Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2024

[bluidkiti]

July 29

Quote of the Week

"I don’t like things changing without my permission."

I used to spend a lot of time and energy trying to arrange life to suit myself. I would lie in bed at night planning not only my every move, but yours, too. I even used to think I could manipulate places and things, and I burned up a lot of energy foolishly trying to bend life to my will. Then I would wake up and things would change, so I started all over again trying to twist the changes to my suit my will. I was exhausted when I entered the rooms.

Once I had attended my first week of meetings, I started planning how my recovery would go. I lay awake at night thinking about where I would sit at meetings, who would sit next to me, what I would share, and more. I planned out the first year of my sobriety, including the new job I would get, the perfect sober woman I would marry, and the circuit speaking I was sure they were going to ask me to do. But then I woke up and found that the meeting location had changed, and my sponsor told me no relationships in the first year, and that I should hold off on changing jobs until I had more time in the program. I started feeling exhausted again.

That’s when he told me I might want to “let go and let God.” My sponsor suggested that I begin taking my life one day at a time, and that I begin asking for God’s will instead of trying to have things my own way. He told me I would be much more open to the changes that constantly happen in all our lives once I turned things over. It took a lot of practice, but when I started going with the flow and welcoming change, that’s when I began seeing the miracles and opportunities that come with it.

[bluidkiti]

August 5

Quote of the Week

"The answer is not in the problem; the answer is in the solution."

Before recovery, I lived in the problem. If things weren’t going right, or if something went wrong, that’s all I thought about. I would dwell on it, talk to my friends about it, and think about all the ways it could get worse. It was as if I was addicted to the dark outcomes of my problems. Soon I couldn’t see—and didn’t even want—a way out.

Once I began working the Steps and seeking outside help, I became aware of my negative thinking and I learned the way out. My therapist taught me that I couldn’t solve my problems using the same mind that created them. She told me that I had to source deeper and turn to my Higher Power. And sure enough, as soon as I stopped thinking about the problem and started thinking about God, the solutions began to appear.

Today, I live in the solution much more than in the problem. Even though I can occasionally still go to the dark side, my program, my sponsor, and my friends in the fellowship are all focused on finding solutions. When I turn to them, they are quick to help me find the answers I need. I am also quick to rely on my Higher Power, asking many times each day for inspiration and a new perspective. Today, I know the answer is not in the problem; the answer is in the solution.

[bluidkiti]

August 12

Quote of the Week

"The way to make a mountain out of a mole hill is to add dirt."

It used to be that anything that went wrong—or didn’t go my way—easily became an impending disaster. Toothache? Must be a root canal. Boss not smiling? Probably going to get fired. Left to myself, my incessant negative thinking was quick to add dirt to any mole hill until the mountain of imaginary evidence overwhelmed me.

When I entered recovery, my sponsor was quick to point out a few tools I might find useful for my distorted thinking. The first was, “One day at a time.” He asked me, “You’re not having a root canal, and you aren’t being fired today, are you?” “No,” I grudgingly replied. “Then take it easy,” he suggested. Next, he taught me, “Take the next indicated action.” Calling my dentist was a manageable action, whereas worrying endlessly about an imagined root canal wasn’t. Using these and other tools of recovery helped restore me to sanity.

Today, I’m quick to recognize a mole hill when one comes up, and I have the tools to keep it from becoming a mountain. My three favorites are to remember that (1) there is a solution, (2) whatever is happening is temporary, and (3) God is in charge. By focusing on God, and not the problem, I get to experience serenity while the situation sorts itself out—as it always does. And by not adding dirt to the mole hill, I avoid the imaginary mountain that used to make my life unmanageable.

[bluidkiti]

August 19

Quote of the Week

"A.A. is the only place I can hang out with sick people and get better."

I remember sitting in meetings in early recovery and hearing speakers share some of the most appalling stories. There were stories of robberies, prison, infidelity, and other assorted and demoralizing activities. What was as surprising to me as the stories was the reaction by the people in the meetings. Rather than be scared of, repulsed by, or even indignant over these stories so openly shared, they actually laughed and nodded their heads in understanding. What’s wrong with these people? I thought.

When I shared with my sponsor about how I didn’t understand how people could share such embarrassing and private things so openly, he told me that’s how we get better. He said we have all done stupid, selfish, and sometimes utterly incomprehensible things when we were drinking. This was part of the sickness of alcoholism. He told me that the way we recover is to share with one another these shameful secrets, and in this way, they lose their power over us. He said as long as we aren’t doing these things any longer, then they remain old behavior, and the Twelve Steps teach us how to get better.

Listening to the sick things people did while in their disease gave me the courage to look at and admit my own dark secrets as well. Suddenly I realized that I wasn’t a bad person after all. Rather, I had just done bad things when immersed in my disease. By hanging out with other people who had the same sickness of alcoholism as I had, I was able to draw on their experience, strength, and hope to recover. It was then that I understood why A.A. is the only place I can hang out with sick people and get better.

[bluidkiti]

August 26

Quote of the Week

"You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be."

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been unhappy where I was and wished I was somewhere else. In school I always wanted to be in the next grade; at work I wanted a more senior position making more money; when I bought my first home, I quickly wanted one with a pool. When I entered recovery, I brought this same impatience and discontent into the rooms with me.

I remember complaining to my sponsor after a few months that things hadn’t gotten better, and that I even felt worse. He listened patiently and then said, “You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.” This didn’t make any sense to me, and as my life continued to unravel and as I grew more frustrated, irritated, and angry, I kept complaining. His answer remained the same, and it took years before I finally understood what he meant.

One of the most important things I’ve learned in recovery is that accepting where I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually is the necessary key to changing it. Once I stop resenting how things are or wishing they were different, I can begin working with God to make them better. But it all begins with acceptance of where I am right now. Today, I know that I’m exactly where I should be, and because of this, I know how to make it better.

[bluidkiti]

September 2

Quote of the Week

"It’s not going to get easier, but it’s going to get better."

When I got sober, I thought my life would get easier. I mean, I wasn’t drinking to blackout any longer, and now that I was sober, everyone should be happy for me. I even thought I deserved some kind of an award. I was sure my money troubles would disappear, my health would get better, and all the people I hurt would forgive me and life would get back to normal. None of that happened right away.

In early sobriety, the only thing that changed was that I wasn’t getting loaded any longer. I still had all the same problems as before, and in addition, I was now also racked with feelings: feelings of remorse, resentment, fear, anger, and more. And as I struggled to work the Steps, things actually got worse as I lost job after job, found I was unfit for most relationships, and was in constant fear. I didn’t think recovery was for me.

I told my sponsor that if this was what sobriety was like, I’d rather start drinking again. He told me this was what getting sober was like, but it wasn’t what being sober was like. He said if this was how we were going to feel all the time, then none of us would have remained in recovery. Each year, my life did get better and better. Even though it wasn’t easy in the beginning, I found that overall, I had discovered the easier, softer way. Today, I can’t imagine not being sober and living in recovery.

[bluidkiti]

September 9

Quote of the Week

"My sanity today is directly proportional to my honesty."

In the old days, it was hard to keep my story straight. As my drinking increased, my omissions turned into half-truths, and these turned into little white lies. After a while, I couldn’t recognize the truth anymore. As I became disconnected from people and myself, my very reality changed and my sanity disappeared. After living in this dark abyss, I finally surrendered and entered the program.

As I began to get sober, I started in on the overwhelming task of unraveling the massive knot of lies, stories, and deceptive behavior I had engaged in. I felt shame, anger, and remorse as I painfully made my way back to my true self, which had been buried beneath the disease of alcoholism. I used the tools of “uncover, discover, and discard,” and after many inventories, I finally saw the light ahead.

The road back to sanity began with the words “rigorous honesty.” Although seemingly straightforward, the challenge I had was in coming to believe that, of myself, I was enough—that if I spoke my truth, I would be accepted. The miracle is that the truth really did set me free, and the more honest I was, the more peaceful and serene I became. Today, if I’m feeling uncomfortable, I look to where my honesty may be lacking. As soon as I become genuine again, my sanity is restored.