Today's Thought - September

[bluidkiti]

September 16

Inspiration starts in the home.
--Alpha English

What does being inspired really mean? Alpha would say it means having the faith to tackle difficult tasks. She surely had it. In a time when few women went to college, she did and with honors. Then after a lifetime of teaching in a small Arkansas town, she began writing plays and a history of African Americans for the benefit of young and old alike. She was inspired. Her example inspired others, too.

But what if we didn't grow up in a home where inspiration was nurtured? Did that mean we couldn't develop it? Taking notice of how we have solved problems and approached the unknown in our lives indicates the level of inspiration we acquired from somewhere. What's obvious is that we did create it somehow. Any accomplishment we can point to is evidence. Nobody tackles anything without some inner drive that says they can. That's inspiration.

Some of us did have more than others. Some of us still do. The good news is that we can "trade" inspiration with each other. We can give it away when a friend is in need, and we can borrow it back when we're feeling uncertain about a direction or a task. It matters not where we get it. It never did. It was simply easier for us if it was one of the gifts passed on in our homes.

My inspiration can come from anywhere today. Those who are closest are the obvious "carriers."

You are reading from the book:

Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey

[bluidkiti]

September 17

Flowers, Not Weeds

When addiction took hold of my son, it grew and spread like a thick, thorny vine, twisting and turning and choking him tight. But it didn't stop there. It kept right on creeping. It crept and crawled its way into my mind, making me sick too. In an Alice in Wonderland kind of way, my sickness is a distorted reflection of his sickness. How sick is that?

I faded, I weakened. I lost my sense of self. Blamed, judged, and berated, I became consumed by the guilt and negative thoughts heaped on me by both myself and others. My common sense and rational thought became warped.

The truth is, negative thoughts and negative people can't take root in my life if I don't let them. My life is like a garden--what grows here is in my control. Unwelcome seeds may drift in on the wind, and renegade runners may sneak in under the fence, but I can pull out the things I don't want in order to make room for the flowers.

Stop watering the weeds in your life and start watering the flowers.

Anonymous

You are reading from the book:

Tending Dandelions by Sandra Swenson

[bluidkiti]

September 18

Give us to go blithely on our business this day, bring us to our resting beds weary and content and undishonored, and grant us in the end the gift of sleep.
--Robert Louis Stevenson

Tonight, our reward for the day is sleep. To make sleep peaceful and relaxing, and filled with pleasant thoughts, we can spend time gently closing our minds to the day's events.

We can walk down a pleasant, nature-filled path in our minds. With each step we can move farther away from the day's activities and the many tasks we did or left undone. Look around us. We can see lakes and mountains and hear the soothing sounds of a speeding stream. Nothing is important now except peace of mind and the hours ahead in which our minds will be at peace.

Before we shut off the light we can spend a few minutes visualizing our pleasant nature walks. We can think "Let Go and Let God" and feel the day's tensions and pressures fall from our shoulders. Today has been good. We can then close our eyes and let the reward of sleep drift over us.

You are reading from the book:

Night Light by Amy E. Dean

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September 19

One deceit needs many others, and so the whole house is built in the air and must soon come crashing down.
-- Baltasar Gracian

If we are honest about our addiction, we know how it can drive us into secrecy. At first came the little lie - about missing an appointment or coming home late. Then the lie to cover the lie, and then the lies to try to escape from the web of lies that entangled us within our deceit. We couldn't look our loved one in the eye, we couldn't risk the truth, and so we lied again and again. Finally the sad day came when we grew comfortable in our little isolated world of fantasy and deception.

Our life became a house of cards, a pack of lies. We couldn't make an honest, open move for fear of bringing the whole thing tumbling down around our ears. And usually we were not the only ones to get hurt; our spouses, lovers, children, friends, and colleagues suffered too.

We have begun to change all this, but it takes time. We need to continue to take inventory and be fearless and honest with ourselves. Each time we are honest, the lies lose their power, and finally truth comes through.

I'm tired of the web of lies I've spun around my addiction. I want to break through into honesty and truth.

You are reading from the book:

Answers in the Heart by Anonymous

[bluidkiti]

September 20

Un-abling

It is not helping my child if I do things for him that he can (and should) do for himself. Instead, by diminishing expectations, I diminish his capabilities. I am un-abling.

Un-abling means that I am helping to make the son I am "helping" unable to manage his task--or his life--on his own. It is crossing boundaries, reducing responsibilities, removing consequences, and cheating him of things adults need to learn in order to live (and love) life on their own. It's providing an escape hatch from the realities of life.

So, I will not give in, hand out, set up, or fix up my child's messes and catastrophes until I am, inevitably, unable to enable. (Or unwilling. Or burned out.) I will not help to leave my child so un-abled that he is unable to handle the business of running whatever is left of his life--after he's endured a lifetime of my un-abling. (What happens to my child if he never learns how to rescue himself?) All I can (and should) do is help him to get the help he needs to help himself. That, and love him.

If he sneezes, I'm not the one who should leap for a tissue. And I'm not the one who should want to.

You are reading from the book:

Tending Dandelions by Sandra Swenson

[bluidkiti]

September 21

Seeking growth

We are where we are for a reason. As long as that reason remains, we remain where we are. If we aren't where we think we should be, working the program will help us get to where our deepest self longs to be. This is growth.

And growth is work. We must be willing to do the simple things that our new understanding asks of us. We are never given more than we can handle, and the loving help we need along the way is always available. But we never get this help in advance, only as we need it.

Am I seeking growth?

Higher Power, help me want to grow and be willing to do the simple things, day by day, that add up to big changes.

You are reading from the book:

Day by Day - Second Edition by Anonymous

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September 22

Listening and Sharing

Let us review what others have said about listening and sharing:

"To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it."
--Churton Collins

"They that will not be counseled cannot be helped. If you do not hear reason, she will rap you on the knuckles."
--Benjamin Franklin

"Don’t give your advice before you are called upon."
--Erasmus

"If a man’s faith is unstable and his peace of mind troubled, his knowledge will not be perfect."
--Buddhist Proverb

"Let no man presume to give advice to others that he has not first lived successfully himself."
--Anonymous

"People have a way of becoming what you encourage them to be – not what you nag them to be."
--S.N. Parker

"An open mind, like an open window, should be screened to keep the bugs out."
--Virginia Hutchinson

"Philosophy is a purely personal matter. A genuine philosopher's credo is the outcome of a single complex personality; it cannot be transferred. No two persons, if sincere, can have the same philosophy."
--Havelock Ellis

Today I will not expect others to agree with my views. I will share and listen for what is good in others and myself. I will seek honesty and increased understanding from all my communications with others.

You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

[bluidkiti]

September 23

No Place to Go

Love is supposed to flit about, here and there. Happily. And lightly. It's also supposed to have a place to land. Love is supposed to reach out and check in: How's the job? How's your life? Wanna do lunch? Go for a walk? Wanna talk? Do you need help with this or that? Happy Birthday! Here's a birthday cake, some presents, birthday wishes, a party hat. Yes, love is supposed to flit about, here and there, doing all these things, and more.

With addiction, love has no place to go. No place to land. My love, as a mother, has become untethered. So, in trying to make things right in my maternal world, I fuss, fix, and fume instead--forcing and faking a two-way relationship. I butt in and argue and wheel and deal and wheedle and enable and un-able and whine and beg. Love is supposed to flit about, here and there. Happily. And lightly. But there's nowhere for my love to go. Or land. And so, I ache.

Grief is just love with no place to go.

Jamie Anderson

You are reading from the book:

Tending Dandelions by Sandra Swenson

[bluidkiti]

September 24

Sharing our experiences heightens our joy and lessens out pain.

Not letting other people know what's troubling us causes the problem to trouble us even more. "Secrets keep us stuck," say the wise ones on our journey.

Sharing what's on our mind with a friend or sponsor gives that person an opportunity to help us develop a better perspective. On the other hand, staying isolated with our worries exaggerates them.

Staying isolated with our joys isn't helpful either. It minimizes them, thus cheating us out of feeling their full thrill. We deserve joy in our lives – lots of it – because we will have our full measure of pain. Perhaps we fear others will criticize us for being braggarts if we sing forth our joy. But our real friends will sing right along with us. Our joys are deserved; they offset our trials. Telling others about both will let all our experiences count for something.

I will remain open to my friends today, sharing both my worries and my joys.

You are reading from the book:

A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

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September 25

Today I Will Trust

Today, I will stop straining to know what I don't know.
To see what I can't see.
To understand what I don't yet understand.
I will trust that being is sufficient,
And I will let go of my need to figure things out.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

[bluidkiti]

September 26

Zip It

Not every thought needs to become a spoken word. Not every feeling needs to become an action. Sometimes I need to just keep quiet. If my words will seem harsh—if they will ridicule, judge, or critique—I won't say them. If they will be unkind, I will be kind and leave them unsaid. If I have an opinion (or advice) that hasn’t been asked for, I will keep it to myself. If it's not an objective fact, I won't present it; if it's not a truth, I won't spread it; if it's not mine to discuss, I won't discuss it. If I don't want to know or don't need to know—and if I cannot or should not do anything about it—then I will not ask about it. If I'm mad, I don't need to yell it; if I'm resentful, I don't need to prove it; if I'm hurting, I don't need to hurt someone back. I need to think before I speak or act. Mostly, I just need to zip it.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Anonymous



You are reading from the book:

Tending Dandelions by Sandra Swenson

[bluidkiti]

September 27

Praise God!

We did not create this program on our own, and we did not achieve abstinence by ourselves. Our recovery is a gift, just as life is a gift. Light, the natural world, our nourishment, talents, love, and fellowship - all come from our Higher Power. Our role is to receive, use wisely, share, and enjoy the blessings God has showered upon us.

When we get over the idea that we can do everything by ourselves, we become receptive to the moving force that creates and sustains us. As we stop looking at life from our own egotistical point of view, we begin to see God's glory. No longer a slave to our desires for material things, we are able to rejoice in our Higher Power and to share our joy with those around us.

Our recovery makes us examples of God's power to heal and renew.

In You, there is great joy.

You are reading from the book:

Food for Thought by Elisabeth L.

[bluidkiti]

September 28

Look, the wind vane fluttering in the autumn breeze
Takes hold of certain things that cannot be held.
--Feng Chih

When we think we are losing our grip, we have good reason to look up. Consider the moon suspended in the sky, how it continues to come and go, follows its natural law, and never really loses face. Consider the sun, the stars, the seasons, how they refuse to abandon us, to let go of their hold on our lives. And, come closer to home, we can marvel at the magic of small efficient things - the toaster and stove, the light in the room, the words in a good book that are permanent, faithful, and clear. We can consider how music, without saying a word, still speaks to us, and how a few friends, maybe miles away, continue to hang on to the strength of our small and faithful words.

We can keep in mind that we are part of a complex and loving system, and our grip can never be lost.

You are reading from the book:

Today's Gift by Anonymous

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September 29

At Oran, as elsewhere, for lack of time and thinking, people have to love one another without knowing much about it.
--Albert Camus

What is time for? How often we say, "I don't have the time for ______" (meaning our marriages, our friends, our children, our hobbies, our parents, ourselves). Just what is important anyway?

Some people seem to do everything in the margins of their lives, without thinking or knowing much about it. They go to school, get married, have children, get divorced, experience losses, get jobs, all rather offhandedly. Their attention always seems to be somewhere else.

All of us are preoccupied sometimes. And sometimes, in the middle of our lives, the preoccupation clears. "I woke up this morning and took a long look at my life. What have I gotten myself into!" Suddenly, somehow, our full attention is turned on the matter at hand. Suddenly, we have time to think. What's revealed then is the pattern of our lives. Did we make choices at random, irresponsibly? Now that we can see, are there parts we can do over?

I'll endeavor to write my life story in the center of the page, not in the margins.

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg

[bluidkiti]

September 30

Boundaries

Fences are built to keep valuable things safe--to keep children and pets from escaping or running headlong into danger. Roadways have painted lines to keep cars in their own lane, and homes have signs to keep interlopers away. Boundaries keep things in place, keep things just so. Keep problems from popping up. Keep things under control. Boundaries are a necessity.

Boundaries don't need to be wrapped in barbed wire or topped with shards of glass or constructed of three-foot-thick blocks of concrete. Boundaries don't need to be hostile. Or harsh. Boundaries can also be neatly trimmed hedges or flower gardens or silken lengths of rope. Boundaries can be passive. Quiet. They don't have to push and shove--sometimes, they're just there. A definition of space. A reminder not to cross.

Boundaries are what I make of them. They are what I need them to be. To protect myself and others. Boundaries are a necessity.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Don't leave home without them.

Jeff Brown

You are reading from the book:

Tending Dandelions by Sandra Swenson