myself to the lesson and the gift from each person in my life. I will trust that I, too, am a gift in the other people's lives.


Today I fight for what is really important to me in a spiritual way. I no longer waste my good energy to win or be right. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

You Are Being Led

You are being guided. You are being led. I say that a lot because I need to hear that a lot. The more I hear it, the more I believe it. The more I believe it, the more I see it.

There are times when life flows along, when it’s easy and natural to believe we’re being guided. But there comes a point in any journey, in even the most magical of trips, when we look around and say, I don’t know where I’m going. We have no plan, we’re short on ideas, and we’re plumb out of vision. We’ve gone as far as we could see.

Now is the time to practice what you know. Let go. Stay as peaceful as you can. Stay right here in the present moment. Sharpen your tools– your intuition, your inner voice, your consciousness, and your awareness. Do the little things, the small actions that appear right, the things that are right before you. Feel your feelings. Move through the fear. Wrap up in self love.

Then let the journey unfold. Trust that you are being guided and led.

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More Language Of Letting Go

What can you do?

Mr. Potter celebrated his hundredth birthday by doing a bungee jump from a 210 foot tower. When his physician of many years advised him against it, he simply got a new doctor.
–Stella Resnick, The Pleasure Zone

I almost have the local record for number of tandems jumped. A tandem is a skydive you do attached to your jump master. The harness hooks you up to the front of him; all you do is go along for the ride. I’ve done a lot of my training during tandems, to get body memory of how to skydive and to build my confidence.

I haven’t met the woman who actually holds the tandem record for the area, but I’ve heard about her. I’ve done twenty-eight. She’s done many, many more. She even participates in skydiving team events doing tandems.

When she’s on the ground, she’s labeled a paraplegic. In the air, she can fly.

Sure, there are things we can’t do, things we can’t have, and things we really want. Stop worrying about those things; there’s an even longer list of things we can do and have.

What sounds good to you?

No matter what our limitations or disabilities or what we can’t have in life, we can fulfill our purpose and have some fun while we’re doing it.

If Mr. Potter and the tandem record holder can, so can you.

God, please show me what I can do.

*****

Consulting Heart and Mind
Making Choices From a Place of Balance

by Madisyn Taylor

It is important to make decisions from a place of balance in your life by taking a breath and checking in with heart and mind.


Each of the myriad decisions we make every day has the potential to have a deep impact on our lives. Some choices touch us to our very cores, awakening poignant feelings within us. Others seem at first to be simple but prove to be confusingly complex. We make the best decisions when we approach the decision-making process from a balanced emotional and intellectual foundation. When we have achieved equilibrium in our hearts and in our minds, we can clearly see both sides of an issue or alternative. Likewise, we can accept compromise as a natural fact of life. Instead of relying solely on our feelings or our rationality, we utilize both in equal measure, empowering ourselves to come to a life-affirming and balanced conclusion.

Balance within and balance without go hand in hand. When you are called upon to choose between two or more options, whether they are attractive or distasteful, you should understand all you can about the choice ahead of you before moving forward. If you do not come to the decision from a place of balance, you risk making choices that are irrational and overly emotional or are wholly logical and don’t take your feelings into account. In bringing your thoughts and emotions together during the decision-making process, you ensure that you are taking everything possible into account before moving forward. Nothing is left up to chance, and you have ample opportunity to determine which options are in accordance with your values.

Though some major decisions may oblige you to act and react quickly, most will allow you an abundance of time in which to mull over your choices. If you doubt your ability to approach your options in a balanced fashion, take an extended time-out before responding to the decision. This will give you the interlude you need to make certain that your thoughts and feelings are in equilibrium. As you practice achieving balance, you will ultimately reach a state of mind in which you can easily make decisions that honor every aspect of the self. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
November 7

Reflection For The Day

There are those in The Program who, at the beginning, shun meditation and prayer as they would avoid a pit filled with rattlesnakes. When they do finally take the first tentative and experimental step, however, and unexpected things begin to take place, they begin to feel different. Invariably, such tentative beginnings lead to true belief, to the extent that those who once belittled prayer and meditation become nothing less than walking advertisements for its rewards. We hear in The Program that “almost the only scoffers at prayer are those who never really tried it.” Is there an obstinate part of me that still scoffs?

Today I Pray

May I learn, however irreverent I have been, that prayer is not to be mocked; I see the power of prayer effecting miracles around me, and I wonder. If I have refused to pray, may I look to see if pride is in my way — that old pride that insists on doing things on its own. Now that I have found a place for prayer in my life, may I reserve that place — religiously.

Today I Will Remember

Whoever learns to pray keeps on praying.

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One More Day
November 7

Night brings our troubles to the light, rather than banishes them.
– Lucius Annaeus Seneca

One of our greatest coping skills is setting realistic expectations. In doing so, we’re less likely to moan and complain. We’re not so filled with self-pity. We are learning to use all our resources when we lie awake struggling with physical or emotional pain.

We can help ourselves by making our bedroom surroundings as pleasant as possible. Adding small items, such as flowers, bookcases, and a mini-reading lamp isn’t just a cosmetic improvement. It’s admitting that we might be spending some wakeful time in there. Some nights might be sleepless, but admitting it and preparing for it may make the experience less frightening and more restful.

If I can’t sleep, I can relax in the comfort of my bedroom.

[bluidkiti]

November 8

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
All acts performed in the world begin in the imagination. --Barbara Grizzuti Harrison
We use our imaginations to plan how we're going to build a model car or plane, rearrange the furniture in our rooms, even dress for a special party. The imagination is like a big piece of drawing paper on which we sketch the way we want something to look.
When we don't know just how to begin a task, the imagination gets us started. It's like having the directions for playing a new game. Dreams about the future, where we want to go, the jobs we want to have, are made more real when we "draw" them in our minds. The imagination gives us courage, too.
Do I have the courage today to imagine a better me?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Normally, we do not so much look at things as overlook them. --Alan Watts
As we live our very busy lives we might say, "How full and rich my life is!" But are we stopping long enough to look, to take in experiences, digest them, and grow from them? Or is our attention always focused upon the next event? Are we running from one thing to another, never truly being present in the current moment?
For spiritual deepening, many of us men do not need to enrich the events in our lives as much as we need to simplify and quiet ourselves. We need to slow down and look at what is here. At a banquet, we might appreciate a few fine foods served in a tranquil atmosphere more fully than a lavish variety served in a frenzied atmosphere. For today, we are not able to stop the hectic pace of the world, but we can slow ourselves down and notice and reflect upon our experiences. Then they will have meaning and value for us.
Today, I will slow down. I will notice what my experiences are and give myself time to look.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
As in the physical world, so in the spiritual world, pain does not "last forever." --Katherine Mansfield
Each of us struggles with pain and its repercussions; some of us more than others. At times pain seems unending. Sometimes we hang onto the pain in our lives, maybe because we fear even more what's on the other side. The unknown so easily controls us. Right at this moment, each of us can look back on other painful times and feel thankful for what they taught us. The puzzle pieces take on a deeper meaning when we enjoy the gift of perspective. The pain at this moment fits, too, in the bigger picture of our lives. And it will pass. It is passing.
The wisdom of the past tells us that pain enriches us, prepares us to better serve others. We come to know who we are and the specialness of our gifts through the despair that at times encumbers us. An old, wise saying, is, "We are never given more than we can handle."
My pain today is bringing me closer to the woman I'm meant to be. With each breath I'll remember that.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
True to Ourselves
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou 'canst not then be false to any man.
--William Shakespeare
To thine own self be true. A grounding statement for those of us who get caught up in the storm of needs and feelings of others.
Listen to the self. What do we need? Are those needs getting met? What do we feel? What do we need to do to take care of our feelings? What are our feelings telling us about ourselves and the direction we need to go?
What do we want to do or say? What are our instincts telling us? Trust them - even if they don't make sense or meet other people's rules and expectations.
Sometimes, the demands of other people and our confused expectations of ourselves - the messages about our responsibilities toward others - can create a tremendous, complicated mess.
We can even convince ourselves that people pleasing, going against our nature and not being honest, is the kind, honest thing to do!
Not true. Simplify. Back to basics. Let go of the confusion. By honoring and respecting ourselves, we will be true to those around us, even if we displease them momentarily.
To thine own self be true. Simple words describing a powerful task that can put us back on track.
Today, I will honor, cherish, and love myself. When confused about what to do, I will be true to myself. I will break free of the hold others, and their expectations, have on me.


When I get up today, no matter how I feel, I begin my day by letting it go to a power greater than myself. I am beginning this day by giving myself the gift of prayer and meditation. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

Ease Up on Yourself

When you don’t know what to do next, ease up on yourself. See how much more you accomplish, how much easier life is, how much more you enjoy life when you aren’t forcing yourself. Forcing can turn into fear– fear that the job won’t get done, fear that the natural way things would evolve won’t be right, fear that you’re not good enough.

Learn a different way, learn the way of love. Relax. Sit back. Let go for now. Do something different. Breathe deeply. Burn a candle. Read a poem. Light some sage. If fear is present, send it away. See it, feel it, then allow it to leave. Return to the task in love when it feels natural, right, and on time. Participate naturally, joyfully in creation, whether that’s the creation of a relationship, a dinner, a garden, or a meeting.

Sometimes it’s time to focus, to try hard. Sometimes it’s time to ease up. See how much more you get done when you ease up. And see how much more playing and laughing and enjoying gets done too.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Take the lid off the box

The world shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.
–Anais Nin

First you crawled; then you learned to walk, and the world grew a little bigger. You learned to ride a bike, and it grew even more. Then you learned to drive a car and bought a plane ticket. Suddenly the horizons were limitless. But then, those doubts crept in. I can’t go to L.A. I’ll never find my way around. And the world shrinks a little bit. I shouldn’t take that trip this year; I’ve got too many responsibilities. And it shrinks a little more. Enough excuses and rationalizations and you’re left sitting in a little box with the lid tightly affixed.

No experiences, no lessons, no life.

Boxes can be comfortable. I’ve spent some time in them myself. But no matter how cozy you make it, a box is still a box. They come in all sizes and shapes. But whenever we start letting unrealistic fears hold us back and down, we can be fairly certain we’re climbing inside another box, again. It may take a while, but sooner or later we’ll run into the walls.

Find one small I can’t in your life and take the lid off of the box. Look around. It’s a big world out there. If it looks small, it’s because you’ve made it that way. Try for a minor impossibility. Go apply for that dream job. The worst that will happen is that you’ll learn something new about yourself. If you don’t actually get the job, you may find out what it will take to get it, and then the world will grow when you stop wishing for a miracle and begin pursuing your dreams yourself. Pick up some brochures for that photo safari you’ve always wanted to take. Learn how to speak a foreign language. One woman I know has claustrophobia. For her birthday this year, she rode an elevator for the first time. Then she went back and did it again.

Go ahead. Poke the top off from your box. Stick your head out. Look around. See! The world is a marvelous, amazing place.

Find a fear, then turn it into a ladder. Get out of the box of doubt and insecurity and into the freedom of courage and belief in yourself.

God, give me the courage to climb out of my box.

*****

Generate Your Own Patterns
Becoming Your Parents

by Madisyn Taylor

We may honor some traits from our parents while rejecting others and becoming our own person.


Heredity plays a role in almost all human development, whether physical, mental, or emotional. We tend to look like our parents and are subject to the same sensitivities they have. We may even be predisposed to certain behaviors or preferences. As we grow older, we become increasingly aware of the traits that exist within us and the clear history of the traits of our mothers and fathers. Our response to this epiphany depends upon whether the inclinations, tendencies, and penchants we inherited from our forebears are acceptable in our eyes. We may honor some of these shared traits while rejecting others. However, there is no law of nature, no ethereal connection between parents and children, that states that the latter must follow in the footsteps of the former. We are each of us free to become whoever we wish to be.

When we accept that our parents are human beings in possession of both human graces and human failings, we begin to regard them as distinct individuals. And by granting mothers and fathers personhood in our minds, we come to realize that we, too, are autonomous people and in no way destined to become our relations. While we may have involuntarily integrated some of our parents’ mannerisms or habits into our own lives, conscious self-examination will provide us with a means to identify these and work past them if we so desire. We can then unreservedly honor and emulate those aspects of our mothers and fathers that we admire without becoming carbon copies of them.

Though many of the tempers and temperaments that define you are inherited, you control how they manifest in your life. The patterns you have witnessed unfolding in the lives of your parents need not be a part of your unique destiny. You can learn from the decisions they made and choose not to indulge in the same vices. Their habits need not become yours. But even as you forge your own path, consider that your parents’ influence will continue to shape your life—whether or not you follow in their footsteps. Throughout your entire existence, they have endeavored to provide you with the benefit of their experiences. How you make use of this profound gift is up to you. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
November 8

Reflection For The Day

My conscious contact with God depends entirely on me and on my desire for it. God’s power is available for me to use at all times; whether I decide to use it or not is my choice. It has been said that “God is present in all His creatures, but all are not equally aware of His presence.” I’ll try to remind myself every day of how much depends on my awareness of God’s influence in my life. And I’ll try to accept His help in everything I do. Will I remember that God knows how to help me, that He can help me, and that He wants to help me?

Today I Pray

May I be aware always that god’s power and peace are a bottomless well within me. I can draw bucket after bucket from it to refresh and purify my life. All I need to supply are the buckets and the rope, The water is mine — free, fresh, healing and unpolluted.

Today I Will Remember

The well is God’s; I bring the buckets.

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One More Day

We often experience more regret over the part we have left, than pleasure over the part we have preferred.
– Joseph Roux

We may sometimes think about past loves, jobs we turned down, or educations we didn’t pursue. This nostalgic inventory may give us more regret than joy.

A more accurate picture of our lives is found in the things we’ve chosen. We can start with the communities in which we live. Quickly, we find listing such intangibles as spiritual experiences, family times of togetherness, friendships, and love. Seeing life more clearly as a balance between mistakes and triumphs, disappointments and joys, can encourage us to expect the same balance each day.

I have less regret for what I’ve lost when I focus on the many good things I’ve chosen.

[bluidkiti]

November 9

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Love is something if you give away, you end up having more. --Malvina Reynolds
The other side of giving is taking. Many of us were brought up to believe that it's not okay to take, so we diminish admiration that people give us. "Oh, this old rag, I got it at a garage sale for next to nothing." This response to a compliment can take away the joy of giving it from the person who admired the way we looked.
Giving needs taking to complete it. We can keep the cycle of generosity going by taking gracefully. A world without those who take would be unbalanced. When someone gives us love, appreciation, or a gift, we can show our real pleasure with a simple thank you, and stop thinking we don't deserve it.
Can I accept what's given to me today in the spirit it's offered?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves together. --Thomas Carlyle
Silence does not draw attention to itself. It is the ultimate in letting go and letting be. It is the opposite of the great dramatic event, so we easily forget silence is a basic means by which we grow. We live in a "can do" society that applauds a man of action who gets a job done. Perhaps we learned to think that being alone in silence is empty time with nothing happening.
In truth, some great things happen only by decisive action, but other great things happen only when we get ourselves out of the way and simply allow them to occur. It would be foolish to believe only in action and miss the benefits that come from quiet moments. When we withdraw from the hubbub of the world around us and quiet our minds, we are making room for great things to fashion themselves together.
Today, I will remember the importance of silence in my growth. I will set aside some of my busyness and be still.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
On any journey, we must find out where we are before we can plan the first step. --Kathy Boevink
Our lives in all aspects are a journey toward a destination, one fitting to our purpose, our special gifts, our particular needs as women. Each day contributes to our journey, carrying us closer to our destination. However, we often take a circuitous route. We get stranded or waylaid by our selfish desires, by the intrusion of our controlling ego.
We can reflect on the progress we've made toward our destination, the steps we've taken that have unknowingly contributed to our journey. Our easiest steps have been the ones we took in partnership with God. It's in God's mind that our path is well marked.
We are just where we need to be today. The experiences that we meet are like points on the map of our journey. Some of them are rest stops. Others resemble high-speed straight-aways. The journey to our destination is not always smooth, but the more we let God sit in the driver's seat, the easier will be our ride.
I will plan my journey today with God's help, and my ride will be smooth.


You are reading from the book Food for Thought.
Where's the Party?
Most of us have early memories of birthday parties - our own and those of other children - and as compulsive overeaters, we probably remember the food more than anything else. For as long as we can recollect, parties have meant eating and drinking. The better and more abundant the food and drink, the better the party; or so we thought.
Maintaining abstinence means that we will attend parties where we do not eat and drink, if what is available is not on our food plan. In order to do this with serenity and enjoyment, we need to redefine our idea of a party. It is no celebration if we break our abstinence and go back to compulsive overeating.
Through this program, we come to see that a party is something more than an occasion for eating and drinking. Enjoying ourselves with other people requires goodwill, mutual attraction, and the effort to communicate with and affirm each other. If these elements are present, there will be a party whether or not there is anything to eat or drink. If these elements are absent, no amount of refreshments will ensure a good time.
Thank You for fun.

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Accepting Love
Many of us have worked too hard to make relationships work; sometimes those relationships didn't have a chance because the other person was unavailable or refused to participate.
To compensate for the other person's unavailability, we worked too hard. We may have done all or most of the work. This may mask the situation for a while, but we usually get tired. Then, when we stop doing all the work, we notice there is no relationship, or we're so tired we don't care.
Doing all the work in a relationship is not loving, giving, or caring. It is self-defeating and relationship defeating. It creates the illusion of a relationship when in fact there may be no relationship. It enables the other person to be irresponsible for his or her share. Because that does not meet our needs, we ultimately feel victimized.
In our best relationships, we all have temporary periods where one person participates more than the other. This is normal. But as a permanent way of participating in relationships, it leaves us feeling tired, worn out, needy, and angry.'
We can learn to participate a reasonable amount, and then let the relationship find it's own life. Are we doing all the calling? Are we doing all the initiating? Are we doing all the giving? Are we the one talking about feelings and striving for intimacy?
Are we doing all the waiting, the hoping, and the work?
We can let go. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be, and it will become what it is meant to be. We do not help that process by trying to control it. We do not help the other person, the relationship, or ourselves by trying to force it or by doing all the work.
Let it be. Wait and see. Stop worrying about making it happen. See what happens and strive to understand if that is what you want.
Today, I will stop doing all the work in my relationships. I will give myself and the other person the gift of requiring both people to participate. I will accept the natural level my relationships reach when I do my share and allow the other person to choose what his or her share will be. I can trust my relationships to reach their own level. I do not have to do all the work; I need only do my share.


Today I am fully alive, fully open to feel all that there is... knowing that I can handle all that comes my way. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

A Meditative Journey

Go deeper into the forest.

Walk among the trees, down the winding dirt path strewn with rocks and wood chips. See the salamander dart across your path. Listen to the birds chirp. Hear the rustling in the bushes. Walk down the path until you come to the quiet pond. Sit for a while and rest.

When you are ready, walk to the edge of the pond. Look down into the still waters. What do you see? At first, just water. Then gradually, a reflection emerges. It is you. It is your life. Gaze peacefully into the water, into the reflection of your life. See that it has been just as it should be, a lifetime of events causing ripples of love, peace, and healing in the universe.

See that it is now as it should be. The people who are gathering around you are there for a reason. The places you have visited were not without purpose. The lessons you have learned are yours forever. You are right where you need to be. Gaze into your reflection in the quiet, deep mirror of the pond until you see that, know that, feel that. Gaze long enough to see truth, peace, contentment, Divine order.

Sit down and again, look around the forest. Take in its beauty, its wonder, its shimmering emerald leaves, the tiny white wildflowers cropping up everywhere, delicate surprises that bring joy. Inhale the smells, the fresh growth, the musk, the smell of cedar and pine. Inhale, breathe deeply, until the breath of life fills you with wonder. Let it flow throughout you; let it saturate every cell. Peace. Contentment. Divine order.

You are safe. The forest is your friend. It tells you that all is well. Look around. See the tallest tree. See that it has weathered every storm, and millimeter by millimeter, ring by ring, continued its growth over centuries. Know that you have grown that way,too.

Rise slowly when it’s time. Find your path. Feel the earth beneath your feet, supporting you, giving you strength, filling you with grounded energy. Walk down the winding path through the glimmers of sunlight until you reach the edge of the forest.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Lighten up some more

On the last day of my retreat, I told the guestmaster that I didn’t think that I would be able to get back soon because I didn’t have the time. He came right back with “The problem isn’t TIME; the problem is HEAVINESS.” He turned and went downstairs returning with a little carpet. “Here take this. It is a magic carpet. If you sit on it and let go of your heaviness, you can go anywhere you want. It’s not a question of time.” I have come to know that this is true. People laugh at me when I tell them. Will you laugh too? All right. Then stay there.
–Theophane the Monk, Tales of a magic Monastery

Often, the problem in our lives isn’t time; it’s heaviness.

We aren’t too busy. In reality, we’re too worried, obsessed, doubtful, overly concerned, and afraid.

Release all that heaviness in your mind and heart. Let it sink away so you can stand free from its weight. When all that heaviness drops away, you can float through and above your ordinary life. You’ll decide how you want to live rather than letting the circumstances of the day control you.

Find the heaviness in your life, the overpowering worry that ties you down, and then let it go. Are you afraid that you will be laid off from your job? You either will or you won’t, but all the worry does is stifle your creative flow.

Find the heaviness, let it drop away. Then get on your magic carpet and sail through your day.

God, help me lighten my load by letting go of worry, doubt, and fear. Help me learn the power of quiet confidence. Teach me to say I can.

*****

Being Alone
A Relationship with Self

by Madisyn Taylor

By allowing ourselves to be comfortable with being alone, we can become the people with whom we want to have a relationship.


The most important relationship we have in our lives is with our selves. And even though we are the only ones who are present at every moment of our lives—from birth onward—this relationship can be the most difficult one to cultivate. This may be because society places such emphasis on the importance of being in a romantic partnership, even teaching us to set aside our own needs for the needs of another. Until we know ourselves, however, we cannot possibly choose the right relationship to support our mutual growth toward our highest potential. By allowing ourselves to be comfortable with being alone, we can become the people with whom we want to have a relationship.

Perhaps at no other time in history has it been possible for people to survive, and even thrive, while living alone. We can now support ourselves financially, socially, and emotionally without needing a spouse for survival in any of these realms. With this freedom, we can pursue our own interests and create fulfilling partnerships with friends, business partners, creative cohorts, and neighbors. Once we’ve satisfied our needs and created our support system, a mate then becomes someone with whom we can share the bounty of all we’ve created and the beauty we’ve discovered within ourselves.

As we move away from tradition and fall into more natural cycles of being in the world today, we may find that there are times where being alone nourishes us and other periods in which a partnership is best for our growth. We may need to learn to create spaces to be alone within relationships. When we can shift our expectations of our relationships with ourselves and others to opportunities for discovery, we open ourselves to forge new paths and encounter uncharted territory. Being willing to know and love ourselves, and to find what truly makes us feel deeply and strongly, gives us the advantage of being able to attract and choose the right people with whom to share ourselves, whether those relationships fall into recognizable roles or not. Choosing to enjoy being alone allows us to fully explore our most important relationship—the one with our true selves.

*************************************

A Day At A Time
November 9

Reflection For The Day

As time passes, daily communion with God is becoming as essential to me as breathing in and out. I don’t need a special place to pray, because God always hears my call. I don’t need special words with which to pray, because God already knows my thoughts and my needs. I have only to turn my attention to God, aware that his attention is always turned to me. Do I know that only good can come to me if I trust God completely?

Today I Pray

May my communion with God become a regular part of my life, as natural as a heartbeat. May I find, as I grow accustomed to the attitude of prayer, that it becomes less important to find a corner of a room, a bedside, a church pew, or even a special time of day, for prayer. May my thoughts turn to God automatically and often, whenever there is a lull in my day or a need for direction.

Today I Will Remember

Let prayer become a habit.

*************************************

One More Day
November 9

Faith is a living and unshakable confidence, a belief in the grace of God so assured that a man would die a thousand deaths for its sake.
– Martin Luther

When a crisis occurs — a death in the family or perhaps a chronic illness — many of us pass through the “Why me?” phase. We may become confused and feel we have been personally selected for bad times. Our faith may be shaken. It can take us a while to recognize that we still have abiding faith in our Higher Power. time passes and as life gains some semblance of normalcy again, we understand there are no easy answers, but our faith has carried us through a difficult time.

Eventually, our belief in a Power greater than ourselves takes hold, rather firmly, until we feel an even stronger sense of faith and purpose than before.

As I gain my own strengths I am more able to extend my beliefs to include my Higher Power once again.

[bluidkiti]

November 10

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
He who has courage and faith will never perish in misery! --Anne Frank
Someone once said happiness is like a butterfly: if we chase it, we'll never find it. But if we sit quietly, it will come and land on us. Faith and courage are the same. All we have to do is sit quietly and ask for these gifts from God. In time, and with patience, they will be ours, and so will the happiness we can then pass on to others.
Anne Frank wrote the above words facing a concentration camp and certain death. If she could find happiness and faith and courage within herself under those circumstances, then certainly we can too. These gifts are ours, already within us, if we but look for them.
What can I ask for today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Humility is just as much the opposite of self-abasement as it is of self-exaltation. --Dag Hammarskjold
In our struggles with self-hate and guilt, we may have thought we were humble - or perhaps even too humble. But self-abasement, which often alternates with feelings of superiority, is not the spiritual quality of humility that we strive for in our program.
With humility, we respect ourselves and our place in the universe. Humility is having ourselves in perspective, knowing we are connected to the whole world, accepting how small and powerless we are, and accepting the power and responsibility we have. With this spiritual feeling comes a sense of awe for the world we live in and a feeling of gratitude for the life we've been given.
The humility I feel today goes hand in hand with my self-respect and gratefulness for being part of life.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Because society would rather we always wore a pretty face, women have been trained to cut off anger. --Nancy Friday
Anger is an emotion. Not a bad one, nor a good one; it simply exists when particular conditions in our lives are not met as we'd hoped.
We can get free of our anger if we choose to take action appropriate to it. Anger can be a healthy prompter of action. But when no action is taken, anger turns inward, negatively influencing our perceptions of all experiences, all human interaction.
We need to befriend all of our emotions. We need to trust that they all can serve us when we befriend them, learn from them, act in healthy concert with them. Our emotions reveal the many faces of our soul. And all are valid, deserving respect and acceptance. They are all representative of the inner self.
Because we are less at home with anger, it becomes more powerful. When we deny it, it doesn't disappear. It surfaces in unrelated circumstances, complicating our lives in unnecessary ways. We can learn to enjoy our anger by celebrating the positive action it prompts. We can cherish the growth that accompanies it, when we take the steps we need to.
It's okay for me to be angry today. It's growthful, if I use it for good.


You are reading from the book Food for Thought.
Plan Plans, Not Results
Understanding that we do not have the power to control the results of our plans is an important step toward accepting reality. We do make plans, based on the information, experience, and insight which we have available to us. The outcome of our plans, however, is dependent on circumstances, which are frequently beyond our control.
When we accept the fact that the results of our plans are always in the hands of our Higher Power, we can relax and leave the outcome to Him. When we do not insist compulsively that life go according to our design, we are able to avoid the inevitable frustration produced by such an unrealistic attitude. However good our intentions, our designs are always finite and based on limited knowledge. We need to trust a Power greater than ourselves.
Our idea of what is best for ourselves and those we love may not always be right, according to God's will. The faith that He will carry out His design for us, even when we do not understand it, relieves us of much anxiety and frustration.
I leave results to You.

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Beliefs about Money
I was starting a new job for a corporation. I was good at what I did for a living. The personnel manager and I were down to the details of employment, and he asked me how much money I believed I deserved. I thought about it and came up with a figure of $400 a month. This was back in the sixties. I didn't want to ask for too much, so I decided to ask for the smallest amount I could live with. He hired me and gave me what I asked for. Later on, when I left that job, the personnel manager told me he had been willing to pay me whatever I wanted. Had I asked for $600 or even $700 a month, which was a tremendous salary at that time, I would have gotten it. I had limited myself by what I believed I deserved. --Anonymous
What are our beliefs about money?


In moments of stress, doubt, uncertainty, anger or pain, I can pause and say the serenity prayer, knowing that I will get all the strength, courage and wisdom that I need. --Ruth Fishel

*************************************

Journey to the Heart

Release Guilt

Do whatever you need to do to release guilt. Do it often. Make that technique a regular part of your life.

Guilt has gotten a bad name. Many of us insist that we won’t feel guilt ever again, because we felt so much before, because it serves no purpose. Maybe we need to rethink guilt.

Guilt is a feeling. If it’s there and you don’t feel it, honor it, release it, it will block and stop you. It will control your energy and possibly control your life like anything else that’s denied and repressed. Acknowledging guilt won’t make it more real. Acknowledging guilt won’t lead to condemnation. Acknowledging guilt will help you release it. Write it out. Talk it out. Use a ritual from your church. Let yourself know your secrets, even the ones you’ve kept hidden from yourself until now.

Choose a way to express your guilt. Then watch it loosen and leave. That’s how we cleanse our souls.

*************************************

More Language Of Letting Go

Find a way to say I can

Slowly I began to see that many of the boxes I found myself in were of my own making. I tended to construct them, crawl in, then wonder who I could blame for putting me there. Who did this to me? I would wonder and sometimes ask aloud. That’s when I’d hear the answer. You did, Melody. You put yourself in this box. Now it’s up to you to get out.
–Melody Beattie, Stop Being Mean to Yourself

Each of us has our own degree of freedom. We have certain things we can do and certain things we can’t. Sometimes this freedom fluctuates at different times in our lives. Sometimes we are bound by our responsibilities to other people. Sometimes we have financial limitations. Sometimes we’re limited by what our body can or cannot do at any given point in time.

Alcoholics who know they cannot drink because they lose control when they do are people who are in touch with their power. They can’t drink, but they get to have a manageable life instead.

Healthy happy people know and recognize what they can do and what they truly can’t– at least not without unwanted repercussions. But sometimes we put too many limitations on ourselves. We look around. Because we’re so used to accepting our limitations, we automatically tell ourselves, I can’t do that, so I can’t do anything else.

I’ve been to the house, touched the rock collection, of the author George Sands who lived in southern France years and years ago during a time when women had few rights. It turned out that George was really a woman who took on a man’s name so she could write and sell her books. Her legend and her books still live on.

Identify what you legitimately can’t do or what you’d be better off and more powerful if you didn’t. Learn to live within those limitations. That’s how you’ll own your power.

But don’t stop there. Look around and see what you can do, too. Be creative. Knowing what we truly can’t do is often a stepping stone to discovering what we can do.

God, help me own my power by surrendering to what I can’t do. Then help me own my power some more by discovering what I can.

*****

Light of the Party
Confidence in Social Situations

If you’ve ever been to a social gathering where you’ve felt awkward and uncomfortable, chances are you are not alone. While social gatherings can be very enjoyable, especially when we are surrounded by people whose company we enjoy, there are social events that we attend where we sometimes find ourselves wishing we were someplace else. Such occasions can sometimes be the cause of much anxiety and self-consciousness. We may even feel like everyone else is having a good time except for us. Yet the truth is that everyone has felt shy and awkward on occasion. One of the best ways to overcome self-consciousness or get past your feelings of shyness at social gatherings is to focus on the people around you. If you can remember that other people might also be feeling awkward or shy, you might find the thought of speaking to them less intimidating or overwhelming.

The next time there is a social event you feel nervous about attending, you may want to try this exercise: Spend some time with your eyes closed and breathe deeply. When you feel ready, create your own zone of comfort by visualizing yourself surrounded in a warm white light that is protective yet accepting of others. Imagine people at the event being drawn to you because of the open and warm feelings that you are radiating. When you arrive at the event, take a moment to spread this same light of loving acceptance to everyone around you. Smile and greet people warmly. Try going up to someone who is standing alone and introduce yourself. When you radiate acceptance, openness, and receptivity, people can’t help but respond to you in kind.

Focusing on how we can make other people at a social gathering feel at ease can help us forget about our own insecurities. In the process, we end up making the very connections that we seek. The next time you attend a social gathering, invite people to join you in your zone of comfort that you have so lovingly and intentionally created. Let yourself enjoy being encircled in the warmth of their friendships. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
November 10

Reflection For The Day

When I first came to The Program, I thought that humility was just another word for weakness. But I gradually learned that there’s nothing incompatible between humility and intellect, just as long as I place humility first. As soon as I began to do that, I was told, I would receive the gift of faith — a faith which would work for me as it has worked and continues to work for countless others who have been freed of their addictions and have found a new way of life in The Program. Have I come to believe, in the words of Heine, that “The actions of men are like the index of a book; they point out what is most remarkable in them…”?

Today I Pray

May I never let my intelligence be an excuse for lack of humility. It is so easy, if I consider myself reasonably bright and capable of making decisions and handling my own affairs, to look down upon humility as a property of those less intelligent. May I remember that intelligence and humility are both God-given.

Today I Will Remember

If I have no humility, I have no intelligence.

*************************************

One More Day
November 10

It is easier to confess a defect than to claim a quality.
– Max Beerbohm

It is easy to simply admit our character defects — and then do nothing about them. The difficult part is asking God — however we picture God — to remove our defects and then live with the choices we have made.

We may have apologized to friends, and then added, “but I’ve always been that way.” Or, “I just can’t seem to help it.” We might have used such excuses to avoid looking honestly at ourselves. When we sincerely examine our character defects and have the desire to change, our confessions to others no longer are made with excuses. Instead, we admit our flaws, ask our Higher Power to remove them, and then take responsibility for working toward qualities we admire.

My defects can be changed once I admit them and begin to work on eliminating them.

[bluidkiti]

November 11

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
We shall not cease from exploration,
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive from where we started
And know the place for the first time.
--T. S. Eliot
We spend much of our lives looking forward to milestones we hope will mark our passage into wisdom--that time and place when once and for all we will know all there is to know.
When I am thirteen, I'll be grown up, we say. When I am sixteen, eighteen, 21, drive a car, graduate, marry, write a book, own a house, find a job, or retire; then I'll be grown up.
When we seek complete transformation, mere insight is disappointing. We find we don't know all there is to know--not at thirteen or 35 or 80. We are still growing up.
The baby, the child, the younger person each of us was yesterday is still with us; we continue to love, hate, hurt, grieve, startle, delight, feel.
There is no magic moment of lasting enlightenment, simply a series of fleeting moments lived one at a time each day. They bring us home to who we've always been.
What small thing have I learned today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man, you take it. --Malcolm X
It does little good to complain about our wives or parents or lovers. We only accentuate our role as victims when we say, "I would be happier if she were different." "If he would just get off my back, I would act better." We each have a side, which is loyal to the victim within. Some of us take comfort in acting helpless and being taken care of; some of us relish the power of being catered to; some of us wallow in self-pity. These patterns of thought retard our recovery and put a drag on our relationships. When we decide that we aren't willing to live this way any longer, we are ready to assert our independence.
Real emancipation can't come at someone else's initiative or as a gift. It can only begin from within, by saying, "I will take my independence." Then we begin to be responsible men because we own it on the inside.
Today, I will not wait for others to set me free. I will do what is within my own power to be a free man.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Life has got to be lived--that's all there is to it. At 70 I would say the advantage is that you take life more calmly. You know that, "This, too, shall pass!" --Eleanor Roosevelt
Wisdom comes with age, but also with maturity. It is knowing that all is well in the midst of a storm. And as our faith grows, as we trust more that there is a power greater than ourselves which will see us through, we can relax, secure that a better time awaits us.
We will come to understand the part a difficult circumstance has played in our lives. Hindsight makes so much clear. The broken marriage, the lost job, the loneliness have all contributed to who we are becoming. The joy of the wisdom we are acquiring is that hindsight comes more quickly. We can, on occasion, begin to accept a difficult situation's contribution to our wholeness while caught in the turmoil.
How far we have come! So seldom do we stay caught, really trapped, in the fear of misunderstanding. Life must teach us all we need to know. We can make the way easier by stretching our trust--by knowing fully that the pain of the present will open the way to the serenity of the future.
I know that this too shall pass.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Discipline
Children need discipline to feel secure; so do adults.
Discipline means understanding there are logical consequences to our behavior. Discipline means taking responsibility for our behavior and the consequences.
Discipline means learning to wait for what we want.
Discipline means being willing to work for and toward what we want.
Discipline means learning and practicing new behaviors.
Discipline means being where we need to be, when we need to be there, despite our feelings.
Discipline is the day to day performing of tasks, whether these are recovery behaviors or washing the dishes.
Discipline involves trusting that our goals will be reached though we cannot see them.
Discipline can be grueling. We may feel afraid, confused, and uncertain. Later, we will see the purpose. But this clarity of sight usually does not come during the time of discipline. We may not even believe we're moving forward.
But we are.
The task at hand during times of discipline is simple: listen, trust, and obey.
Higher Power, help me learn to surrender to discipline. Help me be grateful that You care enough about me to allow these times of discipline and learning in my life. Help me know that as a result of discipline and learning, something important will have been worked out in me.


Today I am taking the time that I need to look at my growth and progress. I celebrate being alive. I celebrate the good in me. Today I celebrate me. --Ruth Fishel

*****

journey to the heart
You're Not a Victim Anymore

Sometimes people have problems that make it extremely draining to be around them, problems like alcoholism, other addictions, other issues. No matter where we go, who we are, how long we've been working on ourselves, a lot of people have these problems. That hasn't changed.

What has changed is us.

We've learned our lessons. We can't control the addictions, the problems of others. They may be the very problems they came here to solve. We've also learned, and learned well, that we don't have to stand and absorb the energy from these problems, energy that isn't ours, that no longer holds lessons or payoffs. We no longer need the payoffs of the past-- that we're victims and can't take care of ourselves.

We're free to walk away with compassion and love.

But most of all, we're free.

*****

more language of letting go
Create a path with heart

"I've reached my career and family goals," a successful woman in her late thirties said. Now it's time to start taking care of myself. I'm going to begin by resolving to spend one hour each week doing something I want to do."

One hour? What a small percentage of time to devote to doing what we want. Yet, how easy it is to fall into the trap of denying what we want to do. We may call it God's will for our lives. We may legitimately be in a situation where our responsibilities, including our commitments to other people, consume much of our time. And sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do to accomplish the things we want.

The trap is when our entire life begins to shift over to the "should be doing" category. This is what I should be doing in my career, this is what I should be doing for my family; this is where I should live; and this is probably how I should spend my spare time. This is what I should be doing in my religion, or spirituality; this is what I should be doing with my money, time, and energy.

Who said?

Take a moment. Examine whose should's are running your life. Are the things you tell yourself you need to be doing true expressions of your legitimate goals, responsibilties, and commitments? Or have you wandered so far away from yourself that your life is no longer a genuine expression of who you are, and what you want, in your heart?

How many hours a week do you spend doing what you want to be doing or doing what you need to be doing to have what you want-- whether that's sobriety, a family, or the career that's right for you? How many hours each week are spent doing what you think you should be doing, whether you need to or not?

Getting the things we want in life entails responsibility. We need to tend to our liberations-- the career we want, the family life we want, and our avocations, as well. Tend to the things we've set free. But don't forget to tend to the liberation of yourself,too. Maybe the things you're grumbling about doing are part of doing what you want. If that's the case, stop grumbling and thank God. Maybe you've forgotten the things you're doing are what you really want to do. But maybe when you assess your daily life, you'll realize that some of the things you're doing aren't necessary, aren't what you want, and won't lead to where you want to go. You're telling yourself you have to, but you don't.

Start today by spending one hour doing something you want to do. In time, you may want to increase that to two hours a day. Eventually, you may get to that place where your should's intersect with your wants. That's when you've created and are walking a path with heart.

God, help me find a path with heart; help me walk the one I'm on with heart.

*****

Echoes of Happiness
Belly Laughs

As children, we laugh hundreds of times each day, delighted by the newness of living. When we reach adulthood, however, we tend to not allow ourselves to let go in a good belly laugh. Inviting laughter back into our lives is simply a matter of making the conscious decision to laugh. Though most of us are incited to laugh only when exposed to humor or the unexpected, each of us is capable of laughing at will. A laugh that comes from the belly carries with it the same positive effects whether prompted by a funny joke or consciously willed into existence. When our laughter comes from the core of our being, it permeates every cell in our physical selves, beginning in the center and radiating outward, until we are not merely belly laughing but rather body laughing.

Laughter has been a part of the human mode of expression since before evolution granted us the art of speech. Through it, we connected with allies while demonstrating our connection with people we didn’t know. In the present, laughter allows us to enjoy positive shared experiences with strangers and loved ones alike. Yet solitary laughter carries with it its own slew of benefits. An energetic and enthusiastic bout of whole-body laughter exercises the muscles, the lungs, and the mind in equal measure, leaving us feeling relaxed and content. When we laugh heartily at life’s ridiculousness instead of responding irritably, our focus shifts. Anger, stress, guilt, and sadness no longer wield any influence over us, and we are empowered to make light of what we originally feared. Laughter also opens our hearts, letting love and light in, changing our perspective, and enabling us to fix our attention on what is positive in our lives.

It is easy to laugh when we feel good, but it is when the world appears dim that we most need laughter in our lives. Our laughter then resonates through our hearts, filling the empty spaces with pure, unadulterated joy. We regain our footing in the moment and remember that no sorrow is powerful enough to rob us of our inborn happiness. When we understand that uninhibited laughter is the food of the soul, nourishing us from within, we know instinctively that life is worthwhile. Published with permission from Daily OM

*****

A Day at a Time
November 11

Reflection for the Day
What, exactly, is humility? Does it mean that we are to be submissive, accepting everything that comes our way, no matter how humiliating? Does it mean surrender to ugliness and a destructive way of life? To the contrary. The basic ingredient of all humility is simply a desire to seek and do God's will.

Am I coming to understand that an attitude of true humility confers dignity and grace on me, strengthening me to take intelligent spiritual action in solving my problems?

Today I Pray
May I discover that humility is not bowing and scraping, kowtowing or letting people walk all over me - all of which has built-in expectations of some sort of personal reward, like approval or sympathy. Real humility is awareness of the vast love and unending might of God. It is the perspective that tells me how I, as a human being, relate to that Divine Power.

Today I Will Remember
Humility is awareness of God.

*************************************

One More Day
November 11

Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.
– Dag Hammarskjold

The first time we go through a festive season without our spouse or a dear friend or beloved child, we may wonder if we can get through it. Pity overwhelms us as we think,. Surely no one has felt as bad as I do right now. Pain increases our loneliness, and we feel crushed by the holiday preparations the rest of the world seems to be making.

We can struggle out of this self-imposed misery by using the strategies that have helped us cope with our chronic illnesses. Patience tells us that this too shall pass. Selflessness shows us others who need compassion more than we do. Spiritually reminds us that our pain and sadness can be entrusted to the loving care of our Higher Power.

I know the holidays can be difficult, and if I take them one day at a time. I will do just fine.

[bluidkiti]

November 12

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
No life is so hard that you can't make it easier by the way you take it.
--Ellen Glasgow
Jimmy and Karen were out catching insects for their science class. Jimmy
had caught a gray moth and Karen a monarch butterfly.
"My moth sure isn't very pretty," Jimmy said as he looked at the two
insects. "Now I'll have to catch something else."
"Oh, but it is," said Karen. "See what a fat body your moth has compared
to my butterfly, and it's got fuzzies on its wings."
"You're right," said Jimmy, beginning to smile at his moth. "I was
almost going to let him go."
How many times in the past have we taken just a quick look at something
before rejecting it? Often, simply because a thing isn't quite what we
expected, we don't give ourselves a chance to discover what it is that
makes that thing beautiful. There is a secret beauty in everything, even
ourselves. When we take the time to seek it out in other people and
things, especially those that have disappointed us, that beauty is
reflected in us, too.
Can I find the beauty in something common today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
An ideal is a man's portrait of his better self. --Louis Binstock
When in training for athletics, we use a daily routine to reach a peak
condition. We stretch; lift weights, run, and do special conditioning to
develop our bodies and skills for that big day of competition. It's hard
work. Sometimes we hate it, but at other times we do it just because it
feels so good. Then when the day of competition comes, we can depend on
that practice. At a crucial moment there's not time to think about how
we will respond. We just do it the way we learned and use our physical
ability to carry us through.
In this program we go to our meetings, we work the Steps on a personal
level, we develop a relationship with our Higher Power, and we keep in
touch with our sponsor. Some days we may wonder if it's worthwhile, but
most of the time the process is full and rewarding in itself. We make
progress toward the ideal although we never achieve perfection. When the
challenges or threats to our sobriety come, we have our conditioning
within the program to carry us through.
In this day ahead I will remember that I am building myself to peak
condition. I will be faithful to my "training program."


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Fantasies are more than substitutes for unpleasant reality; they are
also dress rehearsals, plans. All acts performed in the world begin in
the imagination. --Barbara Grizzuti Harrison
Our minds mold who we become. Our thoughts not only contribute to our
achievements, they determine the posture of our lives. How very powerful
they are. Fortunately, we have the power to think the thoughts we
choose, which means our lives will unfold much as we expect.
The seeds we plant in our minds indicate the directions we'll explore in
our development. And we won't explore areas we've never given attention
to in our reflective moments. We must dare to dream extravagant,
improbable dreams if we intend to find a new direction, and the steps
necessary to it.
We will not achieve, we will not master that which goes unplanned in our
dream world. We imagine first, and then we conceive the execution of a
plan. Our minds prepare us for success. They can also prepare us for
failure if we let our thoughts become negative.
I can succeed with my fondest hopes. But I must believe in my potential
for success. I will ponder the positive today.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Timing
Wait until the time is right. It is self-defeating to postpone or
procrastinate; it is also self-defeating to act too soon, before the
time is right.
Sometimes, we panic and take action out of fear. Sometimes, we take
untimely action for revenge or because we want to punish someone. We act
or speak too soon as a way to control or force someone to action.
Sometimes, we take action too soon to relieve feelings of discomfort or
anxiety about how a situation will turn out.
An action taken too soon can be as ineffective as one taken too late. It
can backfire and cause more problems than it solves. Usually, when we
wait until the time is right - sometimes only a matter of minutes or
hours - the discomfort dissolves, and we're empowered to accomplish what
we need to do.
In recovery, we are learning to be effective.
Our answers will come. Our guidance will come. Pray. Trust. Wait. Let
go. We are being led. We are being guided.
Today, I will let go of my need to control by waiting until the time is
right. When the time is right, I will take action.


When I find my now full of yesterday's feelings, I can ask for God to
remove them. I can pray to turn them over to a power greater than myself
so that they will lose their power for me. I know longer need to hold on
to memories which create feelings that make me upset or unhappy. --Ruth
Fishel

*************************************

Journey to the Heart

Wash Old Pain Away

“I don’t know what’s going on,” a woman told me, “but lately memories of the past have been coursing through me like a river. I see scenes from my life, then the feelings appear– old pains, old hurts, old wounds. Nothing is triggering this that I can tell. It’s just happening spontaneously.”

We walk around with old wounds, old hurts– remnants of other times, ancient times, in our lives. We may be aware of these old feelings, fully conscious they’re there and why. Or we may only have partial awareness, a lingering sense that there’s some hurt within, without a clue as to its source. We may get a glimpse of it when we open our eyes in the morning and notice something deep inside aches, but we don’t know why. Or we may not be conscious of the pain or it’s connection to a particular event. The pain is hidden away, deep within our soul.

It has become time to cleanse the past.

Let the feelings come to the surface and pass through your consciousness. Let memories emerge as they will. You aren’t going back to your past. What’s happening is normal. Your heart is finding a way to heal.

Clear away the past. Let the river of life wash old pains away. Feel the feelings until the river runs clear.

*************************************

More Language Of Letting Go
November 12, 2012
Use your connections

As I glanced through the pages of a writer’s magazine one morning, I realized how important this magazine had been in my life. When I began writing back in the late seventies, I had no writer friends. I was on my own with a dream and a sketchy one at that. But by reading this monthly magazine aimed at aspiring writers, I knew I wasn’t alone. Other people had done what I wanted to do, they had started where I was at. This magazine was an important part of my believing I can.

From time to time, we all need connections to help us believe. If we’re beginning recovery from an issue like codependency or chemical dependency, our group meetings help us believe I can. If we’re learning a new skilll, like skydiving or flying a plane, sometimes talking to someone that can remember what it felt like to be unsure, awkward, and unskilled goes much further than talking to someone that can only remember being in mastery of the craft.

One day at the drop zone, I grabbed a man who had jumped out of an airplane over ten thousand times. “I’m so scared each time I jump,” I said. “Is it normal to be that afraid?” This skydiving professional– who was so assured and respected– looked at me and smiled. “I was so frightened my first one hundred jumps that I couldn’t even breathe!”

When you’re trying to believe you can, whether it’s believing you can stay sober for the next twenty-four hours, learning to take care of yourself, being a single parent, being in a good relationship, learning to write, learning to type, or learning to jump out of a plane, make good solid connections to people, places, and things that help you believe I can.

And if you run into someone who’s walking a path that you’ve already walked, remember and share how it felt in the beginning so they can come to believe,too.

God, thank you for sending me the connections I need. Let me be of service whenever possible by being honest and speaking from my heart so I can be a good connection, as well.

Activity: Make a list of your connections. What are the areas in your life where you want to believe you can do it? Examples might be sobriety, taking care of yourself, being a single parent, learning to write, learning to be in a relationship, going through a divorce, surviving the loss of a loved one, getting your finances in order, or learning to speak a new language. Once you have your list of I can’s, list in detail your present or potential connections for coming to believe. For instance, in recovery from chemical dependency, your connections might include your Twelve Step groups, the Big Book, a daily meditation book, a counselor, some recovering friends, and a medallion you received– whether it’s for one hour or one day. If you’re learning a new skill, such as writing, your connections might include a teacher, a friend, a book that’s particularly helpful and encouraging, a magazine, and a piece of writing you’ve already done that either has been published or received good responses from friends. This list is solely to help you believe you can. Once you have your connection lists written, use them whenever you need a big dose of I can.

*****

An Invitation to Comfort
Creating a Serene Home

Your home is your oasis. Through your efforts, your house or apartment can become both a private sanctuary and a welcoming, serene, and healthy place to live in and visit. An organized and comfortable home can have a calming effect on you, your family, and guests, as well as be your personal escape from the rest of the world. Creating this nurturing space isn’t difficult. Even a household that includes young children or multiple animals can be a serene and peaceful place. In just a few minutes, you can make a number of changes that can turn your home into a safe and comfortable haven that you can be proud to share with your loved ones and friends.

One way to fill your house or apartment with calming energy is to imbue it with a peaceful ambiance that nurtures all five senses. Soft lighting and soothing colors like blue, purple, and green can make a space feel warm and inviting, while pleasant and calming aromas such as lavender and vanilla can positively affect moods. Peaceful sounds, such as running water in a fountain or gentle chimes can uplift and clear the space, while clearing clutter and making the most of open space can ease internal turmoil and dispel negative feelings. The physical objects in your home as well as your home itself can retain the energy of previous owners or creators. You can give your household’s energy a lift by visualizing white light surrounding our home, symbolically sweeping out residual energy, or smudging your home with cleansing sage.

The changes you make to your home can be as unique as you are and may involve utilization of space, lighting, new furniture, decorating, feng shui, or ritual. But what you do is not as important as being clear in your intention to set up your household as a soothing and refreshing place to be. Make your home a place of comfort, and you will feel nurtured and cared for whenever you are there. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
November 12

Reflection For The Day

There are few “absolutes” in The Program’s Twelve Steps. We’re free to start at any point we can, or will. God, as we understand Him, may be defined as simply a “Power greater”; for many of us in The Program, the group itself was the first “Power greater.” And this acknowledgment is relatively easy to make if a newcomer knows that most of the members are sober and otherwise chemically-free and he isn’t. This admission is the beginning of humility. Perhaps for the first time, the newcomer is at least willing to disclaim that he himself — or sh3e herself — is God. Is my behavior more convincing to newcomers than my words?

Today I Pray

May I define and discover my own Higher Power. As that definition becomes clearer and closer to me, may I remember not to insist that my interpretation is right. For each much find his or her own Higher Power. If a newcomer is feeling godless and alone, the power of the group may be enough for now. May I never discredit the power of the group.

Today I Will Remember

Group power can be a Higher Power.

*************************************

One More Day
November 12

Life is the enjoyment of Emotion, derived from the past and aimed at the future.
- Alfred, Lord Whitehead

Life sails by much more quickly than we expect it to. When our children were young, it seemed as if endless years stretched ahead for us to nurture and teach them; suddenly they are in college, or married with children of there own.

Each day must be lived to its fullest, for we shall never be able to recapture it again. The memories we create today can enrich the present, and even the future years. Making good memories serves us well.

It is our wish to fully enjoy life and if we can’t, to attempt to correct those problems which keep us from fully enjoying what we do have. Than we can once again look to a full and wonderful future.

I will work to deal with those facts of my life which cause me pain.

[bluidkiti]

November 13

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he could never be found out. --Thomas Macaulay
Remember the tale about the poor, tired shoemaker who cut out his last bit of leather and awoke to find a beautiful pair of shoes sewn for him? Night after night two little elves secretly worked from midnight to dawn sewing shoes to help the old craftsman. Helping the shoemaker without his knowing who they were made the elves very happy, and they danced and sang as they worked away. These elves knew their reward was in the doing of the good deed, not in the discovery of them doing it.
What secret gift of kindness can I give today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
All men should strive to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why. --James Thurber
We are getting to know ourselves each day. We have learned some very important things about ourselves since the day we started our recovery. Most of us began learning by admitting our addiction or codependency. We saw how loyal we had become to a substance or a behavior. What seemed normal to us was actually distorted and unhealthy living. We didn't understand why we felt so confused and upset. Perhaps we didn't know what we were running to, or from.
Until we were faced with our powerlessness we couldn't know ourselves. We could not feel our void or pain until we had relinquished our old ways. We now can see our motives more clearly. When we have come face to face with ourselves, surrendered and stopped running, nothing else ever need be so frightening again.
I will let myself know where I am going today.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
My Declaration of Self-Esteem:
I am me. In all the world there is no one else exactly like me. There are persons who have some parts like me, but no one adds up exactly like me. Therefore, everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone chose it. --Virginia Satir
Feeling special, feeling worthy and unique in the contribution we make to our surroundings is perhaps not a very familiar feeling to many of us in this recovery program. We may have recognized our differences from others, but not in a positive way. We may well have figured that to be our problem. "If only I were more like her . . ." To celebrate our specialness, the unique contribution we make to every situation we experience, is one of the gifts of recovery.
It's spiritually moving to realize the truth of our authenticity. To realize that no other choice will ever be just like our choice--to realize that no other contribution will be just like our contribution. Our gift to life is ourselves. Life's gift to us is the opportunity to realize our value.
Today, I will be aware of my gifts, I will offer them and receive them thankfully.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Taking Care of Ourselves
We do not have to wait for others to come to our aid. We are not victims. We are not helpless.
Letting go of faulty thinking means we realize there are no knights on white horses, no magical grandmothers in the sky watching, waiting to rescue us.
Teachers may come our way, but they will not rescue. They will teach. People who care will come, but they will not rescue. They will care. Help will come, but help is not rescuing.
We are our own rescuers.
Our relationships will improve dramatically when we stop rescuing others and stop expecting them to rescue us.
Today, I will let go of the fears and self doubt that block me from taking assertive action in my best interest. I can take care of myself and let others do the same for themselves.


Today I am looking within to discover what I am holding onto from the past. Today I am willing to let go of all old anger and resentments that keep me stuck in tension and in pain. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

You’re Almost Home

I only had a few hundred miles to go, but the stretch ahead seemed endless. I was tired and near the end of this adventure. I remembered the meditative words of a friend, words that had helped me several years ago, words that helped me again now.

“The life force is a force within you. You have the power to fire it, stoke it, expand its energy throughout your body. Don’t clench up, tighten up. That limits the life force within you. Stop cramping your muscles and telling yourself you can’t. If you say it long and loud enough, you’ll begin to believe it. Relax. Relax your arms, your legs, your neck, your body. You’ve come so far. Look back at all the miles you’ve traveled. What lies ahead is a small portion, such a small portion of fear.

“Breathe deeply. When you become afraid or tired, your breathing becomes shallow. That inhibits the fire. It keeps the life force from reaching your muscles, your vital organs, your brain. Breathe deeply. Stoke the fire within.

“Take a moment now to picture the core of light within you. See it in your solar plexus just inches below your navel. Picture it as a glowing coal, a candle, a flame. With each breath you take, picture the flame getting stronger, glowing more brightly, until you feel the vital life force begin to surge through you.

“Feel yourself being filled with healing, life-giving energy with each breath you take. Feel the flame burn more brightly within you. Inhale deeply. Exhale deeply. Feel your power spread through your body. Feel the power of the universe come in through your breath. Feel the power connect with and flame the burning coal of energy that is within you.

You’ve come so far. You’ve almost mastered that lesson, accomplished that task, unveiled that insight, the one you’ve been struggling with. Of course you’re tired. You’ve been working hard. Take a moment now to light the fire within you. Let it give you the energy you need.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Set the switches yourself

One day, when I was getting ready to do a coached skydive, my coach sat me down. He gave me an exercise to do.

“When I skydive,” he said. “I go into my switch room, and I set the switches where I want them to be. He explained how he set his alertness and awareness switch at about eight. If he put it any higher, all the way up to ten, he said he became too tense, hyper vigilant.

For many years, we’ve let a lot of people push our buttons. Why don’t we try setting these switches ourselves instead?

Create a switch panel for yourself. Let the switches indicate the issues you’d like to work on. You might create one switch for fear. Don’t turn it all the way off. You need some fear to help be your guide. Maybe set the fear switch at two, or a level you’re comfortable with. Then go to the switch that says humble confidence. Maybe set that one at eight. Then go to the having fun and playing switch. How about cranking that one up to ten?

Create switches for any attribute in your life that you’d like to turn up or turn down. Then, from time to time, go in there and make sure the switches are still set and your circuit breaker is turned on.

God, help me own my power.

*****

Voicing Faith in Another
The Gift of a Positive Image

by Madisyn Taylor

It is important that we all find people that believe in us just as we believe in others.


There are times in our lives when we may find ourselves facing challenges that can seem overwhelming. The situation or task we are struggling with seems hopeless, and it is easy to stop believing in ourselves, our goals, and our dreams. It is during these moments that it can be reassuring and reaffirming to turn to the people in our lives who do believe in us, especially when we are finding it hard to believe in ourselves. An encouraging word, a reassuring look, or hearing the words “I believe in you” from someone who matters can help us turn our situations around in an instant.

Everybody has someone who believes in them, whether this person is a teacher, parent, friend, loved one, or an employer. Often their belief can wrap us in warmth, bolster us, and offer us a supportive hand to grab onto until we can regain our own support. Having that special person who believes in our abilities and our worth is a wonderful gift. But when we are feeling unworthy, it may be difficult to take in something so precious. We may even feel like we need to do it all on our own and that we shouldn’t be asking for help. However, in letting their belief and support impact you, you are acknowledging the part of yourself that knows you are worthy of trust and esteem. By allowing them to believe in you, your own belief in yourself and your abilities will start to emerge again. Borrow their vision, and you can make it your own.

If your special someone is not there to spur you on, you also can lift yourself up with the gift of a positive image. When you feel uncertain, you can create a vision of the future you desire that will serve as a beacon of light. To do so, simply imagine a future that is exactly as you’d like it to be. Imagine in detail how you feel, what you are doing, and how others are responding to you. Make your vision as real as possible, and allow your doubts to recede so you can focus solely on the goal you seek. The more intently you focus on the image of what you want, your belief in yourself will step to the forefront, making it easier for the universe to open up a path and guide you. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
November 13

Reflection For The Day

We hear it said that all progress in The Program can be boiled down and measured by just two words: humility and responsibility. It’s also said that our entire spiritual development can be precisely measured by our degree of adherence to those standards. As AA co-founder Bill W. once put it, “Ever deepening humility, accompanied by and ever greater willingness to accept and to act upon clear-cut obligations — these are truly our touchstones for all growth in the life of the spirit.” Am I responsible?

Today I Pray

I pray that of all the good words and catch phrases and wisps of inspiration that come to me, I will remember these two above all: humility and responsibility. these may be the hardest to come by — humility because it means shooing away my pride, responsibility because I am in the habit of using my addiction as a thin excuse for getting out of obligations. I pray that I may break these old patterns.

Today I Will Remember

First humility, then responsibility.

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One More Day
November 13
Meditation is not a means to an end. It is both the means and the end.
–Krishnamurti
There is a current trend to reading meditation books, which we’re familiar with. We tend to use meditations as enlarging our thoughts for the day. Some of us begin our days with a meditation; others of us use them as a final thought before bed.

Meditation encourages deep and comforting thoughts. How we meditate has little importance, for customs are different across the cultures. What does matter is that we are turning to rich spiritual resources, so that each day we can give some serious time to our most pertinent thoughts and to improve ourselves.

When I meditate I have a special thought to carry with me throughout the day. I know that I am doing something important for myself.

[bluidkiti]

November 14

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges. --Joseph Fort Newton
Communication is much more than words. Words are merely fingers pointing the direction to understanding--they are not understanding itself. To really communicate with someone, we have to allow ourselves, just for a moment, to become that other person. When we do this, we begin to be able to see beyond the masks that hide what another person is really feeling.
When we take the time to really see others, we may discover they are frightened, timid people longing for understanding. When we get beyond reacting to their outward behavior and move toward viewing their inner selves, it is much easier to extend a hand of friendship, to say we care, and truly mean it.
Who can I see as they really are today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
No one can get rid of the spirit of judgment by an effort of the will. --Paul Tournier
In the past, we applied our wills and tried to bring about the changes we wanted. We may still unconsciously try to create self-improvement by an effort of will. But, as long as we do that, we continue the same circles of frustration and defeat we knew before recovery. The way to growth is in directions we cannot fully imagine for ourselves. We can become ready for change and then pray for help. The man who simply became ready to have God remove his judgmental attitudes was surprised to find God's answer was to make him more trusting of others and less judgmental of himself.
The wonders of recovery are miracles because we tried before and couldn't recover by ourselves. Miracles are surprises that come upon us because God's will for us is more creative and far reaching in its renewal than anything we can think of.
Today, I pray that I may know the will of God and forgo my limited willfulness.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. --Kathleen Casey Theisen
How awesome is our power, personally, to choose our attitudes and our responses to any situation, to every situation. We will feel only how we choose to feel, no matter the circumstance. Happiness is as free an option as sorrow.
Perceiving our challenges as opportunities for positive growth rather than stumbling blocks in our path to success is a choice readily available. What is inevitable--a matter over which we have no choice--is that difficult times, painful experiences will visit us. We can, however, greet them like welcome guests, celebrating their blessings on us and the personal growth they inspire.
No circumstance demands suffering. Every circumstance has a silver lining. In one instance you may choose to feel self-pity; in the next, gladness.
We do not always feel confident about our choices, even when we accept the responsibility for making them. How lucky for us that the program offers a solution! Prayer and meditation, guidance from our higher power, can help us make the right choice every time.
I will relish my freedom to choose, to feel, to act. I and only I can take it away.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Letting Our Anger Out
It's okay to be angry, but it isn't healthy to be resentful. Regardless of what we learned as children, no matter what we saw role modeled, we can learn to deal with our anger in ways that are healthy for us and for those around us. We can have our angry feelings. We can connect with them, own them, and feel them, express them, release them, and be done with them.
We can learn to listen to what anger is telling us about what we want and need in order to take care of ourselves.
Sometimes we can even indulge in angry feelings that aren't justified. Feelings are just feelings; there is no morality in the feeling, only in our behavior. We can feel angry without hurting or abusing others or ourselves. We can learn to deal with anger in ways that benefit our relationships instead of ways that harm them.
If we don't feel our angry feelings today, we will need to face them tomorrow.
Today, I will let myself feel my anger. I will express my anger appropriately, without guilt. Then I will be done with it.


Today I know that whatever ability, talents and energy I have are perfect for this moment. Today I know that God gives me all that I need to do what he wants me to do in this day. --Ruth Fishel

*****

You are reading from the book Food for Thought.

Waking Up to Truth

Our illusions were tied to our compulsive overeating behavior. Abstaining from the behavior makes it possible for us to let go of our illusions. It is the Higher Power that leads us into the truth, which penetrates and dispels illusions.

Working the Steps, reading the OA literature, and talking with other members prepares us to receive new truth. Our Higher Power gives us insights, sometimes-in quick flashes of perception and sometimes slowly over a long period of time. The experience of discovery is one of the most rewarding facets of our program. It is an ongoing process, since we continue to grow and become aware of new truth.

Too much food kept us in a fog. Now we are recovering from the physical effects of our addiction to refined sugars and carbohydrates and the emotional dependency on eating to avoid feeling pain. In the process, we wake up to more and more truth about others, our Higher Power, and ourselves.

May I live by the truth that You reveal.

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Journey to the Heart

Find Your Center

“My life has changed so much,” the man at Breitenbush told me. “I go with the flow now, try to be in the moment, be spontaneous. I’m a foreman, and even at work life goes much more smoothly. A year ago, I didn’t know what it meant to be centered. Now I do and I work at staying that way.” He looked around the camp, a nature retreat in the heart of the Willamette National Forest in Oregon. “And I know how to get there too.”

For many years, I didn’t understand what it meant to be centered either. If I was that way for a while, it was more accidental than deliberate. It takes time, practice, and mostly desire and commitment to make staying centered a way of life. But the time it takes is worth it.

Learn what it feels like to be centered, to be balanced. Learn what it feels like to be off center. Learn to tell the difference. Then, learn to come back to center as quickly as possible.

Quiet. Relaxed. Feeling right about what you’re doing. On track. In harmony. At peace. In balance. No turbulent emotions racing through you. No disorganized thoughts clamoring through your head. Your body feels aligned, and you feel connected to it. What you do and say comes from your center. It feels right and honest. It feels like you, and you feel connected to your self, your deepest self, your soul. Your heart is open. And so is your mind.

That’s the place from which we’re seeking to live our lives. Find a way to get to that place, then go there often. Some helps include nature, listening to music, going for a walk, repeating a prayer, or forms of deep breathing or meditation.

It’s hard to find a place we’ve never been to. Learn what it feels like to be centered. Know your center is in you. Then go there often.

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More Language Of Letting Go

There’s freedom in letting go

Sometimes we gain freedom not only by letting go ourselves, but by helping someone else let go of us.

A child rounds a corner on her little purple bike, one training wheel clattering on the sidewalk, the other high in the air. Her father calls her over and tells her that today is special. Today, she has finally outgrown those training wheels and will learn to ride the bike like the big kids! Tears follow the happy news.

“But what if I fall? Or I can’t balance? I’m not ready!” she complains.

Finally, after many assurances that he will be right beside her, she lets daddy take the wheels off.

At first he holds tightly to the bike, and she sits there frozen, unable to pedal, rigidly gripping the handlebars.

“Relax,” he says. “It’s okay. I’m right here by your side.”

She relaxes. Then she starts to pedal. Dad releases his grip slightly. He lets go and runs alongside. She looks over and laughs. “Daddy, don’t let go! I’ll fall!” And then, the inevitable happens, she falls.

But she gets back up. He holds on again. And again. And again. Until near suppertime, daddy runs beside beside, lets go of the bike, slows to a walk, and watches his little girl ride off on two wheels.

Is there something or someone in your life that you need to let go of in order to grow? Is there someone you need to help let go of you? Sometimes it’s tempting to keep people dependent on us. It makes us feel needed and powerful. It makes us feel good. But it may be holding them and us back.

Go ahead. It’s time. Take off the training wheels. Help them ride off into the sunset. Set both of you free.

God, help me resist the temptation to keep people dependent on me. Give me the courage to help other people let go of me.

*****

Embracing New Information
Be Open

by Madisyn Taylor

As we live we will go through the processes of opening to new information, integrating it, and stabilizing our worldview.


Living in an information age, it is easy to become overwhelmed by the constant influx of scientific studies, breaking news, and even spiritual revelations that fill our bookshelves, radio waves, and in-boxes. No sooner have we decided what to eat or how to think about the universe than a new study or book comes out confounding our well-researched opinion. After a while, we may be tempted to dismiss or ignore new information in the interest of stabilizing our point of view, and this is understandable. Rather than closing down, we might try instead to remain open by allowing our intuition to guide us.

For example, contradictory studies concerning foods that are good for you and foods that are bad for you are plentiful. At a certain point, though, we can feel for ourselves whether coffee or tomatoes are good for us or not. The answer is different for each individual, and this is something that a scientific study can’t quite account for. All we can do is take in the information and process it through our own systems of understanding. In the end, only we can decide what information, ideas, and concepts we will integrate. Remaining open allows us to continually change and shift by checking in with ourselves as we learn new information. It keeps us flexible and alert, and while it can feel a bit like being thrown off balance all the time, this openness is essential to the process of growth and expansion.

Perhaps the key is realizing that we are not going to finally get to some stable place of having it all figured out. Throughout our lives we will go through the processes of opening to new information, integrating it, and stabilizing our worldview. No sooner will we have reached some kind of stability than it will be time to open again to new information, which is inherently destabilizing. If we see ourselves as surfers riding the incoming waves of information and inspiration, always open and willing to attune ourselves to the next shift, we will see how blessed we are to have this opportunity to play on the waves and, most of all, to enjoy the ride. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
November 14

Reflection For The Day

First search for a little humility, my sponsor urged me. If you don’t, he said, you’re greatly increasing the risk of going “out there” again. After a while, in spite of my lifelong rebelliousness, I took his advice; I began to try to practice humility, simply because I believed it was the right thing to do. Hopefully, the day will come when most of my rebelliousness will be but a memory, and then I’ll practice humility because I deeply want it as a way of life. Can I try, today, to leave my self behind — and to seek the humility of self-forgetfulness?

Today I Pray

Since I — like so many chemically or otherwise dependent people — am a rebel, may I know that I will need to practice humility. May I recognize that humility does not come easily to a rebellious nature, whether I am out-and-out defiant, dug-in negative or, more subtly, determined in a roundabout way to change everything else but myself. I pray that by practicing humility it will become instinctive for me.

Today I Will Remember

Get the humble habit.

*************************************

One More Day

Rest is not a matter of doing absolutely nothing. Rest is Repair. Daniel W. Josselyn

Every once in a while the burdens of our lives get us down. We just can’t be optimistic all the time. It’s so important to know that we can let go of those burdens for a day or two; in fact, we owe it to ourselves.

Too many of us feel guilty if we succumb to our feelings of sadness, disgust, anger, or exhaustion. Why? Having a medical problem doesn’t make us any more or less exempt from the problems which face everybody else. There will be days when there seems to be no reason to get out of bed. That’s okay. We can take a mental health day by relaxing. We can pamper ourselves every once in a while to rejuvenate the physical and emotional strength needed to face our world.

I can simplify my life by giving myself this day for relaxing.

[bluidkiti]

November 15

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Growing is like running a twenty-six mile marathon. If we give up on the twenty-fourth mile, we will never know what it feels like to finish the race. --Anonymous
There will be times in our growth when we will want to give up. Our pain seems to have no end to it. In a sense, we are like the runner of a marathon on her twenty-fourth mile. She may think she cannot finish the race; she may lose her ability to see things as they are.
If she can remember previous successes, she will no doubt make the decision to go on, to at least give the race her best shot. It does not matter how may people come in before or after her. It matters only that she has not given up. When she crosses the finish line, the pain turns quickly into joy.
When we refuse to give up, we give ourselves an accomplishment we can rejoice in, the reward of knowing we have done our best.
What can I finish that I gave up on earlier?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
To wait for moments or places where no pain exists, no separation is felt and where all human restlessness has turned into inner peace is waiting for a dream world. --Henri J. M. Nouwen
Anytime we do a spot check on our anxiety or personal restlessness we will probably find some. As long as we are aware and alive we can expect to have some discomfort, some fear of loss, some doubt. Our program does not totally rid us of these pains. Perhaps our old ways sought absolute peace or escape through abuse of chemicals or food or gambling or sex, but the serenity we seek in our recovery comes through honesty with ourselves and acceptance of the incompleteness of our lives.
When we make room for the pain in our lives, we allow the river of our emotions to flow. It will carry us along to other feelings like happiness and peace. Conflicting feelings can exist side by side in our lives, and when we try to control true feelings of restlessness or pain, we dam the flow of emotions and block the pleasant ones as well as the difficult ones.
I am moving to a real world where I know and accept my feelings.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Zeal is the faculty igniting the other mind powers into the full flame of activity. --Sylvia Stitt Edwards
When enthusiasm is absent in our lives, no activity appears inviting. In fact, most situations foster fear. With fear, we're ever so familiar. The program we're committed to relieves us of all fear, when we work it. And it offers us the enthusiasm that will guarantee positive outcomes for our efforts, when we look to our higher power for the right attitude.
An open, trusting, sincere relationship with our higher power equals enthusiasm about life. But that relationship takes work on our part. When we've done our homework we discover that no lesson will baffle us. Prayer and meditation make all things understandable and guarantee that we will "pass the course" on life.
I will begin this day, and every day, looking to God for the gift of zeal to live fully every moment, to give fully what I have to give, and to glory fully in all that I receive. My attitude of gratitude will increase my happiness manyfold. I will look to this day with zeal.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Benefits of Recovery
There are two benefits from recovery: we have short-term gains and long-term gains.
The short-term gains are the things we can do today that help us feel better immediately.
We can wake up in the morning, read for a few minutes in our meditation book, and feel lifted. We can work a Step and often notice an immediate difference in the way we feel and function. We can go to a meeting and feel refreshed, talk to a friend and feel comforted, or practice a new recovery behavior, such as dealing with our feelings or doing something good for ourselves, and feel relieved.
There are other benefits from recovery, though, that we don't see immediately on a daily or even a monthly basis. These are the long-term gains, the larger progress we make in our life.
Over the years, we can see tremendous rewards. We can watch ourselves grow strong in faith, until we have a daily personal relationship with a Higher Power that is as real to us as a relationship with a best friend.
We can watch ourselves grow beautiful as we shed shame, guilt, resentments, self-hatred, and other negative buildups from our past.
We can watch the quality of our relationships improve with family, friends, and spouses. We find ourselves growing steadily and gradually in our capacity to be intimate and close, to give and receive.
We can watch ourselves grow in our careers, in our ability to be creative, powerful, productive people, using our gifts and talents in a way that feels good and benefits others.
We discover the joy and beauty in ourselves, others, and life.
The long-term progress is steady, but sometimes slow, happening in increments and often with much forward and backward movement. Enough days at a time of practicing recovery behaviors and piling up short term gains leads to long-term rewards.
Today, I will be grateful for the immediate and long-term rewards of recovery. If I am new to recovery, I will have faith that I can achieve the long-term benefits. If I've been recovering for a while, I will pause to reflect, and be grateful for my overall progress.


Today I am learning to think and act in a positive way that is healthy for my mind, body and spirit. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

The Light Will Illuminate Your Path

It was almost eleven o’clock at night. I was driving down a highway in Colorado on the west side of the mountains. I was exhausted, driving and driving, hoping I was going somewhere, hoping the road led to someplace where I could rest and replenish myself. Whenever I would become fearful, wondering if I had taken complete leave of my senses, i’d look up in the sky. A crescent moon was snuggled between two mountians. It seemed to urge me on, beckoning me to drive toward it.

Finally, I reached the place marked by the moon. It was a lodge not listed in any directory, in a town not even on any map. It had a mineral bath on the grounds and, yes, an available room.

Sometimes when I’m driving late at night on a strange road and I’m not sure which turn to take, I look for a light. The moon might be setting above a particular place, lighting it with its glow. The lights of a city might brighten one direction more than another. A certain road appears lighter, feels better, feels right.

Often that’s what happens in our lives. When we get to a fork in the road and we’re not certain which direction to go, there’s usually one path that appears lighter than another. Sometimes the light is dim. Sometimes it can only be seen with the eyes of our soul, the eyes of our heart. But it’s also a light that can be clouded and blocked by fear, tenseness, and lack of faith.

Relax. Tune into your body. Trust your heart. Look around. When you don’t know which way to go next, wait. Soon a path will open up. It will appear lighter. It will feel right.

When in doubt, go toward the light. When you get to a fork in the road, choose the way that feels lightest. The light will take you to the next place. The light will lead you home.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Teach others they can,too

One good way to help ourselves believe we can is by helping others learn they can,too.

Some of us call this “being of service.”

In Twelve Step programs, they call this “carrying the message.” No matter how much recovery time we have, we can share our experience, strength, and hope with others. We can tell them how we were set free, how it felt in the beginning, and how it feels now, so they’ll believe they can do it,too.

I’ve found even in skydiving that it helps me to share my experience, strength, and hope with skydivers newer to the sport than I am. When I am telling them that it’s okay, that they can do it, I’m really telling myself I can do it,too.

Often in my everyday life, the things I’m telling others they need to do, or can learn, are the very things I need to be telling myself. Repetition forms belief. If we tell others, we’re telling ourselves. The belief in them grows stronger. The belief in us is strengthened,too.

Some people say, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” That may be true. But sometimes when the student appears, it’s because the teacher is ready to learn the lesson,too.

Sometimes helping others is how we help ourselves. And giving it away is often how we get to have some ourselves.

God, help me be of service. Help me remember the value of serving others– that it strengthens and uplifts them and blesses and helps me,too.

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Summon Your Aliveness
Being Fully Present

by Madisyn Taylor

When we live fully in the moment there is an aliveness that comes easily.


When we are fully present, we offer our whole selves to whatever it is that we are doing. Our attention, our integrity, and our energy are all focused in the moment and on the task at hand. This is a powerful experience, and when we are in this state, we feel completely alive and invigorated. This kind of aliveness comes easily when we are absorbed in work or play that we love, but it is available to us in every moment, and we can learn to summon it regardless of what we are doing. Even tasks or jobs we don’t enjoy can become infused with the light of being present. The more present we are, the more meaningful our entire lives become.

Next time you find yourself fully engaged in the moment, whether you are making art, trying to solve an interesting puzzle, or talking to your best friend, you may want to take a moment to notice how you feel. You may observe that you are not thinking about what you need to do next, your body feels like it’s pleasantly humming, or your brain feels tingly. As you enjoy the feeling of being located entirely in the present moment, you can inform yourself that you may try to recall this feeling later. You might try this while driving home or getting ready for bed, allowing yourself to be just as engaged in that experience as you were in the earlier one.

The more we draw ourselves into the present moment, the more we honor the gift of our lives, and the more we honor the people around us. When we are fully present, we give and receive aliveness in equal measure. For today, try to be fully present in your daily activities and watch a new reality open for you. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

As a newcomer, I was told that my admission of my powerlessness over alcohol was my first step toward freedom from its deadly grip. I soon came to realize the truth of that fact. In that regard, surrender was a dire necessity. But for me that was only a small beginning toward acquiring humility. I’ve learned in The Program that to be willing to work for humility — as something to be desired for itself — takes most of us a long, long time. Do I realize that a whole lifetime geared to self-centeredness can’t be shifted into reverse in a split second?

Today I Pray

May I search for my own humility as a quality that I must cultivate to survive, not just an admission that I am powerless over my compulsive behavior. Step One is just that — step one — in the direction of acquiring an attitude of humility. May I be realistic enough to know that this may take half a lifetime.

Today I Will Remember

Pride blew it; let humility have a chance.

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One More Day
November 15

There is always room for improvement, you know — it’s the biggest room in the house.
– Louise Heath Leber

Acceptance of criticism is very hard, even when it’s given constructively. As small children we have bristled at suggestions about our drawings or toy houses we made. We liked things to be the way we wanted them to be.

Not everyone is so talented or sensitive that they can offer criticism without it hurting. We do ourselves justice when we learn to listen to most criticism. Of course, we remain the right to disagree.

We understand that criticism is often tempered with love and understanding. A Receptiveness to criticism helps us become less rigid and more willing to change.

I can accept criticism and try to change when it will benefit me.