Dr. Twerski's Sober Thought - February

[bluidkiti]

February 16

Learning to Pray

Prayer is an important component of recovery. We begin each day by praying for another day of sobriety, and ask God for serenity, courage, and wisdom. Some complain they do not know how to pray. Just say the words even if you don't have the feeling. The feeling will come eventually. Sometimes we cannot ask for help from anyone, even God, because we must do everything ourselves a characteristic of active addiction. Why not pray for the ability to pray? Dear God, please help me reach You. Please help me pray. We can pray in order to stimulate our desire to pray.

[bluidkiti]

February 17

The Dangers of Codependency

If we wish to help others, we must meet our own essential needs first. People who are codependent often violate this rule. They believe by self-sacrifice and catering to the addictive behavior they are helping that person. The fact is they not only become victims but enable and prolong the addiction rather than help stop it. Anyone who deals with a chemically dependent person should avail himself of an outside opinion, such as an addiction counselor or an AI-Anon or Nar-Anon group. Otherwise, wrong things done with the best of intentions may adversely affect the entire family.

[bluidkiti]

February 18

Learn to Let Go

Sometimes one partner in a relationship rejects the other, but the other fights to keep the relationship going. What the rejected partner may feel is pain of rejection, and wishes to hold on because he cannot tolerate being rejected. This is a self-love rather than love for the other person. This breakup may happen in the relationship of an addict. If someone wants out of the relationship, it is foolish to preserve it. Do not be fooled into thinking you love the other person so intensely you cannot live without him or her. True love is reciprocated. If it is not true love, why try to preserve the relationship?

[bluidkiti]

February 19

Self-Awareness vs. Self-Deception

The Twelve Steps are in proper sequence. One man complained he relapsed in spite of working a diligent AA program. Analysis revealed that although he admitted he was powerless, and that only a power greater than himself could restore his sanity, he still believed he could get everything in perfect order by himself before turning his life over to God. Much of addiction deals with a delusion of omnipotence. This man deceived himself. Avoid such mistakes. Take advantage of the wisdom of people with long sobriety, for whom the program has worked well. They can help with self-deception.

[bluidkiti]

February 20

The Challenge of Self-Discovery

The requirement of the Fourth Step to Make a fearless moral inventory indicates there is something frightening about this step. It is not the discovery of our defects that is frightening, but the discovery of our strengths and skills. Being aware of our potential imposes the responsibility of accomplishing things. If we fear failure, we find it easy to think, 'There's no use in trying. I can't do it anyway. So we need to muster all the courage we can to face discovering how good we really are, and that we have strengths and abilities we never dreamt of before. Don't be afraid. You will ultimately enjoy it.

[bluidkiti]

February 21

Even Legal Drugs Are Treacherous

All mood-altering drugs are potentially addictive. Even drugs prescribed by doctors can be addictive. People who have discontinued regular use of tranquilizers report physical and emotional withdrawal symptoms lasting up to two years -- far longer than withdrawal symptoms of even cocaine and heroin. Whether you have a history of addiction or not, be cautious about using potentially addictive drugs for more than a short period of time. If they are medically necessary, consult an expert on addiction. Addictive drugs are treacherous. Preventing addiction is far superior to curing it.

[bluidkiti]

February 22

Impatience Can Be Dangerous

Don't dismiss the slogan Time takes time. We have become accustomed to expecting things to happen fast, and the faster the better. The greatest threat to sobriety is impatience. We are vulnerable to frustration when things don't happen when we want them to. During active addiction, we can measure tolerance of delay with a stopwatch; the fact that chemicals have such rapid action characterizes addiction. It is a challenge to learn to delay in a culture that thrives on high speed. We must be reminded that time takes time, and beware that everyone else's preoccupation with instant results should not affect our own lives.

[bluidkiti]

February 23

Women In Recovery

While addiction is a disease that does not discriminate, it is different in men and women. There are physical differences in chemical action, and great differences in psychological effects. Women suffer a double standard. People may not consider a male alcoholic to be a failure as a father, but a woman alcoholic is automatically considered a failure as a mother. Such attitudes result in greater denial of addiction among women, greater cover up by the family, and cause lower self-esteem. Women must receive the same consideration as men; furthermore, their unique emotional problems require special attention.

[bluidkiti]

February 24

New Pressures on Women

There are special emotional issues faced by addicted women. Greater numbers of women entering business and the professions may feel awkward and under great stress, especially if they are required to be assertive or aggressive. They may have required, or held themselves to, more exacting standards of performance. To deal with these stresses, or to avoid showing signs of stress, some women have sought the tranquilizing effects of chemicals. The recovering woman should be aware of these societal stresses, and find constructive ways of managing them.

[bluidkiti]

February 25

Childhood Sexual Abuse

Although adult women understand they were helpless when they were abused in childhood, this does not eradicate feelings of shame they may bear, because emotions are not always subject to logic. The low self-esteem consequent to such trauma may be a major component of later negative feelings that can complicate and fuel addiction. These issues may be so sensitive they cannot be shared at meetings, but they should be alleviated in counseling. They can also be dealt with in the privacy of the relationship to God, as we understand Him, in the firm knowledge that He understands us.

[bluidkiti]

February 26

Spirituality, Humanity, and Freedom

Animals cannot make a conscious decision to abstain from anything. Humans have the capacity to be masters of their urges -- and this capacity is the human spirit. Exercising that capacity is spirituality. Nowhere is people's enslavement as absolute as in addiction. To the degree that we lose freedom, we lose our humanity. But recovery restores freedom. We can choose whether or not to drink or use chemicals, and to exercise the power of the spirit to master our urges. When we become free, we also become more spiritual and more fully human.

[bluidkiti]

February 27

The Insanity of Modern Society

Our single greatest enemy may be impatience. People recovering from chemical dependencies are highly vulnerable to the insanity of modern civilization, and therefore must be constantly vigilant. Would people drink alcohol if its effect didn't take place for one or two days? Addiction is the desire for instant gratification, and chemicals satisfy this need. We have to be especially careful, because the high-tech emphasis on instantaneous results makes people less patient nowadays. For those in recovery, impatience increases the risk of relapse.

[bluidkiti]

February 28

The Wisdom to Know the Difference

Guilt can be healthy or unhealthy. In the Serenity Prayer, we ask for the wisdom to know the difference. Guilt feelings from actually having done harm are healthy, requiring appropriate corrective action rather than treatment. Just as making amends for something we did can be very effective, making amends for something we did not do is not effective. The source of unwarranted guilt should be investigated, and we should seek appropriate treatment to overcome it. Treatment and atonement each have their proper place, but it is important to know the difference.