Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2022

[bluidkiti]

November 14

Quote of the Week

"Gratitude is the shortest path between me and God."

I used to take everything in my life for granted. At the height of my “big-shot-ism,” I had a lot of property and a lot of prestige. Rather than appreciating what I had, all I thought about was getting more or better or bigger. What I didn’t know was that I also had alcoholism, and the growing hole I felt inside me would never be filled with any of these outside things. When I hit bottom, I was surrounded by a lot on the outside, but I was empty on the inside.

When I started going to meetings, I heard other people talk about the same hole, and I began to hear about a different way to fill it. It started, they told me, by developing an “attitude of gratitude,” and by taking reliance off of myself and placing it on a God of my own understanding. They told me I already had everything I needed to be happy, joyous, and free. My job was to become “right-sized” by working the Twelve Steps so that I could appreciate all God had done and was doing for me.

As my humility grew, I found I truly had much to be grateful for. To start with, I hadn’t died or destroyed my life through my alcoholism, and I was now sober and on a spiritual path. When I looked at the abundance of everything I already had—a loving family, a wonderful new fellowship of friends, my health, and more—I came to appreciate the real richness of my life. As my gratitude continues to deepen, so does my relationship with God. Today, I have only to think about ten or fifteen things I have that property and prestige can’t fill to realize how blessed I am. Today, I know that gratitude is the shortest path between me and God.

[bluidkiti]

November 21

Quote of the Week

"There are some days when I say, ‘What program? God who?'"

Last week my business website was hacked, my site was taken down, and my account was suspended. For hours, while I lost revenue and customers, I pleaded, begged, and threatened my hosting company’s technical support people. For the most part I was polite and professional, but I was cursing under my breath, anxious, and pissed off. After it was all over, I was a wreck. Later that evening, I wondered why I hadn’t brought God into it and why I hadn’t worked my program.

What I realized is that fear is still the chief activator of my lingering character defects, and prime among them is fear of losing something I have or of not getting what I demand. As I furiously instant messaged and emailed their support team, I saw eight years of working on my business go down the drain, felt the pain of starting over, and grew increasingly resentful. Thankfully everything was resolved in a few hours, but for a while I was alone and spiritually vulnerable.

As I reflect back on the experience, I’m amazed at how quickly I can abandon my program when I’m in fear. I completely understand when I hear of people who pick up a drink after twenty years and can’t explain why. I know that alcoholism is cunning, baffling, and powerful, and I’m constantly reminded that I must remain vigilant. Even after all my time in recovery, there are some days when I say, “What program? God who?”

[bluidkiti]

November 28

Quote of the Week

"Everything I have is the property of A.A."

When I heard someone share this from the podium in a meeting one day, I was struck with an immense feeling of gratitude for all I have been given in recovery. This morning as I write this, I am on a business trip in Atlanta, Georgia, having been flown in by a company to work with their employees. I am highly respected (and paid) today. This is a sharp contrast to the unemployed (and unemployable) thief I was when I crawled into the rooms many years ago. Every area of my life has been transformed as well.

Today, I have meaningful relationships that are healthy and mutually fulfilling. I have a fellowship of people who trudge the road of happy destiny with me—sincere people who would be there for me if I needed them. I am very happily married to a wonderful woman who loves and accepts me for who I am. I also have close friends outside of the program who respect and value my opinion, and me, theirs. Compare this to the lone wolf who had been abandoned by most people, including myself.

But most of all, recovery has given me something I didn’t even know I wanted or could have: peace and serenity. I feel comfortable in my own skin today, something I never felt before. All this comes from my relationship with a God of my own understanding. Contrast that with the confirmed agnostic and sometimes atheist who came into the rooms all those dark, drunk years ago. I have more, so much more, in my life today, and I owe it all to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Everything I have, and that I am, is truly the property of A.A. And for that, my gratitude knows no bounds.

[bluidkiti]

December 5

Quote of the Week

"If I keep doing what I was doing, I’ll keep getting what I was getting."

I remember when I was new to recovery I was very willing to follow direction. I went to ninety meetings in ninety days, got a home group, got a minimum of four commitments at various meetings, got a sponsor, and began working the Twelve Steps. I did a lot and I got a lot. My life improved, I felt better, and I started to recover. Even the promises began to come true.

Now that I’m deep in recovery, I find that I’m not as active as I used to be. Oh sure, I still go to meetings, and I even have a couple of commitments, but I find I’m not doing all the things I used to do. And I’ve also found that I’m not getting out of the program what I used to get. When I heard this quote, I immediately made the connection.

When I spoke with my sponsor about this, he reminded me that I didn’t need to “go out” to restart my program. There are always newcomers who need sponsors and meetings that need help, and I could always add a meeting or two. The good news is that as soon as I start doing what I did, I start getting what I got. So, if you’re not feeling it these days, just think back to what you used to do when you were new and start doing it again.

[bluidkiti]

December 12

Quote of the Week

"I want my Higher Power to live in my heart full time, but He’ll only take a twenty-four-hour lease."

It’s amazing how good I feel when I get connected to my Higher Power. I do this by praying and meditating in the mornings, or by speaking with or helping someone in the program. I also get this feeling by attending meetings or going out to fellowship. I love the peace I feel, the sense of belonging I have, and the feelings of being comfortable in my own skin.

It’s also amazing how I can wake up the next day and feel so disconnected. There are some mornings when I feel the same old dread and anxiety I lived with while drinking. It’s as if I had never heard of the Twelve Steps. I’ve often asked my sponsor why I can’t stay connected, and he tells me it’s the same reason I can’t stay full after I’ve eaten a meal. When I ask him to explain, he says:

“Because we are spiritual beings, we all have a hunger to connect with our source. Once connected, we are filled with the peace and serenity that are the nourishment of this union. As we go about our day expending energy—the biggest energy drain caused by thinking and worrying about ourselves—we quickly become depleted and hungry. That’s why we need to continually take actions to restore our connection and move God back into our hearts.” And once I do that, I am full again.

[bluidkiti]

December 19

Quote of the Week

"Alcoholism . . . cunning, baffling, powerful."

The other night, my wife and I decided to take in some holiday cheer by having dinner at a very exclusive hotel bar. Dimly lit, with Christmas piano music drifting in from the lounge, it was cozy. After dinner, my wife wanted dessert, and we decided to try something new: smoked maple sabayon. Sounded so innocent, so delicious. We ordered it immediately. It arrived in two bowls, one of which looked like vanilla pudding. I took a tablespoon and dived in. As it hit my palette, my first thought was: alcohol. What happened next is when today’s quote took over . . .

Without hesitation, I went for another, bigger scoop. I vaguely remember thinking that it tasted strong, but that it was also the holidays, and only a dessert, and that I should try it again just to be sure. As my spoon was about to plunge into the pudding, my wife said, “There is a lot of alcohol in that.” I slowed the descent of my spoon. She continued, “I think I just got a buzz from that first bite.” My spoon stopped a quarter inch above the dessert. She looked at me and said, “I don’t think you should have any more.” I put my spoon down, flagged the waiter, and he said, “Oh yes, there is uncooked rum in that.”

On the drive home, I tried to explain to my wife that my alcoholism has a mind of its own. Even with twenty-plus years of sobriety, it is cunning, baffling, and powerful. I thought nothing of taking another bite, just to confirm there was a lot of alcohol in there and didn’t even consider the consequences. I told her that she saved me from making a serious mistake, and that she needed to continue to be vigilant for me, especially on those rare occasions when I’m not. What I learned is that I can’t forget the word that comes before today’s quote: remember.

[bluidkiti]

December 26

Quote of the Week

"It is a pity we can’t forget our troubles the same way we forget our blessings."

I used to wake up reviewing all the bad things in my life. To start with, I usually had a deep hangover—the kind where your head hurts when you move it just an inch. Then I’d wonder how I was going to work that day, and if the boss would make good on his threat to fire me if I called in late again. I’d next review my dwindling bank balance and think about all my bills. By the time I reached for a cigarette and coffee, I was pretty much defeated.

In early recovery, I used to still wake up and review all the bad things in my life. I had lost that job, and I was living off borrowed money from my home equity line. I was now sentenced to A.A. meetings and forced to work the Steps. By the time I reached for a cup of coffee, I was pretty sure my life was over. My sponsor wasn’t having any of my pity party. He suggested I write a gratitude list which started with things like (1) I was alive and not in jail, (2) I was sober today, (3) I actually owned a home I could borrow on, and (4) I had time to attend multiple meetings throughout the day. Turns out, I did have a lot to be grateful for.

These days, the pity pot doesn’t get used as much, but I can still get into fear and worry. When I do, I review all the things sobriety and my Higher Power have blessed me with: my life, long-term sobriety, spiritual tools that allow me to live comfortably—even serenely—in my own skin. And I have a lot of “outside” stuff as well. Today, I try to forget the temporary troubles that come and go and stay focused on the blessings that are always with me. When I do, I live a very happy and contented life.