Dr. Twerski's Sober Thought - June

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June 1

Your Success Sets An Example

If we do not feel in need of an AA meeting, we should remember our presence is evidence there is life after sobriety. People have told me they hadn't tried to stop drinking or using chemicals because they were afraid they couldn't do it. They chose not to try rather than to try and fail. Each time a newcomer sees someone with long sobriety, it reinforces the fact it can be done. Most often any kind of contribution requires some action; just being somewhere does hardly any good. But this is not so when we go to a meeting. The very presence of another sober person conveys a helpful message.

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June 2

No Apologies

A quality recovery requires changed habits. A woman began crying as she related painful material, and then said, I'm so sorry for crying. I did not understand why she was apologizing, because it is reasonable to cry when one is in pain. Apologies are appropriate only if we have offended someone. There is no need to efface oneself by apologizing for everything. This is the result of a low self-esteem, which should be corrected. Many of our habitual behaviors are negative and should be changed. If we are not aware of them, our sponsors and trusted friends can point them out to us.

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June 3

Suffering Can Bring Us Together

It may be selfish of me, but if it had not been for mind-altering chemicals, how would I ever have come to know so many wonderful people? I am an avid reader, but no book has the warmth of a sincere hug. Twelve Step fellowships provide more character development than books and lectures. Coming to these experiences through chemical dependence is quite costly. Yet suffering can bring people together more than anything else. While we may wish we had never encountered the chemicals that have been so injurious, let's not forget that mutual suffering has brought us close to one another.

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June 4

Don't Set Yourself Up For a Fall

A man with two months' sobriety misinterpreted something his wife said as a rejection, got drunk and said his reaction surprised him. This demonstrates we often jump to conclusions. Rather than inquire what other's meant, we react to what we think they meant. Even if the wife had intended rejection, reacting with drink only intensifies the rejection. The overconfidence that nothing could make me drink again, is the undoing of many addicts. Even people with years of quality sobriety are at risk of relapse and need to be on guard. Learn these important points so you can avert costly mistakes.

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June 5

Don't Let Regrets Ruin Your Tomorrows

A person does something foolish, which has irreversible consequences; and he cannot forgive himself. In one of Charles Schulz's brilliant cartoon strips, Charlie Brown explains he cannot do anything about the future because he is still trying to make yesterday better. Engaging in a pity party, bemoaning the past, is a cop-out, whereby a person tries to avoid the challenges of the present and the future. Instead of condemning ourselves for what we have done, we must accept the reality of what cannot be undone and go on to live constructive lives.

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June 6

Dr. Bob

After delivering a lecture in Akron, Ohio, I visited Mt. Vernon, the home of Dr. Bob, founder of AA. I did have an emotional experience walking into Dr. Bob's home. Some cry. Dr. Bob's home is a simple place, with only a few of his belongings remaining. Perhaps the only impressive things here are clever hiding places where Dr. Bob concealed his bottles. This house where it all began is a home, a haven for all who were lost, tossed about in the deadly, stormy sea of addiction. Versailles is certainly more impressive, but you do not get a lump in your throat, as when you enter this very simple home.

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June 7

The Lessons of Sobriety

A concise statement of recovery is: Short-term gain with long-term risk is addictive behavior; short-term sacrifice with long-term gain is sobriety. Perhaps you are overcome by an urge to buy something you cannot afford, and are then burdened with long-term indebtedness. Or you binge on sweets and spend days trying to lose weight that took moments to acquire. If we could feed data into a computer and print out a message that said, Caution! This is a short-term gain and long-term loss, we might avoid much destructive behavior. In absence of such a device, we have recourse to sponsors, whom we should use wisely.

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June 8

Does Society Need Recovery?

We can learn much from the recovery program. Just as addicts rationalize chemical use, so our society rationalizes its destructive behavior. Industries that profit from destructive acts rationalized their actions as beneficial to humankind. We raze forests, strip-mine, and fill the sky with chemicals so people can have a better life. Intelligent people inhale smoke that causes cancer and emphysema, and the same government that condemns cigarettes as a leading cause of death gives bountiful subsidies to tobacco growers. Addiction sacrifices the future for short-term gain. Our society should learn the lessons of recovery.

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June 9

The Seduction of Power

The theme of power is addressed in the first of the Twelve Steps. A man recognized his desire for power and that alcohol could give him this feeling. Reality painfully proved to him how treacherous alcohol is that while it promises power it delivers the reverse, totally crushing him and exposing his powerlessness to the world. As I listened, I could not help but wonder how many listeners thought, That may be true for him, but I am different. How many young people will refuse to recognize their impotence until they are humbled by addiction? Whoever said that alcohol was cunning, baffling, and powerful certainly knew what he was talking about.

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June 10

Preventing Addiction

School programs on prevention might adopt some of the Twelve Step principles. When children learn about advances in science and technology, and are impressed with the power humans possess, it would be helpful to temper such teachings with awareness that humans are still virtually powerless. Educators should point out there remain some things beyond human control -- such as other human beings. At home and school, there would be emphasis on self-mastery, rather than trying to control everything and everyone else. This may well reduce the use of chemicals among young people.

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June 11

A Let Down or the Next Step?

A six-month alumnus of treatment complained that, although he was not drinking and things were better, he was experiencing a letdown. Habits must change and patterns of behavior that involve chemical use must be replaced with behavior conducive to abstinence. Only after the new life-style is stabilized can character building begin. This is as great a challenge as rebuilding a burned house. Flames must first be extinguished, charred material removed, and only then can we rebuild. The letdown this man was experiencing is similar to the challenge of building a new structure after the ruins of the old have been cleared.

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June 12

There is Nothing Wrong With Asking for Help

A recovering woman confided she had slept in an unheated apartment because furnace repair service was backlogged. When friends told her she would have been welcome in their home, she said, I didn't want to impose. I called this woman and expressed regret that I would no longer ask her to help newcomers. If she was unwilling to accept help, she had no right to give it. Perhaps asking for help is humbling, but in recovery we must learn humility. While we must avoid pathologic dependency, there are some healthy dependencies. When it comes to legitimate help, we can be both giver and recipient.

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June 13

Recovery is a Dynamic Process

Every bit of spiritual growth enhances recovery. The Tenth Step requires an ongoing personal inventory, which should continue indefinitely. We are at all times vulnerable to a recurrence of character defects we have eliminated, or even to emergence of new ones. The more attention we give to spirituality and character, the more likely we are to identify defects and eliminate them. Recovery is not static, and sobriety is not steady. Both are growth processes. While we do not claim spiritual perfection, we do aspire to spiritual progress, and reminders of spiritual concepts are always relevant."

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June 14

Are Our Characters Unchanging?

What are character defects and what are character traits? Strangely enough, these may be one and the same. I may think of myself as a person with firm convictions, but I might consider the same trait in someone else as obstinacy. If I refuse to forgive an injustice done to me, I am bearing a grudge. However, when I refuse to condone unjust treatment of others, I am championing the underdog. Recovery requires elimination of character defects, and the only way to correctly identify a defect is to get an objective opinion from a competent person. A sponsor, counselor, or spiritual advisor can help.

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June 15

Prayer and Humility

Prayer means different things to different people. A person with six years of sobriety, who was anti-religious, related he prayed even though he did not pray to anyone, he was so desperate to get over his alcoholism. Getting down on my knees was not an admission there was a God, but a way of admitting I was not God. My alcoholic behavior was fueled by my grandiosity that I could control everything. I still am an atheist, but one thing I know for certain is I am not God. I need help to survive and I will accept help. That is something I could never do before.