Thoughts To Help You On Your Recovery Path

[MajestyJo]

The Rules For Being Human
Cherie Carter-Scott
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1)You will receive a body.
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You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for
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the entire period of time around.
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2)You will learn lessons.
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You are enrolled in a full-time school called Life.
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Each day in this school you will have the opportunity
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to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them
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irrelevant or stupid.
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3)There are no mistakes, only lessons.
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Growth is a process of trial and error: Experimentation.
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The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process
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as the experiment that ultimately "works."
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4)A lesson is repeated until learned.
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A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until
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you have learned it, you can them go on to the next lesson.
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5)Learning lessons does not end.
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There is no part of life that does not contain it's lessons.
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If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
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6)"There" is no better than "here".
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When you are "there" has become a "here", you will simply
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obtain another "there" that will again look better than
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"here".
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7)Others are merely mirrors of you.
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You cannot love or hate something about another person
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unless it reflects something you love or hate about
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yourself.
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8)What you make of your life is up to you.
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You have all the tools and resources you need. What you
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do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
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9)Your answers lie inside you.
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The answers to Life's questions lie inside you.
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All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
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10)YOU WILL FORGET ALL THIS.

[MajestyJo]

How true! This was something I didn't want to allow myself. People repeatedly seemed to be saying, "Well you are only human you know!" That wasn't acceptable to me. I could not always be perfect and right but I felt that it was my job in recovery to be the best me I could be each day. I didn't always live up to my expectations and I learned not to beat myself up for falling short of who and what I wanted to be, and yet I felt better within me for having tried.

Before recovery, I didn't try. I had given up on life and I got to the stage where I was sick and tired of being tired and sick. I have been back there a few times since then and it is not a good place to be. Thank God for this program.

The frog means cleansing the old to make room for the new. I look at it as a reminder to stay clean and sober. F.R.O.G. (Fully Relying On God).

[dwmoeller]

I really like the FROG acronym Fully Rely on God. That is why I have a frog showing my sobriety journey at the bottom of all of my posts. 6 years and 6 months ago, I was lying on my bed. It was my first night of in-patient treatment at Prairie St. Johns and I prayed to God that I could not do this alone. I need your help, God. I need to fully rely on You.

[MajestyJo]

"Accepting God's Gifts"

"It is necessary for all of us to accept whatever positive gifts we receive with a deep humility, always bearing in mind that our negative attitudes were first necessary as a means of reducing us to such a state that we would be ready for a gift of the positive ones via the conversion experience. Your own alcoholism and the immense deflation that finally resulted are indeed the foundation upon which your spiritual experience rests."

© 1967, As Bill Sees It, page 168

Acceptance is one of the spiritual principles of Step One. I was told that I had to do the first half of this step 100%, and I was warned that the second half was conditional to my spiritual connection, one day at a time.

When I accepted my disease, surrendered my day to my Higher Power, got honest with me, then my life would be manageable. If I didn't have these spiritual principles, and tried to manage my own life, then it certainly would become unmanageable, and would stay so until such a time, as I could find the honest, surrender and acceptance I need to bring myself back to my center and connected to the God of my understanding.

[MajestyJo]

Had this thought in 2004 and ten years later, it is still applicable I today. This is why I love this program, it is one day at a time program. God is as He reveals Himself to me I today. The program is applicable as it unfolds in today.

Posted this on another site in 2004 and responded to it in 2014

It holds true now in 2017. Acceptance is still the key to my recovery.

Know that acceptance is the key, the last week has been a struggle to find it on occasion.

Know it is the answer, and know it is the key, and yet I felt like if I accept what is, I am giving up my power to another person and my space, and not willing to giving up my boundaries. I had to reset them, set some ground rules, make people aware that they were there and that there are consequences to their actions. My new favourite saying is, "Don't give up, give over."

[MajestyJo]

So many times we forget that we have to be willing to give to receive. What is often more important that we need to be open to receiving so we have something to give.

I need to make room for the goodness to come in and l need to let go of the negative so it can be changed into a positive.

As it says in the reading, we have to be aware of what needs to be changed and that is why it is necessary to take not only a daily inventory, but an inventory as to where we are at in our life.

I like that it speaks of time. We don't get better overnight. It is a process.

[MajestyJo]

Thought for the Day
Monday, MAY 29

From the book: The Language of Letting Go

Powerlessness and Unmanageability


Willpower is not the key to the way of life we are seeking. Surrender is.

"I have spent much of my life trying to make people be, do, or feel something they aren't, don't want to do, and choose not to feel. I have made them, and myself, crazy in that process," said one recovering woman.

I spent my childhood trying to make an alcoholic father who didn't love himself be a normal person who loved me. I then married an alcoholic and spent a decade trying to make him stop drinking.

I have spent years trying to make emotionally unavailable people be emotionally present for me. I have spent even more years trying to make family members, who are content feeling miserable, happy.

What I'm saying is this: I've spent much of my life desperately and vainly trying to do the impossible and feeling like a failure when I couldn't. It's been like planting corn and trying to make the seeds grow peas. Won't work!

By surrendering to powerlessness, I gain the presence of mind to stop wasting my time and energy trying to change and control that which I cannot change and control. It gives me permission to stop trying to do the impossible and focus on what is possible: being who I am, loving myself, feeling what I feel, and doing what I want to do with my life.

In recovery, we learn to stop fighting lions, simply because we cannot win. We also learn that the more we are focused on controlling and changing others, the more unmanageable our life becomes. The more we focus on living our own life, the more we have a life to live, and the more manageable our life will become.

Today, I will accept powerlessness where I have no power to change things, and I'll allow my life to become manageable.

I am powerlesss over my disease and that of my son.

[MajestyJo]

Counting Your Blessings in Recovery

You don’t have to be religious to know that being in recovery from addiction is a good thing. People say “Count your blessings” all the time – and there’s a reason for that. First of all, it’s reinforcement to re-cap the benefits of an achievement, and recovery is a huge achievement. But there’s a lot more to being in recovery to be grateful, and thankful for, than just a summary of your accomplishments. Take it in a religious or spiritual sense – or just common sense – but do acknowledge what positives you’ve received in your recovery.

You’re Alive

For many in recovery, especially after chronic, hard-core alcohol or substance abuse, just the fact that they’re alive is not only a blessing, it’s a near miracle. Physical, psychological and mental consequences of long-term substance abuse often leave addicts with many scars. Not only are there medical conditions to deal with, and perhaps serious ones at that, but the emotional wreckage and psychological damage have also taken a toll.

Look at your own addiction. Maybe you fall into the category of the chronic, long-term abuser who tried multiple times to kick your habit before you finally succeeded. At any point during your abuse of alcohol or drugs, you could have died from a variety of complications. Even if you weren’t an addict for years on end, you may have overdosed and nearly died from drugs and/or alcohol.

In either case, consider yourself lucky to be alive. This is one of the most profound blessings of your recovery, and one that you should be thankful for every day. Without life, there is no future. There is no time left to undo the wrongs you may have committed, or to repair a relationship that needs mending, or follow long-buried dreams. You can’t come back from death – at least, not usually. There are some – and you may be one of them – that have been declared dead, only to be revived. If that’s the case, you’ve got a double miracle to be grateful for.

No More Lost Days (and Nights)

Addicts are very clever at hiding various aspects of their addiction. One of the earliest tricks they use is to fool others into believing that they remember things that occurred while they were under the influence of alcohol or drugs when, in fact, it’s all a blur. Surely you recall the techniques you used to pull the wool over the eyes of your spouse, partner, significant other, family member, friend, co-worker or employer.

At least, you think you did. Chances are that those closest to you began to suspect that you had a blackout when you consistently “forgot” events, actions, words, or lost hours that you couldn’t reasonably account for. It’s actually amazing the amount of time and energy addicts put into trying to remember what they said, did or thought while they were in a blackout. Little bits and pieces may have come back here and there, and maybe they sufficed to help convince others that you were really all “there,” when you really weren’t. Probably not, however, especially after repeated episodes.

The point here is not to dredge up unpleasant reminders of those lost days and nights but to celebrate the fact that those situations are all in the past. Instead, think about how terrific it is to wake up each morning and fully remember all that occurred the previous day, week, month and year. The reinforcement every day that you are in full control of your mental faculties is a genuine blessing.

Life is More Vivid

When you’re no longer spending a great part of your day trying to get over the effects of the night before, you’ve undoubtedly discovered that life is more vivid. What do we mean by that? Think of it. Visually, what you see in terms of color is brighter. It has to be, because you’re not under a cloud or suffering a pounding headache or going through the nausea and other hangover symptoms. Not only sights, but also sounds and smells are more pronounced. Suddenly, you can hear, detect and appreciate things more. This includes music, the sounds and smells of nature, the aroma and taste of food.

Think how much more intensely you feel the attraction to your spouse or significant other – if you are fortunate enough to have this type of relationship currently in your life. Human pheromones notwithstanding, being more in the present is a big boost in your relationship with your loved one.

Open to New Experiences

Now that you’re in recovery, you can look forward to many new experiences. You aren’t stuck in the past. There’s no rule or recommendation that you constantly look back. It’s just the contrary, in fact. Why look back when you have your entire life ahead of you?

You will recall that while you were in treatment your counselor or other treatment professionals gave you valuable tools and helped you create your blueprint for recovery. This roadmap undoubtedly includes short- and long-term goals that you’ve identified for yourself and a step-by-step guide for how to achieve them. But none of these are set in stone. That’s the beauty of an evolving plan for recovery.

As you pursue some of your goals, be they short-term ones that are easily accomplished or long-term goals that involve many months and years, there will be numerous opportunities that will present themselves. It could be an offshoot from something that you are presently pursuing as a life goal, or it could be something entirely new, some activity or job or educational, cultural, entertainment or other pursuit that begins to intrigue you. And the best part of this stage of your recovery is that you are no longer closed off. You are fully capable of embracing new experiences. You have every right to be. After all, you’ve worked hard for your sobriety, and you’ve made it a part of your life – a welcome part, an integral piece of your character.

Getting Stronger Every Day

Sometimes addicts in recovery need longer to recover their health, ravaged during months and years of past abuse. Others may not have suffered as much physical damage, but have lingering psychological and/or emotional pain to overcome. It takes time, but the truth of the matter is that with each passing day, you are getting stronger.

Support is a key element in this acceleration of your healing process. You simply can’t do in on your own. First of all, no one other than another recovering addict knows what it feels like to be in recovery. How can they relate when they’ve never been in your shoes? Just being able to converse and interact with others in recovery is a huge benefit to your continuing sobriety.
You find your support in the 12-step groups that you were introduced to during treatment. And it’s important – critical, really – that you continue your participation in 12-step group meetings for a minimum of two years following treatment. The benefits to you are really almost impossible to overstate. Suffice it to say that you will find a kind of camaraderie with your 12-step sponsor and fellow group members that you won’t find anywhere else. These are individuals who are committed to helping each other in their continuing sobriety.

When you’re down, you know they’ve got your back. They’ll be available with a kind word, an understanding and non-judgmental ear, and ready and willing to support you in your time of need. This is especially true in early recovery, when cravings and doubts and the fear of relapse are most likely to occur.

The good news about getting stronger every day isn’t that you’ll immediately notice it. You may not. But over time, you will one day notice that you’re better able to deal with stresses and situations that used to cause you pain or threaten to derail your sobriety. You’re getting better at utilizing the tools and techniques that you learned during treatment and have picked up during your interaction with fellow 12-step group members.

Putting Your Life in Order

Gone now are the regret, dismay, discouragement and disappointment you felt during your darkest days of addiction. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t have things to take care of that are a result of those bleak times. The benefit of being in recovery is that you are now better able to not only see what it is you need to do to repair or mend those situations, but you are better equipped to tackle the challenges.

Putting your life in order is an important blessing in recovery. Moving ahead with your life is an integral part of your continuing sobriety. That said, you may wonder how you get there. Sometimes, it’s difficult. You may need help. Use the resources available to you, whether that’s counseling that’s a part of your aftercare program or other counseling and help that you can get through federal, state or local resources. You may need job training or assistance obtaining funds to go continue or pursue a degree. Perhaps you need guidance on the best way to approach a new employer or a recommendation for a plan to break into a new field that’s of interest to you.

There may be some financial problems that you need to deal with. The cost of your treatment, financial obligations of the household, medical, educational or other expenses for you or other family members, legal costs, etc. may be items that are on your agenda for putting your life in order.

Now that you’re in recovery and are taking responsibility for your actions, you are in a position to begin to take the positive steps necessary to do what you can in this important area of your life.

And, it’s not all about money. It’s also about relationships that may have been strained to the point of breaking – or are beyond repair. Sometimes the best thing to do is to give that person who has rejected you (out of the pain that has been caused) the space he or she needs. You may need to let them go. But that doesn’t mean that you carry the weight of the load forever. Putting your life in order in this respect means that you make your amends by forgiving yourself for your words and actions that have caused so much pain – and move on. At some point, the relationship may be resurrected – if the other party initiates it. You can’t count on that, but it is a possibility. In any event, moving on with your life means that you are finally able to release the burdens of the past. They no longer have a hold on you.

Learning to Love Yourself and Others Again

Addiction carries a lot of self-destruction. Once you cast off your habit and resolve to be clean and sober, you gradually learn to believe in yourself again. This, too, takes time, and it’s different for everyone. There’s no set amount of months before you can say that you’re okay again, that you feel good about yourself, and that you’re a good person. You can say it, and it’s a good affirmation, but it takes time for you to believe it.

You should. In fact, believing in yourself and your intrinsic goodness is a huge benefit of being in recovery. Why is this? Without a belief in yourself, you cannot be open to give and receive love. Letting another person in requires trust, a belief that this person will see you for who you really are, and love you regardless of your past transgressions or station in life, how much money you make or what kind of things you own. It also means that you will be able to reach out to others – first, to help those in need, and then to just give freely of yourself with no thought of receiving anything in return. This is how true love begins.

Love of yourself leads to the ability to love others. It’s a reciprocal process and, in fact, no real feelings of love can occur between two people without this generosity of spirit. Even the bonds of friendship require trust and a willingness to give of yourself. Now that you are in recovery, you are in a great position to open yourself up to others. That’s something you never would have been able to entertain while you were struggling to get through the days of addiction.

Looking Forward to the Future

Now that you’re in recovery, there’s nothing holding you back from pursuing your dreams. Sure, it may take some time to get where you want to go, but creating a plan and working toward your goals gives you increasing self-confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem. It also means that you are the architect of your own destiny. You have learned perhaps the most important lesson of all – that you are not your addiction. Who you are is who you want to be. Your future is in your hands, to create and shape as you desire.

This isn’t pie in the sky, and it does involve a lot of determination and hard work. But you’ve already discovered that you have it
in you. Having come through treatment and being in recovery, you’re learning new things about yourself each and every day. Tomorrow is full of hope and promise – two more blessings that you now have in recovery.

Are there more blessings that you can identify? There most certainly are, and they are unique to you. Muse about them for a bit, and give yourself kudos for all that you have already achieved in your recovery. Then, go out and embrace the new opportunities that will reveal themselves to you today, tomorrow, and all the days after that.

Author Unknown

Didn't write this, wish I did. It is because of our lack of trust in our fellow man kind and life itself, that keeps us caught up in our addiction. We can't see beyond it and can only fear the unknown and can't see ourselves living life without our drug of choice. Many substitute another only to be addicted to more than one substance.

We don't quit forever. We do this one day at a time. Even after all these years in recovery, it is still just for today, I choose not to use.

[MajestyJo]

Shortcomings
I have shortcomings and defects of character. I never have been and never can be perfect.

As that realization became a part of me -- and it took time -- it brought me one of the greatest of the many blessings that have come to me from AA.

I learned to accept myself as a fallible human being. I do not have to strive for perfection.

Mistakes are permissible. I have the right to be wrong. And what a comfort that thought is to me, as I make my bemused way through life, one foot in a bucket, pushing on doors marked "Pull."

- The Best of the Grapevine [Vol. 2], pp. 167-168

Always look at these as two different things, most people say they are the same. For me, I have both. I can have a defect of character, but I don't have to act out in it. Shortcomings are being less than who my God would have me be in today. He really doesn't have high expectations, but I have always had them on myself. For me, a short coming is acting out in my defect of character.

It is one thing to think it, but quite a different thing to follow thought with action. That can be a good thing or a not so good thing. For me the not so good thing is a shortcoming.

[MajestyJo]

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.

The Good Feelings

Let yourself feel the good feelings too.

Yes, sometimes-good feelings can be as distracting as the painful, more difficult ones. Yes, good feelings can be anxiety producing to those of us unaccustomed to them. But go ahead and feel the good feelings anyway.
Feel and accept the joy. The love. The warmth. The excitement. The pleasure. The satisfaction. The elation. The tenderness. The comfort.

Let yourself feel the victory, the delight.
Let yourself feel cared for.
Let yourself feel respected, important, and special.

These are only feelings, but they feel good. They are full of positive, upbeat energy - and we deserve to feel that when it comes our way.
We don't have to repress. We don't have to talk ourselves out of feeling good--not for a moment.

If we feel it, it's ours for the moment. Own it. If it's good, enjoy it.

Today, God, help me be open to the joy and good feelings available to me.

They say we have to feel the feelings before we can let them go. If we put up walls and shut down, we miss out on those good feelings.

[MajestyJo]

Some people think the Traditions are just for the groups. I have found them to be helpful tools to take outside of the rooms and apply them to my life. Perhaps a few other people should think that way, but then we can't tell anyone.

Sometimes they just don't get it. Sadly they take others with them.

I am responsible when anyone anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there, and for that, I am responsible.

Sadly they aren't looking for help, although I see it as such. They need the program just as much as the newcomer coming into the room. Many years in recovery can build up a surprising amount of ego and complacency

EGO - Easing God Out!

I have to be ever watchful that I don't slip back into old thinking and behaviors. This is a "WE" program, "We can do, what I can't do alone."

[MajestyJo]

One More Day

November 11

Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.

– Dag Hammarskjold

The first time we go through a festive season without our spouse or a dear friend or beloved child, we may wonder if we can get through it. Pity overwhelms us as we think,. Surely no one has felt as bad as I do right now. Pain increases our loneliness, and we feel crushed by the holiday preparations the rest of the world seems to be making.

We can struggle out of this self-imposed misery by using the strategies that have helped us cope with our chronic illnesses. Patience tells us that this too shall pass. Selflessness shows us others who need compassion more than we do. Spiritually reminds us that our pain and sadness can be entrusted to the loving care of our Higher Power.

I know the holidays can be difficult, and if I take them one day at a time. I will do just fine.

This is a one day at a time program. Holidays are just another 24 hours.

[MajestyJo]

Service has always been a big part of my recovery. I started out by going to lots of meetings to find a group I felt comfortable in. My sponsor said, "Don't ask what the group can do for you, but what you can do for the group."

Back in my day, smoking was allowed, so it started in the kitchen cleaning coffee cups and ash trays. My favourite spot was at the door being a greeter.

I held several positions in my group, then got involved with other things when I got 2 years clean and sober and went to the local jail, detox, recovery house and sharing my story at different groups.

From there I tried to extend my hand to others and give to others in the community.

It helped me with my self-confidence and gave my life purpose and a reason for being.