Wisdom Of The Rooms - 2023

[bluidkiti]

November 13

Quote of the Week

"The secret to my recovery is no secret."

When I was new to recovery, staying sober—even one day at a time—was occasionally a seemingly impossible task. Old triggers lurked around every corner, and feelings descended on me without warning. While I was in a meeting I was okay, but in between them, while out in the real world, it was touch-and-go. When I saw people celebrate a year of sobriety, I wondered with awe how they were able to hang on that long.

As I got past ninety days and the fog cleared a bit, I began to acknowledge that there were people who had seven, fifteen, and even twenty years of sobriety and more! This was unfathomable to me. How could they not drink through all those New Year’s Eves, weddings, and tragedies? When I asked my sponsor what their secret was to long-term sobriety, he told me it was simple: “You don’t drink or use, one day at a time.” I came to find out this was the basics of it, but there was more to the secret. . . .

In over twenty years of recovery now, I’ve learned that in order for me to not take a drink, I had to have a spiritual experience. And the way I did that was by working the Twelve Steps of the program with my sponsor. By doing this, I’ve developed a relationship with a Power greater than myself, and as a result, the man who writes this quote today is a very different man from the one who crawled into the rooms all those years ago. My secret to recovery is the same as all the others: I still go to meetings, I still work the Steps, and I still don’t drink, one day at a time. As anyone in the program can tell you, the secret to recovery is no secret.

[bluidkiti]

November 20

Quote of the Week

"Negativity is my disease asking me to come out to play."

I used to have just one voice in my head. Sometimes it was encouraging, even optimistic, but most of the time it was negative and defeatist. It told me things weren’t going to get better, so why try? It said things were bad, so why not at least feel better by drinking and using? Toward the end, the positive part of that voice went away, and all I heard was how bad things were and how much worse they were going to get. It’s no wonder I hit bottom.

When I entered the program, I heard a lot of talk about the disease. At first, my voice told me that wasn’t true, and that instead I was just bad, weak-willed, or a loser. But as I got better, and the positive voice returned, I discovered it was separate from the negative one. I realized there were actually two voices inside my head, and I began to understand the disease of alcoholism.

It’s taken a long time to nurture and grow the positive voice of recovery, but now I recognize it as the truth spoken to me by my Higher Power. The negative voice is still there sometimes, and it surprises me when I hear it, but I know it’s just my alcoholism. Thankfully, the program has taught me to acknowledge it, thank it for sharing, and then ignore it. Today, I know that negativity is just my disease asking me to come out to play, and I know now how to decline its invitation.

[bluidkiti]

November 27

Quote of the Week

"God, help me to go from where I am to where I need to be, for who I am."

The first time I heard this prayer, while working the Eleventh Step, I experienced a great surrender. Although compact and seemingly simple, it is one of the purest ways of working this Step. In the first part, “God, help me to go from where I am,” I am strengthening my conscious contact as I partner with my Higher Power and invite Him to guide me on my spiritual journey.

The second part, “to where I need to be,” reveals the wisdom of this prayer as it shows that I have truly turned the result of my journey over to God. Like all great spiritual treatments, the power here comes from me getting out of the way, thus removing any limited thinking and self-will. Once my selfish designs have been discarded, I can allow God’s limitless power and infinite resources to do for me what I cannot do for myself.

The last part, “for who I am,” reinforces the power of my faith. Trusting that God’s ultimate knowledge and will for me will be the most fulfilling for me and countless others, I arrive at the surrender of Step Eleven. Through prayer and meditation, I ask Him to reveal my true purpose, and I ask only for the strength to carry that out. By doing so, I am granted a great gift of recovery: peace and purpose.

[bluidkiti]

December 4

Quote of the Week

"Sometimes you don’t realize that all you need is God, until all you have is God."

Even after years in recovery and with all my sober experience, I’m still amazed by my tendency to put so many things before God. Many times, I’m convinced that if only I were retired or had enough money to travel more, or if my wife would do what I wanted, then my life would finally be better. If only I could get what I wanted, then I would be happy.

My stubborn reliance on this myth can be pretty disappointing. I’ve been reminded in meetings that anything I place before God will be taken from me, and I can show you inventories of the many things I have put before Him, and obsessively chased and then lost, to prove this is true. It’s painful when it happens, but the result is that it always leads me back to God.

The greatest gift I have today, and the one constant source of strength and hope in my life, is my relationship with my Higher Power. My Higher Power has the answers and solutions to the problems I face, and He has a deeper love and caring for me than I’ll ever comprehend. When I’m connected to God, there are no worries, no wants, and no needs. When things get stripped away, as they will be, and all I’m left with is God, it’s then that I remember: All I ever needed was God.

[bluidkiti]

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December 11

Quote of the Week

"You may be the only Big Book anyone ever reads."

As I was leaving a meeting at a church near my home the other night, I saw one of our members bring his cigarette onto the church parking lot (smoking is not allowed on church property) and then throw it on the ground as he got into his car and drove away. This made me angry as I thought about how this would reflect on the rest of us, and I wondered how he could be so self-centered and insensitive.

About a week later, I found myself at my bank dealing with an online banking error. I was resentful I had to take the time out of my day, indignant they hadn’t been able to fix it over the phone, and I was generally a pain in the ass to the guy who was trying to help me. After he resolved the issue and I calmed down, I thought about the kind of example I was setting and quickly made amends to him for my behavior.

On the way home, I thought about Step Twelve and the importance of practicing these principles in all our affairs. I realized how easy it is for me to still be self-centered and insensitive, and how the Tenth Step helps me guard against these character defects. I also realized that I have a responsibility to the program because I am an example of us all. Today, I work all the Steps to the best of my ability because I know that I may be the only Big Book anyone ever reads.

[bluidkiti]

December 18

Quote of the Week

"If you want to keep it, you’ll have to give it away."

I used to believe that I needed to get, accumulate, and hoard things if I wanted to have and keep them. I used to hoard my money and never gave to charity, because I thought if I did, I’d have less for me. In my sales job, I would hoard leads and sales techniques, believing that if I shared them, it would diminish my chances of success. In relationships, I kept my feelings close to me, fearing that if I let someone know how much I cared, that person would use it against me. In general, fear led my life, and after a while I was alone, resentful, and drunk.

In recovery, I heard the darnedest thing: that if I wanted to keep my sobriety, I had to spend time working with others and giving away what I had found in the program. I argued against this, especially in the beginning, claiming that I needed the help and support first, and only later would I be able to be of service in that way. My sponsor quickly told me that if I had even a day of sobriety more than a newcomer, then I could share my experience, strength, and hope. And that’s when I began giving it away.

What I found surprised me. Rather than diminish my recovery, I discovered that the more I shared, the more enriched I became. Every single time I helped another, I was helped just as much—if not more. I began to apply this lesson in other areas of my life, and soon I was recognized at work and even promoted into management. My career flourished. I practiced giving all my love to my partner, and that relationship has turned into the most amazing marriage I could ever imagine. And I also keep giving away what I find in the rooms. As such, my sobriety is solid, my spiritual life keeps expanding, and I am truly happy, joyous, and free.

[bluidkiti]

December 25

Quote of the Week

"I can’t do God’s will my way."

I remember driving home drunk after parties, window open, one eye closed so the lane would stop moving. I’d pray to God to get me home safe, promising I would behave the next time. The next morning when I came to, I’d have some juice and coffee, the fog would clear, and I would think that next time I would control my drinking better, and that I didn’t need God’s help after all. And then I’d be driving home from a party again. . . .

When I worked the Steps in the program, there was a lot of talk about God’s will, and turning my will and life over, and praying for the knowledge and power to carry that out. It was confusing for me because I was still trying to use His will to secretly fuel and further my own. For many years my ego was still in charge, and I was able to deceive myself into thinking that if I wanted it, then it must be God’s will as well. I wasted a lot of years trying to do God’s will my way.

My experience has been that once I am truly ready to seek a “Higher” way—usually through a surrender because my will has failed to get me what I want—that is when the miracle happens and my life changes. It happened when I finally let go of my old ideas around drinking, it happened when I finally surrendered my ideas about a relationship, and it has happened in many other areas of my life as well. The truth is that God’s will is always better for me, and once I stop trying to twist His will to fit my own, my life and those of everyone else around me improve.