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[BabbyBear]

I am here looking for guidance into fighting my meth addiction I have no private insurance I have no insurance at all I've tried this many times before but this time I really want it and I'm reaching out on my knees for all the helpful words of wisdom I know every recovery is different because everybody is different my withdrawals this time I totally different than any other time I think to myself why do I put myself through this and then comes on the urge to want to use I'm fighting that feeling of wanting to use I want to take back control of my life and be a better person be a better mom be a better friend be a better daughter so I am reaching out asking for any advice at all I've been an addict for 20 years methamphetamines pills alcohol I'm what they call dual addict and it don't just lie there Imany of dictions I have a father that's battling cancer have a mother that's battling cancer and I live in the home with them why raising my son I need more support than ever right now sincerely babby bear

[MajestyJo]

Welcome to the site Babby Bear. Thank you for sharing. Have not experience Meth personally, but it is a killer that can take us down fast. It is good to hear that you want to get off the wagon. As a friend of mine says, "They dropped me at the doors of Narcotics Anonymous, so I didn't have to go all the way to the dump. I was at his first meeting in AA and I was at his 22nd year in NA.

Many of the long-timers will say, "We didn't have treatment centers back in our day, we went to AA." Here in Canada you don't often get people with 40-60 years in recovery.

I don't know if I qualify as a long-timer, but the best thing I can think of is don't use and go to meetings. When you don't feel like going to meetings, go to a meeting, don't walk run! I went to two meeting a day for two years, because I had to fill the void with spiritual things. Using was no longer an option for me.

They kept saying, "Keep coming back," and I did. I was introduced to the literature of NA in 1991. I went to AA because of my denial and I filled in some spaces with NA and Al-Anon meeting along the way. I went through a period were I left AA to go to NA. Then I left NA to go back to Al-Anon when my son came into recovery. In today, he chooses to continue you to use, so I am back in NA. It was me being willing to do what ever it takes. There was a while I spent in CA, because that was were an ex-boyfriend hung his hat. The said, "....and all mind altering substances." That qualified me, I had an honest desire not to use.

Try to go to your first meeting clean if you can, but if you have to take something to take off the edge to get there, do so and go. From that time forward, it is suggested that you get a meeting list, get phone numbers, and go to 90 meetings in 90 days to get a sponsor and a home group. Some people take that as a suggestion that they are fixed and can go back out. It doesn't work that way. The 12 Steps are a process, not a quick fix program. It is suggest that you are abstinent from all drugs in order to recover. I personally quit pills and alcohol. My doctor put me on an inhaler so I could continue smoking. I used the NA program too quit smoking at 7 years in recovery. Some of us are sicker than others.

How you get sick is up to you. I know I spent 5 days, alone in a room at the YWCA, with the washroom down the hall. It was a long hall. I worked with a social worker who got me into treatment. My doctor said that there was nothing wrong with me, I just didn't take my medication as he prescribed it. I had to change doctors. The worker wanted to go after him and get his license removed. I said "No!" because he was my aunt's doctor and she saw him as special. She too ended up changing doctors. Your doctor needs to know that you are foremost an addict, everything else is secondary.

You need to be willing to go to any length to stay clean and sober. There are recovery information on the site. The drug is but a symptom of our disease. The problem is me. I was at dis-ease within myself, and I looked for some thing, person, place that will make me feel better. It is a disease. It is an obsessive/compulsive addiction that tells me I am just fine. It tells me I don't have a disease as well as a lot of other things. It is cunning, baffling, and powerful. The only way I have been unable to return to active addiction, is 12 Step Program, and I have chosen NA at the moment for my recovery.

I always knew I was an addict, my drug of choice was more. I was in denial about being an alcoholic, but when my mind cleared, I could see that if I matched my dad and my ex-husband drink for drink, I couldn't be sober. They were falling down drunks. I was the alcoholic who had the thinking problem, who drove them home and told them what they had done wrong the night before. My son says he is yet to find someone who drank like me, and here I didn't think I had a problem. I had a problem alright, I couldn't afford to feed my habit, so I went to my doctor and I didn't have to pay for my more. In the end, I was doing both. One drug will lead you to another one. Substitution doesn't work.

Please feel free to share. If you feel more comfortable, private message me. We do this one day at a time. For this 24 hours, I choose not to use. A day can start any time. When I quit smoking 19 years ago, my day started at 2:30 p.m., just for today, I choose not to use and haven't picked up a cigarette since. I have wanted to, but to pick one up would kill me faster than if I picked a a drink or a pill.

Keep coming so you don't have to come back. Feel free to ask any questions.

[MajestyJo]

You might want to check out some of the following links:

Daily Readings:

http://www.bluidkiti.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12919

Step One

http://www.bluidkiti.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10543

http://www.bluidkiti.com/forums/showthread.php?t=80

http://www.bluidkiti.com/forums/showthread.php?t=11086

http://www.bluidkiti.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=7

Grief work is a big part of early recovery, you need to learn to recognize it.

http://www.bluidkiti.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3215

http://www.bluidkiti.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=11

There is a lot more, but not want to overwhelm you too much.

Just remember, we do this one day at a time. Just for today, I choose not to use people, places, and things. Recovery is a process. We can't do it all at once, so remember easy does it, and find yourself a sponsor. Someone who has been where you have been. Some one you can relate to.

[bluidkiti]

Hi Babbybear, I will pray for you. Keep coming and sharing with us. We are here for you.