One Day At A Time - February

[yukonm]

February 16

A TEENAGER'S PRAYER

"I felt as if angels were pushing."

Adolf Galland - on his first flight in a jet aircraft




A letter from a TRG Teenager . . . . .

Sometimes I feel I really can't take anymore, I really can't do it. I feel so alone. I feel no one cares. I just want to hide away and eat and eat until I am so sick I can't eat anymore.

A minute at a time I got through my day, and it was so hard. Didn't anyone understand how hard it is to get through school with the teachers giving me a hard time. The other kids laughing at me in a corner, I know they are, I can feel them. They don't know what it's like to be me. And when I get home, I get even more of a hard time.

But sometimes I feel so bad and I come here on my computer and share or I go to an online meeting, and I know I'm not alone after all. Someone cares, they really do.

I feel heaps better and I suddenly realize that angels had pushed me through the day. And even though the day had been hard, I HAD got through it! I had a whole day of abstinence!

Suddenly I feel so much better about myself, about you and about the world in general.

One day at a time ...
I will remember tonight. An angel walked with me today, and if I close my eyes and sleep, maybe, just maybe an angel will walk with me in my dreams.


Anonymous

[yukonm]

February 17

~ CHANGES ~

They always say time changes things,
but you actually have to change them yourself.

Andy Warhol



Time changes things – but what things? Can I wait for time to change those ways of coping that don’t serve me anymore? Can I wait for time to make me abstinent?

Yes, time will change things, but chances are that these will be the changes: my coping mechanisms will become even more entrenched and my eating even more destructive. I don’t really want to wait for that kind of change. When I joined OA, I started a new trend. I asked for the wisdom to understand which things I can change and then, armed with the tools of the program, I set about following my new trend of eating healthy and living a life where I don’t sit around waiting.

I will not wait idly for things to get better. I will ask my Higher Power to guide me to make necessary changes.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will not wait idly for things to get better. I will ask my Higher Power to guide me to make necessary changes.

~ Isabella M. ~

[yukonm]

February 18

SERENITY

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

The Serenity Prayer



My life before abstinence was a fight in the dark to stabilize my world and protect myself from more pain. Too much suffering was endured by this child. She never understood that she could ever come back into the Light. But, the fog is lifting now ... there are days of clarity and joy. How could she have known? She was too little.

Circumstances change ... memories fade away ... I can be safe again ... I can allow myself to be me. I will work my program to secure the Light again in my world.

One day at a time . . .
I pray to understand that the stream of life keeps moving ... I will live in darkness no longer.

Margaret ~

[yukonm]

February 19

~ SELF KNOWLEDGE ~

We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes
and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.

Tom Robbins



I always tried to do my best in everything I did. Studies, school, and managing my own family are some good examples. Being in control made it seem as though I always did as I was told, but I had a very difficult time Being on my own and thinking for myself. The talent I was born with gave me a good start at being an artist, but I couldn't seem to make a successful career out of it. I was scared and shy and didn't dare be on the forefront of making this talent into what I wanted it to be.

When I started on my path to Recovery, I found that I was being too much of a perfectionist. I was always told to do things perfectly and I tried and tried but never seemed to satisfy my parents or the god of my childhood. So when I grew up I was so hard on myself that I lost the creativity I was born with. Creativity can't thrive in a hostile environment.

One day while reading an author I liked, I read that I had to "get out of my own way". I was a dragon trying to do something creative and it didn't work. I have to learn to "rescue myself from myself" so I can do my art with the talents that are God-given.

One day at a time ... I realize that if I want to see myself as I really am,I cannot stand in my own shadow.

~ Myrlene ~

[yukonm]

February 20

Secrets

There were deep secrets hidden in my heart,
never said for fear others would scoff or sneer.
At last I can reveal my sufferings,
for the strength I once felt in silence has lost all its power.

Deidra Sarault



I've heard it said in program that we are only a sick as the secrets we keep. If that is the case, then I was very sick when desperation forced me through the doors of ths wonderful fellowship.

Not one of my friends or family knew what I was doing around food, as most of it was done in secret, and I was always careful to remove all the evidence. I couldn't believe that anyone would love me if they knew what I was doing around food, and felt that I was either really bad or totally crazy, or both. But for the first time ever, I was able to come clean about what I was doing around food, and I wasn't judged or frowned upon. The love and acceptance I have received here has been totally overwhelming, but in addition I found out that others had done the same or similar things to what I had done, and so for the first time ever, I felt that I wasn't alone. Not only have I been able to talk freely about my food and what I had been doing, as well as what it was doing to me, but in the fourth and fifth step, I was finally able to share with another person my darkest deepest secrets, that for years I'd thought had made me this terrible person. It was in fact in sharing all the things that I'd thought of as so bad, that I came to realise that it was only my magnifying mind that had made them appear so, and that in fact they really weren't bad at all. I would never have found that out, had I not been in this program, and I'm so grateful for the relief that sharing all these things has given me.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will learn to get honest and share with my sponsor and others in this program, all the things that are bothering me, whether it be food or other issues, so I can be relieved of the pain that all my secrets are causing me.

~ Sharon

[yukonm]

February 21

~ PROGRESS ~

" ... I was taught that the way of progress is neither swift nor easy."

Marie Curie



I have always been the queen of quick fix, so if I wanted something to happen, it had to happen today if not yesterday. So coming into the program was very hard for me, in that for the first time I have had to realise that recovery is not an overnight thing. For a perfectionist like me, that has been a very hard lesson to learn, in that I don't have to have perfect recovery. My journey in this program has been an up and down one, with many slips along the way, and everytime I have slipped, I have had to remember that I may think I'm a failure, but I'm only a failure if I fail to pick myself up. In the past if I made a mistake, I was a total and utter failure, but I know now that all I have to do each time is to pick myself up, dust myself off and start over.

The other thing I've learned in the program is that I also always need to remember where I came from, and when I look back, I can see the progress I have made. My self esteem is growing, and even though I still seem to slip back into the old character defects from time to time, they are nowhere near as bad as in the past. I am able to forgive people whom I thought I would never be able to forgive, and I make amends whenever the need arises, and as a result my relationships with people have improved dramatically.


One Day at a Time . . .
May I remember that in this program, it is always progress and not perfection that counts.
~ Sharon ~

[yukonm]

February 22

~ CHILDLIKE ~

Anxiety is the rust of life,
destroying its brightness and weakening its power.
A childlike and abiding trust in Providence
is its best preventive and remedy.

Tyron Edwards



Like so many of us in OA, I grew up as a little adult. My parents didn't know better - treating me like an adult seemed a good way to them of both showing love to me and making their difficult post-war life easier. Providence was something that intervened once in a while, and in ways that were weighty and important. God was there - but God had to attend to serious matters.

There was little room in God's and my parents' life for the seemingly unimportant details of a child's world. I had no trouble internalizing that message. I learned very soon that no-one was going to take care of my "little" problems and anxieties, that I had to shove them out of the way, and that I could do that very well by daydreaming, by making sure I was the little adult my parents were so proud of - and by eating.

The trouble was that there were times when these coping mechanisms didn't work seamlessly and those anxieties would break through. Panic attacks were the result, and dogged attempts to do more of the insanity: more retreating from the world, more "adult" behaviour, more eating.

One of the things I'm learning in recovery is that paradoxically, in order to really grow up, I need to risk the vulnerability of being more childlike. I need to learn that my Higher Power is not too busy worrying about world peace to listen and deeply care about my little booboos. I need to, I WANT to develop an abiding trust that I am safe with and cared for by my Higher Power, like a baby in a mother's arms.

One day at a time ... I let go of the rust of anxiety so that like a child, I may marvel at and participate in the brightness and wonder of God's world.

~ Isabella ~

[yukonm]

February 23

HUMILITY

To the humble man, and to the humble man alone,
the sun is really a sun;
to the humble man, and to the humble man alone,
the sea is really a sea.
G.K. Chesterton



Before I started recovery, lack of clarity was all around me and within me. There was too much fear. I was unable to acknowledge: This is who I am, and this is what's going on, no more, and no less. I was afraid to name my husband's abusive behaviour. I was afraid to name my complicity in it. I was afraid to name who I was and what I wanted and needed, and I was afraid to name the behaviour of those around me who wanted me to fit into their mould. My husband was scared silly that one day the world would find out that we weren't the perfect family.

So I was not humble. I kept nurturing the fog that covered what was really going on. And boy, was I good at it. I kind of had an inkling that something wasn't right, so, semi-consciously, I made sure that my denial was watertight. I knew that if we pretended that we were a 100% perfect family, there might be suspicions. So I made sure I'd slip in a little problem here and there.

At one point, luckily, I allowed the bubble to burst. I started naming things, loud and clear. I named them to the police, I named them to my friends and family, I named them in my poetry. I started playing with another 12-step program.

But it took me another twelve years to name that I was an overeater. In those years I gained another 70 pounds (with some yoyo dieting thrown in, of course). Humbly admitting that, yes, really, I was an overeater, was the best thing I've done since ridding my family of my abusive spouse. I humbly admitted that I had been abusing myself with my eating behaviours. Now I can see clearly. (I can also see more clearly how wounded my ex spouse is, making it easier for me to work on forgiving him).

One day at a time ... I accept the gift of humility. I am not afraid anymore to look reality in the eye - and what I see is as right as the sun and the sea.

~ I.M.

[yukonm]

February 24

~ ANIMAL TEACHERS ~

For perhaps if the truth were known, we’re all a little blind,
a little deaf, a little handicapped, a little lonely, a little less than perfect.
And if we can learn to appreciate and utilize the dog’s full potential,
we will, together, make it in this life on earth.

Charlotte Schwartz



So many times it feels that what we are being asked is too great. We can barely care for ourselves so how can we possibly reach out our hand to another? How many times have we cried out for someone else to please “handle it” because we just weren't able?

There are so many lessons that come by working with animals. They know nothing of dishonesty. They can't lie. They force us to be honest with ourselves. They depend on us completely, even when we feel we have nothing to give. And our reward? Unconditional love. There is something extra special about a rescued animal. It is as though they know that their life was in darkest peril and they have been saved. The gratitude shows in their eyes, their kisses of devotion, their entire being. Any kindness shown is rewarded. I think this is no different than a member of OA, especially the new members. Any kindness, and the gratitude flows. These newbies know they too have been saved. So perhaps the next time you feel you have nothing to offer, and that what you have been asked is too great, take a moment to reflect on the moment you were ‘saved’. How did you feel the first time someone reached out to you?

One day at a time...
I can use the memory of my first encounters with OA to find the strength to reach out one more time. I know the rewards will be infinite.

~ Mary W. ~

[yukonm]

February 25

~ STARTING OVER ~

Vitality shows not only in the ability to persist,
but in the ability to start over.

F. Scott Fitzgerald



Before coming into this program I was, and probably still am to a certain extent, a perfectionist, so one of the things I really struggled with is being able make mistakes without feeling bad about myself. So when I came into the program, I decided that I was going to do this program perfectly, and proceeded to do just that. I followed a meal plan, lost weight and worked the steps, and I really thought I had it made. But I hadn't counted on the fact that this is a disease, and it is both cunning, baffling and powerful. So when I had my first slip, I was devastated and felt a real failure.

Fortunately for me, with the help of many loving sponsors over the years, I have realised that I am not a failure if I slip, but I am only one if I fail to get up. This program has enabled me to learn that when I make a mistake, I am not that mistake, and that all I need to do is to pick myself up and start over. In the old days if I failed at a diet, I would never have been able to pick myself up so soon, and it would always be an excuse to carry on eating and start the diet again on Monday. Now I know that my abstinence can even start at the end of the day, rather than waiting till tomorrow, next week or even next month. I am slowly starting to let go of the guilt I feel when I slip, and am also learning to love myself even when I do flounder, because with the love and support I am given in this program, I know I can always start over.

One day at a time...
I will remember that I can start afresh any time I like, and don't need to feel as if I have failed.

~ Sharon ~

[yukonm]

February 26

~ MEMORIES ~

Some memories are realities ...
and are better than anything that can ever happen to one again.

Willa Cather

When one is young, the world is large and the thought of exploring it is exciting. Each year that we live we add to our memory chest ... and by middle age those memories are substantial. I have found as I have grown older that I remember more of the good things that have happened in my life than the bad. The good things seem to become sharper as time goes by ... and the bad seem less so. It's almost as though the memory has turned into a "feeling" rather than a specific event.

When I work on the fourth and the eighth Steps, my life flashes before me and, like one of those calendars from an old movie, time whizzes by and people who have been part of my life hurtle through space ... each triggering a memory.

Memories aren't made more poignant by time. One might think that a decade of recurring events might be remembered with more clarity than a year ... but I have found in the case of my own memories that it is the quality and intensity of time that produces the kind of memories Willa Cather talks about. A year or two or three, given the right circumstances, can produce the feelings we love our memories to trigger, more than those experienced during a lifetime. And a lifetime of memories can be dwindled into just moments.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will cherish my memories ~ Because I may never experience the reality of some of them again.

~ Mari ~

[yukonm]

February 27

~ FIGHTING ~

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone ...

The Big Book, page 84


When one goes through life at full speed ahead as I have done, it's hard to really step back and look at one's life. Everything is happening too fast and each day seems to blend into the next and, before you know it, the next segment of life seems to take over.

When I began my Twelve Step recovery program, I found myself slowing down ... examining my life ... observing those around me ... and reflecting on my past. I began to know who I was and I didn't like one of the things I discovered: I was a fighter. I didn't accept people, places or things unless and until they met my expectations of what they should be. I tried to control situations that I should have walked away from. I clung to people I should have distanced myself from. I tried to manipulate things that were toxic to me, and make them un-toxic ... and, in the process, did myself great harm.

When I first read those words from the AABB, "We have ceased fighting anything or anyone," I felt it didn't apply to me ... because at that point, I hadn't categorized myself as a fighter. It took living and working the Steps to realize that. And it took living and working the Steps to take the action necessary to stop being a fighter.

Life is calmer now. Relationships are smoother. I sometimes miss the excitement of going through like as though I were on a roller coaster ... but I won't go back there. Serenity means too much to me. Fighting is something I have put away forever.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will direct my thinking and doing to those things in my life which will contribute to a meaningful and pleasant journey.

~ Mari ~

[yukonm]

February 28

~ RECOVERY ~

The people who get on in the world are the people
who get up and look for the circumstances they want.

George Bernard Shaw



There was a time, not so long ago, that my life was much different than it is right now. My weight was skyrocketing because my eating compulsion was out of control. I couldn't walk very far without huffing and puffing. My lower back hurt because my stomach pulled my spine out of alignment. My feet and ankles were swollen, my knees hurt, just standing was painful. I was hot all the time because my fat acted as insulation, keeping my body temperature high. My wife was hounding me about losing the weight, my doctor was taking her side, and even the kids at my son's daycare were asking me why I was so big.

I didn't start the recovery process (and it IS a process!) until I got to the point where I was so uncomfortable with myself that I had to do something. It wasn't just that I was physically uncomfortable. I had to get past the comfort zone I had mentally and emotionally set up for myself; I had to get uncomfortable. I had to jump into the unknown, which was the most frightening thing I'd ever done.

Sitting around, moaning about my circumstances and suffering the physical consequences of my weight, didn't get me anywhere. It was only when I became ready to see my life change, mentally, emotionally AND physically, that I began the footwork of this Program. That was the key to the beginning of my recovery, the getting up and actually doing something about it. When I took that first Step, the miracle began.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will take the necessary steps to maintain my
recovery from compulsive eating.

~ JAR ~

[bluidkiti]

February 29

One Day At A Time

~ Patience ~
There is no fruit which is not bitter
before it is ripe.
Publilius Syrus

There are some things in life you simply cannot rush. In the early stages of my disease, I went through life like a steam roller ... impatiently starting one project after another. If there was something in my life that depended on the actions of another for resolution, it was excruciating while waiting on the decision. As a result, sometimes decisions were forced. I have made many bad decisions because of lack of patience.

I have learned that sometimes we have to turn decisions over to others ... we have to let go and let others take control. We must wait it out and hope that our decision to let go was a good one. Many times it is. Sometimes it isn't.

I have become a very patient person ... and sometimes that is to my detriment. It can be hard to find a middle ground in the decision making process. Snap decisions aren't good. Neither are those we sit on forever.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will patiently wait on my Higher Power
to direct me ... to guide me ...
and to help me with the decisions I must make.
~ Mari ~