Letting Go of Fear

[MajestyJo]

Letting Go of Fear

Fear is at the core of codependency. It can motivate us to control situations or neglect ourselves.

Many of us have been afraid for so long that we don't label our feelings fear. We're used to feeling upset and anxious. It feels normal.

Peace and serenity may be uncomfortable.

At one time, fear may have been appropriate and useful. We may have relied on fear to protect ourselves, much the way soldiers in a war rely on fear to help them survive. But now, in recovery, we're living life differently.

It's time to thank our old fears for helping us survive, then wave good bye to them. Welcome peace, trust, acceptance, and safety. We don't need that much fear anymore. We can listen to our healthy fears, and let go of the rest.

We can create a feeling of safety for ourselves, now. We are safe, now. We've made a commitment to take care of ourselves. We can trust and love ourselves.

God, help me let go of my need to be afraid. Replace it with a need to be at peace. Help me listen to my healthy fears and relinquish the rest.

From: Messages of Recovery (Discussion Forum)

http://www.Open-Mind.org/cgi-bin/bbs/YaBB.cgi

Please include link back to Antesian Road To Enlightenment in forwarded material antesianroadtoenlightenment-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Detachment and letting go doesn't mean I don't love, I think that is my biggest fear of all.

I have to acknowledge it before I can let it go. Thank goodness you don't have to like it in order to accept it.

[MajestyJo]

When I came into recovery, I didn't have a clue what letting go meant. Some days, many years of one day at a time, I still don't 'do' Letting Go very well.

I didn't have a concept of letting go. I didn't know how to do it and it took going to many, many meetings and listening to others that it just seemed to happen and the light bulb went on.

I was indeed, totally in the dark about this. It was my job to worry, fret, grit my teeth, etc. I have this problem you know, not knowing the problem was me.

It has always helped to direct my thinking on something positive and helping others which in turn, helps me to not focus on me and my problems. There is always someone hurting more than me and I can put my problems in their true perspective. I had a sponsor and spiritual adviser, who use to tell me, not to call them problems. He said they are challenges. Challenges we overcome, problems we can tend to get stuck on.

[MajestyJo]

Facing Fear

Your fears are not walls, but hurdles. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the conquering of it. -- Dan Millman

Deep down inside, what are you most afraid of?

Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson have identified 9 basic fears that shape our personalities:

1.Fear of being bad, corrupt, evil or defective
2.Fear of being unworthy of being loved
3.Fear or being worthless or without inherent value
4.Fear of being without identity or personal significance
5.Fear of being useless, incapable or incompetent
6.Fear of being without support or guidance
7.Fear of being deprived or trapped in pain
8.Fear of being harmed or controlled by others
9.Fear of loss of connection, of fragmentation.*
While we may feel every one of these fears at one time or another, do you identify with one more strongly than the others?

Once we’ve identified a fear, we can begin to move through it. It helped me to learn that only my personality feels fear. Soul, which bridges the spiritual into form, knows no fear because it experiences the unity of all. Fears arise when our personality misunderstands who we really are.

When we’re afraid, we can intentionally use our imagination to connect with the soul’s perspective. When the love and compassion of the soul can sit with our frightened personality, the experience of bringing the higher to the lower transforms the fears.

Both the fear and the love must come together to integrate in wholeness. Affirming love while denying the fear doesn’t work – it only gives the unacknowledged fear more power in our subconscious. To resolve the fear, we must bring it consciously into the presence of a higher power.

“Every man has a coward and hero in his soul.”
-- Thomas Carlyle


*This list is taken from Riso and Hudson’s book ‘The Wisdom of the Enneagram.’

Really like the line about fear and love coming together so we can become whole. For me, it is a very empowering statement.

[MajestyJo]

Face the fear and do it anyway! Scars go deep and we seldom realize how much of them are rooted in fear.

[lcount]

Jo, This collection on "fear" is enough for several sessions or an entire women's study group that I am currently in. I see the post is "old," but the topic is right on today's problems for me. And I will copy this and take it to my study group. I truly believe that God led me to this on this chilly morning; I was surfing/scrolling and absent-mindedly (or unconsciously) clicked on it. What a blessing! Oh, so much to learn at 16 years sober. Thank you and have a wonderful day and week! Lisa

[MajestyJo]

Thank you for sharing Lisa. It is a one day at a time program and even though I have 22 years clean and sober, I can still find myself there. Thanks to the program, I have tools to use in today to change it either into something manageable or change it into faith. As they say, fear and faith can't occupy the same space.