Wisdom For Today - August

[bluidkiti]

August 1

Wisdom for Today
When I was active in my addiction I worked hard to hold things together. One place this was especially true was on the job. I thought that if I kept my business in tact, then my life was okay. I worked in construction and took pride in many of the jobs I worked on. As a builder I thought I was doing a good job and could take pride in my work. But there was one construction project I was involved in that I took no pride in at all.
This was the wall that I built. Slowly stone by stone and brick by brick I built this wall. It got so tall, and it fully surrounded me. It cut me off from family and friends. I was also walled off from God. It doesn't matter what my beliefs were then. The fact was that I was doing things to hide from my Higher Power. I did not want to be seen. This wall had many bricks - shame, remorse, resentment, guilt and fear. Do I see clearly the wall that I have built up in the past?
Meditations for the Heart
When I looked at this wall it seemed too big a project to tear down. I didn't even know where to start. In truth I had made a very strong wall. Fortunately I did not have to take this wall down by myself. In coming to believe in a Power Greater than myself again, I found help in tearing down the wall. What surprised me most was to see that God was right there beside me all along taking down the stones and brinks I had so skillfully piled up. Now I can start each day new, and now I work on building bridges rather than walls. Am I willing to follow God's plan for construction in my own life?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You provide me with a new set of blueprints for my life. Teach me to use the stones and bricks to build a strong foundation in my recovery. Let me find places in my life to build bridges in the relationships harmed by my addiction. Let me each day cross these bridges without fear.
Amen

[bluidkiti]

August 2

Wisdom for Today
I used to love the process of getting high. The anticipation of the rush and the feeling of euphoria always kept me coming back. I chased after the exhilaration and excitement. I always wanted to find that perfect high again. At least I tried to make the world seem right again. But there was always the morning after. The incredible feeling of regret and remorse! Waking up and feeling like my head was two sizes too big. Some mornings I could not even remember what I had done the night before.
In the AA program I no longer seek after a rush. It is not exhilaration and excitement I need. Now I seek after satisfaction with myself. I seek to live life to its fullest and without regret. Today I am making memories that count. So much has changed with this simple program. Today I can find happiness. Today I can find inner peace. Today I can find and hang onto serenity. Am I finding happiness in the reality of life in the program?
Meditations for the Heart
I used to be filled with envy and jealousy when I looked at others. I was angry that they could have a normal life and I could not. It took some time but I stopped looking at others through eyes of comparison and judgment. I began to look for the good in others and tried to see past my judgment. I work to see that all people have struggles and all people have strengths. I look to see the good in others and myself. I no longer carry the shroud of shame. I know that this new vision I have received comes only through the program and from my Higher Power. Do I look for the good in others? Do I see the good that is now a part of my life? Am I grateful for this new vision?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
In this new day let me seek to share Your vision for my life. Let me cast aside my need to judge others. Let me find the inner strength to see my life in a new way. Help me to create new memories with which I can find ongoing satisfaction. Let this satisfaction continue to grow in me always.
Amen

[bluidkiti]

August 3

Wisdom for Today
It seemed like I was always bored when I was using. Nothing really interested me anymore. I drank and used to escape this boredom, or I would work to create a crisis in my life to find a way out of the boredom. Sure there were times when I had fun, but most of the time I was just bored. Sometimes I would make up stories and lie just to make myself look good. Yes, I enjoyed the scamming and the tall tales, but every night I would go home to the same old thing. I really didn't have any friends, just people with whom I passed the time.
Early in recovery I thought that AA was boring. I thought that staying clean and sober was a terrible way to have to exist. I was wrong. Why was it that so many people decided to stay after the meeting? What was it that kept them interested? I began to hang out after the meetings and soon learned that recovery had many faces, none of which are boring. Here I learned of truth. Here I learned how to value friendship. Here I learned about trust. No longer did I need to scam. These people were genuine and real. They talked honestly and openly. I found a new sense of energy and no longer was bored. Have I found new meaning and something exciting about life in recovery?
Meditations for the Heart
Hope can accomplish many things in recovery. I have watched as one obstacle after another fell or disappeared from my life simply because I was willing to hold onto hope. Hope that God could and would if He were sought! Hope that the promises could be true even for me! Hope comes through working these steps. It comes to us as a gift of His grace. Hope comes to us in surrender, and it grows in our hearts with each new day. Sometimes it seems elusive, and at other times hope can seem very distant. Yet if we search, there is always hope. Have I found hope in the Twelve Steps?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You have helped me find new meaning in my life. You have planted a seed of hope deep within my heart. Help me this day to cultivate and nourish this hope. Let it ever grow to strengthen me. Guide me always back to the roots of this hope for a new life in the program.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

August 4

Wisdom for Today
It seemed that I was always in conflict with someone when I was actively drinking and using. Generally I would start the conflict. It was like I had to stand in rigid opposition to whatever the other person’s opinion was. In fact, being rigid seemed to be my mode of operation in many aspects of my life. I was always ready to stand up to someone. If I was challenged, I accepted the call. Sometimes I would stand up just so I cold push others around.

In recovery there are times when we indeed need to stand up for our opinions; but the reality is that being rigid in recovery doesn't work. In fact, being rigid often means we risk breaking. I have learned that it is equally, if not more important, to be flexible. Flexible means that I am open to hearing other people’s opinions. Have I sought
to be more open to others? Am I convinced that I am not always right? Am I more flexible in my relationships with others?
Meditations for the Heart
When I walked through the doors of the program I really needed help. More help than I needed, more help than I would have guessed at first! What really surprised me was the fact that help was there for me. All I needed to do was ask. Soon after joining the fellowship I was faced with the reality that others in the program were asking for help as well. I recall sitting on the sidelines afraid to speak up and offer my opinion. I didn't think I could say anything that might be of help to others. I was so wrong. Today I recognize just how important the newcomer is. Many a new member has said things that I have found helpful. In truth, much of what I have learned along the way has come from newer voices in the program. This is not to say that the old-timers are not important as well. Am I willing to stand up and give my opinion to others? Do I offer to help others in need?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

In this new day let me learn when to be rigid and when to be flexible. Help me always to be open to listening to other people’s opinions. Let me seek to have courage to share with others and wisdom to know when to be quiet. Help me to trust that Your vision for my life is always right.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

August 5

Wisdom for Today
There is a music group called Jars of Clay. In one of their songs the words go as follows, "Got to admit I love these chains; crawling around this cage sometimes has it's advantages. Perhaps one day this could get old..." While these words probably were not written about addiction, I believe they do describe what addiction was like for me.
I really loved the chains of addiction for a while. Then I began to feel like all I did was live in and crawl around in a cage with the delusion that somehow it had its advantages. Then one day it just got old. Day after day I was stuck in a frenzied darkness. Day after day I found myself empty, alone and crazy. I wanted to stop the insanity but didn't know how. Do I want the insanity to stop?
Meditations for the Heart
Step Two tells us that the insanity of addiction can stop. We have already admitted that we cannot make it stop; but there is One, who has all power that can relieve us of the insanity. Not only can we be relieved of the insanity, but we can also have the chains of bondage broken. We find that we no longer have to wander around in a cage. We begin to understand that there is no advantage to living in this manner. Yes, it is possible; and all we have to do is believe that a Power outside of us can and will show us the way out. Am I willing to give up my old beliefs and trust in a Higher Power?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
In this new day let me come to believe that You can and will show me a way out of the insanity of my disease. Help me to see the chains of addiction for what they were. Let me begin to enjoy a new life outside of the cage I had grown so accustomed to. Help me to see that true recovery never gets old.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

August 6

Wisdom for Today
I think each of us had had the experience of the bright lights outside of the tavern calling to us. We think about how inviting an atmosphere it is. We think about the camaraderie we once knew in these places. It doesn't take long with this kind of thinking to begin to think about drinking and using. And we all know where that can lead.
In the program this is called “stinking thinking;” and yet I have to wonder if so many of us have this experience, isn't this just a normal part of recovery? I think temptation will always be around. It is what we do or don't do with temptation that gets us in trouble. I can choose to think the drink through till the end and remember what waking up with a hangover was all about. I can choose to call my sponsor to talk things out. I can choose to recall my ever-present need for a Higher Power. Yes, today I have choices that I never had before. Am I making wise choices for my recovery?
Meditations for The Heart
In early recovery I really was overwhelmed frequently. I would go to meetings just to be in the presence of other recovering people. It was where I felt safest. Looking back, there was a much deeper reason I needed to be at those meetings. This was where my strength came from. This is where I first began to search for a new relationship with God. Each of us in the recovery process has the same inner desire. To be in the presence of God, as we understand Him. I did not know this early on, but over time I have come to believe that this inner desire is what I was seeking after. It is what I continue to seek after. Do I see my need for this relationship with a Power Greater? Do I feel an inner calm when I am in His presence?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Here in this place of quiet, I seek You out. In the busy and crazy times, I also seek You out. In the passing thoughts of my day, I seek you out. Help me to feel Your presence in my life this day. Let me know that I can always turn to You. Guide my thoughts to Your wisdom when I am faced with choices today.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

August 7

Wisdom for Today
No longer do I wake up in the morning with my head feeling two sizes too big. Can't say I jump out of bed like I did in my youth, but I no longer awaken with feelings of regret and emptiness. Now there is something new. There is an inner feeling of calm and knowing that I can find happiness in my day. I used to turn to alcohol and drugs to find happiness but was continually disappointed. Sure, there were good times; but as time went on, I had fewer and fewer of these experiences. I began to see trouble and grief.
Somewhere I crossed the line and became addicted. Somewhere I lost my ability to control my use, and it began to control me. Somewhere I began to use just to feel normal. I no longer sought happiness and found myself searching for escape. Time after time I was given opportunities to change my ways but kept looking for the magic again. This magic never returned. Have I stopped looking for the magic?
Meditations for the Heart
Learning to wait for God's guidance can be difficult. I was used to the immediate gratification that alcohol and drugs gave me. In recovery I have had to learn to wait. I needed to wait for direction before making any important decision. I needed to wait for His guidance before I made any significant changes. I needed to wait with hope, and I needed to wait with trust that the answers would indeed come. Indeed the answers have come, and I am sure there are still others for which I must wait. Parts of recovery require action, and parts of recovery require us to wait. Yet neither action nor waiting can be accomplished without His grace. It is this grace that allows us to find our way. Am I willing to wait for the answers I seek?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
It is with gratitude that I wake this morning. I may never fully understand Your grace in this lifetime, but I now can see that it is only through Your help and guidance that I am able to wait for the answers I seek. Help me this day to seek Your guidance in all that I do. Let me put away any wishes for a magic fix. Instead, teach me the next right thing to do.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

August 8

Wisdom for Today
In the end of my drinking and using career, I kept on drinking and using despite the fact that it gave me nothing but trouble. In those times nothing much mattered anymore. That is, except for keeping myself supplied with enough to get high the next day. I knew what would happen if I ever ran out. It would not take long, and I would be sick. Still I kept using. I remember thinking I must be crazy. Why would anyone behave in the way that I was? Everyone else still seemed to have a good time, but I was too busy thinking about the next day to have a good time.
In recovery I no longer need to be focused on tomorrow. I have learned to live life one day at a time. I have learned that I was not crazy, at least not any crazier than the other people I see at meetings. I no longer feel alone. I feel empowered by the fellowship of the program and the Twelve Steps. So much good is happening to me living life in the here and now. No more need to worry about tomorrow! Have I learned that I am not alone? Do I work at living life to its fullest each day?
Meditations for the Heart
Years ago before my addiction took over, I worked as a lifeguard. I knew how important it was to keep a watchful eye on those under my care. I knew what to do in case there was trouble, and I knew that I had a lifeline I could throw to those in need. The program is like this; and so is God, as I understand Him. He watches out for me, and He knows what to do if I get into trouble. I have faith in His lifeline. All I need do is call out to Him when I get into trouble, and His power and care are there for me. Do I know that God watches over me?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Help me this day to live my life to the fullest. Give me the inner peace that comes from knowing that You are always watching over me. Let me be filled with a grateful heart as I walk through this day. Let me seek You out whenever I am in need. Grant me courage in this new day.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

August 9

Wisdom for Today
When things got their worst, I really felt hopeless. I spent time in worry about my future. Was I going to end up locked up somewhere? Would I end up in some mental hospital? Would I end up dead? Worry was such terrible mental torment. What was going to happen to me if I couldn't find a way out of the madness of addiction? I knew there was nothing I could do to find a way out on my own. It was a scary but simple choice. I could end it all in suicide, or I could ask for help.
In desperation I reached out for help and found what I was looking for. In the program a new hope was born, and I actually began to believe that my life could turn out okay. The thing that still baffles me is the fact that I still find it difficult at times to ask for help. After years of evidence that asking for help works, I still find myself at times backing myself into a corner. Why is asking for help so hard? I think the answer to that question is different for each of us. Sometimes it is pride or arrogance. Sometimes it is simply foolishness or lack of commonsense. Sometimes it is fear of letting someone else know. Regardless of the reason, it is only when we come back to a place of surrender and honestly and humbly reach out that we find help. My goal is to remember this one day at a time. Do I still find it hard to ask for help?
Meditations for the Heart
One act in surrender is the act of obedience. When I walk though my day and ignore the directions that my Higher Power provides, I end up in trouble. When I follow the guidance I am given, I find that life goes much easier. In my addiction I always wanted to break the rules or at least bend them. I pretended that they did not apply to me. This is something I can't afford to do in recovery. It is too easy to get off the path of recovery if I do not obey the rules. Yes, I know that in the program you are told that there are no rules, only suggestions. But these suggestions are a matter of life and death. So whether you see them as rules or only suggestions, surrender involves the act of obedience. Sometimes I do not always like the suggestions I am given, yet in surrender I still need to be willing to follow the guidance I am given. Do I practice obedience, or do I want to still bend the rules?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Help me stay open to all the suggestions I am given and recognize that Your direction comes to me though many different channels. Let me hear the words of Your guidance and be willing to obey and follow where You lead. Let me not forget that You care about me and will lead me to a good place.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

August 10

Wisdom for Today
I would like to say that it was commonsense that finally got me to stop drinking and using, but it was not. Instead, just like many others before me, it was one consequence after another that finally convinced me that I needed to stop. Even after all these consequences, I wanted to stop but did not know how. Commonsense told me that my way would not work. Commonsense took me down a path to the front doors of the program.
Today I know that God helped me find these doors. At the time I thought that I just stumbled on in. Here I listen to others tell of their experiences with booze and drugs. Here I heard others talk of the help they found in the steps. Here I learned that I could call on a Higher Power to help me accomplish something I could not do for myself. Here I learned I could live a sober, useful and happy life. Do I see the grace that has guided my steps to the program?
Meditations for the Heart
I remember early in recovery I planted an apple tree in my back yard. I watched this tree grow, but year after year it bore no fruit. Finally I went back to the nursery where I purchased the tree and asked for help. Here I was shown the proper way to prune the tree to allow for new growth. The next spring I was surprised to see many blossoms. That fall I was able to harvest the first apple from the tree. I also realized for the first time that I was just like this tree. I needed to be pruned back. I needed the deadwood to be stripped away in my life. Then quietly and secretly the sap began to flow in me allowing new growth. Today I am fortunate to see blossoms in my life. I see new fruit growing. Am I willing to prune back the deadwood in my life in order to see new growth?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Your grace surrounds me. Help me to accept this precious gift. Let me find the courage to prune out the deadwood of my life, in order to see the new growth You have planned for me. Let me bring forth good fruit in all that I do today.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

August 11

Wisdom for Today
When I first walked through the doors of AA, I really could not imagine wanting anything more than I wanted alcohol and drugs. I felt completely empty on the inside, and I didn't know what I could fill this emptiness with. Even though I knew I had to stop, abstinence really didn't seem like a viable option. I recall thinking that maybe the program could teach me how to drink again and soon learned this was not the case.
I had to trust what I was being told. "Don't drink, and don't use, and your life will get better." It came down to simple faith – faith that somehow my life would get better, faith that the emptiness I carried around could be filled. I didn't start to even think about happiness for a while. I just wanted the pain to go away. I still wanted to escape. I didn't like the reality of my world. It was this faith that carried me for a while. I needed to find a new reality, and this is exactly what I found in the program. Am I finding a new reality?
Meditations for the Heart
I struggled a lot in the beginning. Staying sober did get easier, but I continued to struggle. I was not good at waiting, and yet this was exactly what I was being asked to do. There were no easy answers. There only were the Twelve Steps and the people I met at meetings. Waiting for the answers to my problems was not easy, but God did help me to find the answers I sought. This Higher Power not only helped me in those early days, but He continues to guide me to the answers I need today. I still have to wait for this guidance, but I have learned that God will only give me the answers when I am ready for them. Am I willing to wait for the answers I seek?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I still have to look to simple faith to guide me through my days. I am grateful that this faith works for me as I walk though my days. Help me to be patient and to listen for the answers that are provided to me in all that I do. Give me a willingness to do the next right thing throughout my day.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

August 12

Wisdom for Today
When I look back at the life I had when I was drinking and using, it was not a pretty picture. There were the repeated failures, the letting people down, the lies, the time in jail and hospitals. None of these things made my addiction pretty. Sure there were the good times; but when I look back honestly, I wonder how I ever could have wanted this life. I know now that it was not the life I truly wanted. I just wanted a good time.
But I am different. I cannot process alcohol or drugs in my system the same way other people do. I know people that drink normally, and I did not drink like they do. In the program of AA I have learned that nothing I could do could change the way I respond to alcohol or drugs. Physically, psychologically and emotionally I respond differently and negatively to my drugs of choice. I am an addict, and I now have a choice to make. Will I choose recovery?
Meditations for the Heart
My spiritual life depends on two things. One is God Himself. I surely can have no spiritual life without a Higher Power. The second thing my spiritual life depends on is maintaining a conscious awareness of God, as I understand Him. All roads I travel must lead me back to this inner consciousness of God. Every decision I make needs to be with His help and guidance. Every breath I take should lead me to gratitude for the chance at recovery He has given me. It is here in this inner consciousness that I will find peace. It is here that I will find serenity. It is here I will find strength. Am I doing all that I can to maintain this inner consciousness?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
So I am made differently than others. I can accept this. Help me also to accept that this difference does not mean that I am inferior or damaged products. Let me find the peace and serenity that the program promises in a relationship with You. Keep me conscious of Your presence in my life.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

August 13

Wisdom for Today
I don't know exactly when I crossed the line, I just know I did. I think all addicts and addicts in recovery eventually recognize this fact. But even though I know I crossed this line it does not mean that I am cured. I still have messed up thinking some times. I still catch myself thinking that I should be able to drink if I want to. I still catch myself thinking about the "good old days."
Yet it is this very fact, that I catch myself, that enables me to stay sober. The program has given me back the power to choose. I can choose to stay in my messed up thinking or I can choose to tell on my disease and get back on track. This power to choose was not something I had when I was active in my disease process. The booze and the drugs made the choices for me. Today I can see my disease for what it really is - cunning, baffling and powerful. Do I see my disease for what it is?
Meditations for the Heart
I must take time to be with my Higher Power each and every day. It is in this quiet solitude that I find inner peace. It is in this relationship that I find strength and courage. It is in this relationship that I am given wisdom. I know that I need to be transformed mentally and spiritually. It is only in this relationship that this transformation can take place. So I need to seek out time with God. I find time to talk to Him and I find time to listen. Will I take time to foster this relationship each day?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God
Your wisdom is above my wisdom. Let me seek you out in all that I do today. Help me to stay on track and make good choices for my recovery today. Let me see my disease when it tries to sneak back into my thinking, my life and my heart. Gr4ant me courage as I need it.
Amen.

[bluidkiti]

August 14

Wisdom for Today
Staying clean and sober is the most important decision I have ever made, my whole life depends on it. Without sobriety I have nothing. Every choice I make in recovery is important but none is more important than not taking that first pill or first hit or first drink. Everything I have depends on this. Without sobriety I am not able to do any of the other things that I want or that my higher power wants for me. Forgetting this even for a moment can be disastrous.
Meditations for the Heart
Recovery has many demands. Often times, when things seem to get difficult I need to go back to the simple discipline of “First things First.” God does not expect me to be able to handle more than one thing at a time. The discipline of “first things” demands that I do the next right thing. I need to stay focused on God’s will for me. Disciple is part of my training in recovery. Do I welcome this training? Do I recognize that God has a plan for me even when I do not always see it?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
This day let me be disciplined and focus on the next right thing. Help me to make wise decisions and to use the tools you have given me. Help me always to seek my direction through you.
Amen

[bluidkiti]

August 15

Wisdom for Today
I remember as a child in elementary school running a rely race. I was running the final leg of the race and heading toward the finish line, when I dropped the baton with just a few steps to go. As a result my team did not win; we were disqualified.

Recovery is like this. We spend a lot of time in practice with our coaches (our sponsors and other recovering people) learning the rules and how to run a good race. We enter into a competition for our lives and we run the race. If we drop the baton we get disqualified. Am I willing to follow the guidelines of the program? Am I running a good race?
Meditations for the Heart
Practice, practice, practice; it seems that this is all I do. Sometimes I want to grumble when my coach says take another lap. Yet, I know that all the sweat will be worth it someday. The longer I stick around in the program, the more suggestions my sponsor gives me. Do I understand that he is simply trying to get me ready to compete? I have had to run many races in recovery, races against this disease. Each time I run a race, I am relieved to find that following the suggestions of my coaches pays off.
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

This day I will practice the principles of the program so that I can run a good race. Help me to gain a full understanding of the rules of recovery so that I don’t get disqualified. Help me to trust and have faith that with your guidance, I can finish this race a winner.

Amen