It was hard to figure out just what I needed to do at the beginning of being in recovery. I think it's that way for everyone, but this didn't mean that I couldn't learn how to do what I needed to do, it just meant that it was going to take some time before I could, and for me that was the hardest part of all of this. Recovery builds upon itself by following the course of actions that are prescribed. It will transform anyone, that's what it's intended to do, and all this takes time so that I could reach where I needed to be before going on to the next step. At one point of doing all of this work it wasn't making any sense to me as to why I was doing any of it and I didn't want to go on. Looking back I know I was almost there to where all of this would finally make sense to me, and why I needed to do all of this. If I could have figured out just what I needed to do without me having to do what I did, it won't have worked. I had to trust that by me doing all of this that it was going to work so I would continue doing the work. Because this was the only way I was ever going to find out just what recovery could do for me was by me doing it.