More Recovery Readings - September

[bluidkiti]

September 1

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark. --Sir Rabindranath Tagore
In the darkness of early morning, the bird outside the window begins to sing. Soon the eastern sky turns pink. The bird continues singing until the first yellow rays warm its soft wings. Then it flies away, not returning to the window until the next morning.
We can learn from the small bird how to have faith. We don't need to wait for something we want before having faith we'll get it. We can begin to show our faith by celebrating the things we usually take for granted. After all, when we take something for granted, isn't that a selfish form of faith? We can start by singing a song to celebrate the new day. A day that will warm our hearts and shed light on our actions. Like the bird's faith in the sunrise, we need only to have faith that God meant each day to enrich our lives.
What faith can I celebrate right now?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must first invent the universe. --Carl Sagan
Everything is given to us. Our lives came forth with no plan on our part. We have no lease on life and no control, ultimately, over any possession. In the addictive and codependent families most of us came from, we learned something else. We learned a lonely arrogance that said, "I should be self sufficient. I have earned everything that ever came to me." Deep down we probably knew how untrue that was, and we felt great self-doubt.
The cure we learn in this program for our lonely arrogance is a miracle and a blessing. We accept that we are part of a larger whole. Now it dawns on us - all of our friends and relatives share this basic powerlessness. We are all pilgrims. We are all guests. We are all stewards of creation. We can be close, and we must help one another because everyone is equally vulnerable.
I am grateful to my Higher Power today for the life, which has been given me. I pray for greater understanding of my responsibilities.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Success can only be measured in terms of distance traveled. --Mavis Gallant
We are forever moving from one experience to another, one challenge to another, and one relationship to another. Our ability to handle confidently all encounters is a gift of the program, and one that accompanies us throughout every day, providing we humbly express gratitude for it. Success is ours when we are grateful.
We are not standing still. No matter how uneventful our lives may seem, we are traveling toward our destiny, and all the thrills and tears, joys and sorrows, are contributing to the success of our trip. Every day, every step, we are succeeding.
We can reflect on yesterday, better yet, on last week or even last year. What were our problems? It's doubtful we can even remember them. We have put distance between them and us. They were handled in some manner. We have succeeded in getting free of them. We have succeeded in moving beyond them.
How far we have come! And we will keep right on traveling forward. As long as we rely on the program, we are assured of success.
I can do whatever I need to do, today, with success, when I humbly accept the program's gifts.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Patience
Sometimes we get what we want right away. At other times, we wonder if our desires will ever be fulfilled.
We will be fulfilled in the best way possible and as quickly as possible. But some things take time. Sometimes, we have lessons to learn first, lessons that prepare us so we can accept the good we deserve. Things are being worked out in us, and in others. Blocks in us are being removed. A solid foundation is being laid.
Be patient, Relax and trust. Let go. Then, let go some more. Good things are planned for us. We will receive them at the first available moment. We will have all our heart longs for. Relax and trust.
Today, I will identify what I want and need; then, I'll be willing to let go of it. I will devote my energy to living my life today, so I may master my lessons as quickly as possible. I will trust that what I want and need is coming to me. I will let go of my need to control the details.

Today I know I am worthy of having success in my life. I am listening what I tell myself with gentleness and love, putting a stop to any self-talk that does not make me feel good about myself. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Make It a Labor of Love

The mirror was framed with a ceramic octopus. It had the sweetest, most peaceful energy. It made me smile when I saw it. “Do you like it?’ my friend asked. “Arnold made it.” That’s when I knew why it was so delightful. It’s energy– delightful, joyous, and sweet– was Arnold’s energy.

The things we create have energy. A meal we cook. A task we perform, no matter how big or small. What we do contains our energy– the emotional energy and attitude we put into it. Have you ever cooked a meal when you felt angry and disrupted, hurried and harried? Have you noticed the difference when you cooked that meal in a loving frame of mind? Merely doing the job isn’t always enough. We need to do the job with our best energy, our most positive emotional and mental attitude.

Take time before you begin a task to become conscious of the energy you want to put into it, the energy you want that task to have and reflect to yourself and others. Make conscious, deliberate choices. The larger the task, the more time you may want to spend developing your ideas about it. On particularly significant projects, you may want to spend time visualizing and writing down your ideas, so you can focus that energy into your work. Experiment with this idea. See how it comes to life as you do your daily tasks. See how much better the people around you feel when you do your tasks in love. See how much more joy and pleasure work brings to you.

There is honor in all work, in all tasks, but take it one step further. Make what you do a labor of love. Then your work will truly touch and change the world in the way you desire. The work you do, whatever your chosen field, will be work that heals.

*****

more language of letting go for September
Learn to say I am

We hear a lot about becoming whole. "Become a complete human being." "Start on the pathway to becoming whole." "You won't find romantic love until you know you're complete." Frankly, these kinds of comments often confused me. But then I decided that wholeness relates directly to the process of detaching and letting go.

It's admirable to go after our dreams and know what we want to accomplish. But after we identify what it is we're after, we need to let it go. We need to know in our hearts and souls that we're okay whether we ever get what we're after or not.

Another friend described it this way. "It's the old Zen Buddhist thing," he said. "When you're one with yourself, life becomes magical. You can get whatever you want."

The most powerful and magical words we can say in the language of letting go are these: I am.

Then we step it up one notch by learning to say, I am complete just as I am.

God, help me know the power of the words I am.

*****

Sending Yourself Sunshine
Good Thoughts for the Day

The more we accept our darkness as one part of the picture, the more easily we can also allow and accept our light.


When things go wrong, it is easy to get into a bad mood, and that bad mood has a way of spiraling out and affecting our life for days to come. In the same way, when we feel badly about ourselves, we tend to act in ways that have repercussions, again creating a negative vibe that can negatively influence the next several days. While it is important that we allow ourselves to feel what we feel, and to be genuine, we do not have to completely surrender to a dark mood or feelings of self-doubt. In fact, the more we simply allow and accept our darkness as one part of the picture, the more easily we can also allow and accept our light. In this vein, we can temper our grey moods with an injection of sunshine in the form of sending good wishes to ourselves for the next 24 hours.

If you feel a bad mood coming on or find yourself plagued with negative feelings, take a moment to acknowledge that. At the same time, recognize that things can and will change, and that you can still have a good day, or a good week, especially if you take the time to visualize that for yourself. This is a great way to support yourself when you are working through tough times and hard feelings. When you visualize good things for yourself, you are sending yourself love and warmth, as well as encouraging yourself to keep going.

Before you even get out of bed in the morning, you can take the time to send good wishes to yourself all the way through to the next morning. As you picture your day, take the time to fill in the details—where you are going, who you will see, what you will do—and send love and good wishes ahead to yourself, as well as everyone you encounter. It will be like arriving in a new place and finding that an old friend has sent a bouquet of flowers from back home to welcome you and remind you that you are loved. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 1

Reflection For The Day

Based on their collective experience, The Program’s founders suggested a prayer to be said when taking the Third Step – and making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. “God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy Love, and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always!” Have I abandoned myself to God as I understood Him?

Today I pray

I praise my Higher Power for my freedom to find my own understanding of God. May my life be God’s whether i think of Him as a Father whose hand and spirit I can touch with an upward reach of my own, or as a universal Spirit that I can merge with as the hard outlines of my “self”begin to melt, or as a core of Divine and absolute goodness inside myself. May I know Him well, whether I find Him within me, without me or in all things everywhere.

Today I Will Remember

I thank God, as I understand Him, for my understanding of Him.

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One More Day
September 1

Spirituality is like a bird: if you hold on to it tightly, it chokes, and if you hold it loosely, it escapes.
– Israel Salanter Lipkin

Being spiritual does not necessarily mean being religious. Instead, it can be an awakening of our deepest personal sense of caring about other people, as well as an awakening of our appreciation of the joy, symmetry, and balance of nature.

The spirituality we strive for and which comforts us best is based on our finding a similar balance within ourselves. When we possessively clutch our faith and expect all that we demand, our spirituality is weakened. Yet, if we expect nothing of it, it might seem to disappear. Our spiritual lives are strengthened as we find that precious balance between expectant trust in our Higher Power and responsible reliance on ourselves.

I am striving to find fullness and balance in my days. Certain experiences change the balance, but I can find it again.

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Food For Thought

Twenty-Four Hours a Day

We practice the OA principles in all our affairs, twenty-four hours a day. Ours is not a diet program but a way of life. When we were eating compulsively, food occupied the central place in our lives every day. Abstinence replaces food as our prime concern, and maintaining abstinence means working the program.

When we do this, we are amazed at how well the day goes. Our work is easier and more productive. We spend less time and energy hassling with ourselves and other people. Best of all, we do not always have to be right. Being able to admit mistakes delivers us from egocentricity.

Being straight with ourselves enables us to be straight with others, and they in turn respond more positively. We are less concerned that everyone likes us and more concerned about growth in the program. By placing principles before personalities, we get less snarled up in confused, game playing relationships.

May You be foremost in my mind, twenty-four hours a day.

[bluidkiti]

September 2

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind, the answer is blowin' in the wind. --Bob Dylan
A family is like a windchime; each member hangs in delicate balance with the others. When a problem develops for one family member, the rest of us often take on roles to try and deal with the situation. But what happens to our windchime when we're all pulling and pushing in different directions? Our balance is lost and we either all clash together or none of our chimes connect at all and there is only painful silence.
If we let go and trust in that spiritual force beyond ourselves, we discover that it is like the wind. It moves our windchime gently with a soothing breeze that allows us to relax in our places or move together as the force directs us. It brings out the beautiful harmonious notes we weren't able to produce ourselves.
How can I help us make better music together today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. --Geoffrey Norman
Exercise changes our thought patterns in beneficial ways. Often we may feel irritable or blue and see nothing we can do about the situation. Then we are amazed at what simply going for a half hour walk will do. Although our situations don't change, we are changed in how we respond to them. Exercise - whether going for a walk, working in the garden, playing ball, or scrubbing a floor - clears our minds. After some physical movement we find our thoughts getting clearer. Ideas come to mind that help us cope, and our spirit is energized.
Science has demonstrated that many serious cases of depression respond just as well to a program of vigorous daily exercise as to traditional treatment. In a sense, our Higher Power speaks to us through our muscles and bones when we move them. This spiritual experience, like many others, never comes from thinking about it, only from doing it.
Today, I will make time for physical activity.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
If I had to describe something as divine it would be what happens between people when they really get it together. There is a kind of spark that makes it all worthwhile. When you feel that spark, you get a good feeling deep in your gut. --June L. Tapp
How lucky we are, that we can experience that divine spark with one another, and with all recovering women. The program offers us the chance, every moment of our lives from this day forward, to experience divinity. All we are asked to do is be there, for one another, to share fully who we are. Vulnerability gets easier as we learn that we can trust each other, that we can share pain, that it's okay to pull and prod and follow, first you and then me and then her.
What a thrill it is to leave our competition behind! The program bonds us together, and the bond will strengthen each of us, but it can elude us, too. It often does when we forget to be there, in one another's presence, when the opportunity comes.
I need these sparks to nurture my growth, singly and collectively. I will be part of a divine experience today.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Detaching with Love with Children
It's one thing to let go of my husband and let him suffer the consequences. But how do I let go of my children? Isn't it different with children? Don't we have responsibilities as parents?
We do have different responsibilities to our children than to other adults. We are financially responsible for our children; we are responsible for providing for their material and physical needs.
Our children need to be taught how to help themselves - from tying their shoes to making social plans. They need our love and guidance. They need consistent enforcement of boundaries, once we've established limits. They need a supportive, nurturing environment in which to grow. They need help learning values.
But we are not responsible for controlling our children. Contrary to popular belief, controlling doesn't work. Discipline and nurturing do - if combined. Shame and guilt interfere with our children's learning and our parenting. We need to respond to our children in a responsible way and hold them accountable for their actions at an age appropriate level. We need only do our best.
We can let our children have their own process of living; we can have our own process. And, we can take care of ourselves during that process. Seek balance. Seek wisdom, Seek not to have control, but to own our power as people who are parents.
Today, God, help me find an appropriate balance of responsibility to my children. Help me parent through nurturing and discipline, instead of control.

All my needs are being met easily and effortlessly today. I simply turn them over to my Higher Power and do the footwork. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Listen to the Voice of the Soul

Listen to your soul. It speaks quietly, yet clearly, about what it wants, what it needs, what it’s learning, what it yearns for. It speaks of its fears and dreams, its hopes and needs.

Learn to listen to the souls of others,too. Listen not only to the way people chatter and exchange ideas. Learn to listen to what they’re really saying.

“My son is nineteen. He’s moved away from home. He talks all the time about wanting to be grown up, wanting his independence. So my husband and I have really tried to give him his freedom,” one woman said. “Yet recently, when he had a crisis, I heard for the first time what he was really saying. Don’t go too far. Call me often. Be there for me. Let me know you’re there.Let me know you still care. Now I try to call him every day, just to tell him I love him and to let him know I’m close by. The crisis he had wasn’t the issue. Not really. What he was really saying was he needed us.”

Go beyond what you hear with your ears. Learn to hear what you’re really saying, and what others are really saying to you.

Souls do talk. Listen quietly. Listen to your own. Learn to hear the voice of others. A little soul talk goes a long way.

*****

more language of letting go
Coping devices

We may do less-than-logical things to cope with tragic events. We don't do these things because we're silly. We do them because it's the only way we know to survive.

One of the silliest things we do to cope with life is devaluing ourselves when bad things happen to us.

We might have experienced a lot of pain while we were growing up. So as a child we looked around and said, "Yup. This must be my fault. There's something wrong with me." Or, "I know if I would have kept my room cleaner, my daddy wouldn't have gone away."

Low self-esteem-- and all the ways it manifests-- becomes a way of coping with painful events. We look around and see all the people who don't appear to have our level of problems, so we may conclude. "There's something wrong with me." Although adapting a posture of low self-esteem might have been a way of surviving pain, that time has passed. It's time to replace low self-esteem with new perspectives.

Stop coping with events bt devaluing yourself. Instead, respond to life by loving and taking care of yourself.

Love yourself just as you are.


God, help me love myself for who I am now.

Activity: Do a review of your self-esteem. Go back over past events from your childhood, teenage, and adult years. What painful events occurred? Did you give away your self-esteem to certain people? Now is a time to claim your self-esteem and take it back. Write down positive areas of your life. Write down what you friends and family members appreciate about you.

*****

Let Your Confidence Shine
Our Insecurities

We all have insecurities, what we think we see about another person is usually what they want us to notice.


At some point in our life there may come a time when we feel insecure about ourselves. We might judge our ability to do something or feel self-conscious about the way we look. It does not matter how this feeling manifests in our life, but it is important to be aware of our thoughts and how they impact our view of ourselves. Once we remember that insecurities are a normal part of life for everyone—even those who appear to be extremely self-assured—we may find it easier to step back from the uncertainty that lies within and take a more realistic look at ourselves.

The desire to improve or better ourselves is a natural response that arises when we begin to compare our lives to those of other people. It might seem, for example, that we do not have nearly as much going for us as our neighbor, best friend, or coworker. In truth, what we think we see about another person is usually what they want us to notice. They may be putting on a mask, trying to make things in their lives seem better than they are. If we were to look at their lives a little more closely, we would also realize that they are human, full of glorious imperfections that make them who they are. Recognizing this may take some time at first. Should we, however, feel our uncertainties begin to surface, taking deep breaths while at the same time acknowledging each one of our gifts will help us become more centered. Doing this allows us to see the wonders that lie within and lets our inner beauty shine forth into the world all the more brightly.

When we hold up such a detailed mirror to our lives and weigh ourselves against others, we are not able to see the things that make us truly unique. Giving ourselves permission to appreciate all the universe has given us, however, will make us feel more secure about ourselves and more able to use our gifts to their fullest. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

When I wake up, I’ll think quietly about the twenty-four hours ahead. I’ll ask God to direct my thinking, especially asking that it be free from self-pity and from dishonest or self seeking motives. If I have to determine which of several courses to take, I’ll ask God for inspiration, for an intuitive thought, or a decision. Then I’ll relax and take it easy, confident that all will be well. Can I believe that when I give up my “rights” of expectations, I’ll know freedom?

Today I Pray

I praise God for being able to praise God, to choose the times when I will seek Him, to find my own words when I talk to Him, to address Him in the way that seems most right to me. May I expect that He in turn must be free of my expectations, to affect my life as He sees fit.

Today I Will Remember

Who am I to try to tell God what to do?

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One More Day

My coat and I live comfortably together. It has assumed all my wrinkles, does not hurt me anywhere, has molded itself on my deformities, and is complacent to all my movements. I only feel its presence because it keeps me warm.
– Victor Hugo

The anticipation of school beginning each fall is fueled by youngsters’ love of newness – new clothes, new shoes, new books, new teachers. We still enjoy newness, but we also find comfort in what is old and reliable. No afghan comforts quite as well as the one that was knitted with loving hands many years ago. We may have a favorite mug or chair. Over years we have developed trusting and dependable relationships. While we remain open to change, we also feel comfortable with what is old and familiar.

I’m glad I can find comfort in the old and familiar, and excitement in the new and unfamiliar.

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Food For Thought

Stop Overeating, Start Living

Physical abstinence is just the beginning of the new life OA offers to us. When our Higher Power controls our life, we become free of the mental obsession with food. Then we are able to get down to the business of living, which we avoided with our illness.

Rather than reaching out with both hands to grab and hold on to all we can get, we begin to think in terms of giving and serving. We may start by sharing what OA has done for us with newcomers to the program. It is the newcomer who is our reminder of who we were and where we came from.

We find that though we can never eat spontaneously, we can live much more spontaneously than before. Because we feel less guilt and fear, we can experience the joy of acting from the center of our being. Knowing that our Higher Power is in control, we have trust and faith that the results of our actions will be okay. Each day becomes less of a trial and more of an opportunity.

Today, may I experience the spontaneity that comes with Your control.

[bluidkiti]

September 3

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Into each life some rain must fall. Some days must be dark and dreary. --Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Coping with problems and weathering troubled times - is part of life. Those of us who have survived painful experiences have a duty to help younger ones prepare to face bad times by sharing the solutions we found.
When stormy weather comes, we need to feel we are like other people. It's not that misery loves company, but that we don't want to feel we're in this alone.
We will never have perfect living conditions. The only place where every day is a sunny one is in the desert. When pain comes, we can walk through our problems and settle things quickly, rather than prolonging the hurt by battling our way around the obstacles in an effort to avoid them.
What problem can I confront and eliminate today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
It is clear the future holds opportunities - it also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to seize the opportunities, avoid the pitfalls, and get back home by 6:00. --Woody Allen
Sometimes we take ourselves far too seriously. We draw our lives in the absolutes of black and white, with no shadings of gray. We believe our whole lives depend on every decision we make. When a problem comes along, we see it as a crisis rather than another of the ongoing issues that confront all people. If we are displeased with someone, or if a person is upset with us, we amplify the feelings until we rupture the whole relationship.
It would be helpful to look at today's tasks and problems as a game. Yes, we would like to play the game well, but we could have a good time while doing it. If we don't take our problems or ourselves too seriously, maybe we'll have some fun.
Help me learn that daily living needs the light of humor.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
... satisfaction is a lowly thing, how pure a thing is joy. --Marianne Moore
Our perfectionism generally dashes all hopes of self-satisfaction. But the program is here to show us that we can make progress. We can learn to believe that we are doing any task as well as we need to do it, at this time. Our job is the effort. The outcome is part of a larger plan, one that involves more than ourselves.
We'll find joy when we find acceptance of ourselves and our efforts and the belief that we are spiritual beings whose lives do have purpose and direction.
The wisdom that accompanies spiritual growth offers us security, that which we have sought along many avenues. And when we feel secure, we can trust that the challenges confronting us are purposeful and to our advantage.
One day at a time, one small prayer at a time, moves us even closer to spiritual security. We can look with glad anticipation at our many responsibilities and activities today. They are our opportunities for spiritual security. We can trust our growing inner resources by simply asking for guidance and waiting patiently. It will find us.
I must exercise my prayers if I want the spiritual security where I can find joy. I will ask for guidance with every activity today.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Word Power
I know I'm controlling, but so is my husband. Possibly more controlling than I am. Each time I set out to leave him, each time I started to walk away, he knew exactly what to say to pull me back in. And he knew I'd respond. He knew how to say exactly what I needed to hear to keep me where he wanted me. He knew what he was doing, and he knew what I would do. I know, because after we began recovering, he told me so. --Anonymous
Some of us are so vulnerable to words.
A well timed "I love you." A chosen moment for "I'm sorry." An excuse delivered in the right tone of voice. A pat on the head. A dozen roses. A kiss. A greeting card. A few words that promise love that has yet to be delivered can spin us into denial. Sometimes, it can keep us denying that we are being lied to, mistreated, or abused.
There are those who deliberately set out to sway us, to control and manipulate us through cheap talk! They know, they fully understand our vulnerability to a few well-timed words! Break through your naivete. They know what they're doing. They understand their impact on us!
We do not have to give such power to words, even though the words may be just what we want and need to hear, even though they sound so good, even though the words seem to stop the pain.
Sooner or later, we will come to realize that if behavior doesn't match a person's words, we are allowing ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, and deceived. Sooner or later, we will come to realize that talk is cheap, unless the person's behavior matches it.
We can come to demand congruency in the behavior and the words of those around us. We can learn to not be manipulated, or swayed, by cheap talk.
We cannot control what others do, but we can choose our own behaviors and our own course of action. We do not have to let cheap, well-timed talk control us--even if the words we hear are exactly what we want to hear to stop our pain.
Today, I will let go of my vulnerability to words. God, help me trust myself to know the truth, even when I am being deceived. Help me cherish those relationships where there is congruity. Help me believe I deserve congruity and truth in the behavior and the words of those I care about.


Today I will experience each moment to the fullest. I will do all have to do to let go of everything that is blocking me from being fully alive in this moment. Each moment is unique, within itself and the less I carry with me from the previous moment, the freer I am to experience the joy of the now. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Things Are Working Out

Right now, this moment, things are working out. We natter away, trying to control, shape, and form. Trying to figure things out. We back off, then come closer. We worry and wonder. But things are working out. Things are working out as beautifully and Divinely as possible. The dance of life is taking place in sync with the rhythm of the universe.

Everything is working out, moving forward, evolving. There is a rhythm, an energy, a life force that continues, that shapes, that grows. You do not have to fight, resist, control, or even understand it. All you need to do is be– be present for your life, your love, yourself.

Your soul will lead you on. Your inner voice, your heart, is leading you on. Quiet your mind and trust that where you are and where you’re being led is perfect.

You don’t have to try to get it all together. You don’t have to strive to “have it all.” You already do have all that you need.

How many times have you been through an experience, fretting and fearful about the shape things were taking, only later to exclaim, Oh, I see now. Things were working out all along! Learn to say and believe that now.

Let your mind see what your soul already knows: things are working out perfectly.

*****

more language of letting go
Let go of low self-esteem

"Self-esteem is so illusive," said Amanda. "I've been working on my self-esteem for years. The harder I work at it, the less I seem to have."

I believe we can let go of low self-esteem. We can turn around lack of belief in ourselves. We can become willing to forgive ourselves. We can stop tolerating treatment that doesn't feel good to us. We can look at the dangers of defining ourselves by money, power, or prestige, or by whom we know and what we have. Ultimately, we can become willing to take care of ourselves and nurture ourselves through whatever experiences life may bring.

Twelve Step programs offer two Steps that can help us build self-esteem, acceptance, and self-love. Step Six says we become entirely ready to have God take our defects of character. Step Seven says we humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings. The work isn't easy, but it is worthwhile.

For now it's enough to become willing to let go of our low self-esteem and all the ways that low self-esteem manifests in our lives.


God, please replace my low self-esteem with self-acceptance.

Activity: Sometimes, we can have healthy self-esteem functioning in one area of our lives, but not in another. For instance, we may feel good about our work skills, but we may feel poorly about our personal relationships. We may have great confidence in our athletic skills, but feel bad about our finances. Decide if there are areas where you may be manifesting low self-esteem. What areas do you feel good about? Also, look at dreams you have not pursued because of your lack of self-confidence.

*****

Being Your Own Voice of Reason
Meaning

by Madisyn Taylor

How we attach meaning to events in our lives has a large influence on the quality of our life.

The meaning we assign to our experiences–whether pleasant or distressing, is a very powerful factor in determining the quality of our lives. What we imagine events to mean will color the way we feel about ourselves, about the people in our lives, and about the world at large. If we want to encourage a positive outlook, well-being, and a sense of self-confidence and even trust in the universe, we can begin by assigning more peaceful, loving meanings to what we experience.

Imagine, for example, that a friend fails to show up to a lunch date. You have choices as to what you will make this experience mean for you. You could allow being “stood up” to reinforce your feelings of unworthiness, you could begin to mentally attack your friend’s character, or you could assume that something big must have happened to cause them to miss the date—then, you might open yourself up to enjoying some relaxing time alone.

If you were recently laid off and are having difficulty finding a new job, consider that you might have hidden gifts or passions that were untapped in your regular career that you are now available to explore. The universe might simply be moving you in a more fulfilling direction. If you have recently lost a loved one, gained weight, lost money, or gotten in a fight with your partner, see if you can infuse the experience with meaning that feels loving and empowering and opens a door for you to embrace life and the world a bit more.

When we begin to bring consciousness to what we are making things mean, we may be shocked at the messages we have been feeding ourselves all these years. Try taking the reigns and begin assigning a kinder meaning to the events in your life and you will likely find yourself on a much more pleasant ride. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 3

Refection For The Day

Sometimes, even when friends in and outside of The Program tell us how well we’re doing, we know deep down that we’re really not doing well enough. We still have trouble handling life and facing reality on reality’s terms. We suspect, at those times, that there must be a serious flaw in our spiritual practice and development. Chances are strong that our trouble lies in either misunderstanding or neglect of Step Eleven — prayer, meditation, and the guidance of God. The other Steps can keep most of us clean and sober, free from other addictions, and functioning. But Step Eleven can keep us growing — so long as we try hard and work at it continuously. Do I trust infinite God rather than my finite self?

Today I Pray

I pray for a deepness of my spiritual awareness, for a stronger faith in the Unseen, for a closer communion with God. May I realize that my growth in The Program depends on my spiritual development. May I give over more of my trust to God’s eternal wisdom.

Today I Will Remember

I will not give in or give up, but give over to the power of God.

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One More Day
September 3

My message is peace of mind, not curing cancer, blindness, or paraplegia…. Anyone who is willing to work at it can achieve it.
– Bernie S. Siegel

Too often, we think we can regain our peace of mind only after our health problems are resolved. But peace of mind is what we need right now, not later. We can do a few things in our medical treatment, but we can actively develop our spiritual and emotional strengths.

We can look at life not in terms of success or failure, but in terms of attitudes and beliefs and self-acceptance. We can reprioritize our life goals to emphasize what can be done. Gradually, we experience a sense of peace as we separate those things which we can change and control from those which we can not. Making our choices and acting upon them brings us the peace we need in difficult times.

I will consider only the choices that are truly mine to make.

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Food For Thought

Friends and Enemies

Sometimes our friends or members of our family urge us to eat food that is not part of our plan. If we allow ourselves to be manipulated into eating something to please someone else, we are in danger of losing the most important thing in our life – abstinence. Anyone who tries to make us feel uncomfortable because of our illness is acting as an enemy, rather than a friend.

To some people close to us, an explanation of our food plan may be helpful. Repeated discussions, however, are usually unnecessary and unproductive. We alone are responsible for what we put into our mouths. If those around us cannot or will not understand, then that is their problem, not ours.

When confronted with food, which we know is harmful to us, the simplest response is a firm “No, thank you.” When we ourselves are determined to maintain abstinence, no one else, whether friend or enemy, can prevent us from following our plan.

Protect me, Lord, from my friends and enemies.

[bluidkiti]

September 4

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. --Abraham Lincoln
Our negative thoughts can be like pebbles rolling down the mountainside. One pebble bumps into another one. The second begins rolling and slams into a third. On and on it goes until thousands of pebbles, rocks, and even giant boulders are hurtling down the mountain.
When we find ourselves stuck in a rut thinking a negative thought, we can decide to stop and replace it with a positive thought. At first our single positive thought may not dislodge another one. We may have to think of several and start them rolling down the mountainside. If we practice, we will find it becomes easier for that first good thought to shake loose others. We will see our lives change when we begin to look at the positive side of things.
How can I begin to shape my outlook today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
It is as important to cultivate your silence power, as it is your word power. --William James
We bless ourselves with renewal and healing when we retreat from the world for a few private moments of silence. The power we cultivate in silence isn't generated by us; that power comes to us. We can do this by deliberately withdrawing from all distractions. Then we quiet our inner selves by concentrating on deep relaxation, thinking about a brief reading, or by praying.
Most of us already have a personal island of renewal that we have turned to many times in the past for serenity and strength. We can use it and turn to it daily. This natural pattern is necessary for a strong and healthy life. It builds our relationship with our Higher Power and ourselves. In our problems with self-esteem, we often label as worthless the quiet, subtle things we do, but these very things are essential to build our strength and self esteem.
I will take time for silence to receive the power it gives in my life.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
For all the sadness of closure, there is a new and joyful unfolding in the process of becoming. --Mary Casey
We must let go of people, places, memories, and move on to new experiences. The doors of the past must be closed before we can enter those that are opening to us today. However, no experience is gone forever. All of our experiences are threaded together, each one contributing to the events that claim our attention now.
Recovery has offered us a chance to be aware of our process of becoming. With each day, each experience, each new understanding, we are advancing along the path of personal growth. Let us remember that each of us has a particular path, like no other. Thus, our experiences are ours alone. We need not envy what comes to someone else.
Life is unfolding for us. The pain of the present may be necessary for the pleasure of tomorrow. We can accept the unfolding. Our inner selves have a goal; experiences of the past must be left in the past; experiences at hand will lead us to our destination today.
I am moving and changing and growing, at the right pace. The process can be trusted. What is right for me will come to me. I will let the joy of becoming warm me.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Finding Direction
I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people's lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life. --Anonymous
We each have a life to live, one that has purpose and meaning. We can help our Higher Power give direction and purpose to our life by setting goals.
We can set goals annually, monthly, or daily in times of crisis. Goals create direction and pace; goals help us achieve a manageable life that is directed in the course we choose for ourselves.
We can help give our lives direction by setting goals.
Today, I will pay attention to setting a course of action for my life, rather than letting others control my life and affairs.


I have all the strength that I need today to accept the realities of my life. I am on a path of learning and growth and healing. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Stay Connected to Yourself

The woman was describing her reaction to an area she had visited, a place poisoned by toxic chemicals, a piece of earth maimed and harmed by humankind. “It’s not that I didn’t feel connected there,” she said thoughtfully. “I felt connected, but feeling connected meant feeling connected to pain.”

The woman was describing more than a piece of land. She was describing a place many of us visit at times on our journey. We feel connected, but we’re connected to pain and sadness. We may be reacting to an incident from our past or to something taking place right now.

We don’t have to run anymore. We don’t have to hide. We don’t have to leave our bodies, or wonder what’s wrong. We simply need to feel what’s there, even if it hurts for a bit. Sometimes we’re healing from our toxic beliefs, feelings, and attitudes we’ve accumulated. Sometimes there’s a message, a lesson to learn, an action to take. That will follow naturally if we’re connected.

Open up to your connection. The price of being connected may mean that we occasionally feel pain, but the reward for staying connected will be consciousness, guided action, and an open heart.

*****

more language of letting go
Look at your attachments

A friend called me one day. His shiny new car was in the garage for repairs again. "I should have gotten a truck, something practical, that would start ever day and get me to work," he said. "If ever, ever I start screaming that I have to have something and can't live without it, start screaming back to me until I stop."

What's attached to your self-esteem?

Some people attach their cars to their worth. Other people can feel good about themselves only if they're involved in a romantic relationship. Some people need a home in a certain neighborhood. Some people tie their self-esteem to future events. If I could only achieve this, then I'd be complete.

Take a moment. Look at your life. Is your self-worth attached to certain conditions?

We say we want others to love us unconditionally, but the problem is, that's not often the way we love ourselves. We say we need money in the bank, a Mercedes, or a Gucci bag first.

Is there a certain level of success you've been striving to attain? Are you telling yourself you have to have it to be complete? Maybe it's someone's approval that you're holding out for.

There's an easy way to see what we've become overly attached to. We can ask ourselves this: What is the thing in my life that I can't let go of and release? What makes me craziest?

Don't be hard on yourself. We all want and need daily necessities, such as cars, jobs, and money. And having someone to love is a delightful part of being human.

But that's a different issue than telling ourselves we can't be happy without these persons or things. Help yourself to a healthy dose of completeness and letting go. Tell yourself that you're complete and can be happy, just as you are. Let go of your attachment to whatever you're clinging to. It may or may not come back to you. But if it does, you can more happily enjoy it knowing you don't need it to be complete.


God, help me let go of my unhealthy attachments.

Activity: What are you holding on to, telling yourself you can't live without it? Is there a person who you fear will go away? Is there a job or a particular level of success you've attached yourself to? Is there a level of finances that you're waiting to have before you let yourself feel complete? Do an inventory of your life. Discern what you've convinced yourself you need to be complete. Now, transfer these people or things to a list in your journal. Make the title of that list "people and things I need to release and detach from my self-esteem." You can still have these people or things in your life, but your goal here is to get clear on your motives for wanting them in your life.

*****

Working from Center
In the Thick of It

When we are "in the thick of it," overwhelmed by too many things that need our attention, it’s important to remember that we are never given more than we can handle. When life’s challenges make us question this, our best coping mechanism is to follow the reliable and well-known course to our calm center and anchor ourselves there. It is for these times that we have been practicing regularly, so that our mind, body, and spirit will know how to find the peace within. Even in the midst of seeming chaos, a deep breath can help us turn within to find the space to work from, the calm at the center of the storm.

Tapping into our inner resources we begin again, bringing our focus to the needs of the present moment. Asking "why?" shifts our energy away from the task at hand. We can seek answers to those questions once we get to the other side of the present challenge. For now, we accept what is. Once we have collected scattered energy and created space, inspiration will strike, help will arrive, and what seemed impossible will either become possible or we will find it has become unnecessary. The flow of the universe and its perfect order has room to move in our lives when we get ourselves and our extraneous thoughts out of the way.

After the thick has become thin again, we have the opportunity to learn from the situation with a better idea of our true capabilities. We can now ask ourselves the "why" questions with the goal of fine-tuning our lives. Perhaps we have taken on more than is ours to do or made commitments out of obligation rather than insight. It could just be the ebb and flow and life, or we may be receiving life lessons on a fast track in preparation for something wonderful to come. But when we have a chance to make new choices, we know the best ones are made when we work from center. Published with permission from Daily OM

*****

A Day At A Time

Reflection for the Day
Thought I have prayed at various times in my life, I realized after several months in the Program that I'd never really prayed properly. I'd always tried to make deals with God, much like a foxhole atheist; I'd always pleaded, "Grant me my wishes," instead of "Thy will--not mine--be done." The result was that I remained self-deceived and was thus incapable of receiving enough grace to restore me to sanity. Do I see that in the past, when I prayed to God, I usually asked that two and two not make four?

Today I Pray
May I look back and review how I have prayed before, for specific solutions that I from my earthly vantage felt were best, May I question, in the longer view of time, whether those solutions would have been right, had God chosen to do things my way. In retrospect, may I see that my pleas were not always so wise. May I be content to trust God.

Today I Will Remember
God may not do it my way.

****************************************

Food for Thought.

Too Thin?

After losing weight, we may find ourselves being told that we are getting too thin. Often, the people who tell us this are not particularly thin themselves. Their comments are ostensibly made out of concern for our health, but it is more likely that they arise out of envy. Another reason could be their own personal fear of losing weight. Then, too, a thin person will sometimes feel threatened when we, who were formerly fat, come down to normal weight.

Whatever the reason, it is not the responsibility of anyone else to tell us how much we should or should not weigh. We alone are responsible for our own body.

When we turn our will and our life over to the care of our Higher Power, our body is included. The God who creates us will show us how He intends our body to look. We do not need to be concerned or swayed by the remarks of those who may not have our best interests at heart.
I trust You to take care of my body.

[bluidkiti]

September 5

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Take care of yourself my darling
And I'll take care of me
Live your loneliness knowing
That we can both be free.
--Mary Lee George
Loneliness is something inside us. It's not caused by other people's behavior, though what others do may let us know we are feeling lonely. We have all experienced being alone and really enjoying it--walking by the river or singing a song we like. Feeling lonely is when we feel like nobody cares about us or wants to be with us.
Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to feel lonely and know that we are okay no matter what we are feeling. Other times it may be wise to check with others if our feelings are true. We can ask our mother if she cares about us or ask a friend if he wants to play, and be open to the answer. When we feel lonely, we often ignore what others do or say that doesn't agree with what we believe to be true. The important thing to remember is that we are okay no matter what choice we make.
When I feel lonely, what can I do about it?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
He brought me out into an open place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. --Psalms 18:19
We know in this program that our recovery was not an accident. We may be mystified by it or surprised to be feeling better. Some of us call it a miracle. We have worked hard in our recovery. We have suffered through some difficulties. Yet, our recovery is not an achievement or an accomplishment. It is a gift from our Higher Power. We were powerless to help ourselves. All we could do was ask for help.
As we live an improved life and enjoy the benefits of our growth, we may ask why we were given this gift. As we seek to know the will of God, the ancient passage quoted today offers an answer. "He rescued me because He delighted in me." Can we let that in?
Thanks to God for all the rescued moments and for all the times I have been saved from my excesses.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Pity is the deadliest feeling that can be offered to a woman. --Vicki Baum
We must move forward with confidence, trusting that the strength we need will be given us, having faith in our visions to guide us. Problems need not daunt us. Rather, they can spur us on to more creative activity. They challenge our capabilities. They insist that we not stand still.
Pity from others fosters inaction, and passivity invites death of the soul. Instead, our will to live is quickened through others' encouragement. All else dampens the will. Pity feeds the self-pity that rings the death knell.
We can give strokes wherever we are today and know that we are helping someone live. And each time we reach out to encourage another, we are breathing new life into ourselves, new life that holds at bay the self-pity that may appear at any moment.
We can serve one another best, never by commiserating with sadnesses, but by celebrating life's challenges. They offer the opportunities necessary to our continued growth.
Someone needs a word of encouragement from me. I will brighten her vision of the future.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Step Ten
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. --Step Ten of Al Anon
Once we have worked our way to this Step, we can maintain and increase our self-esteem by regularly working Step Ten.
This Step incorporates the process we have gone through in Steps Four through Nine. We do not work this Step to punish ourselves or to hold ourselves under a constantly critical and demeaning microscope. We do it to maintain self-esteem and harmony in our relationship with others and ourselves. We do it to stay on track.
When an issue or problem emerges and needs our attention, identify it and openly discuss it with at least one safe person and God. Accept it. Become willing to let go of it. Ask God to take it from us. Have a change of heart by the willingness to make whatever amend is called for - to do what is necessary to take care of ourselves. Take an appropriate action to resolve the matter. Then let go of the guilt and shame.
This is a simple formula for taking care of ourselves. This is how we change. This is how we become changed. This is the process for healing and health. This is the process for achieving self-responsibility and self esteem.
The next time we do something that bothers us, the next time we feel off track or off course, we don't have to waste our time or energy feeling ashamed. We can take a Tenth Step. Let the process happen. And move on with our life.
God, help me make this Step and other Steps a habitual way of responding to life and my issues. Help me know that I am free to live, to allow myself to fully experiment with and experience life. If I get off course, or if an issue arises that demands my attention, help me deal with it by using the Tenth Step.

I am a terrific human being, I deserve wonderful things to happen to me... and they are. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

The Path Is One of Joy

I attended a church service at the Sanctuario de Chimayo in New Mexico. The church and its sacred healing ground had touched and healed me before. Today I came looking not for a miracle, but just a touch of its healing power to help me on my way. Instead, I found another miracle. The miracle of joy.When I entered the church, I noticed how glum and somber I became. I noticed how seriously, almost sadly, I approached much of spiritual growth. I believed that spirituality asked– required– this of me. If I was doing it properly, I would be demonstrating what a grim affair it was.

After the service, I stopped at the church’s gift shop and purchased some mementos to bring the energy of this holy place home with me– items to remind me of the spiritual powers available to us in everyday life, no matter where we are. I also visited another gift shop near the church. There I bought a string of chili peppers called holy chills. Then I brought all my gifts back to the priest to bless: a wooden cross for the wall, a rosary for my daughter, one that glows in the dark so she’ll know God’s there, a small bag of sacred earth from the church grounds to remind me of the healing powers in this universe, a small jar of holy water to remind me that all of the journey is sacred, and a string of holy chilis to help me remember to smile.

The path does not have to be such a grim affair. Let go of the heaviness in your heart and soul. Sometimes the best way to demonstrate your faith is by learning to enjoy life.

*****

more language of letting go
Love yourself for who you are

"I'm tired of working so hard to be skinny, wearing the latest clothes, and trying to get my makeup just right," Gina, a beautiful woman, said to me one day. "I just want to be loved for me, for what's in my heart."

It's healthy to look our best, but some of us substitute self-esteem for what we wear, how much money we make, and the things we possess.

One day, I met a woman who had long hair, bright eyes, and she played beautiful Irish folk music. She loved to sing and dance. Her eyes lit up when she talked about her music. I could see how passionate and alive she was. Her band performed for people, but usually for a nominal fee or for free, she explained.

"But we want to get better," she said. "I really want to be somebody some day."

"You are somebody now," I said.

Pursue your dreams. Drive that car. Wear nice clothes. Have your hair done up, just right. But don't forget to love yourself without those things.

You are somebody now.

God, help me see beyond all the exterior trappings I surround myself with. Help me see the real beauty in myself and the people in my life.

*****

Common Fears
Choosing a New Response

by Madisyn Taylor

Our minds are powerful and moving into fear is a common experience that we can each look at and change.


Everyone has fears—it is a natural part of being human. Fear can protect us from harm by sending a rush of adrenaline to help us physically deal with potential danger. But there are times when fear may keep us from participating fully in life. Once we realize that fear is a state of mind, we can choose to face our fears, change our minds, and create the life we want to live.

Our minds are powerful tools to be used by our higher selves; like computers, storing and using data to make certain connections between thought and response. We have the ability to observe these and choose differently. No matter where the fear came from, we can create new connections by choosing new thoughts. When our souls and minds are in alignment, we create a new experience of reality. This journey requires many small steps, as well as patience and courage through the process. Here’s an example: You decide to overcome your fear of driving on the freeway. Your plan of action starts with examining your thoughts and finding a new way of seeing the situation. When you’re ready, you enlist a calm companion to support you as you take the first step of merging into the slow lane and using the first exit. Your heart may be racing, but your confidence will be boosted by the accomplishment. Repeat this until you are comfortable, with or without help, and then drive one exit furth! er. When you are ready, you can try driving in the middle lane, for longer periods each time, until you find yourself going where you want to go. This gradual process is similar for conquering any fear, but if you find it overwhelming, you can always seek the help of a professional.

You may think that you are the only one with a particular fear, that nobody else could possibly be scared of ordinary things such as water, heights, public speaking, or flying. These types of fears are very common, and you can have great success overcoming them. Remember, it is not the absence of the fear but the courage to take action anyway that determines success. When we learn to face our fears, we learn to observe our thoughts and feelings but not be ruled by them. Instead we choose how to shape the lives we want. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 5

Reflection For The Day

We’re often told that alcoholics and other addictive persons are perfectionists, impatient about any shortcomings — especially our own. We tend to set impossible goals for ourselves, struggling fiercely to reach our unattainable ideals. Then, of course — since no person could possibly meet the extremely high standards we demand of ourselves — we find ourselves falling short. Discouragement and depression set in; we angrily punish ourselves for being less than superhuman. The next time around, rather than setting more realistic goals, we set them even higher. And we fall farther, then punish ourselves more severely. Isn’t it about time I stopped setting unattainable goals for myself?

Today I Pray

May God temper my own image of myself as a super-person. May I settle for less than perfection from myself, as well as from others. For only God is perfect, and I am limited by being human.

Today I Will Remember

I am not God; I am only human.

**************************************************

Food For Thought

Sponsors

Most of us never outgrow our need for a sponsor. Someone who has had similar experiences can give us the understanding, which we require in order to continue to grow in the program. A sponsor who maintains current, clean abstinence and who seriously works the program is someone who inspires us to follow. We could not control our disease by ourselves. As we recover, we continue to need help.

With a food sponsor, we can discuss our particular menus and problems. When we make a mistake, we need to share it with another person in order to profit from it and put it behind us. A program sponsor gives us encouragement and insight as we work the steps. When we are maintaining our desired weight, a maintenance sponsor helps us make any necessary adjustments. Sponsorship is one of the most important OA tools, and we are foolish if we do not take advantage of it. Alone, we are powerless over food.

Thank You for sponsors.

[bluidkiti]

September 6

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun. --Katharine Hepburn
The first good news each day is that we wake up. We are breathing. Our heats are beating, our minds working. The adventure of living begins. What does the day hold in store? We have no way of knowing what surprises lie in wait for us today.
We may look forward, not just to the expected, but to the unexpected. Whom shall we meet? What will we see? What will we learn? How will we be entertained? What changes to help others will come our way? What chances to love and be loved?
Now that our eyes are opened to today's beauty, let us remain alert for new sights. Let us cry when sad, smile when touched, and laugh at what is funny in a whole new lifetime before us.
What can I be thankful for today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
I learned to listen to my body with an inner concentration like meditation, to get guidance as to when to exercise and when to rest. I learned that healing and cure are active processes in which I myself needed to participate. --Rollo May
In our spiritual growth, one of our movements is from passive to active, from helpless to responsive. For example, we are passive if we don't take responsibility for our bodies and don't care for our wellness and conditioning. Do we passively leave our health in the doctor's hands?
Do we take responsibility for our relationships? Are we active in nurturing them? We could add our own interests and positive energy to enrich them.
Our Higher Power speaks to us in a quiet, subtle voice, which can easily be ignored until we learn to listen. It takes courage to listen to this inner voice. When we listen, we develop a relationship that is a strong force moving us into recovery. We are still powerless over many things, but we can make active choices in how we will grow and how we will respond.
I will be guided in my choices by my inner voice.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
We can build upon foundations anywhere if they are well and firmly laid. --Ivy Compton-Burnett
Recovery is a process, one that rebuilds our lives. And the Twelve Steps provide the foundation to support our growth as healthy, productive women. But each Step must be carefully and honestly worked, or the whole foundation will be weakened.
How lucky we are to have found this program and the structure it offers. We looked for structure in our past. We searched, maybe for years, running from one panacea to another, hoping to find ourselves. Booze--pills--food--lovers--causes; none gave us the security we longed for. We couldn't find ourselves because we hadn't defined ourselves. At last we've come home. Self-definition is the program's guarantee. Not only can we discover who we are, now, but also we can change, nurture those traits that we favor, diminish those that attract trouble.
My actions today are the key. They tell who I am at this moment. Who I become is up to me. I will pick a Step and reflect before I move ahead. The strength of my foundation depends on it.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
The Good in Step Ten
Step Ten says: "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." It does not suggest that we ignore what is right in our life. It says we continue to take a personal inventory and keep a focus on ourselves.
When we take an inventory, we will want to look for many things. We can search out feelings that need our attention. We can look for low self-esteem creeping back in. We can look for old ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. We can look for mistakes that need correcting.
But a critical part of our inventory can focus on what we're doing right and on all that is good around us.
Part of our codependency is an obsessive focus on what's wrong and what we might be doing wrong - real or imagined. In recovery we're learning to focus on what's right.
Look fearlessly, with a loving, positive eye. What did you do right today? Did you behave differently today than you would have a year ago? Did you reach out to someone and allow yourself to be vulnerable? You can compliment yourself for that.
Did you have a bad day but dealt effectively with it? Did you practice gratitude or acceptance? Did you take a risk, own your power, or set a boundary? Did you take responsibility for yourself in a way that you might not have before?
Did you take time for prayer or meditation? Did you trust God? Did you let someone do something for you?
Even on our worst days, we can find one thing we did right. We can find something to feel hopeful about. We can find something to look forward to. We can focus realistically on visions of what can be.
God, help me let go of my need to stay immersed in negativity. I can change the energy in my environment and myself from negative to positive. I will affirm the good until it sinks in and feels real. I will also strive to find one quality that I like about someone else who's important to me, and I will take the risk of telling him or her that.

Today I'm listening to my self-talk with a non-judgemental ear. It is okay to make mistakes today. I'm giving myself positive messages with permission to accept both my victories and defeats. --Ruth Fishel

******************************

Journey To The Heart

Imagine All the Possibilities

Think of all the possibilities for your life– for love, for work, for growth. Think of all the possibilities for adventure, for fun, and for service. This day, this week, this month, this year abounds with possibilities. Each task you have to do, each problem you encounter and need to solve abounds with possibilities. Your life abounds with possibilities.

For a long time, we only saw some of the possibilities life held. We’d look at a situation and see the possibilities for guilt, victimization, sadness, and despair. We’d tell ourselves there was only one choice, or no choice, or that something had to be done in a particular way– the hardest and dreariest way possible. We’d neglect to envision the other option– the choices for joy, for making my event more fun, more pleasant, more enjoyable.

You don’t need to limit yourself anymore. You’ve opened your heart. Now open your mind. Look around. See all the possibilities. The universe is teaming with them. It will lead and guide you into this abundance if you ask it for help and them allow that to happen.

Open to life’s abundance. Open to all its possibilities. The more open you become, the more creative you’ll be– in work, in play, in love, in life. The more creative you are, the more possibilities you’ll see.

*****

more language of letting go
Stand up to your fear of abandonment

"I'm in a relationship with someone who isn't good for me," a woman said to me one day. "My boyfriend manipulates me, and he often doesn't tell me the truth. But every time I get ready to kick him to the curb, my fear of abandonment sets in."

Many of us have a fear of abandonment. Some of us let it rule our lives. We'll do anything just so that person doesn't walk out and leave us alone.

I spent many years letting fear of abandonment control me. After a while, I finally wore out that belief. I just got sick and tired of worrying about whether I was good enough for that person.

Then a new thought set me free. If you don't want to be my friend or my lover, or my employer, I don't want you in my life.

No more emotional blackmail. No more stress. No more having to second-guess what that other person is feeling.

Are you spending your time worried about someone leaving you? Does your fear of being abandoned leave you feeling like an underdog in your relationship? Let it go. Stand fast. And listen to what I'm about to tell you. If that person doesn't want to be in your life, just let him or her leave. Do you want someone in your life who really doesn't want to be there? Of course not. Let him or her go.

Once you adopt this belief, it's easy to send the bad relationships packing, and the good people want to stay.

God, help me believe that I deserve only the best of relationships.

*****

A Matter of Significance
Recognizing Your Value

by Madisyn Taylor

Change your thinking to knowing that your life matters and that you are important.


It can be easy sometimes to buy into the illusion of our own insignificance. We may see large corporations or institutions, celebrities or successful people in our community, and compare ourselves to them, thinking that their fame or material power affirm how little our own lives amount to. But nothing could be further from the truth. Every single one of us matters—tremendously. Our very existence affects countless people in countless ways. And because we are each essentially a microcosm of the larger universe, our internal experiences affect the whole of life more than we could ever imagine. The world simply could not exist as it does now if you, or any one of us, were not in it.

Perhaps you are aware that on some level you believe your life does not matter. If this thought resonates within you, maybe it is time to explore why you feel this way. You may have formed self-rejecting or belittling beliefs as a child to keep yourself safe or to help you make sense of confusing situations. You may have felt unseen or unheard and decided that there was something wrong with you, rather than with the attention span of the people around you. Spend some time looking into where these feelings of insignificance first took root, and see what changes you might be able to make in your life and in your heart.

This one belief in your own unimportance could be limiting you and impacting your life in enormous ways. When you shift your perceptions around your own ability to affect your life and impact the world, you may discover wonderful parts of yourself that you had long ago forgotten. There may even be exciting new parts that you never even knew existed. When you gain awareness of how much your life really does matter, new sources of energy can emerge and your sense of connection with the world is renewed. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 6

Reflection For The Day

“During acute depression,” wrote A.A. co-founder Bill W., “avoid trying to set your whole life in order at once. If you take on assignments so heavy that you are sure to fail in them at the moment, then you are allowing yourself to be tricked by your unconscious. Thus you will continue to make sure of yo8ur failure, and when it comes you will have another alibi for still more retreat into depression. In short, the ‘all or nothing’ attitude is a most destructive one. It is best to begin with whatever the irreducible minimums of activity are. Then work for an enlargement of these — day by day”. When I’m discouraged by setbacks, am I willing to start over?

Today I Pray

When I am immobilized by depression, may I set small, reasonable goals — as miniature perhaps as saying hello to a child, washing my own coffee cup, neatening my desk, offering a short prayer. May I scrap my own script for failure, which sets me up for deeper depression.

Today I Will Remember

Goals set too high set me back.

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One More Day
September 6

Lie down and listen to the crabgrass grow, the faucet leak, and learn to leave them so.
– Marya Mannes

Sometimes we are driven by a need to get everything done. We have an inner sense of what we should be, and we work toward meeting that expectation. But we may strive beyond those goals because of what we believe our friends, our coworkers, and even the advertising media expect of us.

Only we decide which expectations to satisfy. But first, we must be sure that the things we strive for are really our needs and goals. If an alphabetized spice rack or an organized workbench gives us no satisfaction, why should we alphabetize or organize? If an imperfect lawn doesn’t bother us, we can let go of our concern and let the crabgrass grow.

Today, I will hold on only to my goals and expectations. I will let go of those which give me no joy.

************************************************** *******************

Food For Thought

The Pause that Refreshes

For strength, we are learning to lean on our Higher Power instead of food. We have undoubtedly taken many “breaks” which involved ingesting one or another addictive substance. Instead of making us stronger, those substances eventually made us weaker. Thanks to OA, we are finding a dependable source of refreshment.

Starting the day with a few minutes of contact with God enables us to draw from His strength that which we need. Throughout the day, when we become weary or perplexed or pressured, we can pause to renew that contact. It is a constant source of Power whenever we open ourselves to it.

Allowing ourselves to become too busy is asking for trouble. We can concentrate actively for only so long without a period of rest and relaxation. Frequent time out each day to consult with our Higher Power makes our work more effective and our leisure more creative.

I seek Your presence, Lord.

[bluidkiti]

September 7

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
The sun's the life giver. . . I talk to it like you would to a god. --Peter Firth
Having a Power greater than ourselves to believe in is like knowing the sun is in the sky. There are days when the sun shines with a brilliance that lights up everything around us--tree branches, snowflakes, the faces of our friends. When a seed is planted, it is the sun's warmth that invites it out of the ground to grow into a fruit or flower. The sun is the center the earth rotates around. The sun gives warmth and light to the earth, sometimes in ways we don't always notice.
There are days we do not see the sun--it is obscured by thick clouds. Yet even on these days, we know the sun's rays still reach the earth and nourish her.
God nourishes and warms our lives the same way the sun does the earth. Some days we easily see the presence of such a power in our lives, and other days we cannot see past the clouds. But God gives our lives a light-filled center and nourishes us even on quiet cloudy days.
How is God present in my life right now?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Friendship and community are, first of all, inner qualities. --Henri J. M. Nouwen
Many of us mistakenly search outside ourselves for answers. We feel small inside and not very powerful. Many of us men have tried to change our lives by affecting the people around us. Naturally, when we think of making friends, we assume we would start by getting a friend. But such beginnings often don't lead very far.
Friendship begins as an inward attitude or feeling before it is expressed outwardly. Perhaps we could first notice whom we feel friendly toward. Whom do we admire? Whom do we feel an affinity with? Let that friendliness exist within, and it will begin to express itself. Are we grasping for acceptance or response? Let us remain with our own goodwill and not return to old attempts to get someone else to change. Friendship exists as a feeling of admiration, of love, of fellowship, without demand. And when we are another man's friends, let us accept his friendship and enjoy it without trying to change it or him.
Today, I will simply notice my friendly feelings toward others.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Remember your good memories, but live for today and keep the memories behind you. --Jodi K. Elliott
The stuff of our memories comprises who we have become. Each recollection is akin to an ingredient in a simmering pot of stew. The full flavor of our lives is enhanced by each additional experience, whether it is painful or joyful.
Our experiences have a way of dovetailing, of grouping themselves, perhaps even tailoring themselves, to provide us the best advantage. So human is our tendency to linger in thought on past times that we fail to take advantage, to be fully present in the moment, which is assuredly making a necessary contribution to the total panorama of our lives.
Who are we to judge the value of any single experience? It's how all experiences have mingled, that we must trust. We can be certain in retrospect, that those situations that created the most inner turmoil also offered us the most as growing, developing women.
The experiences offered today, in the 24 hours ahead, are significant because they are unique. I will cherish them for the addition they are making to my total person.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Powerless over Others
Stop making excuses for other people.
Stop making excuses for ourselves.
While it is our goal to develop compassion and achieve forgiveness, acceptance, and love, it is also our goal to accept reality and hold people accountable for their behavior. We can also hold ourselves accountable for our own behavior and, at the same time, have compassion and understanding for ourselves.
When we claim powerlessness, we are not claiming irresponsibility. We have no power to control others, what they do, what they did, or what they might do. We're stating that we are willing to end an ineffective life based on willpower and control. And we're beginning a spiritual, mental, and emotional journey in which we take responsibility for ourselves.
We are not victims. We are not helpless. Accepting powerlessness when that is appropriate enables us to begin owning our true power to take care of ourselves.
Today, I will avoid making excuses for my own or someone else's behavior. I will let consequences and responsibility fall where they belong.


Today I'm getting all the guidance I need to take care of myself. I need not keep pushing beyond my limitations. I am learning to listen to my body and my mind, and rest when I get the message. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Let Your Creativity Blossom

Allow your creativity to blossom. For too long you have held back. For too long you have limited your natural creative leanings and talents. Maybe someone told you you couldn’t create or being creative wasn’t worthwhile. Maybe you started telling yourself that.

You are creative. You have a creative self within that wants to play, wants to be let loose, wants to create. Set that part of you free! Let yourself play– with life, with work, with projects.

Make a list of all the negative things you believe about your creative abilities– what you think, what you’ve been told, and what you tell yourself. Then burn it. Now make a new list of all the things that are true, or that you believe could be true, or that you want to be true. Let go of all the blocks. Write down that you are creative, that you can create, and that you’re connected to the creative force of the universe.

When you find your connection to creativity, the entire universe will come alive for you. It will help you, guide you, inspire you. You will find yourself imagining something, then being lead right down a path that will help you create it. When you don’t know what to do next, you can listen to your heart and let God and the universe guide you.

Creativity is the inherent nature of the world, the universe. The universe creates. And the universe needs your help in creating. Creating brings you into harmony with the universe, God, yourself, and the rhythm of life.

*****

more language of letting go
Appreciate who you are

Scott was sixty-nine when he took up skydiving for the second time in his life. He had jumped in the British military in World War 11. When the opportunity arose to make a demonstration jump into one of the old military bases, he came to California to learn how to skydive.

His body was old and stiff. But his heart was full of youth and fun. As he worked his way slowly through the levels, repeating many of the jumps until he got the skills dialed in, each jump took a little more out of his body. Despite his resolve, the training was more than he could handle and he had to stop short of his goal. As he left, he vowed to begin strength-training exercises and to return later to complete his training. "I'll be there, it'll just take longer than I thought," he said.

At the same time Scott started training, Tim started his skydiving training,too. Tim had never jumped before, though he had been skiing, mountain biking, and sailing. Tim was terrified. He was fearful that he would fail, afraid that he wouldn't respond well in an emergency, afraid that he would forget how to land, afraid to get out of a plane nearly two miles above the earth.

Scott talked to Tim. Scott laughed at him and laughed with him. And Tim kept getting back on the plane and passing his levels. He graduated. "I would have quit after the first jump," Tim said. "But if Scott can do it, so can I. I'm glad he was here. He gave me the faith to do something I believed was impossible."

We are each to walk our own path regardless of the fears and desires of those around us. Maybe you are like Scott, trying something new, something that may be a little beyond you. Great! Maybe you'll succeed; maybe you'll fail. Only you can decide what you'll do with the results. Scott could have taken his setbacks bitterly and dragged Tim down with him. Instead he built Tim up, enabling him to achieve something that he might not have done on his own.

Maybe you're like Tim, wanting to grow, but afraid of what you might lose in the trying. Follow your heart, and if you can find a mentor to help you on your way, thank that person for lifting you up.

Keep walking the path.

Some paths may lead to fame and recognition, others to quiet support of our fellow travelers. Walk your own path. Learn your own lessons.

God, thank you for my life.

*****

One Day at a Time
Stepping Stones

by Madisyn Taylor

Taking one step at a time makes life much easier to navigate rather than always looking at the big picture.


The years of our life do not arrive all at once; they greet us day by day. With the descent of each setting sun, we are able to rest our heads and let the world take care of itself for a while. We may rest assured throughout the night, knowing that the dawn will bring with it a chance to meet our lives anew, donning fresh perspectives and dream-inspired hopes. The hours that follow, before we return to sleep once more, are for us to decide how we want to live and learn, laugh and grow. Our lives are sweeter and more manageable because we must experience them this way: one day at a time.

Imagine the future stretching out before you and try to notice if you feel any tension or overwhelm at the prospect of the journey still to come. Perhaps you have recently made a lifestyle change, like beginning a new diet or quitting smoking, and the idea of continuing this healthy new behavior for years seems daunting. Maybe you have started a new job or are newly married and can feel an undercurrent of anxiety about your ability to succeed. If you can shift your focus from what may happen years down the line and return it to the day that is before you right now, you may find a measure of calm and renewed confidence in your capabilities. You may also discover an inner faith that the future will take care of itself.

The way we show up for our lives today and tomorrow has an enormous affect on who we will be and what we will be experiencing years from now. If we can remain fully engaged in the day at hand, enjoying all it has to offer and putting our energy into making the most of it, we will find that we are perfectly ready and capable to handle any future when it arrives. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

“If you’re not alright the way you are,” it’s been said, “it takes a lot of effort to get better. Realize you’re alright the way you are, and you’ll get better naturally.” Sometimes we find ourselves in a siuation so difficult that it seems insoluble. The more we think about it, the more we get on our own backs for our imagined inadequacy to overcome the situation — and we sink into depression. That’s the moment to recall a single phrase, slogan, or bit of philosophy, saying it over and over until it replaces thoughts of the tormenting problem — which , in the final analysis will take care of itself. Do I sometimes forget that the thorns have roses?

Today I Pray

May I see that God gives us patterns so that we can take comfort in opposites — day follows night; silence follows din; s love follows loneliness; release follows suffering. If I am ineffectual, may I realize it and try to do something constructive. If I am insensitive, may my friends confront me into greater sensitivity.

Today I Will Remember

Clouds have linings. Problems have endings.

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Food For Thought

I Am a Compulsive Overeater

The one fact, which I need to remember constantly, is that I am a compulsive overeater. If I forget it, I will eventually break my abstinence. There is no way that I can eat “normally,” like most other people. I either eat according to my OA plan or I eat very abnormally, according to my compulsion.

Because I am a compulsive overeater, I do not take tastes of this or that, and I do not have snacks. I have found from sad experience that this kind of uncontrolled eating is impossible for me to handle. I know that I need to plan every day the three measured meals, which I will eat.

Because of the new life that OA has given to me, I am grateful for my disease. Without it, I would not have found the measure of peace and serenity, which comes to me every day as I work the program.

May I remember I am a compulsive overeater.

[bluidkiti]

September 8

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
One must lose one's life in order to find it. --Anne Morrow Lindbergh
We are often so busy trying to control the outcome of the happenings in our daily lives, so intent on projecting our tomorrows that we let life slip by. Life is today. This is all we have for sure--the moments in our lives we cannot hold. Sometimes it feels as if those moments are beyond time and place, gifts from God to receive and give up at the same time. Like a dragonfly that lights on our hand and will either be crushed or will fly away if we try to close our fingers over it.
Life is a series of things to let go of--our friends and loved ones, our children as they grow, our dreams, or our youth. Only we ourselves, our inner selves, are a constant to be found and learned about every day, in the present moment.
How well can I enjoy each moment today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
It's hard for me to keep my emotions inside. I want to express them now. That's what a team is all about. --Earvin "Magic" Johnson
We become part of a team in this program. That's why all the Steps are written with the word we rather than I. We cannot fully surrender to renewal simply by reading about it, hearing about it, or thinking about it. We become participants, members, and peers. We go to meetings and express the details of our lives, and we learn from the stories of others. In our relationships we learn to let our emotions out.
When we say, "He's hard to get to know," we are talking about someone who doesn't show feelings. Team members express their feelings to build a bond between themselves and gain a familiarity with each other. A man may say, "I'm the sort of guy who doesn't do well in groups," or "I'm not the type to express my feelings." But for the sake of recovery, we must endure the awkwardness of learning new things. On this recovery team it is all right to come just the way we are, awkwardness and all.
Today, I will not hold back my emotions. I will let people know me.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
It's astonishing in this world how things don't turn out at all the way you expect them to! --Agatha Christie
Probably every day of our lives, a plan goes awry. Often we have counted heavily on a particular outcome. We generally assume we have all things under control and know exactly what's best for us, and everyone else as well. But such is not the case. There is a bigger picture than the one we see. The outcome of that picture is out of our hands.
Our vision is limited, and again divinely so. However, we are able to see all that we need to see, today. And more important, if we can trust our inner guidance regarding the events of today, we'll begin to see how each day fills in a shade more of the bigger picture of our lives. In retrospect we can see how all events have contributed, in important ways, to the women we are becoming. Where today's events are leading we can't know, for certain, but we can trust the divine plan.
I will anticipate with faith what lies ahead today. All experiences carry me forward to fulfill my goal in life. I will be alert for the nudge.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Stopping Our Pain
Some of my feelings have been stored so long they have freezer burn. --Beyond Codependency
There are many sources of pain in our life. Those of us recovering from adult children and codependency issues frequently have a cesspool of unresolved pain from the past. We have feelings, sometimes from early childhood to the present, that either hurt too much to feel or that we had no support and permission to deal with.
There are other inevitable sources of pain in our life too. There is the sadness and grief that comes when we experience change, even good change, as we let go of one part of our life, and begin our journey into the new.
There is pain in recovery, as we begin allowing ourselves to feel while dropping our protective shield of denial.
There is the pain that leads and guides us into better choices for our future.
We have many choices about how to stop this pain. We may have experimented with different options. Compulsive and addictive behaviors stop pain - temporarily. We may have used alcohol, other drugs, relationships, or sex to stop our pain.
We may talk compulsively or compulsively focus on other people and their needs as a way to avoid or stop our pain.
We may use religion to avoid our feelings.
We may resort to denial of how we are feeling to stop our pain.
We may stay so busy that we don't have time to feel. We may use money, exercise, or food to stop our pain.
We have many choices. To survive, we may have used some of these options, only to find that these were Band Aids - temporary pain relievers that did not solve the problem. They did not really stop our pain; they postponed it.
In recovery, there is a better choice about how we may stop pain. We can face it and feel it. When we are ready, with our Higher Power's help, we can summon the courage to feel the pain, let it go, and let the pain move forward - into a new decision, a better life.
We can stop the behaviors we are doing that cause pain, if that's appropriate. We can make a decision to remove ourselves from situations that cause repeated, similar pain. We can learn the lesson our pain is trying to teach us.
If we are being pelted by pain, there is a lesson. Trust that idea. Something is being worked out in us. The answer will not come from addictive or other compulsive behaviors; we will receive the answer when we feel our feelings.
It takes courage to be willing to stand still and feel what we must feel. Sometimes, we have what seems like endless layers of pain inside us. Pain hurts. Grief hurts. Sadness hurts. It does not feel good. But neither does denying what is already there; neither does living a lifetime with old and new pockets of pain packed, stored, and stacked within.
It will only hurts for a while, no longer than necessary, to heal us. We can trust that if we must feel pain, it is part of healing, and it is good. We can become willing to surrender to and accept the inevitable painful feelings that are a good part of recovery.
Go with the flow, even when the flow takes us through uncomfortable feelings. Release, freedom, healing, and good feelings are on the other side.
Today, I am open and willing to feel what I need to feel. I am willing to stop my compulsive behaviors. I am willing to let go of my denial. I am willing to feel what I need to feel to be healed, healthy, and whole.

I am exactly where I'm supposed to be today. Everything about this day, this place, this moment is perfect. Everything about me is perfect in this moment. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Get Out from Under the Gun

How often in life, in the busy world around us, we begin to feel as though we’re “under the gun.” Daily pressures can mount until our body feels as though someone is actually pointing a gun at us saying. Hurry. Finish. Do this or else. That feeling is not conducive to joy, creativity, or doing our best. That attitude creates stress, sometimes unbearable stress.

Some of us have lived under the gun so long we’re not even aware of it. But our bodies are. We feel tense, stressed, frightened, on edge. Many of us have felt that way so long we’ve gotten used to it. That’s just how it is, we say with resignation.

But that’s not how it needs to be. Gently take the gun away from whoever is pointing it at you. Lay it on the table. Tell that person the task will get done, the situation will come about much better, much more creatively, much more timely without the gun. Most importantly, tell yourself that,too.

Acknowledge commitments. Acknowledge the necessity of timely accomplishments of tasks. Then acknowledge the way and wisdom of the heart with joy. It will see you through to get everything done, and you won’t have to be under the gun.

*****

more language of letting go
Be a team player

You may have heard this saying: "Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes."

Not everyone is the lead dog. Not everyone is the CEO or leading man. Better to be a working actor than an out-of-work star. At least you're in the play.

Every person who has accomplished anything of value in this world and is honest, recognizes that he or she hasn't done it alone. They're part of a team. Even Christ had a group of Apostles.

If you're in a supporting role, accept it. Not everyone is a leader every time. By being part of the cast, you can make the entire production stronger. You can do your part to make it work. And you'll learn the humility and team spirit that will be so important if you do get that lead.

Take a look at your life. Are you living as fully as you can where you are right now? Or are you waiting until someone recognizes your true talent to really give it your all? If you're in a supporting rather than a starring role, maybe it's because the cast needs the strength and talents that you can provide. Maybe the team needs a blocker. Life is not so much about the greatness of the role we're given as it is the heart with which we play it.

It's great to strive for the lead-dog position, but give yourself permission to enjoy and contribute from the level that you're at right now.

God, help me to accept the role that I have been given and to play it with dignity and to the best of my ability.

*****

A Softer Touch
Apply Gentleness to Everything

Throughout life we must cope with blockages that impede our forward momentum. Whether these obstacles are of a personal, professional, or societal nature, our first instinct may be to push against the obstruction. But the simplest way to alleviate resistance is to approach it gently, with a soft manner and kind intentions. Struggle and strife can find no foothold when confronted with mildness because conflict can only exist when fed by two opposing forces. So many areas of our lives can benefit from the application of gentleness. The beauty of gentleness lies in its multifaceted nature. It is part love, part compassion, part patience, part understanding, and part respect for others. When we move through life gently as a matter of course, we naturally attract these wonderful elements into our lives.

This does not mean that gentle people are by nature passive or meek. Rather, their copious inner power is manifested in their gentleness and their choice to move with the flow of the universe instead of against it. You can make use of gentleness in your own life by applying it in situations where you feel challenged by your circumstances or by people in your environment. As you move forward gently, the energy pervading your life will likely shift and, consequently, the blockages before you will vanish. Cooperation progresses smoothly when approached gently because all parties involved feel confident that their needs will be met. And quarrels are easily quelled with gentleness because the dualistic concepts of losing and winning are made moot by our willingness to exercise infinite patience with those whose values differ from our own.

Gentleness must be practiced, as we are inadvertently encouraged to act competitive in certain phases of our lives. At first, your established habits may make being truly gentle challenging. Yet after a time, if you commit to consciously applying gentleness to all areas of your life, whether by collaborating rather than competing or yielding graciously to the impassable roadblocks in your path in order to seek a new road, you will find that you begin to act gently habitually. Your patterns of thought and behavior become ever more peaceful, and you will discover that you encounter far less impassable resistance on your individual journey. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

We are told in The Program that no situation is hopeless. At first, of course, we find this hard to believe. The opposites — hope and despair — are human emotional attitudes. It is we who are hopeless, not the condition of our lives. When we give up hope and become depressed, it’s because we’re unable, for now, to believe in the possibility of a change for the better. Can I accept this: “not everything that is faced can be changed; but nothing can be changed until it is faced…”?

Today I Pray

May I remember that, because I am human and can make choices, I am never “hopeless.” Only the situation I find myself in may seem hopeless, which may reduce me to a state of helpless depression as I see my choices being blocked off. May I remember, too, that even when I see no solution, I can choose to ask God’s help.

Today I Will Remember

I can choose not to be hopeless.

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One More Day
September 8
Every great mistake has a halfway moment, a split second when it can be recalled and perhaps remedied.
– Pearl S. Buck

We’ve all made decisions we’ve regretted. Regret doesn’t change things, but we can learn to make better decisions in the future. Often there are moments in our decision-making process — especially in relationships — when we can still change our minds. At those times, we can reconsider what we want to say or do. is it important enough to jeopardize a friendship? Sometimes it is, and that can’t be helped.

But usually we discover we do want to preserve the relationship. We owe it to ourselves and our friends to look again, to think again, about what is being discussed or argued or decided. Sometimes, winning or being right isn’t as important as the relationship.

I will take time to decide what is important and what isn’t.

************************************************** *****************

Food For Thought

Amends to Ourselves

By our compulsive overeating, we ourselves have usually been hurt more than anyone else. Because we could not trust ourselves, we had little self-respect or self-confidence. In many cases, we actually hated ourselves for what we thought was weakness and now know to be a disease.

By ourselves, we cannot control the illness, but through OA and our Higher Power, we are able to recover. With recovery comes a new attitude toward self. We see that we find happiness by abstaining from compulsive overeating and seeking every day to do God’s will. New power and order enter into our daily activities, and we begin to approve of ourselves.

The best way that we can make amends to ourselves for self-hate and failure to develop our abilities is by maintaining our abstinence each day. We then gain the confidence to say no to those things which are not in our best interest. Instead of destroying ourselves with too much food and the wrong kind of activities, we are building a new life fed with the nourishment from our Higher Power.

Thank You for new opportunities to grow.

[bluidkiti]

September 9

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
A terrace nine stories high begins with a pile of earth. --Lao-tzu
Imagine yourself with a pile of dirt in front of you and building plans for a one-story structure. It would be easy to think, "Oh, this is impossible--it will never get done."
But the architect hires people to help. A foundation is built, and then the frame. From there, step-by-step, the rest is filled in. We have all watched a building take shape and become a finished product.
Building plans are like the goals we all have. We want to be a better person or friend, a better artist or athlete. Reaching a goal is like putting up a building. Once we have a goal, we need a strong foundation to support us. All of us need the help of others to reach our goals.
What small step can I take toward a goal today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was. --R. L. Evans
Feelings of discouragement are to be expected as part of life. We will have our times of greater energy and hope and our times of feeling depleted and lost. As we mature we learn to see many peaks and valleys across the landscape.
Giving ourselves over to feelings of discouragement is self-indulgent and saps our strength. We cannot see into the future. The dailiness of our lives isn't always dramatic and doesn't usually offer great changes. But we are part of an unfolding process. Looking back over just a week or a month, we can recall troubled times that now seem insignificant. We see other' people and their progress, and we know they too grew just one day at a time and couldn't see what the future would bring them. So we continue - knowing that our process is hopeful - even though we cannot foresee the details of our future.
I have the strength to live through the peaks and valleys and to stay faithful to my recovery.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
I do not want to die . . . until I have faithfully made the most of my talent and cultivated the seed that was placed in me until the last small twig has grown. --Kathe Kollwitz
There's so much to do before we rest . . . so much to do. We each are gifted with talents, similar in some respects to others' talents, but unique in how we'll be able to use them. Do we realize our talents? We need only to dare to dream, and there they'll be.
It's so easy to fall into the trap of self-pity, thinking we have no purpose, fearing we'll take life nowhere, dreading others' expectations of us. But we can turn our thinking around at any moment. The choice is ours. We can simply decide to discover our talents, and nurture them and enrich the lives of others. The benefits will be many. So will the joys.
We have a very important part to play, today, in the lives we touch. We can expect adventure, and we'll find it. We can look for our purpose; it's at hand. We can remember, we aren't alone. We are in partnership every moment. Our talents are God-given, and guidance for their full use is part of the gift.
I will have a dream today. In my dream is my direction.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Perspective
Too often, we try to gain a clear perspective before it is time.
That will make us crazy.
We do not always know why things are happening the way they are. We do not always know how a particular relationship will work out. We do not always understand the source of our feelings, why we've been led down a particular path, what is being worked out in us, what we are learning, why we needed to recycle, why we had to wait, why we needed to go through a time of discipline, or why a door closed. How our present circumstances will work into the larger scheme of events is not always clear to us. That is how it needs to be.
Perspective will come in retrospect.
We could strain for hours today for the meaning of something that may come in an instant next year.
Let it go. We can let go of our need to figure things out, to feel in control.
Now is the time to be. To feel. To go through it. To allow things to happen. To learn. To let whatever is being worked out in us take its course.
In hindsight, we will know. It will become clear. For today, being is enough. We have been told that all things shall work out for good in our life. We can trust that to happen, even if we cannot see the place today's events will hold in the larger picture.
Today, I will let things happen without trying to figure everything out. If clarity is not available to me today, I will trust it to come later, in retrospect. I will put simple trust in the truth that all is well, events are unfolding as they should, and all will work out for good in my life - better than I can imagine.

It feels so comfortable when I trust my own truth. It is both powerful and peaceful to know that we are all at choice. Each and everyone of us is being led on a path to peace and love. --Ruth Fishel

******************************

Journey To The Heart

Take Time to Be Pleased

Take time to be pleased with all the beauty in this world. Do more than drive by and casually notice a particularly beautiful stretch of scenery. Stop the car. Get out. Take it in. See it, smell it, touch it if possible. Absorb and feel the beauty you see. Then thank the universe for giving this moment to you.

Take time to be pleased with your creations too- your work, your life, yourself. Look around. Then look again. Take time to see the beauty in your own life. Take time to absorb and be pleased with the beauty you see.

Then take this gift to others,too. Take time to notice and really see all that is beautiful in the people you know. Then tell them about what they mean to you, and how beautiful you think they are.

Opening up to ourselves and the world means learning to recognize and absorb its beauty. Allow yourself to grow, to define and redefine what true beauty means and feels like to you. You may have deprived yourself of noticing beautiful sights too long. It’s time to take those dark glasses off. Appreciate the beauty around you.

Our soul is nurtured and fed by taking pleasure in the beauty in this world.

*****

more language of letting go
Discover what works for you

"Enroll in this weight loss program and you'll lose thirty pounds in five days!" "Come to this free seminar and after spending one hundred dollars on books you'll be a millionaire!"

There is no quick fix, no panacea that will work for every person. Success rarely happens overnight or in five days. Even the Twelve Steps are only suggestions. Although proven to work, the details and decisions about how we apply those Steps in our lives are left to each one of us.

And few things happen overnight, except the beginning of a new day.

Listen to your mentors. Examine what's been tried and true, and has worked and helped countless others along their paths. The Twelve Steps are one of those approaches. But don't be taken in by false claims of overnight success and instant enlightenment along your path.

True change takes time and effort, especially when we're changing and tackling big issues. We can often get exactly the help we need at times from a therapist, book, or seminar-- the best things in life really are free and available to each one of us.The Twelve Steps, again, qualify in this area.

Discover what works for you.

Trust that you'll be guided along your path and receive exactly the help and guidance you need. Then give it time.

There really isn't an easier, softer way.

God, give me perseverance to tackle my problems.

*****

An Incomplete Understanding
Feeling Lonely

We all have days when we feel lonely, but the idea comes from the false notion that we are separate from each other.


We all have days when we feel lonely, but the very idea of loneliness comes from the false notion that we are separate and isolated parts in a world filled with other separate, isolated parts. In truth, we can no more be separate from our world than a fish can be separate from the water in which it swims. When we really begin to look at the boundaries we see as so solid, they prove to be, in fact, quite porous. For example, it is not clear exactly where our skin ends and the air begins when we consider how our skin is affected by changes in the quality of the air. When it is dry, our skin becomes dry, and when it is humid, our skin becomes moist and supple.

By the same token, it is difficult sometimes to distinguish the boundary between one person and another, especially when our actions tie us together so inextricably. Every move we make has an effect that touches all the people around us. On an even more subtle level, when we share space with another person, we often pick up on their energy, feeling how they feel and attuning to them, whether we mean to or not. This is what we mean when we say a mood or a feeling is contagious. We cannot help but be part of the realities of the people around us because we take form from the same energetic force, and this force unifies all life. This force is the light that all the great mystics and gurus encourage us to move toward, and it is the light we will dissolve into when we move beyond our individual egos.

If loneliness is a temporary condition based on an incomplete understanding of what we are made of, we can think of its presence as a catalyst for exploring our ideas about reality. We can respond by testing the boundaries we believe separate us from the life within and all around us. If we test them, we will discover that they are not so solid after all and that we can never really be alone. Published with permission from Daily OM

******************************

A Day At A Time
September 9

Reflection For The Day

The longer I’m in The Program and the longer I try to practice its principles in all my affairs, the less frequently I become morose and depressed. Perhaps, too, there’s something to that cynical old saying, “Blessed is he that expect nothing, for he shall not be disappointment.” If such a person is in The Program, he or she shall not be disappointed, but instead will be delighted daily by new and fresh evidence of the love of God and the friendliness of men and women. Does someone, somewhere,need me today? Will I look for that person and try to share what I’ve been given in The Program?

Today I Pray

May I be utterly grateful for God for lifting my depression. May I know that my depression will always lighten if I do not expect too much. May I know that the warmth of friends can fill the cold hollow of despair. May I give my warmth to someone else.

Today I Will Remember

To look for someone to share with.

******************************

One More Day
September 9

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
– The Serenity Prayer

The Serenity Prayer has comforted millions of people who strive to cope with change, disappointments, chemical dependency, and all sorts of other problems. This prayer can comfort us as we deal with the realities of chronic illness.

When we’re overcome with pain or disappointed about slow or little progress, this prayer can help us put our lives into focus. It helps us see if we’re wasting time and energy on things we can’t change, such as the chronic conditions we live with, how others feel, and the past. And just as important, this prayer points us toward the things that we can control — our attitude, our willingness to change, and the outcome of this day.

I pray for the wisdom to recognize the difference between things I can and cannot change.

************************************************** *******************

Food For Thought

Amends to Others

The people most affected by our disease were undoubtedly the members of our own family. Then came our closest friends, if we had any when we were overeating. These people were directly affected by our negative moods and by our withdrawal away from them into overeating. They also may have been affected by not getting food which should have been theirs, but which we had eaten. Some of us stole money to buy food that we did not need but had to have. Some of us stole food.

Making amends is sometimes embarrassing and often difficult. It involves much pride swallowing. A simple, sincere apology may be all that is necessary. There may be concrete acts, which we can perform. As with making amends to ourselves, the best way we can make up for the hurt we have caused to family and friends is by abstaining from compulsive overeating. As we abstain, we reach out to those around us instead of withdrawing. Our own sanity is the best gift we can give to others.

May I have the courage to make amends.

[bluidkiti]

September 10

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Give to the world the best you have and the best will come back to you. --Madeline Bridges
Sometimes we feel lazy or bored, and then we don't do our best work. Maybe our writing becomes hard to read, or we miss a porch when delivering newspapers. Perhaps we are daydreaming instead of listening closely to what a friend is trying to tell us. When we are not really paying attention to our activities or the people around us, we'll likely miss out on something important because we do receive in equal measure what we give. And this truth works in every aspect of our lives.
When we treat our friends, our families, even people we don't know well with kindness, we'll experience kindness in return. Our own actions and attitudes toward others are what we can expect from others as well.
How can I increase the kindness in the world today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
It is not a question of how a husband and wife can be equal and alike. But rather, it is a problem of how a couple can be equal and different. --Pierre Mornell
In seeking closeness with loved ones, we have often made the mistake of looking only for similarities. Although common ground helps understanding, we must learn how to get close to others by "borrowing their eyes and ears." We expand our understanding of others by accepting that what we see, hear, think, and feel will not be exactly what anyone else does. We can deepen our relationships by exchanging our experiences with others.
We don't have to agree on everything. Simply learning about each other's differences and letting each other know that we hear and understand will create a feeling of intimacy.
I will be receptive and appreciate differences in those I love.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
It isn't for the moment you are struck that you need courage, but for the long uphill climb back to sanity and faith and security. --Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Most of us are on a long uphill climb at this moment. It is a climb we are making together, and yet a climb we can't do for each other. I can reach out my hand to you, and you can grasp my hand in return. But my steps are my own, just as you, too, can only take one-step at a time.
For brief periods we skip, even run, along the uphill path. The rocks and the occasional boulder momentarily trip us up. We need patience and trust that the summit is still achievable. We can help one another have patience. We can remind one another to trust.
We look back at the periods that devastated us so long ago. And now we are here. We have climbed this far. We are stronger, saner, and more secure. Each step makes easier the next step--each step puts us on more solid ground.
I may run into some rocks or even a boulder today. I have stepped around them in the past. I will do so again.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Self-approval
Most of us want to be liked. We want other people to think of us as nice, friendly, kind, and loving. Most of us want the approval of others.
Since childhood, some of us have been trying to get approval, trying to get people to like us and think highly of us. We may be afraid people will leave us if they disapprove of our actions. We may look for approval from people who have none to give. We may not know that we're lovable now and can learn to approve of ourselves.
In order to live happily, to live consistently with the way our Higher Power wants us to live, and to tap into a way of life that is in harmony with the universe, we need to let go of our extreme need for approval. These unmet needs for approval and love from our past give others control over us today. These needs can prevent us from acting in our best interest and being true to ourselves.
We can approve of ourselves. In the end, that's the only approval that counts.
Today, I will let go of my need for approval and my need to be liked. I will replace them with a need to like and approve of myself. I will enjoy the surprise I find when I do this. The people who count, including myself, will respect me when I am true to myself.

Peace is flowing through me everywhere today, pouring all over my mind and my body... releasing all my tensions and anxiety... emptying me of all my negativity and fear.... I am being filled with peace and love and serenity. --Ruth Fishel

*****

Journey to the Heart
Laugh Often

"When I woke up the other morning, the blahs were back," a friend said. "I switched on the television. An old movie, a comedy, was on. At first I thought it was a waste of time to get involved in it. Within half an hour, I was laughing out loud. By the time the movie was over, I felt good."

Remember to laugh. No matter what our circumstance, where we are, what's going on, laughter is important. It's essential. Laughter changes our face. It changes our outlook. Some even suggest it changes our biochemistry.

Lighten up. Joke a little. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at life. The truth need not always be grim, serious business. Often, the truth we've been so serious about finding can only be found when we laugh.

Learn the power of humor. It will take you a long way. And it will help the road you travel be more fun.

*****

more language of letting go
Be who and where you are

One day when I was new to recovery from chemical dependency, I looked around at my living situation, my job, my relationships. Nothing felt right. A chronic sense of being in the wrong place at the right time was overriding everything I did. My life felt like an ongoing series of errors.

I had heard talk about a brilliant therapist, one who was particularly effective in getting to core issues. Whatever was going on in my core, I wanted it to be resolved.

The problem was that this therapist lived way out in a rural area. I didn't have a car. I'd need to take the bus. He saw people only during the week. I worked nine-to-five, Monday to Friday. And his fees, althought well-deserved, were high for my budget.

I saved enough money to pay for a session. Then I made an appointment. I was so excited.

The big day arrived. I started my series of bus rides (I had to transfer three times) at 5:00 PM, when I finished work. By 7:30 that evening. I arrived at the estate where this therapist lived and worked. I was exhausted but elated when I finally sat down across from this teddy bear of a man who had helped so many people progress in their lives.

In elaborate detail, I began spilling out what was going on in my life. I explained that I was recovering, trying to do the right things, going to my support groups, making my amends to people I had hurt-- but nothing felt right. A chronic sense of uneasiness plagued my life, no matter what I did.

He listened to what I said. Then he leaned back in his chair.

"Melody," he said calmly, confidently.

"Yes?"

" You're right where you need to be."

Session ended.

I gathered my things, walked the two blocks to the bus stop, and rode the several buses back to my small cubicle of an apartment in South Minneapolis. The lesson stayed with me for life. When nothing in our lives feels right, sometimes the answer isn't doing more or searching frantically for the miracle we need. The miracle comes when we accept, believe, and trust that who we are right now is who we need to be.

Save yourself the time, the money, and the trip.

Be your own guru.

God, thank you for where I am today. Help me trust that when I need to be someplace else, you'll naturally move me to that place.

*****

A World in Confusion
Cultivating Inner Clarity

by Madisyn Taylor

When the world is in chaos, we can still have our own inner peace and maintain a sense of calm in sea of unrest.


People who maintain their sense of calm when things around them are in a state of flux and confusion are always wonderful to be around. We feel calmer just being near them, as if they have activated our own sense of inner peace. From them we learn that we can be calm, even when everything around us is in turmoil, because we know that no matter what happens, this inner sense of calm will help us to function well. Often, times of confusion are the times that enable us to find that part of ourselves that knows how to cope, and how to be a light to others in the storm.

If we allow ourselves to be thrown off balance by every piece of disturbing news that comes our way, we may be relying too much on our emotions. On the other hand, our thoughts may also be unreliable at times like these, as they chatter on endlessly about what might happen next. If our feelings and thoughts activate one another in a hectic way, then we become caught up in the confusion that surrounds us. However, if we can locate the stillness at the center of our hearts, we can find composure in almost any situation. In addition, we provide a safe place for our friends and family, who are also prone to taking on the confusion of a world in flux.

It helps to remember that we don’t need to completely understand what’s happening right now, nor do we need to be able to predict the future. Most of us just want to find our way to being at peace with whatever happens, and we can find this peace inside. Cultivating our inner clarity with meditation, journaling, and reading words that inspire us, will lead us to that place inside us that’s already there, just waiting. Published with permission from Daily OM

*****

A Day at a Time
September 10

Reflection for the Day
Years ago, Dr. Alfred Adler prescribed this remedy for depression to a patient: “You can be healed if every day you begin the first thing in the morning to consider how you can bring a real joy to someone else. If you can stick to this for two weeks, you will no longer need therapy.” Adler’s “prescription,” of course, is not much different than the suggestion that we work more intensively The Program’s Twelve Steps to rid ourselves of depression.

When I am depressed, do I keep my feelings to myself? Or do I do what friends in The Program have suggested that I do?

Today I Pray
May I turn myself inside out, air out the depression which has been closeted inside me, replace it with the comfortable feeling that I am cared about by real friends, then pass along that comfort to others caught in the same despair.

Today I Will Remember
The only real despair is loneliness

************************************************** ********************

Food For Thought

Listening

As we learn to listen to our Higher Power, we also learn to listen with more awareness to others and ourselves. Being willing to spend time alone, in quiet, is essential to listening. We often fear silence and being alone, and we escape into distractions and busy work.

Prayer is not so much telling and asking as it is listening. Prayer in this sense may be practiced continually during the day. By taking Step Three, we are giving up our will and becoming receptive to the will of our Higher Power. We focus less on our egotistical concerns and more on God, as we understand Him. That understanding grows through listening.

By listening, we become aware of needs, feelings, and responses within ourselves, which we had previously ignored. Knowing ourselves better, we are more direct and honest with others and more responsive to them. The communication which develops with our Higher Power is on a level deep enough to relate us more meaningfully to everyone around us.

I will listen today to Your voice.

[bluidkiti]

September 11

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Good friendships are fragile things and require as much care as any other fragile and precious things. --Randolph Bourne
A good friendship is like a flower garden. It needs attention and care. We start by preparing the soil and then planting our tiny seeds. Our friendships have foundations like the soil, and in them we plant seeds of trust and understanding.
Like a garden, friendships need care and love in order to thrive. We nourish friendships with visits, thoughtful favors, and trust. When we are feeling down or in need of help, a friendship can offer us more than just beauty.
When we work at our friendships, they are not seasonal but bloom in any weather, and they surround us with comfort and the knowledge that we have, and deserve, love.
How can I nurture a friendship today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
A man can stand a lot as long as he can stand himself. --Axel Munthe
Sometimes we're mistaken about the source of our unhappiness. We walk around with a short fuse, ready to explode if anyone crosses our path. Then, when we do explode, we think it is the other person's fault. At other times we have frightening physical reactions and worry that something is wrong with our bodies. But we are not aware that a deeper feeling of not being able to stand ourselves causes the problem.
Most of us have problems accepting ourselves. When we make peace with our consciences, some of our problems vanish. Other problems may never disappear, but our pain is eased because our inner battle has ceased and we have the energy we need to cope.
I am grateful for the gift of self-respect this program gives me.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
I used to think I'd never know the difference between serenity and depression because depression subdued me. --S.H.
Depression is familiar to us all, and less incapacitating than it used to be. We have made progress, we can be assured. "This too shall pass" is not an empty slogan.
Each of us can recall, with ease probably, a period we thought we'd never survive. Maybe our problem was family-related, or a tough on-the-job situation. Or maybe we felt inadequate and lacking in strength to cope with all situations. But we managed. Here we are today, taking charge of our lives and moving forward in search of serenity.
Serenity no doubt eludes us, again and again, throughout the day. But we can let our minds rest. We can give our thoughts to the wind, and serenity will find us. Serenity's peace nurtures us, strengthens us to withstand the turmoil ahead. There is always turmoil ahead. Life's lessons are found there. The irony is that a life with no problems doesn't offer the opportunities we must have if we are to grow.
I will let the serene moments wash over me. I will cherish them. They soften me. And the blows of today's tumultuous storm will be lessened.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Conflict and Detachment
In a relationship, there are those wonderful times when things go smoothly for both people, and neither person needs to focus too heavily on the concept of detachment. But there are those challenging times when one person is in crisis or changing - and we need to detach.
Then there are stressful cycles when both people in a relationship are in the midst of dealing with intense issues. Both are needy and neither has anything to give.
These are times when detachment and taking care of ourselves are difficult.
It is helpful, in these moments, to identify the problem. Both people are in the midst of dealing and healing. Neither has much to give, at least at the moment. And both are feeling particularly needy.
That is the problem.
What's the solution?
There may not be a perfect solution. Detachment is still the key, but that can be difficult when we need support ourselves. In fact, the other person may be asking for support rather than offering it.
We can still work toward detachment. We can still work through our feelings. We can accept this as a temporary cycle in the relationship, and stop looking to the other person for something he or she cannot give at the moment.
We can stop expecting ourselves to give at the moment as well.
Communication helps. Identifying the problem and talking about it without blame or shame is a start. Figuring out alternative support systems, or ways to get our needs met, helps.
We are still responsible for taking care of ourselves - even when we are in the best of relationships. We can reasonably expect conflicts of need and the clashing of issues to occur in the most loving, healthy relationships.
It is one of the cycles of love, friendship, and family.
If it is a healthy relationship, the crisis will not go on endlessly. We will regain our balance. The other person will too. We can stop making ourselves so crazy by looking for the other person to be balanced when he or she isn't.
Talk things out. Work things out. Keep our expectations of other people, our relationships, and ourselves healthy and reasonable.
A good relationship will be able to sustain and survive low points. Sometimes we need them, so we can both grow and learn separately.
Sometimes, people who are usually there for us cannot be there for us. We can find another way to take care of ourselves.
Today, I will remember that my best relationships have low points. If the low point is the norm, I may want to consider the desirability of the relationship. If the low point is a temporary cycle, I will practice understanding for myself and the other person. God, help me remember that the help and support I want and need does not come in the form of only one person. Help me be open to healthy options for taking care of myself, if any normal support system is not available.

I am letting go of all that is holding me back from spiritual progress today. My path is becoming easier as I open myself up to faith and trust. --Ruth Fishel

*****

Journey To The Heart

Heal Your Fear of Abandonment

Some say the fear of abandonment is a universal fear. It’s common to most people in most places. It is that anguishing, heartbreaking moment when we believe someone is going to leave us. For many of us, the fear began when some important person did leave or abandon us– physically or emotionally. Now the very thought of it happening again terrifies us.

Although the fear may be universal, if we have it, it still belongs to us. It needs to be faced, felt, acknowledged, and released– it needs to be healed– or else it may control our lives and harm our relationships.

Sometimes we may fear being abandoned so much that we don’t want anyone to leave us– even people we don’t like– because it triggers that old familiar feeling. If we don’t deal with it, however, people can use it against us. All they have to do is threaten to leave and we crumble, acquiesce at the mere thought of feeling that way again.

Underneath the fear of abandonment another fear may lurk too, a deeper fear, the fear that somehow we’ve made the people we love go away. Sometimes in our lives, certain people have had to go away, because that is where their path led them. But if they felt confused, guilty, or uncertain about the leaving, they may have lied to us. They may have told us we did something wrong, we caused the separation, it was our fault they were leaving. And their lie became embedded in us.

Did someone tell that lie to you? Tell yourself something different. Tell yourself the truth. You don’t make people go away. You weren’t the cause. If someone needed to leave you, that was his or her choice.

Heal your fear of abandonment. Set yourself and others free.

*****

more language of letting go
Listen to yourself

In the Bible, God tells us, "Be still and know that I am God." Learn to silence the chattering of your ego, whether through prayer, meditation, or a long walk in the park. Find that place where you can detach from the pressures of the world. Find that place where your body and spirit work together in harmony.

Being aware of your true self is the best way to free yourself from the controlling, manipulative behaviors of others. You don't need the right car, the right shoes, the right girlfriend to be complete. All you really need is to be yourself.

Your spirit is the real you. Let it guide you.

Be still. Listen to your spirit say, I am, and I am enough.

In the silence, you'll hear God.

God, help me be quiet so I can hear you.

*****

Underneath the Noise
Hearing the Whisper

by Madisyn Taylor

There is beauty and power when we listen to the whisper.


You may have noticed that if you want to speak to someone in a noisy, crowded room, the best thing to do is lean close and whisper. Yelling in an attempt to be louder than the room’s noise generally only hurts your throat and adds to the chaos. Similarly, that still, small voice within each of us does not try to compete with the mental chatter on the surface of our minds, nor does it attempt to overpower the volume of the raucous world outside. If we want to hear it, no matter what is going on around us or even inside us, we can always tune in to that soft voice underneath the surrounding noise.

It is generally true that the more insistent voices in our heads delivering messages that make us feel panicky or afraid are of questionable authority. They may be voices we internalized from childhood or from the culture, and as such they possess only half-truths. Their urgency stems from their disconnectedness from the center of our being, and their urgency is what catches our attention. The other voice that whispers reassurances that everything is fundamentally okay simply delivers its message with quiet confidence. Once we hear it, we know it speaks the truth. Generally, once we have heard what it has to say, a powerful sense of calm settles over our entire being, and the other voices and sounds, once so dominant, fade into the background, suddenly seeming small and far away.

We may find that our own communications in the world begin to be influenced by the quiet certainty of this voice. We may be less inclined to indulge in idle chatter as we become more interested in maintaining our connection to the whisper of truth that broadcasts its message like the sound of the wind shaking the leaves of a tree. As we align ourselves more with this quiet confidence, we become an extension of the whisper, penetrating the noise of the world and creating more peace, trust, and confidence. Published with permission from Daily OM

*****

A Day at a Time
September 11

Reflection for the Day
The one thing, more than anything else, that can relieve my occasional feeling of depression is love. I have to keep myself “lovable” in the sense of being able to love others, rather than being concerned with whether others love me. In somehow losing myself in others, emotionally or spiritually, I usually find myself. Today I understand what they meant at those first blurry meetings of The Program when they told me that I was the most important person in the room.

Do I say the same thing to other new members today, and mean it?

Today I Pray
May I know that if I can love others, without expecting to be loved back, chances are that I will receive a share of love in return. It is only my expectation of approval which cancels out the value of my love.

Today I Will Remember
Love is not an investment, but a charitable contribution.

************************************************** *****************

Food For Thought

Praying Only…

In Step Eleven, we are “praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” How that simplifies our prayer! We do not have to worry about asking for the right things in the right way. We simply pray that we may know God’s will and be given the power to do it.

This Step is closely related to Step Three, since we are leaving the decisions up to God. He knows better than we what is best for us to have and to do. We make ourselves available to His direction without attaching conditions and clauses about what we will and will not do.

This kind of prayer frees us from much worry and anxiety. We accept abstinence as God’s will for us, since without abstinence we are powerless to do much of anything. Beyond that, we are prepared to live each day as our Higher Power gives it to us, trusting that He will show us His will and supply us with the power that we need.

This is my prayer, Lord.

[bluidkiti]

September 12

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
No yesterdays are ever wasted for those who give themselves today. --Brendan Francis
We often find ourselves yearning for tomorrow. We get carried away thinking about the next day's big game or camping trip. We find ourselves daydreaming about how much fun we'll have with friends or what animals we'll see in the park.
The next day comes and perhaps the excitement about the game diminishes because our friends can't make it or the camping trip is canceled because of bad weather. We feel cheated and begin regretting the missed opportunities of yesterday.
When we find ourselves concentrating only on tomorrow, we need to stop and look around. We'll begin to notice the joke a friend is telling, or the bird flying overhead. We will begin appreciating the joys of the moment.
When we live in the moment, we have no expectations about the next moment, and without expectations, we can't be disappointed, only surprised.
What is delightful about this moment right now?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Not all fights are bad; in fact they are preferable to disciplined serenity. --William Atwood.
A good relationship includes some disagreement. Anger and disagreement, when we express them respectfully, are important ways of renewing communication and breaking through the walls that sometimes built up. No relationship can tolerate constant fighting. But, when we don't agree with someone, we owe it to that person to speak up and follow through to resolution. We can promise ourselves and the other person that we will stay in the relationship through the disagreement. It is because we care that we fight.
In any relationship we care about, there will be differences. When we avoid all confrontations, our relationships go stale because all emotional issues are avoided. Carefulness and over control undermine love because they don't give it room to breathe, but disagreement and anger expressed in honest and respectful ways will help love grow.
Today, I pray for the courage to acknowledge my disagreements and angry feelings with others and to deal with their feelings toward me.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
No person is your enemy, no person is your friend, and every person is your teacher. --Florence Scovel Shinn
We can open ourselves to opportunities today. They abound in our lives. No circumstance we find ourselves in is detrimental to our progress. No relationship with someone at work or at home is superfluous to our development. Teachers are everywhere. And as we become ready for a new lesson, one will appear.
We can marvel at the wonder of our lives today. We can reflect on our yesterdays and be grateful for the lessons they taught. We can look with hopeful anticipation at the days ahead--gifts, all of them. We are on a special journey, serving a special purpose, uniquely our own. No barrier, no difficult person, no tumultuous time is designed to interrupt our progress. All experiences are simply to teach us what we have yet to learn.
Trusting in the goodness of all people, all situations, all paths to progress will release whatever our fears, freeing us to go forth with a quicker step and an assurance that eases all moments.
The Twelve Steps help us to recognize the teachers in our lives. They help us clear away the baggage of the past and free us to accept and trust the will of God, made known to us by the teachers as they appear.
I am a student of life. I can learn only if I open my mind to my teachers.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Healing
We should learn not to grow impatient with the slow healing process of time. We should discipline ourselves to recognize that there are many steps to be taken along the highway leading from sorrow to renewed serenity... We should anticipate these stages in our emotional convalescence: unbearable pain, poignant grief, empty days, resistance to consolation, disinterestedness in life, gradually giving way . . . to the new weaving of a pattern of action and the acceptance of the irresistible challenge of life.
--Joshua Loth Liebman
Recovery is a process. It is a gradual process, a healing process, and a spiritual process - a journey rather than a destination.
Just as codependency takes on a life of its own and is progressive, so recovery progresses. One thing leads to another and things - as well as us - get better.
We can relax, do our part, and let the rest happen.
Today, I will trust this process and this journey that I have undertaken.


Each step I take today makes me feel better and better. Today I know that I have all that I need to do exactly what must be done and go exactly where I need to go. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Energize Yourself

Don’t tell yourself you have no energy. You are energy. Learn to energize yourself.

Get up. Move around. Play some invigorating music. Stretch your arms, stretch your legs. Move your body around. Get out and walk.

Watch children play. They seem to have an unlimited supply of energy. Remember what it was like to be a child. You had an unlimited supply of energy then. Most of us still do.

Yes, we do get tired from time to time, particularly with the schedules many of us have. And there are time in our life when less energy is available to us, such as during times of deep grief or during illness when our body is using its energy to heal a physical problem. And sometimes other people and their problems drain us. But sometimes we drain ourselves,too.

If you don’t feel your energy, perhaps something is blocking it. You may be experiecing some resistance to what you’re trying to do. Maybe an old emotion or belief is clogging your circuits. Maybe you’ve been sitting too long crunched up in your chair, blocking your own circuits. Maybe you’re telling yourself you have no energy so loudly that you’ve begun to believe it.

Clear your circuits. Push through whatever’s blocking you. Then get up, move around, connect to life. Learn to energize yourself.

*****

more language of letting go
Look at the roles you play

In his book Ethics for a New Millenium, the Dalai Lama spoke of the idea that most of us aren't a static personality. There isn't just one side to us; we play many roles in life.

I am a recovering alcoholic and a recovering codependent. I am a mother. I am a writer. I am someone's girlfriend. I am a sky diver. I am a business person, a negotiator, a woman. In each of these roles, my personality expresses itself differently. I use different talents and traits.

What are all the different roles you play in your life? Most of us are aware that we're one person at work, somewhat different at home, and sometimes a lot different when we play. Some of us tend to feel guilty about this. "Oh, if they only knew what I was like at home, they'd never respect me as a boss," one man said.

Take the time to get to know all the different parts of yourself. Honor and respect each one. Each has an important role to play in your life. When we're trying to move forward, take a moment. Make certain that all of your I am's are working together for your best.

You don't have to behave the same at home as you do at work. You get to be a mother, and a wife,too. Honor and respect all the different roles you play in life, understanding that each one has its own important place.

Then remember to practice the principles we're striving to live by in everything we do.

Our roles might change, but the ideals and values we live by don't.


God, help me honor and accept all my past and present I am's. Help me leave enough room to create new sides or parts of myself,too.

Activity: Take some time to write in your journal about all the different roles you play in your life right now. Describe each role as accurately as you can. The next time you get stuck, consult each one of these personalities. For instance, the worker in you may want to make a particular decision about moving forward in your career, but the parent self may have some objections. Understand every part of your personality and learn to make decisions that benefit the whole.

*****

Walking With Awareness
Mindful Walking

Many of us take the benefits of walking for granted. Each day we limit the steps we take by driving or sitting for long periods of time. But walking even a few blocks a day has unlimited benefits – not only for our health, but our spirit as well, for as we walk, we connect with the earth.

Even when walking on concrete, the earth is still beneath us, supporting us. Walking lets our body remember simpler times, when life was less complicated. This helps us slow down to the speed of our body and take the time to integrate the natural flow of life into our cellular tissue. Instead of running from place to place or thinking about how much more we can fit into our day, walking allows us to exist in the moment.

Each step we take can lead us to becoming more mindful of ourselves and our feelings. Walking slows us down enough not only to pay attention to where we are in our body, but also to our breath. Taking time to simply notice our breath while we walk, through the length of our inhales and exhales, and becoming attuned to the way in which we breathe is taking a step towards mindfulness. When we become more mindful, we gradually increase our awareness of the environment around us and start to recognize that the normal flow of our thoughts and feelings are not always related to where we are in the present moment. Gradually we realize that the connection we have with the earth and the ground beneath our feet is all that is. By walking and practicing breathing mindfully we gain a sense of calm and tranquility -- the problems and troubles of the day slowly fade away because we are in the ‘now’.

The simplicity and ease of a walking practice allows us to create time, space and awareness of our surroundings and of the wonders that lie within. Taking a few moments to walk each day and become more aware of our breath will in turn open the door for the beauty of the world around us to filter in. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 12

Reflection For The Day

“At certain moments.” wrote Coleridge, ” a single almost insignificant sorrow may, by association, bring together all the little epics of pain and discomfort, bodily and mental, that we have endured even from infancy.” The Program doesn’t teach us to pretend that hardships and sorrow are meaningless. Grief really hurts, and so do other kinds of pain. But now that we’re free of our addictions, we have much greater control over our thinking. And the thoughts we choose to spend time on during any given day can strongly influence the complexion of our feelings for that day. Am I finding different and better ways of using my mind?

Today I Pray

May I thank God for the pain — however insignificant -0- that magnetizes my succession of old hurts into one large one that I can take out and look at, and then discard to make room for new and present concerns. May I thank God for restoring my sensitivity to pain after the numbness of addiction.

Today I Will Remember

I can thank God for restoring my feelings.

******************************

One More Day
September 12

There is no more certain sign of a narrow mind, or stupidity, and of arrogance, then to stand aloof from those who think differently from us.
– Walter Savage Landor

We all carry some opinions and beliefs formed long ago, with no thought as to how they continue to affect us. We may be inflexible to beliefs or ideas that differ from ours. Because of this we might be intolerant of other people, especially those who seem different from us.

Our beliefs and actions toward other people may come from fear — a fear of the unexpected, of the unknown, or of being wrong. Wee may resist examining the rules and beliefs governing our lives because we’re not totally sure of them. Opening ourselves to new ideas is easier if we remain ourselves that we don’t have to accept the ideas, just the people.

I can fearlessly open myself to new ideas and new people.

************************************************** ******************

Food For Thought

Carrying the Message

We do not keep our program unless we give it away. Our participation in meetings is a means of sharing with others what OA has given us. We are genuinely interested in newcomers, because they remind us of where we came from and because they give us an opportunity to strengthen our own program by sharing what we have received.

Sometimes we carry the message by providing transportation for someone who otherwise would not get to a meeting. Sometimes we give of ourselves by simply listening when a newcomer needs to talk. Practicing the OA principles in all areas of our life is carrying the message, even to those who are not compulsive overeaters.

Abstinence and the OA program now occupy the central place in our lives, the place which was once held by food. Following the will of our Higher Power means that we carry the message as He directs us. We are willing to be used in whatever way God moves us to give away our program.

May I serve You by carrying the message.

[bluidkiti]

September 13

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Love, a thousand, thousand voices,
From night to dawn,
from dawn to night,
Have cried the passion
of their choices
To orb your name and keep it bright.
--William Rose Benet
We are each in the midst of unique lives, and our choices are based on our own experiences, so it's only natural that they all be different. One of us may choose to go to jail for protesting nuclear weapons; another may choose to pray for peace. Both are working for the same goal.
It is a sign of our love to respect others' right to choose for themselves, even to make choices we may not agree with. Perhaps a brother or sister likes music we hate, or a son or daughter wants to wear an unusual style of clothing. How often do we, in the name of love, try to force our choices on others? When we give the gift of letting loved ones choose what is right for them, it strengthens our ability to choose what is right for us.
Whose choices can I honor today, even if I disagree?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Mothers give sons permission to be a prince but the father must show him how.... Fathers give daughters permission to be princesses. And mothers must show them how. Otherwise, both boys and girls will grow up and always see themselves as frogs. --Eric Berne
Relationships with our fathers have been central in shaping our characters. We catch ourselves saying what we heard our fathers say, or doing something we know they did. Many of us have had pain and resentments in these relationships. We wanted more time than they gave us, or we longed for praise but got criticism, or we were never sure we measured up to them.
Some of us can change our relationships with our fathers. We can do it, not by asking them to be different, but by being our full adult selves with them. This new experience is the doorway to a new aspect of our selves. Many of us cannot change our relationships with our fathers, but being with our sons and daughters in ways that nurture their growth is another chance to redo for ourselves what we missed.
My father's importance to me is a fact I must surrender to. I will take what he has given me and grow with it.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Nobody told me how hard and lonely change is. --Joan Gilbertson
Pain, repeatedly experienced, indicates a need for self-assessment, an inventory of our behavior. Honest self-appraisal may well call for change, a change in attitude perhaps, a change in specific behavior in some instances, or maybe a change in direction. We get off the right path occasionally, but go merrily on our way until barriers surface, doors close, and experiences become painful.
Most of us willingly wallow in our pain a while, not because we like it, but because its familiarity offers security. We find some comfort in our pain because at least it holds no surprises.
When our trust in God is high, we are more willing to change. And we open ourselves to the indications for movement in a new direction. Each of us must find our own willingness. Each of us must develop attentiveness to the signs that repeatedly invite changes in our behavior. But most of all, each of us has to travel the road to change, singly. Changes we must find the courage to make will never be exactly like someone else's changes.
Courage to change accompanies faith. My fears are telling me to look within to the spiritual source of strength, ever present but often forgotten.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Times of Reprogramming
Recovery is not all-tiresome, unrewarded work. There are times of joy and rest, times when we comfortably practice what we have learned. There are times of change, times when we struggle to learn something new or overcome a particular problem.
These are the times when what we've been practicing in recovery begins to show in our life. These times of change are intense, but purposeful.
There are also times when, at a deep level, we are being "reprogrammed." We start letting go of beliefs and behaviors. We may feel frightened or confused during these times. Our old behaviors or patterns may not have worked for us, but they were comfortable and familiar.
During these times we may feel vulnerable, lonely, and needy - like we are on a journey without a road map or a flashlight, and we feel as if no one has traveled this ground before.
We may not understand what is being worked out in us. We may not know where or if we are being led.
We are being led. We are not alone. Our Higher Power is working His finest and best to bring true change in us. Others have traveled this road to. We will be led to someone who can help us, someone who can provide the markers we need.
We are being prepared for receiving as much joy and love as our heart can hold.
Recovery is a healing process. We can trust it, even when we don't understand it. We are right where we need to be in this process; we're going through exactly what we need to experience. And where we're going is better than any place we've been.
Today, God, help me believe that the changes I'm going through are for the good. Help me believe that the road I'm traveling will lead to a place of light, love, and joy.


Today I'm taking all the steps that I can for my recovery. My Higher Power is giving me all the guidance I need, and I am full of joy and gratitude that I am growing and healing today. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

Surrender to Your Feelings

Sometimes we think being strong means not giving in to our emotions. But that’s not strength, that’s denial and resistance. Real power comes from being vulnerable enough to feel whatever you feel.

Keep going, we tell ourselves. Don’t give in, This will pass… But the only way to pass through these times is by feeling what we feel. The longer we fight and resist our emotions, the longer the situation will continue that is triggering them.

We may not see the lesson until we feel the feeling. We may not see the issue, the next step, the way out or the way through until we give in, feel our emotions, then release them. It’s not enough to talk about them, although that will help bring them into consciousness, into the light of day. But talking about our feelings is different from surrendering to and feeling the emotional energy.

Feel the feeling, then release it. Now your soul and the universe can move you forward into new circumstances, into growth. An issue to work on– such as freedom, forgiveness, acceptance, love, or valuing some part of ourselves or our lives– may naturally and automatically emerge. If we pay attention to the process by which we grow, we will clearly see that each step of the way– feeling our feeling, accepting it, and then releasing it– triggered the next step of growth. Soon we will see that we are learning a new lesson. We are on our way again.

There is magic in allowing our feelings to pass through us, magic in giving in. There is power, more than we think in being vulnerable enough to feel what we feel.

*****

more language of letting go
Who do you say you are?

I was driving out to the skydiving center one day, mulling things over in my head. Before long, I'd be on the plane and it would be my time to walk to that door and jump out. The fears started brewing and building up. I don't know if I can do this, I thought. I don't even know if I want to become a sky diver or if this path is right for me.

"You already are a sky diver," a quiet voice said.

That's right, I thought.

When I first began recovering from my chemical dependency, I preferred to identify myself as a drug addict. "My name is Melody, and I am a drug addict," I'd say quietly at the group. One member of the group started harping at me after hearing me identify this way. "You're an alcoholic,too," he said. "And you should label yourself as that."

I resisted what he said for a while, and then I decided to give it a try. Finally at one meeting, I said the words aloud. "My name is Melody, and I am an alcoholic."

Now, I understand why it was so important-- not to him but to me-- to label myself as an alcoholic. Number one, it was important because it was the truth. In order to focus on my recovery, I needed to abstain from using both alcohol and drugs. Number two, whether this friend knew it or not, he knew the power of the Great I Am.

He wasn't asking me to degrade or limit myself. All he was asking me to do was identify who I really was and am. And by saying and acknowledging this, I helped create a new role, a new personality. I am now, at the time of this writing, by the grace of God, a recovering alcoholic and addict.

Most of us aren't one single thing. We're a parent, a student, maybe a recovering person, and a grown child. We form many new I am's as we go through life.

Watch each time you say the words I am in a conversation or thought. Pay attention to the times you say I'm not, as well. Then spend some time reflecting not only on who you are, but who you want to become.

Discover the power in your life from saying I am.

Who do you say you are and you aren't.

Give yourself a chance to become someone new.

God, help me understand and use correctly, to the best possible benefit of my growth, the power of the Great I Am.

*****

A Reason to Smile
Five Minutes to Happiness

by Madisyn Taylor

If you aren't a naturally happy person, take time each day to cultivate that which brings you happiness.


It can be so easy to get caught up in the rigors of modern life that we tend to forget that happiness need not come with stipulations. Happiness becomes something we must schedule and strive for—a hard-won emotion—and then only when we have no worries to occupy our thoughts. In reality, overwhelming joy is not the exclusive province of those with unlimited time and no troubles to speak of. Many of the happiest people on earth are also those coping with the most serious challenges. They have learned to make time for those simple yet superb pleasures that can be enjoyed quickly and easily. Cultivating a happy heart takes no more than five minutes. The resultant delight will be neither complex nor complicated, but it will be profound and will serve as a reminder that there is always a reason to smile.

So much that is ecstasy-inducing can be accomplished in five minutes. Alone, we can enjoy an aromatic cup of our favorite tea, take a stroll through the garden we have created, write about the day's events in a journal, doodle while daydreaming, or breathe deeply while we listen to the silence around us. In the company of a good friend or treasured relative, we can share a few silly jokes, enjoy a waltz around the room, play a fast-paced hand of cards, or reconnect through lighthearted conversation. The key is to first identify what makes us dizzyingly happy. If we do only what we believe should bring us contentment, our five minutes will not be particularly satisfying. When we allow ourselves the freedom to do whatever brings us pleasure, five minutes out of 14 wakeful hours can brighten our lives immeasurably.

It is often when we have the least free time or energy to devote to joy that we need to unwind and enjoy ourselves the most. Making happiness a priority will help you find five minutes every day to indulge in the things that inspire elation within you. Eventually, your happiness breaks will become an established part of your routine. If you start by pursuing activities you already enjoy and then gradually think up new and different ways to fill your daily five minutes of happiness, you will never be without something to smile about.

******************************

A Day At A Time
September 13

Reflection For The Day

We hear often in The Program that pain is the touchstone of spiritual progress. We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism has to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. We no longer commiserate with all people who suffer, but only with those who suffer in ignorance — those who don’t understand the purpose of ultimate utility of pain. In Proust’s words, “To goodness and wisdom we make only promises; pain we obey.” Do I believe that pain is God’s way of trying to get my attention?

Today I Pray

May I understand that value of pain in my life, especially if I am headed breakneck down a track of self-destruction. May I know that pain is God’s way of flagging down the train I’m on before it gets to a bridge wash-oot. May I be thankful that pain forced me to throw the switch in time.

Today I Will Remember

Pain saves lives.

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One More Day
September 13

What next? Why ask? Next will come a demand about which you already know all you need to know: that it measures is your own strength.
– Dag Hammarskyjol

Life is full of demands; we know and expect that. Most of us wish we knew about them ahead of time, but it’s just not possible to prepare in advance for stress. Negative stressors like a flat tire of a severe illness and positive stressors like a family reunion are typical of the demands placed on us throughout our lives.

Somehow, when these things happen, we manage to rise to the occasion. We may need to sue all our resources — physical and spiritual — to cope, but we usually find within ourselves the strength and enth7usiasm for the demands we face.

By knowing that I will be able to handle life’s crises with deep inner strength, I need not ask myself “What’s Next?
Anonymous

************************************************** ******************

Food For Thought

Hungering

Deep within us is a hunger, which is not satisfied by food. We hunger for love and fellowship with each other and we hunger for communion with our Higher Power. We were not made to be alone and isolated. Withdrawing into compulsive overeating makes the deep hunger even worse.

As long as we are alive, we will never be fully satisfied. There will always be more love to give and receive and more steps to take on our spiritual journey. In this sense, we will always be hungry. Spiritual hunger is a good thing, as long as we recognize it for what it is and do not try to appease it with material substitutes.

Our Higher Power has created us with a hunger, which He alone can satisfy. As our progress through the Twelve Steps brings us closer to Him and closer to each other, we experience a fulfillment, which we had not known before. We are learning to hunger for spirituality.

Bless our hunger, we pray.

[bluidkiti]

September 14

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Something can't happen every day. You get up, go to work, come back, eat again, enjoy some leisure, go back to bed. Now that's plenty for most folks. --Ntozake Shange
When we were all little kids, before we started school, the days felt so long it seemed like we had time for everything.
But when we started school, we had to start living by the clock, and in this way, we became very grown up. Sometimes we feel angry about living by the clock, all of us who are first grade and older! But there are things we can do to help us live with these limits.
First, we can learn to set a goal for each day, and once we have reached that goal--whether it's doing spelling homework, mopping the floor, or writing three business letters--we can announce to whoever happens to be around, "Now that I've completed that, I don't have to worry about one more thing to feel worthwhile."
Second, we can believe what we said! We can relax, do something fun, enjoy the pleasures that the day offers.
What is my goal for today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
When a person drowns himself in negative thinking he is committing an unspeakable crime against himself. --Maxwell Maltz
Negative thoughts can rule our lives as compulsively as an addiction. The feelings of power we get from holding a dismal and gloomy outlook deprive us of the positive and pleasant parts of life. Some of us have said, "If I expect the worst, I won't be disappointed. If I think the worst about myself, no one else can cut me down." It is like taking a driving trip and looking only for trash and garbage in the ditches, ignoring the beauty beyond. Indeed, what we see may be real, but it is a very limited piece of the picture.
When we have relied on negative thinking, it feels risky to give it up. We cannot do it in one day. We can begin by imagining ourselves with a more open attitude toward the world and ourselves. Then we can try it out as an experiment in little ways, with no commitment. Finally we reach the point where we can take a risk and entrust our Higher Power with the outcome.
Today, I will experiment with hopeful and positive thoughts about what happens.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
What a strange pattern the shuttle of life can weave. --Frances Marion
How shortsighted is our judgment about today's experiences! We'll see with clarity where they may lead us only after we've reached our destination. Of one thing we can be certain: Today's experiences, in concert with yesterday's and all that's gone before, are combining to weave an intricate life design, unique, purposeful, and for our ultimate good.
We need not feel remorse over lost chances or unproductive behavior in the past. Our destination remains the same, and our arrival is guaranteed. Our actions and decisions are never wrong. We may veer off course for a time, but the design for our lives will pull us back on the track.
The program is part of the design for our lives. It's helping us to stay on course. In fact, when we're working the Steps, we're at ease with our direction, and we trust the outcome of our efforts to the power of the program. We will add to the richness of our design, today, just as we have every day of our lives. We can anticipate today's experiences with an excited heart.
There is something special going on in my life today. I will give everybody and every event my full attention.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
What's Good for Me?
When we are soul searching, be it for the smaller or larger decisions we face during the day, we can learn to ask, is this good for me?... Is this what I really want?... Is this what I need?...Does this direction feel right for me?...or am I succumbing to the control and influence that I sometimes allow others to have over me?
It is not unhealthy selfishness to question if something is good for us. That is an old way of thinking. To ask if something is good for us is a healthy behavior, not to be ashamed of, and will probably work out in the other person's best interests too.
We shall not wander down a selfish path of self-indulgence by asking if a thing is good for us. We shall not stray from God's intended plan, God's highest good, by asking if a thing is good for us. By asking ourselves this simple question, we participate in directing our life toward the highest good and purpose; we own our power to hold ourselves in self-esteem.
Today, I will begin acting in my best interests. I will do this with the understanding that, on occasion, my choices will not please everyone around me. I will do this with the understanding that asking if a thing is good for me will ultimately help me take true responsibility for my life and my choices.


I am most grateful for the guidance I am receiving in my recovery. The more I open myself up to admitting I can't do it alone, the more I realize help is always there. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey to the Heart

There Is Power in Powerlessness

Sometimes we can’t help ourselves. No matter how hard we try, no matter how deeply we feel we should be doing things differently, no matter how committed we are to personal responsibility, free will, self-actualization, and self-determination, sometimes we simply cannot help ourselves.

We keep on doing the same old things. We can’t seem to change, even though we wish we could. It doesn’t mean we aren’t responsible, doesn’t mean we aren’t accountable. It means simply that for the present moment, we can’t change, can’t help ourselves, can’t do it differently.

Many of us have discovered a truth in these moments. There is power even in powerlessness. There is power in admitting powerlessness. By voicing the problem, by accepting the powerlessness, you are bringing– attracting– help. Ask for the help you need. Admit and accept your powerlessness.

Be gentle with yourself. You are not alone in your problem, your powerlessness, or your search for a solution. Let love lead the way to the answer you seek.

*****

more language of letting go
Affirm yourself

When I began flying and skydiving, I found myself fumbling inadequately with new roles or parts of myself. When I began writing, I found myself fumbling with that part of myself. I want to be a writer, I'd think, but I'm not, at least not yet. I have to get this number of books published and this number of good reviews first.

It can take years and many successes in any new area in our lives before we can confidently say to ourselves and others, I am. I am a sky diver. I am a pilot. I am a writer. Oh, the power of those words I am.

You may not have much parenting experience if your first child was just born last week, but you are a mother. I didn't have my ten-year medallion yet, but on the first day of my recovery I could honestly say, "I'm a recovering addict and alcoholic."

Who or what do you want to become? A good parent? A sober, recovering person? A good girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse? Do you want to become happy, peaceful, tolerant? Don't wait until you're successful to tell yourself you're that. Start now by saying you are what you want to become instead of reinforcing the words I'm not. Yes, you have much to learn. Yes, there's a way to go on that path. And you may not be proficient at it, or an expert, yet. But you don't have to be to say those little words I am.

Help create the new part of your personality by using and affirming those powerful words I am. Then watch as a new part of yourself emerges.

God, help me use my creative powers to create a better, more fulfilling life. Help me use the words I am to create who you and I want me to be.

Activity: Create your own affirmations. We each have our own path to follow, we each have different needs at different times. Pick out one area of your life that you're working on. Then give yourself one affirmation that helps you create the new reality you're working hard to create. The first two words of the affirmation need to be I am. Say this affirmation out loud seven times while looking in the mirror. Do this three times a day, once in the morning, once midday, and once before retiring at night. Do this for twenty-one consecutive days, without missing one day-- or until you don't need to say it aloud anymore because you believe it.

*****

Like a Small Town
In a Hurry

In the effort to keep up we are so busy rushing from point A to point B that we forget to enjoy the ride.


Our lives have become increasingly fast-paced, and the effort to keep up often occupies all our time and attention. We are so busy rushing from point A to point B that we forget to enjoy the ride. We race to the store without noticing the leaves on the trees or the clouds in the sky. We go through the checkout line feeling too pressed to converse with the cashier or the other people in line. At the end of a day filled with this kind of frantic pace, we may begin to wonder what it is we do all these things for, if we don’t even have the time to occasionally stop and just take it all in.

Always being rushed and in a hurry doesn’t allow time for the soul to enjoy life, which is composed of small, ordinary moments, like watching snow fall from the sky, having a spontaneous conversation with a stranger, or lingering over a meal for several hours. Small towns and the people who live in them can teach us all a thing or two about living life to the fullest as a daily matter. City people have a tendency to think that their lives are full because they are doing so many different things, but in a small town, there tends to be more time left open to be spontaneous or take an extended moment of rest. This certainly doesn’t mean that we can’t live in a city and enjoy life fully—we can and do; it just takes a little more awareness.

One thing we can do, wherever we live, is bring awareness breaks into our day and take 10 minutes to simply look out the window and observe what’s happening outside. We might also choose to cultivate a relationship with someone we see regularly, such as a clerk at the convenience mart, a neighbor, or someone we see in the elevator at work. Taking time to have a conversation that is not necessary is a true luxury in this day and age, as is staring out the window. Participating in these acts of timelessness makes the biggest city in the world start to feel a little bit more like a small town. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 14

Reflection For The Day

Until we came to The Program, our lives had been spent running from pain and problems. Escape by way of alcohol or other chemicals was always our temporary solution. Then we started going to meetings. We looked and listened, often with amazement. Everywhere around us, we saw failure and misery transformed by humility into priceless assets. To those who’ve made progress in The Program, humility is simply a clear recognition of what and who we really are — followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be. Is The Program showing me what I could be?

Today I Pray

I pray for humility, which is another word for perspective, a level look at the real me and where I stand in relation to God and other people. May I be grateful to humility; it is the processing plant through which my raw hurts and ragged delusions are refined into new courage and sensitivities.

Today I Will Remember

Humility restores my “sight”.

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One More Day
September 14

I loaf and invite my soul, I lean and loaf at my ease observing a spear of summer grass.
–Walt Whitman

Sometimes we may have wished we could be like Aladdin and have three wishes. We might have even made mental lists of the things we could ask for.

We know that just having material possessions is not a guarantee for happiness. We know there has to be a purpose to life beyond wealth, a reason to get out of bed each morning. Whatever our walk of life, whatever our state of health, we all need to feel worthwhile.

We can’t rub magic lanterns, but we can create important reasons for living, such as a paid job, volunteer work, gardening or another hobby, or just plain relaxing. Idleness is sometimes good for improving our attitude.

The power of relaxation is a strong reason to keep me from becoming stressed.

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Food For Thought

Emptiness

When we were overeating, we felt empty inside no matter how much we ate. Now that we are abstaining, we may still experience periods of feeling empty. This emptiness is especially likely to occur after an occasion to which we have looked forward with much anticipation.

Perhaps we expect too much from a person or an event and feel let down when reality falls short of our anticipation. Perhaps we find ourselves with a group of people whose conversation is superficial and relationships are phony. Putting on a mask and keeping it in place for any length of time leaves us feeling drained and empty.

Without honest, meaningful contact with other people, we are emotionally undernourished. In order to have the mutually nurturing relationships we need, our false fronts have to be abandoned. Through this program, we learn to seek out the kinds of people and activities that fill us and to avoid those that leave us empty

Fill my emptiness, Lord.

[bluidkiti]

September 15

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
He felt frightened at being different from his brothers and sisters. It scared him to be different. --E. B. White
How ugly and wrong it makes us feel to be different: to be tall when others are short, slow when others are fast, black when others are white.
The miracle, and paradox, is that everyone is different--and that is what makes us all the same.
When we think honestly about the people we admire--friends, sports heros, actors, musicians, parents, teachers, employers--we know that all of them, as human beings, not heroes, have felt out of place in their lives, probably many times.
Believing we are alone or different cuts us off from others. Climbing over that protective wall of "differentness" is scary, but it is guaranteed to set us free.
How can I let go of my "differentness" today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
When people are loving, brave, truthful, charitable, God is present. --Harold Kushner
For many of us, our spiritual awakening began when we first heard our Higher Power might be our group. We learned that God may exist in the connections between people in our group just as well as within each individual. As we members exchange care and help with each other, as each struggles to achieve complete honesty and wrestles bravely with old temptations, God is truly in our midst. Closeness flourishes because we felt so alone but then found friends who suffered in similar ways. It is an expression of a spirit beyond our rational control,
When we ask another member to listen to us, we contribute to the strength of this spirit. When we give someone a ride to a meeting or spread the word about this program to other suffering men and women, we make a contribution and receive its benefits. Even now, if we need a renewal of confidence in God's presence in our lives, we can telephone another member and just talk. We will quickly sense the spirit.
Today, I am grateful to feel God's presence in my life and within the people around me.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
When our myths, dreams, and ideals are shattered, our world topples. --Kathleen Casey Thiesen
The act of "becoming" topples our world, and rightly so. We outgrow yesterday's ideals, and we have begun realizing, in our unfolding, the dreams of last year. Now new dreams call us. Recovery has toppled our world. Hallelujah!
In our abstinence, each day offers us fresh opportunities to "create" new realities to replace the outworn, outgrown myths of the using days. But letting go of the old takes patience, persistence, and strength. The old comforted us, when there was little else.
Perhaps we need reminding that were it not for the shattered myths of last year or last week, we'd not be progressing, unfolding, as the bigger picture calls us. We have a part to play in this life, as do our sisters, our friends, our children. New dreams and ideals will lead us on our way. Old dreams served us yesterday, and the past is gone. They can't direct our present.
I will look with excitement at my toppling world. It signifies growth - intellectual, emotional and spiritual. Old ideals will bind me--I will dare to dream new dreams and go where they lead with confidence.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Getting Through Hard Times
We are sturdy beings. But in many ways, we are fragile. We can accept change and loss, but this comes at our own pace and in our own way. And only God and we can determine the timing. --Codependent No More
Hard times, stressful times, are not all there is to life, but they are part of life, growth, and moving forward.
What we do with hard times, or hard energy, is our choice.
We can use the energy of hard times to work out, and work through, our issues. We can use it to fine-tune our skills and our spirituality. Or we can go through these situations suffering, storing up bitterness, and refusing to grow or change.
Hard times can motivate and mold us to bring out our best. We can use these times to move forward and upward to higher levels of living, loving, and growth.
The choice is ours. Will we let ourselves feel? Will we take a spiritual approach, including gratitude, toward the event? Will we question life and our Higher Power by asking what we're supposed to be learning and doing? Or will we use the incident to prove old, negative beliefs? Will we say, "Nothing good ever happens to me... I'm just a victim... People can't be trusted... Life isn't worth living"?
We do not always require hard energy, or stress, to motivate us to grow and change. We do not have to create stress, seek it, or attract it. But if it's there, we can learn to channel it into growth and use it for achieving what's good in life.
God, let my hard times be healing times.


Today I'm willing to take responsibility for my own life. I am willing to grow up and let go of my parents. I am filled with the sense of my own power and I choose not to give it away. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Heal Your Broken Heart

I lay on the cot in the bathhouse at the mineral springs. I was wrapped from head to toe in a woolen blanket. As I lay there, the blanket covering my face. I could almost feel each break line in my heart. I could feel the fractures in a way I hadn’t before. I knew then that healing my heart was one of the purposes of this journey.

Your heart may have been broken many times. Some breaks hurt more than others, but each break caused a fracture, a weakness in your ability and willingness to love, trust, and heal.

Don’t shut down. Don’t go away. Don’t tell yourself, My pain is not important. I’m stronger than that. That’s just the way life is. Those are all lies we tell ourselves, lies to hide the pain of the break. The smallest betrayal unexpressed, at least to ourselves, can cause damage to our hearts. Willingness is the key– willingness to feel all we need to feel, willingness to heal, to love again.

As you go deeper into your journey, deeper into your joy, go deeper into your heart. Mend and heal all those tiny breaks lines, all the fractures, all the cracks. As you go deeper into joy, you will go deeper into your pain, your grief, your losses. Don’t be afraid. That doesn’t mean you’ll return to despair or that you will live forever in grief and anguish.

Take the time now to mend the break lines. Go deep within your heart to help it heal. Bury the broken dreams. Release the hurts. Acknowledge the betrayals. And then lightly, gently, with love, rub a golden layer of forgiveness and love around your heart.

There comes a time in the journey to the heart when it is time to let it heal. The deeper we go into the healing, the freer we will be, the more we will know what we feel, and the more we will feel joy.

*****

more language of letting go
You are a work of art

All the arts we practice are apprenticeship. The big art is our life.
--M.C. Richards

What you do is not who you are.

You are more, much more, than that.

It's easy to get so caught up in what we do that we're only identifying ourselves through our daily tasks. I am a mechanic. I am a parking lot attendant. I am a doctor. I am a dishwasher. When we link ourselves too closely to our jobs, we deny ourselves the chance to ever be anything else. We limit ourselves by believing that's all we are and all we'll ever be.

Our concept of who we are is one of the hardest, but most rewarding ideas we can change. If you have been brought up believing that you are clumsy, you will probably demonstrate this belief in your actions-- until you identify that idea, let go of it, and let yourself be something else.

Don't limit yourself by saying you are just what you do. Stop seeing yourself as a static being. If I am "just" a parking lot attendant, then how can I hope to ever influence someone through my words, my art, my music, my life? But if I am a vital, living, growing, soul who happens to be parking people's cars, then everything I do can become a symphony. I can have an influence for good in the lives of everyone I touch. I can learn from them, and they from me. I can learn the lessons that I am supposed to learn at this place in my life, and I can move on to other lessons.

God gave us the power to change. You're more than what you do. You're a vital vibrant soul that came here to experience, grow, and change. Make a masterpiece out of your life.

God, help me realize the glory of my soul. Thank you for my mortality and for the ability to learn and grow.

*****

Healthful Slumber
The Importance of Sleep

When life gets busy, sleep is often the first activity that we sacrifice. Considered a luxury by many busy people, sleep is actually as vital to sustaining a balanced life as are breathing, eating, and drinking. Getting sufficient sleep can be a potent energizer, just as not getting enough sleep can leave you feeling drained and sluggish. While eight hours is the average amount of sleep most adults should generally aim for, the right amount of sleep varies for each person. Some people may thrive on just four hours, while others don’t feel well rested unless they’ve slept for ten hours. How much we sleep also varies, depending upon where we are in life. Young people often need more sleep, while older people may need less. But the benefits of sleep always stay the same. Regular and consistent periods of wakefulness and sleep are key ingredients to fostering a healthy body and a clear mind. It is during sleep that your body renews itself.

Often, the ability to forgo sleep is considered by some to be an asset. But while it may seem that the nighttime hours can be better used for more productive activities, sleep in itself is extremely productive. During sleep, your body and psyche are both regaining their strength for the coming day. You may have the unique opportunity to explore the hidden recesses of your personality while you are dreaming. Meanwhile, your long-term memories are reinforced. Many cultures engage in an afternoon siesta. Taking a nap is refreshing and can increase both productivity and creativity.

Many famous writers and artists have looked toward their dreams as a source of inspiration. Lewis Carroll is said to have conceived his idea for Alice in Wonderland while dreaming. The expression “sleeping on it” is more than just a saying. Answers to problems can come in your sleep and present themselves to your wide-awake self in the morning. The ancient Greeks valued sleep so significantly, they believed it was a gift from the gods. When you sleep well, you will awaken feeling alert, refreshed, and ready for life’s challenges. Getting enough sleep will ensure that you are centered, thoughtful, and aware throughout the day so you can live your full potential. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
September 15

Reflection For The Day

No one welcomes pain with open arms, but it does have its uses. Just as physical pain serves as a warning that we may be suffering a bodily illness, so can emotional pain be a useful sign that something is wrong — as well as a warning that we need to make a change. When we can meet pain with the cause of the hurt, rather than running away as we did when we were actively addicted. Can I bear some emotional discomfort? Am I less fragile than I once had believed?

Today I Pray

I pray I may be better able to face hurt or pain, now that I am getting to know reality — good and bad. I sincerely pray that the super-sensitivity of my addictive days will disappear, that people will not feel they must treat me like blown glass, which could shatter at a puff of criticism.

Today I Will Remember

Throw away my stamp: “Fragile Handle With Care.”

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One More Day
September 15

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.
– Winston Churchill

Nearly everyone who has ever under gone a time of high stress has an intense need to talk about it. A person who has lost someone close may talk almost constantly about it. People who are admitting that they must deal with chronic pain often feel the same need.

We can and should expect our friends to allow us the comfort of talking about our feelings and experiences. As people who are suffering from pain and who are often driven to recount an illness’ history, we need to realize there is a point at which people no longer want to listen — they may want to leave instead. We must work — harder than we ever have before — to build a well-balanced life that has some happy or humorous stories to share.

I will leave room in my conversations for stories that make me and my friends feel good.

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Food For Thought

Peace

Our mental obsession with food gave us little peace. The refined sugars and carbohydrates, which we craved, left us jangled and over stimulated. Our guilt and self-hate kept us in a state of fear and turmoil. We raced about frantically in our minds trying to think of a way out of our misery.

Abstaining from refined sugar and carbohydrates gives us physical peace. Our body is no longer in an uproar; it is functioning calmly and efficiently. The Twelve Steps of recovery free us from the mental obsession with food and bring about emotional and spiritual peace. The more control we relinquish to our Higher Power, the more peace He gives us.

The peace, which comes through working our program, is not stagnant – it is rich and creative. It is the peace, which results from an ordered life and confidence in God. Instead of going in circles, both physically and mentally, we move in measured progress along the path, which our Higher Power shows us step by step each day.

Thank You for peace.