More Recovery Readings - January

[bluidkiti]

January 1

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose. --Hada Bejar
Nothing is more attractive than sharing with others. No trait will be admired as much as generosity. There is no surer way to gain the respect of friends and neighbors than to show by what we give that we care about others. We can give many things besides money, shelter, clothing, or food to those in need. We can give the rich person love and understanding that money can't buy. We can sympathize with those who are troubled, even though they appear wealthier than ourselves. We can share experience, strength, and hope with those who are ill or unhappy. We can even share our suffering with others who suffer, and hold up a light for them on the road to recovery.


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
He who is outside the door has already a good part of his journey behind him.
--Dutch proverb
When we see how far we've strayed from being the kind of men we wanted to be, we are overwhelmed by how far we have to go to get back on the track. Perhaps we see clearly for the first time how unfair we were or how much we hurt those we love. Maybe we see how pervasive our compulsions are in our lives and how much we missed.
That is when we are most ready to do the work of recovery and become most spiritual. It is helpful at those times to remember that this program is a journey. Although at times the distance seems overwhelming, all of us are on the path. As long as we live, we never reach a point where we can stop growing. The important thing is, we are on the path, and we have a good part of our journey behind us. Once begun, outside the door, we are progressing like all our brothers and sisters in the program.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
We don't always understand the ways of Almighty God--the crosses sent us, the sacrifices demanded . . . But we accept with faith and resignation the holy will with no looking back, and we are at peace. --Anonymous
Acceptance of our past, acceptance of the conditions presently in our lives that we cannot change, brings relief. It brings the peacefulness we so often, so frantically, seek.
We can put the past behind us. Each day is a new beginning. And each day of abstinence offers us the chance to look ahead with hope. A power greater than ourselves helped us to find this program. That power is ever with us. When we fear facing new situations, or when familiar situations turn sour, we can look to that power for help in saying what needs to be said and for doing what needs to be done. Our higher power is as close as our breath. Conscious awareness of its presence strengthens us, moment by moment.
The past is gone. Today is full of possibilities. With each breath I will be aware of the strength at hand.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
The New Year
Make New Year's goals. Dig within, and discover what you would like to have happen in your life this year. This helps you do your part. It is an affirmation that you're interested in fully living life in the year to come.
Goals give us direction. They put a powerful force into play on a universal, conscious, and subconscious level.
Goals give our life direction.
What would you like to have happen in your life this year? What would you like to do, to accomplish? What good would you like to attract into your life? What particular areas of growth would you like to have happen to you? What blocks, or character defects, would you like to have removed?
What would you like to attain? Little things and big things? Where would you like to go? What would you like to have happen in friendship and love? What would you like to have happen in your family life?
Remember, we aren't controlling others with our goals - we are trying to give direction to our life.
What problems would you like to see solved? What decisions would you like to make? What would you like to happen in your career?
What would you like to see happen inside and around you?
Write it down. Take a piece of paper, a few hours of your time, and write it all down - as an affirmation of you, your life, and your ability to choose. Then let it go.
Certainly, things happen that are out of our control. Sometimes, these events are pleasant surprises; sometimes, they are of another nature. But they are all part of the chapter that will be this year in our life and will lead us forward in the story.
The New Year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.
Today, I will remember that there is a powerful force motivated by writing dawn goals. I will do that now, for the year to come, and regularly as needed. I will do it not to control but to do my part in living my life.


Today I am on my spiritual path to recovery. A NEW YEAR! AND A HAPPY, PEACEFUL AND JOYOUS ONE FOR EVERYONE! --Ruth Fishel

*****

Journey to the heart

Honor the Beginning

Beginnings can be delicate or explosive. They can start almost invisibly or arrive with a big bang. Beginnings hold the promise of new lessons to be learned, new territory to be explored, and old lessons to be recalled, practiced, and appreciated. Beginnings hold ambiguity, promise, fear, and hope.

Don't let the lessons, the experiences of the past, dampen your enthusiasm for beginngs. Just because it's been hard doesn't mean it will always be that difficult. Don't let the heartbreaks of the past cause you to become cynical, close you off to life's magic and promise. Open yourself wide to all that the universe has to say.

Let yourself begin anew. Pack your bags. Choose carefully what you bring, because packing is an important ritual. Take along some humility and the lessons of the past. Toss in some curiosity and excitement about what you haven't yet learned. Say your good-byes to those you're leaving behind. Don'y worry who you will meet or where you will go. The way has been prepared. The people you are to meet will be expecting you. A new journey has begun. Let it be magical. Let it unfold.

All parts of the journey are sacred and holy. Take time now to honor the beginning.

*****

more language of letting go
Trust that good will come

It was a slow, bring January day at the Blue Sky Lodge. We had just moved in. The house was a mess. Construction hadn't begun yet. All we had was a plan, and a dream. It was too cold and rainy to skydive or even be outdoors. There wasn't any furniture yet. We were lying around on the floor.

I don't know who got the idea first, him or me. But we both picked up Magic Markers about the same time. Then we started drawing on the wall.

"What do you want to happen in your life?" I asked. He drew pictures of seaplanes, and mountains, and boats leaving the shore. One picture was a video-camera man, jumping out of a plane. "I want adventure," he said.

I drew pictures of a woman tromping around the world. She went to war-torn countries, then sat on a fence and watched. She visited the mountains and the oceans and many exciting places. Then I drew a heart around the entire picture, and she sat there in the middle of all the experiences on a big stack of books.

"I want stories," I said, "ones with a lot of heart."

Across the entire picture, in big letters, he wrote the word "Woohoo."

As an afterthought, I drew a woman sky diver who had just jumped out of the plane. She was frightened and grimacing. Next to her I wrote the words "Just relax."

On the bottom of the wall I wrote, "The future is only limited by what we can see now." He grabbed a marker, crossed out "only," and changed it to "never."

"There," he said, "it's done."

Eventually, the house got cleaned up and the construction finished. Furniture arrived. And yellow paint covered the pictures on the wall. We didn't think much about that wall until months later Sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, and sometimes in ways we'd least expect, each of the pictures we'd drawn on that wall began to materialize and manifest.

"It's a magic wall," I said.

Even if you can't imagine what's coming next, relax. The good pictures are still there. The wall will soon become covered with the story of your life. Thank God, the future is never limited by what we can see right now.

The wall isn't magic.

The magic is in us and what we believe.

Before we start speaking the language of letting go, we need to understand what a powerful behavior letting go and letting God really is.

God, help me do my part. Then help me let go, and let you do yours.

Activity: Meditate for a moment on the year ahead. Make a list of things you'd like to see happen, attributes you'd like to gain, things you'd like to get and do, changes you'd like to occur. You don't have to limit the list to this year. What do you want to happen in your life? Make a list of places you'd like to visit and things you'd like to see. Leave room for the unexpected, the unintended. But make room for the possibility of what you'd like,too-- your intentions, wishes, dreams, hopes, and goals. Also, list what you're ready to let go of,too-- things, people, attitudes, and behaviors you'd like to release. If anything were possible, anything at all, what are the possibilities you'd like to experience and see.

*****

Inner Sunrise
Brand-New Day

by Madisyn Taylor

We can start fresh in this very moment, not needing to wait for a new day to start anew.


When today is not going well, it is tempting to focus on tomorrow as a blank slate with all the possibilities that newness provides. It is true that tomorrow will be a brand-new day, but we do not have to wait until tomorrow to start fresh. We can start fresh at any moment, clearing our energy field of any negativity that has accumulated, and call this very moment the beginning of our brand-new day.

There is something about the sunrise and the first few hours of the morning that make us feel cleansed and rejuvenated, ready to move forward enthusiastically. As the day wears on, we lose some of this dynamic energy and the inspiration it provides. This may be why we look forward to tomorrow as providing the possibility of renewal. Many traditions consider the light of the rising sun to be particularly divine in its origins; this is why so many people in the world face east when performing ritual. We too can cultivate that rising sun energy inside ourselves, carrying it with us to light our way through any time of day or night, drawing on its power to awaken and renew our spirits.

One simple way to do this is to carry an image or a photograph of the rising sun with us in our wallet or purse. We can also post this image on our wall at work or at home, or have it as our screensaver on our computer. When we feel the need to start fresh, we can take a moment to gaze at the image, allowing its light to enter into our hearts. As we do this, we might say out loud or quietly to ourselves, I am ready to let go of the past and start anew. We might visualize anything we want to release leaving us as we exhale, and as we inhale, we can take in the fresh energy of the eastern sun, allowing it to light the way to a brand-new day. Published with permission from Daily OM

*****

A Day at a Time

Reflection for the Day
In the old days, I saw everything in terms of forever. Endless hours were spent rehashing old mistakes. I tried to take comfort in the forlorn hope that tomorrow “would be different.” As a result, I lived a fantasy life in which happiness was all but nonexistent. No wonder I rarely smiled and hardly ever laughed aloud.

Do I still think in terms of “forever?”

Today I Pray
May I set my goals for the New Year not at the year-long mark, but one day at a time. My traditional New Year’s resolutions have been so grandly stated and so soon broken. Let me not weaken my resolve by stretching it to cover “forever” – or even one long year. May I reapply it firmly each new day. May I learn not to stamp my past mistakes with that indelible word “forever.” Instead, may each single day in each New Year be freshened by my new-found hope.

Today I Will Remember
Happy New Day.

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One More Day

The beginning is the most important part of the work.

– Plato

On occasion we feel a bit sad as we ready ourselves for bed, knowing that our bedtime routine marks the end of another day. We may experience a slight sense of loss — time lost, opportunities lost, a piece of life gone forever. Or we may be filled with regret over words uttered harshly.

We can put this back into perspective with the realization that the nicest part about going to bed at night is knowing the daylight will come in the morning. We can’t erase today’s mistakes, but we can leave them with the day now past. We can set our sights on tomorrow. The dy we awaken to will hold a golden opportunity — to make amends, to make changes, to use our time well, to start the rest of our lives anew.

My life is made of some endings and many beginnings. I can choose to end an unproductive pattern by seeing it as a chance to begin.

[bluidkiti]

January 2

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Happiness is like manna; it is to be gathered and enjoyed every day. --Tryon Edwards
Life is like a winding path surrounded by flowers, butterflies, and delicious fruit, but many of us spend much of life looking for happiness around the next corner. We do not bend to enjoy the happiness which is ours for the taking just at our feet.
In our desire to reach the "pot of gold," the complete and lasting happiness we all want to fill our lives, we ignore anything which doesn't seem worthy of such a large ambition, or which can't give us the whole thing all at once.
Happiness is all around us, but it often comes in small grains. When we gather it grain by grain, we soon have a basketful.


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
When you can't stand criticism you learn to be a perfectionist. --Anonymous
It's human to make mistakes and to feel incomplete. Perhaps if we were all smooth plastic printouts we could expect perfection of ourselves. Each man is actually a process. We are not things, but events -- happenings--and the events are still unfolding. These are our creative spiritual adventures.
We have somehow learned that openness to criticism is dangerous. Perhaps we thought someone would not like us if we were wrong, or that we would get hurt or belittled. When we live with a relationship to our Higher Power, we can stand up for ourselves. A man has a right to make some mistakes! We grow more if we allow ourselves the leeway of simply being in process.
I will not ask to have the power of perfection. I will only ask that I not be alone in the process of living my life.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
I believe that true identify is found . . . in creative activity springing from within. It is found, paradoxically, when one loses oneself. Woman can best re-find herself by losing herself in some kind of creative activity of her own. --Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Creative activity might mean bird watching, tennis, quilting, cooking, painting, writing. Creative activity immerses us fully in the here and now, and at the same time it frees us. We become one with the activity and are nourished by it. We grow as the activity grows. We learn who we are in the very process of not thinking about who we are.
Spirituality and creativity are akin. There is an exhilaration rooted deep within us that is a lifeline to God. Creative activity releases the exhilaration, and the energy goes through us and out to others. We find ourselves and our higher power through the loss of our self-conscious selves while creating--a picture, a sentence, a special meal.
Creativity is a given. It is another dimension of the spiritual presence guiding us all. I'll get out of its way today.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Healthy Limits
Boundaries are vital to recovery. Having and setting healthy limits' is connected to all phases of recovery: growing in self esteem, dealing with feelings, and learning to really love and value ourselves.
Boundaries emerge from deep within. They are connected to letting go of guilt and shame, and to changing our beliefs about what we deserve. As our thinking about this becomes dearer, so will our boundaries.
Boundaries are also connected to a Higher Timing than our own. We'll set a limit when we're ready, and not a moment before. So will others.
There's something magical about reaching that point of becoming ready to set a limit. We know we mean what we say; others take us seriously too. Things change, not because we're controlling others, but because we've changed.
Today, I will trust that I will learn, grow, and set the limits I need in my life at my own pace. This timing need only be right for me.


I am beginning to trust myself. I am beginning to discover that I am okay. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Map Your Own Journey

Go on your own journey. Don’t let others hold you back; don’t hold them back. Don’t judge their journey, and don’t let them judge yours.

All persons are free to have the experiences their souls lead them to. Many of us started our journey by having the experiences others thought we should. Some of us tried to dictate the lessons and adventures of others,too. This caused pain and confusion for all. Learning those lessons, the lessons of setting each other free, became an important part of our journey. But now we’re on to a new part.

Pack your bags. Get out your map. Don’t worry about where you’ll go and what you’ll see. Go where your heart leads. Your soul knows the way. It will speak quietly through the voice of your heart, your wisdom, your intuition. Listen to the voice, the quiet voice within, that assures you you’re safe. You will meet and learn from everyone you need to along the way. Don’t limit your own experiences. Don’t limit the experiences of those you love, or those you meet along the way.

Start today to follow your heart. Map out your own journey. Have the adventure of a lifetime.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Doing my part

The surest way to become Tense, Awkward, and Confused is to develop a mind that tries too hard– one that thinks too much.
–Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh

The universe will help us, but we need to do our part as well. Here’s an acronym, My part, to help you remember what it means to do that.

Manifest
Your

Power
Accept
Relax
Trust

Too often, we tell ourselves the only way to get from point A to point B– or Z is to tense up, obsess a little (or a lot), and live in fear and anxiety until what we want takes place.

That isn’t the path to success. It’s the path to fear and anxiety.

Accept. Relax. Breathe. Let go. Trust yourself, God, and the universe to manifest the best possible destiny when the time is right for you.

God, help me make the journey from fear and control to letting go and stepping into my true power.

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Divine Resonance
Chanting

by Madisyn Taylor

By using your breath and your voice with Chanting, you raise the level of your own vibration to a higher spiritual state.


In many cultures and civilizations, chanting, a form of vocal meditation, has endured through the ages. Practiced by many people around the world seeking greater health, a sense of well-being, enlightenment, and a connection to the divine, chanting unites the mind, body, emotions, and breath through vocal sounding. This unification can open and nurture your creativity, lower stress levels, and teach you to become fully alert and in the moment.

Some people are naturally drawn to chant while others feel awkward using their voices in such a way. Singing along with recorded chants before chanting on your own can help dispel any nervousness. However, the chanting that will resonate most deeply and beneficially for you is the chanting you do for yourself. There are many different chants. They can be composed of names, words, sounds, syllables, or even sections of text. What you chant is less important than your willingness to focus fully on the act of chanting itself. To begin, sit comfortably with a straight back and take a series of long, deep breaths to open and flex your lungs. Then, take another breath, and with resonant tones direct your breath outward in the form of sound. Simple syllables like ‘oh,’ ‘ee,’ or ‘mm’ are easy to remember.

Chanting lets you raise the level of your own vibration to a higher spiritual state. You can chant as an invocation or to set intention. Reciting even the simplest chant can bolster a flagging spirit, hone the mind, and produce natural painkillers within the brain. While chanting, you may feel energy surging through your physical body or joy entering your heart. Chanting can liberate and ground you simultaneously because it allows your soul to soar freely while compelling you to focus on the here and now. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

Before I came to The Program, I hadn’t the faintest idea of what it was to “Live In The Now.” I often became obsessed with the things that happened yesterday, last week, or even five years ago. Worse yet, many of my waking hours were spent cleaning away the “wreckage of the future.” “To me,” Walt Whitman once wrote, “every hour of the day and night is an unspeakably perfect miracle.” Can I truly believe that in my heart?

Today I Pray

Let me carry only the weight of 24 hours at one time, without the extra bulk of yesterday’s regrets or tomorrow’s anxieties. Let me breathe the blessings of each new day for itself, by itself, and keep my human burdens contained in daily perspective. May I learn the balance of soul that comes through keeping close to God.

Today I Will Remember

Don’t borrow from tomorrow.

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One More Day

Our share of night to bear,
Our share of morning …
– Emily Dickinson

We pray for one more day. One more week. Just until the next marker of time or the next major event occurs. “Just let me live until spring,” we pray, “until my newest grandchild is born … until my next birthday.” We pray and may not even recognize these silent, secret pleas as being prayers. It’s human nature to ask for a little more time. Most of us feel as though we have not completed our role on earth.

Time, however, is gradually becoming more of a friend than an enemy. We have today, which is all that anyone — healthy or chronically ill — really ever has. No one has an iron-clad promise of weeks, months, or years. Our acceptance of life’s unpredictability frees us of our preoccupation with more time and allows us to use this time — today.

Life is now — today — and I value it by living fully.

[bluidkiti]

January 3

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations. --Faith Baldwin
Change surrounds us. It lies within us, too. The trees in the yard have changed. They've grown taller. Their leaves die and scatter on the ground in the fall. We don't resemble our baby pictures much anymore, either. Like trees, we've grown up. As babies, we couldn't walk. But we learned to run, ride bikes, go out alone to movies and parties. Some changes we don't notice while they're going on. The snow melts; the birds fly south; our hair grows a little every day. Other changes startle us. A best friend moves away. Perhaps a favorite grandparent dies. These changes we wish hadn't happened, and we have to remember that change is as natural as breathing. We can't keep it from happening, but we can trust that change never means to harm us. It's a sign we're growing up.


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Love doesn't just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new. - Ursula K. Le Guin
Our relationships are alive. We don't control them and neither do the other people involved. We certainly influence our relationships - and if we are aware, we see they also have their own yeast. Whether we are talking of a love relationship with our spouse, lover, children, friends, or parents, it is a very fluid and dynamic affair. If we are actively involved with the other person and give time and nourishment to the relationship, it will grow. But if we are passive and only waiting, the relationship will grow stale.
God speaks to us through other people. Our relationship with our Higher Power influences our relationships with all the people in our lives. Today we can nurture our relationships with time, tolerance, and honesty. In turn, we will be nourished.
May this day be one in which I give attention to those I love.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Like an old gold-panning prospector, you must resign yourself to digging up a lot of sand from which you will later patiently wash out a few minute particles of gold ore. --Dorothy Bryant
Sometimes we feel buried in sand, blocked, clogged, unable to move. Then we must remember that we are not alone. Help is at hand, if only we will ask for it. If we invoke our higher power, our source of spiritual strength can help us to believe that there is gold somewhere in all this sand, and that the sand itself is useful.
No one and no thing is good all the time. Let us remember that if we expect nothing but gold, we are distorting life, getting in our own way. We don't want to falsify the texture of our lives; the homespun quality helps us to appreciate the gold when it appears.
I will find some gold among the sand, today.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Nurturing Self Care
.. .there isn't a guidebook for setting boundaries. Each of us has our own guide inside ourselves. If we continue to work at recovery, our boundaries will develop. They will get healthy and sensitive. Our selves will tell us what we need to know,' and we'll love ourselves enough to listen.
--Beyond Codependency
What do we need to do to take care of ourselves?
Listen to that voice inside. What makes you angry? What have you had enough of? What don't you trust? What doesn't feel right? What can't you stand? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you want? Need? What don't you want and need? What do you like? What would feel good?
In recovery, we learn that self care leads us on the path to God's will and plan for our life. Self-care never leads away from our highest good; it leads toward it.
Learn to nurture that voice inside. We can trust ourselves. We can take care of ourselves. We are wiser than we think. Our guide is within, ever present. Listen to, trust, and nurture that guide.
Today, I will affirm that lama gift to the Universe and myself. I will remember that nurturing self care delivers that gift in its highest form.

Today my body guides me to refocus and God heals me deep within as I again become strong and free. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Trust Your Heart

For so long, you relied on your head. Now it’s time to make the shift– the great leap into your heart.

Are you beginning to see how your head gets in the way? How it creates so much noise? The chatter, the limited vision, the fear? Are you beginning to see how what you’ve relied on– your intellect, your assessments, and sometimes your logic– has complicated your life?

It isn’t the head that sees clearly, nor does the head always see with love. Often, it sees with eyes of fear. The heart sees clearly. It balances the mind and emotions. It takes what’s real and processes it into truth, then into action. It takes into account all that needs to be done, then draws a map, an itinerary, for how to accomplish that. Yes, you say, but my head does that too. And then I don’t need to feel.

Your heart can do it better because it maps the way in love.

Learn to listen to your inner voice. Listen to your heart. It’s your connection to God, to people, to the universe, and to yourself.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Bring your ideals to life

There is a Zen story about two monks walking down a street after a heavy rain. Arriving at a corner, they came upon a beautiful girl in fine clothing unable to cross the muddy street without getting filthy.

“Here, I’ll help you,” said one monk. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her to the other side. The two monks walked in silence for a long time.

“We’ve sworn a vow of celibacy and are not supposed to go near women. It’s dangerous,” the second monk said to the first. “Why did you do that?”

“I left the girl back at the corner,” the first monk said. “Are you still carrying her?”

Sometimes, we may find ourselves in a situation where our ideals conflict. Being kind and loving to another person may conflict with our value of being committed and loving toward ourselves.

When one ideal imposes on another, then use your judgement. Do the right thing by others. Do the right thing by yourself,too. Then let the incident pass and move on.

For the monks in our story, right action usually meant not having contact with women. However, when encountering a stranded person on the road, right action became helping others. Ideals remain. Right thought, right action, right speech– but the path to those ideals may twist and turn throughout life. Be sensitive and aware that you are following an ideal and not a rigid belief.

God, help me learn when it’s time to let go.

Activity: In an earlier activity, we explored our goals and dreams list. Now, ;et’s determine the ethics and ideals we want to live by, the code of conduct we want to follow. What’s of foremost importance to you, whether or not your dreams come true and you achieve your goals? Examples of ideals may be staying clean and sober, honoring your commitments to others, and honoring your commitment to yourself. Many people choose additional spiritual values, such as compassion, honesty, tolerance. Some people choose to live by an ideal they call “Christ Consciosness,” some “Buddha consciousness,” some of the “Twelve Steps,” and some of the Ten Commandments. List your ideals, and put that list with your goals. Let these ideals be a light that guides your path and allows you to live in harmony with others and yourself.

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Bringing Out the Best
Checks and Balances

by Madisyn Taylor

When we see ourselves in other people it can be a great opportunity for growth if we are willing to do the work.


Most of us have probably come across the universal wisdom that the people who irritate us the most are expressing qualities that we ourselves have. This is why family members can be so vexing for so many of us—we see ourselves in them, and vice versa. This isn’t always true, of course, but when it is, it’s a real opportunity for growth if we can acknowledge it, because it is infinitely easier to change ourselves than it is to try to change another person, which is never a good idea. For example, if we have a coworker who engages in some kind of negative behavior, like complaining or trying to control everything, we can look and see if we ourselves carry those traits.

We may have to look to other situations in our lives to see it, because we behave differently in different environments. Perhaps we don’t complain at work, because our coworker overdoes it, but maybe we do it with our friends. Maybe we aren’t controlling at the office, but we’re used to being in control at home, and this is why we feel so irritated not to be in control at work. Even if we look and find that we are not engaging in the same behavior that we see as negative in others, we can still learn from what we are seeing in this person. The truth is, human nature is universal, and we share many of the same tendencies. What we see in others can always help us to understand ourselves more deeply.

Having the ability to see something in another person, and automatically bring this observation back to ourselves, is like having a built-in system of checks and balances that enables us to be continually engaged in self-exploration and behavior change. When we see behavior we don’t like, we can make a concerted effort to weed it out of ourselves, and when we see behavior we do like, we can let it inspire us to engage in imitation. Through this process, we read our environment and let it influence us to bring out the best in ourselves. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

My addiction is three-fold in that it affects me physically, mentally and spiritually. As a chemically-dependent person, I was totally out of touch not only with myself, but with reality. Day after miserable day, like a caged animal on a treadmill, I repeated my self-destructive pattern of living. Have I begun to break away from my old ideas? Just for today, can I adjust myself to what is, rather than try to adjust everything to my own desires?

Today I Pray

I pray that I may not be caught up again in the downward, destructive spiral which removed me from myself and from the realities of the world around me. I pray that I may adjust to people and situations as they are instead of always trying, unsuccessfully and with endless frustration, to bend them to my own desires.

Today I Will Remember

I can only change myself.

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One More Day

Laugh at yourself first, before anybody else can.
– Elsa Maxwell

A sense of humor is an essential living tool. Unfortunately, it is most difficult to keep a sense of humor when we’re under stress, and that’s the time we need it most. In the face of a crisis, we may have found it easier to be dour and nasty, even if we knew, deep in our hearts, that such an attitude was not in our best interests.

Ironically, our medical problems have helped many of us cultivate a humorous attitude toward life. Making the choice between bitterness and acceptance is easier when we take ourselves less seriously. Seeing the funny side of life helps us deal with the most difficult situations life has to offer. Humor cleanses us through spontaneous laughter. It draws others to us and bonds us.

I choose to see humor and lightness in my life. I will allow this attitude to brighten my life and that of those around me.

[bluidkiti]

January 4

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
A tip-off to an abusive family system is a situation in which nobody ever apologizes. --Karen Shaud
When we get a tip-off, we can open the door to a whole new way of looking at the world. The tip-off about apologies can help us learn to have a healthier family. It is hard to apologize, but with practice, it will get easier. We are learning that we can make mistakes, and admit them, and that other people will accept our apologies. In the same way, we are learning we can accept others' apologies. Apologies are sometimes hard to make. It helps to keep in mind that we make them as much for ourselves and our own growth as for the person we apologize to. We are not worthless just because we make mistakes, but we increase our value t
o ourselves and others by being able to recognize them and apologize.


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
There is no method or discipline or system of any kind that can ever command the spirit to be present. --Tom Sampon
A man in the process of growth and recovery asks the question, "How shall I develop a relationship with my Higher Power?" The first answer is usually, "You can decide to be open to the spiritual messages that come your way." Some experiences in life can be mastered and directed, as in performing a task or going on a trip. We can have other experiences only by being receptive. They come our way, as in the growing of a friendship or the unpredictable events on a trip.
To be receptive, we must not be so busy with what we can control that we fail to notice all the experiences, which are there for us. Our senses need to be open to see what is around us and hear what is in the air. We must breathe in the beauty and pain of life. When there is a message in our experiences, let us read it and not demand it fit our narrow, logical minds.
Today, I pray that I will be open to receive the spirit on its own terms.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Once I knew that I wanted to be an artist, I had made myself into one. I did not understand that wanting doesn't always lead to action. Many of the women had been raised without the sense that they could mold and shape their own lives, and so, wanting to be an artist (but without the ability to realize their wants) was, for some of them, only an idle fantasy, like wanting to go to the moon.
--Judy Chicago
There are probably not many of us, in this recovery program, who grappled with life as straight on as Judy Chicago did. It is likely we didn't understand that we could mold and shape our lives. How lucky we are to be learning that now with the help of the Twelve Steps and one another. Each day we are confronted with many opportunities to make responsible choices, reasonable decisions. These choices and decisions are the molders, the shapers, of who we are becoming. Our identity as women is strengthened each time we thoughtfully make a choice. The action we take through making each choice gives our identity more substance--our wholeness as women is guaranteed through these choices.
Many opportunities to make choices will arise today. I can be thoughtful and make choices that will lead to my greater wholeness.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Separating from Family Issues
We can draw a healthy line, a healthy boundary, between our nuclear family and ourselves. We can separate ourselves from their issues.
Some of us may have family members who are addicted to alcohol and other drugs and who are not in recovery from their addiction.
Some of us may have family members who have unresolved codependency issues. Family members may be addicted to misery, pain, suffering, martyrdom, and victimization. We may have family members who have unresolved abuse issues or unresolved family of origin issues.
We may have family members who are addicted to work, eating, or sex. Our family may be completely enmeshed, or we may have a disconnected family in which the members have little contact.
We may be like our family. We may love our family. But we are separate human beings with individual rights and issues. One of our primary rights is to begin feeling better and recovering, whether or not others in the family choose to do the same.
We do not have to feel guilty about finding happiness and a life that works. And we do not have to take on our family's issues as our own to be loyal and to show we love them.
Often when we begin taking care of ourselves, family members will reverberate with overt and covert attempts to pull us back into the old system and roles. We do not have to go. Their attempts to pull us back are their issues. Taking care of ourselves and becoming healthy and happy does not mean we do not love them. It means we're addressing our issues.
We do not have to judge them because they have issues; nor do we have to allow them to do anything they would like to us just because they are family.
We are free now, free to take care of ourselves with family members. Our freedom starts when we stop denying then issues, and politely, but assertively, hand their stuff back to them - where it belongs - and deal with our own issues.
Today, I will separate myself from family members, lama separate human being, even though I belong to a unit called a family. I have a right to my own issues and growth; my family members have a right to their issues and a right to choose where and when they will deal with these issues. I can learn to detach in love from my family members and their issues. I am willing to work through all necessary feelings in order to accomplish this.


This is your TIME for JOY! Know that it is here and now. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Go with What You Know

The commercial on the radio sang to me as I drove across the Southern California desert. “Don’t just go with the flow. Go with what you know.”

Sometimes answers come from outside us. The universe is abundant in its supply of guidance for us. It can’t wait to share its signals, teachings, lessons, and words of wisdom. It is eager to give us guidance if we just watch, wait, and listen. Sometimes this guidance comes from people we know, other times from people we barely know. But even when this help comes from those we are closest to and love most, the answer must resonate with that place deep inside us. It must resonate with our core. It must ring true for us.

Listen to those around you. Listen to the guidance of the universe and all the voices it uses to speak to you. But always trust yourself. Trust your inner voice. Trust what you know, because ultimately your path will bring you back to that place. No matter what you do, if it’s not right for you, you will need to return to your center, your place of peace, and figure out the action that is right.

It’s good to go with the flow. But it’s better to go with what you know– what you know to be true for you. Trusting yourself is the ultimate lesson. It’s where all the guidance leads.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Know when to compromise

Sometimes compromise is important. Sometimes it’s better to give in to someone else’s wishes in order to have fun as a group or as a couple, or for the benefits of the team. Sometimes compromise is dangerous. We need to guard against compromising our standards to gain the approval or love of someone else.

Decide when you can, and when you cannot compromise. If it’s not harmful and you are ambivalent about a decision, then compromise. If it could lead to breaking your values, compromise isn’t a good idea.

Is it okay to have lunch with an attractive colleague if you’re married? Possibly, but not if lunch will lead to dinner, which then leads to more time spent together, culminating in an affair. Is it okay to go to the bar with friends after work? Maybe, but not if it leads to one rationalized decision after another until you have broken your commitment to stay sober.

Remember that what may be an acceptable compromise for one person might not be acceptable for you. Know your limits, know your values, and be aware of the dangers that can come from compromising them.

God, help me be aware of my limits. Give me the strength not to compromise the values that I need to help me on my path.

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Good Vibrations
Sound Healing

Everything in the universe is in a constant state of vibration, including our bodies. Sound is vibration that can be translated by the delicate structures of our inner ear, but it moves more than just those tiny receptors. It is part of the spectrum of energy vibrations that affect us on the mental, physical, and spiritual levels. Long ago shamans recognized the power of sound when they first used chants and drumming to heal people. In ancient Egypt, Greece, and India, the use of sound and music for healing was a highly developed sacred science. Sonic vibration has been one way of experiencing the energy of the universe for much of humanity’s history.

When the vibrations of our physical and spiritual bodies are out of harmony it can cause disease. Sound healing gently massages the molecules back into the right places, clearing blockages and restoring harmony. Ancient healing systems such as Chinese medicine and Indian Ayurveda associate specific musical notes with subtle-energy systems of the body, such as in yoga where particular notes of music correspond to each of the seven chakras. In Tibet, priests have long used bells and bowls over and around the body to tune and clear the energy centers. Chimes and tuning forks are other tools that have been used to heal not only the body but the energy in a room as well.

Knowing that sound has the power to heal, we should also try to remember that sounds from modern life can have a negative affect. Choosing silence over discord may help us maintain a state of equilibrium. As we seek soothing and harmonizing sounds to surround us, we may be doing more than creating a balm for the noise of the world. We may actually be performing an act of self-healing that connects us with one of the most basic vibrations of the universe. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

For a good part of my life, I saw things mostly in negative terms. Everything was serious, heavy, or just plain awful. Perhaps now I can truly change my attitude, searching out the winners in The Program who have learned how to live comfortably in the real world — without numbing their brains with mood-altering chemicals. If things get rough today, can I take a quiet moment and say to myself, as the philosopher Homer once said, “Bear patiently, my heart — for you have suffered heavier things…”?

Today I Pray

May the peace of God that passes all human understanding fill the place within me that once harbored my despair. May an appreciation for living — even for life’s trials — cancel out my old negative attitudes in heart-heavy moments, help to remind me that my heart was once much heavier still.

Today I Will Remember

I, to, am a winner.

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One More Day

Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.
– Faith Baldwin

Each stage of life brings its own gifts. Every age gives us a chance to examine where we are right now. When we were young, many of us still insisted that we could change the world. We even thought we could change people. The next stage in life may have given us the gift of seeing that we could only change ourselves.

Whatever stage we are in right now is the perfect place to reassess our priorities again. It has become obvious to us by now which things we cannot change, and are busily accepting that truth.

Time itself alters us and our expectations. The time we have lived has already created change, and the passing of time will create more. The alterations we make today can help us accept this stage in life as being the best place to be.

Now is the time to alter my expectations of myself, to tailor them to my current needs.

[bluidkiti]

January 5

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
We, too, the children of the earth, have our moon phases all through any year; the darkness, the delivery from darkness, the waxing and waning.
--Faith Baldwin
Let us think, for a moment, about the changes of the moon. In the beginning of its cycle, it is just a sliver in the darkness. Each night it grows larger until it reaches its full size. When the moon is full and rising, its orange glow fills the sky. All night its gentle light brightens everything it touches. But this fullness is only part of the life of the moon. For a while it grows smaller, then turns its dark side toward us before reappearing as a sliver and growing again to fullness. We are children of the earth, and we have our different moods and phases, too. There will be periods of darkness when we try to find our way by the light of the stars. Again and again we will grow to our full size, only to fade and grow again in a new way.


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Being human is difficult. Becoming human is a lifelong process. To be truly human is a gift. --Abraham Heschel
The processes of becoming more human, becoming a real person, and finding spiritual enlightenment are very similar. They require slow growth over time. We can only follow these paths in small steps, one day or one hour at a time. Many of us grew up in families with an addicted parent. We, too, went to great excesses and have been abusive to others and ourselves. Because of these problems, we developed a distorted outlook on life. Now we still demand quick and complete fixes for recovery.
Our program says, "Look to this day." It is a difficult path to learn, but we only take it in small steps. There are no instant fixes for any human being. Yet, when we surrender to the reality of life, we are given the gift of true humanity. We feel like real people, we love others, and we enjoy the pleasure of true contact with them.
I am grateful I can be a part of the process. Help me give up my drive to control it.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
There are as many ways to live and grow as there are people. Our own ways are the only ways that should matter to us.
--Evelyn Mandel
Wanting to control other people, to make them live as we'd have them live, makes the attainment of serenity impossible. And serenity is the goal we are seeking in this recovery program, in this life.
We are each powerless over others, which relieves us of a great burden. Controlling our own behavior is a big enough job. Learning to behave responsibly takes practice. Most of us in this recovery program have behaved irresponsibly for much of our lives. Emotional immaturity is slow to depart, but every responsible action we take gives us the courage for another--and then another. Our own fulfillment is the by-product of the accumulation of our own responsible actions. Others' actions need not concern us.
Today, I will weigh my behavior carefully. Responsible behavior builds gladness of heart.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Relationships
If we are unhappy without a relationship, we'll probably be unhappy with one as well. A relationship doesn't begin our life; a relationship doesn't become our life. A relationship is a continuation of life. --Beyond Codependency
Relationships are the blessing and bane of recovery. Relationships are where we take our recovery show on the road.
Each day, we are faced with the prospect of functioning in several different relationships. Sometimes, we choose these relationships; sometimes, we don't. The one choice we usually have in our relationships concerns our own behavior. In recovery from codependency, our goal is to behave in ways that demonstrate responsibility for us.
We're learning to acknowledge our power to take care of ourselves in our relationships. We're learning to be intimate with people when possible.
Do we need to detach from someone who we've been trying to control? Is there someone we need to talk to, even though what we have to say may be uncomfortable? Is there someone we've been avoiding because we're afraid to take care of ourselves with that person? Do we need to make an amend? Is there someone we need to reach out to, or show love?
Recovery is not done apart from our relationships. Recovery is done by learning to own our power and to take care of ourselves in relationships.
Today, I will participate in my relationships to the best of my ability. I will make myself available for closeness and sharing with people I trust. I will ask for what I need and give what feels right.


Even when I have doubt I know a power greater than myself is guiding me on my path today. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Let Life Reveal Itself to You

You don’t have to strain so, trying to get your revelations. The guidance, the inspiration, the awareness you need will come to you.

The way we’re living now– from the heart– is much easier than the way we lived before. Sometimes it is so natural we might not understand what’s happening. We may even be uncomfortable at first with how easy it is. We find ourselves straining to lift a heavy bowling ball, when what we have to pick up is only a Ping Pong ball. Then we wonder why it feels so light. We may question whether there’s something wrong because it feels so different.

Just because your life feels lighter doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.

Your next step, the answer to the question you’ve been mulling about– the direction for the next stage of your growth, where you will live next, what you need to do next about work, money, or that problem you’ve been struggling with– will come. If you’re fussing and straining you may not hear it. Don’t worry about getting all your answers or your agenda for the years ahead. That is not how this process works. In order to participate in this more magical way of life, trust that all you need will be revealed to you when it is time.

Relax. You’re on a journey of discovery. Let life reveal itself to you.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Move when it’s time

We were touring the ruins at Hovenweep National Monument in the southwestern United States. A sign along the interpretive trail told about the Anasazi who had lived along the small, narrow canyon so long ago. The archaelogists have done their best to determine what those ancient Indians did and how they lived their lives. The signs told about the strategic positioning of the buildings perched precariously on the edge of a cliff, and questioned what had caused this ancient group to suddenly disappear long ago.

“Maybe they just got tired of living here and moved,” my friend said.

We laughed as we pictured a group of wise ancients sitting around a campfire one night. “You know,” says one of them. “I’m tired of this desert. Let’s move to the beach.” And in our story they did. No mystery. No aliens takiing them away. They just moved on, much like we do today.

It’s easy to romanticize what we don’t know. It’s easy to assume that someone else must have a greater vision, a nobler purpose than just going to work, having a family, and living a life. People are people, and have been throughout time. Our problems aren’t new or unique. The secret to happiness is the same as it has always been. If you are unhappy with where you are, don’t be there. Yes, you may be here now, you may be learning hard lessons today, but there is no reason to stay there. If it hurts to touch the stove, don’t touch it. If you want to be someplace else, move. If you want to chase a dream, then do it. Learn your lessons where you are, but don’t close off your ability to move, and to learn new lessons someplace else.

Are you happy with the path that you’re on? If not, maybe it’s time to choose a new one. There need not be a great mysterious reason. Sometimes it’s just hot and dry, and the beach is calling your name.

Be where you want to be.

God, give me the courage to find a path with heart. Help me move on when it’s time.

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Honest Wisdom
The Power of Not Knowing

There is wisdom in not knowing, and it is a wise person who can say, "I don't know." For no one knows everything. There are many types of wisdom - from intellectual to emotional to physical intelligence. Yet, even deemed experts in their fields do not know all there is to know about mathematics, yoga, literature, psychology, or art. It is a true master who professes ignorance, for only an empty vessel can be filled.

There are many things in life that we don't know, and there are many things we may have no interest in finding out. There is freedom in saying "I don’t know." When we admit that we don't know something, we can then open ourselves up to the opportunity to learn. And there is power in that. We can’t possibly know everything. And when we think we do, we limit ourselves from growing and learning more than what we already do know. A person who can admit to not knowing tends to be more intellectually and emotionally confident than someone who pretends to know everything. They also tend to be more comfortable with who they are and don’t feel the need to bluff or cover up any perceived ignorance. People can actually end up appearing more foolish when they act as if they know something that they don't.

We would be wise to respect people who freely admit when they don't know something. They are being honest, with us and with themselves. And we, too, should feel no shame in saying, "I don't know." In doing so, we open ourselves up to the unknown. We can then discover what lies beyond our current levels of understanding. It is the wise person in life that answers questions with a question and inspires the pursuit of internal answers with a funny face, a shrug, and a comical, "I don't know." Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

“Vision is, I think, the ability to make good estimates,” wrote Bill W., the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous. “Some might feel this sort of striving to be heresy against ‘One Day At A Time.’ But that valuable principle really refers to our mental and emotional lives, and means chiefly that we are not foolishly to repine over the past nor wishfully daydream about the future.” Can i believe that “A day has a hundred pockets when one has much to put in them…”?

Today I Pray

I pray that the bright colors of this day may not be blurred by muted vagaries of the future or dulled by storm-gray remnants from the past. I pray that my Higher Power will help me to choose my actions and concerns out of the wealth of busyness that each day offers.

Today I Will Remember

I will not lose for today,
If I choose for Today.

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One More Day

We are never as fortunate or as unfortunate as we suppose.
– La Rouchefoucauld

Pain, especially continual pain, is very draining and is often one of the largest problems associated with chronic illness. In the beginning we may have reacted to our pain with anger or whining and, in doing so, came to see ourselves as victims or martyrs. That self-image made us feel helpless, powerless.

Now, we’re better able to understand pain, not as a curse thrust upon us, but as our bodies’ normal function. Pain, is a signal and sometimes a warning. But pain can assist us now in better management of our illnesses by helping us regain some of our personal power and inner strength. Methods such as relaxation therapy, biofeedback, and self-hypnosis can all work on different levels to control our pain. Appropriate exercise can also be an excellent method of pain control.

I will explore ways to deal with my pain.

[bluidkiti]

January 6

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
We, too, the children of the earth, have our moon phases all through any year; the darkness, the delivery from darkness, the waxing and waning.
--Faith Baldwin
Let us think, for a moment, about the changes of the moon. In the beginning of its cycle, it is just a sliver in the darkness. Each night it grows larger until it reaches its full size. When the moon is full and rising, its orange glow fills the sky. All night its gentle light brightens everything it touches. But this fullness is only part of the life of the moon. For a while it grows smaller, then turns its dark side toward us before reappearing as a sliver and growing again to fullness. We are children of the earth, and we have our different moods and phases, too. There will be periods of darkness when we try to find our way by the light of the stars. Again and again we will grow to our full size, only to fade and grow again in a new way.


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Being human is difficult. Becoming human is a lifelong process. To be truly human is a gift. --Abraham Heschel
The processes of becoming more human, becoming a real person, and finding spiritual enlightenment are very similar. They require slow growth over time. We can only follow these paths in small steps, one day or one hour at a time. Many of us grew up in families with an addicted parent. We, too, went to great excesses and have been abusive to others and ourselves. Because of these problems, we developed a distorted outlook on life. Now we still demand quick and complete fixes for recovery.
Our program says, "Look to this day." It is a difficult path to learn, but we only take it in small steps. There are no instant fixes for any human being. Yet, when we surrender to the reality of life, we are given the gift of true humanity. We feel like real people, we love others, and we enjoy the pleasure of true contact with them.
I am grateful I can be a part of the process. Help me give up my drive to control it.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
There are as many ways to live and grow as there are people. Our own ways are the only ways that should matter to us.
--Evelyn Mandel
Wanting to control other people, to make them live as we'd have them live, makes the attainment of serenity impossible. And serenity is the goal we are seeking in this recovery program, in this life.
We are each powerless over others, which relieves us of a great burden. Controlling our own behavior is a big enough job. Learning to behave responsibly takes practice. Most of us in this recovery program have behaved irresponsibly for much of our lives. Emotional immaturity is slow to depart, but every responsible action we take gives us the courage for another--and then another. Our own fulfillment is the by-product of the accumulation of our own responsible actions. Others' actions need not concern us.
Today, I will weigh my behavior carefully. Responsible behavior builds gladness of heart.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Relationships
If we are unhappy without a relationship, we'll probably be unhappy with one as well. A relationship doesn't begin our life; a relationship doesn't become our life. A relationship is a continuation of life. --Beyond Codependency
Relationships are the blessing and bane of recovery. Relationships are where we take our recovery show on the road.
Each day, we are faced with the prospect of functioning in several different relationships. Sometimes, we choose these relationships; sometimes, we don't. The one choice we usually have in our relationships concerns our own behavior. In recovery from codependency, our goal is to behave in ways that demonstrate responsibility for us.
We're learning to acknowledge our power to take care of ourselves in our relationships. We're learning to be intimate with people when possible.
Do we need to detach from someone who we've been trying to control? Is there someone we need to talk to, even though what we have to say may be uncomfortable? Is there someone we've been avoiding because we're afraid to take care of ourselves with that person? Do we need to make an amend? Is there someone we need to reach out to, or show love?
Recovery is not done apart from our relationships. Recovery is done by learning to own our power and to take care of ourselves in relationships.
Today, I will participate in my relationships to the best of my ability. I will make myself available for closeness and sharing with people I trust. I will ask for what I need and give what feels right.


Even when I have doubt I know a power greater than myself is guiding me on my path today. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Embrace the Unknown

How boring it would be if we knew everything that was going to happen. Yet we are always trying to peek around the corner and see ahead.

If we knew everything that was going to happen, we wouldn’t need to experience it. There would be nothing to learn, explore, or gain. We’d stay in our heads instead of our hearts. So often, it’s the surprises of the moments and hours, the unexpected twists and turns that give meaning to our journey and make our lessons come alive.

You are connected to truth. You are connected to Divine guidance. You can trust and embrace your guidance from God. That means you will get all the visions, all the guidance, all the advance knowledge and wisdom you need. Not too much to spoil the surprise. Not too much to neutralize the lesson.

Just enough guidance to let you know you are never alone.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Take responsibility for your life

Before you can jump out of the airplane, before you can fly solo in an airplane, before you can go on the whitewater rafting trip, before you can make a bungee jump, you have to sign a waiver.

The waiver is a document that says that you realize the dangers in what you’re about to do, that you and you alone have made the decision to participate in the activity, and that you and you alone are responsible for the outcome.

You sign away your right to sue, whine, complain– to do anything except risk your life for a new experience.

You sign the waiver to protect others from being liable in case of an accident. I think waivers are a good reminder that ultimately no one is responsible for my life but me. There is no one to blame, no one to sue, no one to ask for a refund. I make my own decisions and I live with the results of those choices each day.

So do you.

It’s your life. Sign a waiver saying that you take responsibility for it. Set yourself and others free.

God, help me understand the inherent powers I have. Help me take responsibility for my choices, and guide me about what decisions are best for me.

Activity: Read the following waiver carefully. Fill in the blanks, and be aware of what you’re signing. It is your life, after all. Take responsibility for what you do.

WAIVER
I understand that during the course of my life I will be required to make many decisions, such as where I want to live, whom I want to live with, where I work, how much fun I have, and how I spend my money and time, including how much time I spend waiting for things to get better and people to change, and whom I choose to love.

I understand that many events that occur will be out of my hands and that there are inherent dangers and risks in all decisions I make.Life and people have no obligation to live up to the expectations of anybody else. Life is a high-risk sport, and I may become injured along the way.

I agree that all the decisions I make are mine and mine alone, including how I choose to handle the events that are beyond my control. I hereby forfeit my right to recourse as a victim, including my rights to blame, complain, and whine or hold someone else responsible for the path I choose to take. I am responsible for my for my participation– or lack of it– in life. And I take complete responsibility for the outcomes and consequences of all decisions I make, understanding that ultimately it is my choice whether I become happy, joyous, and free or stay miserable and trapped.

Although people may voluntarily nurture and love me, I and I alone am responsible for taking care of and loving myself.

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What's Fun Got To Do With It
Finding Joy in Meaningless Tasks

Spending an afternoon working on the car, gardening, or even cleaning the house can be fun when we have an interest in the project. Yet, we can also find joy in the chores and tasks we don't especially like. All we need is a change of attitude, a different approach, a little music, or some help from friends, and the tasks or responsibilities that we perceive as tedious can become a source of pleasure.

Most of us tend to put off what it is that we don’t want to do. Yet, one of the best approaches to an unpleasant task or dull chore is to dive right in and be fully mindful of what it is that you are doing. You may not perceive washing the kitchen floor as enjoyable, but it can be if you view it as a loving act for both yourself and your family. Lose yourself in paying your bills, and thank the universe that you are able to receive the service you are writing that check for. Mending can become a treasure hunt to find the right button and matching thread. And, each morning, see how neatly you can make your bed and take pride in your results.

Playing your favorite music, dancing while you work, or creating a mental list of everything you are grateful for are just a few ways to turn an unexciting activity into a fun event. Ask a friend to help you clean out the basement or paint a room; provide some yummy snacks as an incentive. Look for joy in doing your mundane activities, and they’ll become a source of enjoyment rather than a tolerable duty. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

When I finally convince myself to let go of a problem that’s been tearing me apart — when I take the action to set aside my will and let God handle the problem — my torment subsides immediately. If I continue to stay out of my own way, then solutions begin to unfold and reveal themselves. More and more, I’m coming to accept the limitations of my human understanding and power. More and more, I’m learning to let go and trust my Higher Power for the answers and the help. Do I keep in the forefront of my mind the fact that only God is all-wise and all-powerful?

Today I Pray

If I come across a stumbling-block, may I learn to step out of the way and let God remove it. May I realize my human limitations at problem-solving, since I can never begin to predict God’s solutions until I see them happening. May I know that whatever answer I come to, God may have a better one.

Today I Will Remember

God has a better answer.

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One More Day

A little learning is a dangerous thing.
– Alexander Pope

Since childhood we’ve been told that education is the key to success, to happiness, to almost all good things in life. We gradually gain knowledge as we go through school and continue through life, and at each plateau we feel more confident. But a crisis may undermine that confidence. Problems within our families, such as alcohol or other drug abuse or a chronic illness, can sharply point out how little we really know. Our reaction differ — some of us dive into a frenzy of denial and activity, while others are immobilized by fear and uncertainty.

But then we remember: Learning is the key; we don’t have to know instinctively what to do. We can turn to others who have greater knowledge. Organizations are three to give us well-qualified assistance. We want and need to learn the truth.

I don’t have to have all the answers, just the right questions.

[bluidkiti]

January 7

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
To affect the quality of the day--that is the highest of the arts. --Henry David Thoreau
We are the sculptors of our day. We can mold it creatively into a wonderful masterpiece. We control the amount of moisture we mix into our clay. We pound it, shape it, stroke it, love it. Others can offer suggestions, and we gain new perspectives from their advice, but it is finally our own creation. Our knife may occasionally slip, or our mixture of earth may be too dry. Any great artist suffers temporary setbacks. Besides, imperfections in art often make it all the more interesting.
How creative can I be in my life today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
To be happy one must risk unhappiness; to live fully one must risk death and accept its ultimate decision. --Judd Manner
All of us, in confronting our powerlessness, have felt the truth of this paradox. If we truly admitted how far out of control our drinking was, would we be able to survive without alcohol? If we stopped caretaking, would we have any place in our relationships? If we let go of our food obsessions, would there be any pleasure left in life? Yet, we can see much of our behavior was destroying us. We had to let go of it to begin learning a better way of living.
We can face our powerlessness in very specific ways. Let us look at today's concerns as spiritual issues with lessons for us. Does an opportunity seem like a problem because of the risk involved? Are we frustrated because we cannot accept the limits of our control? We will face our powerlessness today in ways we cannot fully anticipate. When we are honest with ourselves and face it directly, we can take the risk of letting go.
Let me not be so tied to what I have or to what I want that I cannot lean on God's love and take a risk for growth.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
The greatest gift we can give one another is rapt attention to one another's existence. --Sue Atchley Ebaugh
We all want to matter to others. Very often in the past and sometimes in the present, our behavior screams for the attention we seek from others. Perhaps, instead of trying to get attention, we ought to give it. The program tells us we have to give it away in order to keep it. Wisdom of the ages also dictates that in life there are no accidents. Those people close to us and those just passing through our lives have reason to be there. Giving attention to another's humanity is our calling.
I will fully attend to another person I have occasion to be with today. She will matter to me, and my attention will matter to her.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Dealing with Painful Feelings
Feelings of hurt or anger can be some of the most difficult to face. We can feel so vulnerable, frightened, and powerless when these feelings appear. And these feelings may trigger memories of other, similar times when we felt powerless.
Sometimes, to gain a sense of control, we may punish the people around us, whether they are people we blame for these feelings or innocent bystanders. We may try to "get even," or we may manipulate behind people's backs to gain a sense of power over the situation.
These actions may give us a temporary feeling of satisfaction, but they only postpone facing our pain.
Feeling hurt does not have to be so frightening. We do not have to work so hard to avoid it. While hurt feelings aren't as much fun as feeling happy/ they are, still, just feelings.
We can surrender to them, feel them, and go on. That does not mean we have to seek out hurt feelings or dwell unnecessarily on them. Emotional pain does not have to devastate us. We can sit still, feel the pain, figure out if there's something we need to do to take care of ourselves, and then go on with our life.
We do not have to act in haste; we do not have to punish others to get control over our feelings. We can begin sharing our hurt feelings with others. That brings relief and often healing to them and to us.
Eventually, we learn the lesson that real power comes from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to feel hurt. Real power comes from knowing we can take care of ourselves, even when we feel emotional pain. Real power comes when we stop holding others responsible for our pain, and we take responsibility for all our feelings.
Today, I will surrender to my feelings, even the emotionally painful ones. Instead of acting in haste, or attempting to punish someone, I will be vulnerable enough to feel my feelings.


I am worthy of positive changes today. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Remember to Be Happy

The sign hangs on the wall of a bagel shop: “Don’t forget to be happy.”

Sometimes we get so bogged down in dealing with feelings, issues, problems– the realities and details of our lives– we forget to be happy. Often happiness can be ours if we just remember to be happy.

Joy is a choice– a deliberate, conscious choice. That choice is available to us each day. Our joy isn’t controlled by others or by outward circumstances. Joy comes from a deeper place, a place of security within ourselves. It’s an attitude, not a transitory emotion.

Remember to be kind. Remember to be loving. Remember to feel all your feelings and to take care of yourself. But most of all, remember to be happy.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Save your life in a journal

Are you saving your life by writing about it in a journal?

Sometimes I use a file in my computer for my journal. If I’m rambling, ranting, or raving– writing something that could embarrass me if seen– I lock the file with a code. My words in my journal, whether it’s in a computer or a green Italian notebook, are meant for only for me.

There are many ways to write in a journal. We can go on and on about whatever comes to us. That’s helpful, especially if we’re stuck. We can use our journal as a record, writing down what we did that day. It’s a good place to write our goals and to explore our fantasies and dreams. We can write poems or short stories. We can write letters to God or our Guardian Angel, asking for advice. Or we can just say what happened each day, and then write how it feels.

People may think there’s a right and wrong way to write in a journal, but I don’t agree. There aren’t any rules about journals. It’s just a way to record and save our lives.

Do you think your life is worth saving? I do. If you’ve been neglecting to do that, ask yourself “why.”

God, help me be aware of and respect the details of my life.

Activity: Transfer your goal list to a journal, and begin writing your responses to the meditations and the activities as part of your journal entry for each day. Use your journal as a logbook, to record what you’re doing and whom you’re doing it with as you pursue your dreams. Or use it as a way of exploring how you feel, who you are, and what you want to do. Save your life in whatever way makes sense to you.

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Going Deep
Self-Examination at Depth

There are times when life urges us to seek more. Small changes to our comfort zone may fail to alleviate any sense of stagnancy or frustration, and we may need to examine our lives and ourselves more deeply to find the right place to start. Everything we need for success and joy lies within. But so often, life’s debris accumulates, building layers around our core that makes it difficult to access the truth that resides within. To reach the depth we wish to access, we must dive below these layers to the deepest parts of ourselves.

The first layer can be found in our minds. Our to-do lists and busy work are usually less important than we think, so we must look past them to examine the thoughts that matter most to us. The next layer can be found in our hearts, where past hurts and disappointments can sometimes cover up our vulnerabilities, as well as the truth of who and what really stirs the love within us. We can choose to go even deeper – to our center. If we can go beyond anything has affected us to the point that it blocks us at the gut level, we can reconnect with our power, our raw instincts, our organic yeses. Here, at the core, lies our truth. Our core is our foundation that supports us and what we’d like to build our authentic life upon.

When we examine ourselves to these depths, we are able to find what we wish to bring to the surface and what we wish to let go. When we remember what lies beneath our layers, we can look at what was floating on the surface, causing blocks and pains, and understand the purpose that they served. Oftentimes, it is the built up debris that causes us to go deeper, so we can search for the truth. Go deep, live life from your truth within, and watch your innate beauty manifest outward. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time
January 7

Reflection For The Day

I’m beginning to see just how unnatural my old life actually was, and that it became increasingly unnatural as my illness progressed. The longer I’m in The Program, the more natural this new way of life seems. At first, it was impossible for me to extend my hand to a newcomer; such an act was wholly unnatural for me. But it is becoming increasingly easier for me to reach out to another person. Sharing my experience, strength and hope is becoming a natural part of daily living. Have I learned that I can’t keep what I’ve gotten unless I “give it away?” Will I take the time to share today?

Today I Pray

May I share my live, my joy, my happiness, my time, my hospitality, my knowledge of things on earth and my faith in a Higher Power. Even though I may not see the results of my acts of sharing, may I take joy in the acts themselves. May sharing, according to God’s plan, become as natural to me as speaking or breathing.

Today I Will Remember

Be never sparing in caring or sharing.

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One More Day
January 7

All human wisdom is summed up in two words: wait and hope.
– Alexandre Dumas

As children, the only waiting and hoping we did was short-term. We waited for the holidays. We hoped our parents wouldn’t find out we got the carpet dirty.

Once a chronic medical problem is diagnosed, we become masters at the art of waiting and hoping. Waiting to see if the new medication helps. Hoping for a remission or cure.

We learn that in order to adjust we must help ourselves. One way we can help ourselves is to get in touch with one of the many self-help groups. These groups can offer us a sense of continuity, or inner strength, of hope for better times again. With deepened faith in ourselves and in our abilities, we discover a sense of inner peace.

Hope renews me and lets me face each day with the best possible attitude.

[bluidkiti]

January 8

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Deep in their roots all flowers keep the light. --Theodore Roethke
All flowers begin with the potential to grow and blossom. Yet in winter, perennial flowers are buried under the snow. Inside the dark earth, they are patiently waiting for their time to bloom. For the flowers, faith is believing that spring will return. It is carrying the light of summer deep in their roots so that even in times of cold and dark, there is hope that they will bloom again. When spring does return, they shoot out of the ground and burst into blossom. In times of light, they drink it deep into their roots--deep enough to sustain them through the next season of darkness. We can do the same, keeping the memory of good times deep within us, so that when we're feeling low, it will keep our faith in the happy future strong.
What helps sustain my faith today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
In wildness is the preservation of the world. --Henry David. Thoreau
Nature confronts us with its beauty in a flower or a furry animal. The awesomeness of nature is in a lightning bolt or a majestic mountain. Every variety of tree has its own uniquely textured bark. Each annual ring in a tree trunk is a natural record of the growing conditions in each year it grew. These things remind us we are not in charge, and we are moved by the experience.
This wildness is everywhere around us, and we are renewed by it when we interact with it. At night, in the city, we look up and see the ancient moon. When we live with a pet, it reminds us we are creatures too. We are part of this larger whole. We don't just appreciate nature - we are nature. When we open our eyes and learn to be a part of it, it renews and lifts our spirits.
Today, I will notice my relationship with the sun and moon, with the plants and animals in my world.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
When people make changes in their lives in a certain area, they may start by changing the way they talk bout that subject, how they act about it, their attitude toward it, or an underlying decision concerning it. --Jean Illsley Clarke
Acting "as if" is powerful. It leads the way to a changed attitude, a changed woman. If we are self-conscious in crowds and fearful about meeting new people and yet act poised and extend our hands in friendship, we'll not only behave in a new way, but feel good about it, too. Each act we take in this way brings us closer to the woman we are behaving like. Each positive change we make builds our self-esteem. Realizing that through our own actions we are becoming the kind of women we admire gives us the strength, in fact, encourages the excitement in us that's needed to keep changing. Making positive changes in our lives is the stuff that comprises self-esteem. Each gain makes the next one easier to attempt.
I will accept an opportunity today to act "as if" I can handle a situation I used to run from.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Vulnerability
Some of us may have made a decision that no one was ever going to hurt us again. We may automatically go on "feelings freeze mode" when faced with emotional pain. Or, we may terminate a relationship the first time we feel hurt. Hurt feelings are a part of life, relationships, and recovery. It is understandable that we don't want to feel any more pain. Many of us have had more than our share, hi fact, at some time in our life, we may have been overwhelmed, crushed, or stopped in our tracks by the amount of pain we felt. We may not have had the resources to cope with our pain or take care of ourselves.
That was yesterday. Today, we don't have to be so frightened of pain. It does not have to overwhelm us. We are becoming strong enough to deal with hurt feelings. And we don't have to become martyrs, claiming that hurt feelings and suffering are all there is to life.
We need only allow ourselves to feel vulnerable enough to feel hurt, when that's appropriate, and take responsibility for our feelings, behaviors, and what we need to do to take care of ourselves. We don't have to analyze or justify our feelings. We need to feel them, and try not to let them control our behavior.
Maybe our pain is showing us we need to set a boundary; maybe it's showing us we're going in a wrong direction; maybe it's triggering a deep healing process.
It's okay to feel hurt; it's okay to cry; it's okay to heal; it's okay to move on to the next feeling, when it's time. Our willingness and capacity to feel joy will eventually match our willingness and capacity to feel hurt.
Being in recovery does not mean immunity from pain; it means learning to take loving care of ourselves when we are in pain.
Today, I will not strike out at those who cause me pain. I will feel my emotions and take responsibility for them. I will accept hurt feelings as part of being in relationships. lam willing to surrender to the pain as well as the joy in life.


I do not need to know anything about this day beyond this moment. This moment is perfect....... just as it is I can handle anything in this moment. My Higher Power gives me all the strength I need today to handle whatever comes up in this moment. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Love Yourself Until It’s Real

What does it mean to love yourself? To do nice things for and to yourself? Yes, sometimes. But self-love runs deeper than that. Self-love means loving and accepting yourself, your thoughts, beauty, emotions, your faults, imperfections, and flaws, your strengths, wit, wisdom, as well as your peculiar and unique way of seeing the world…

Loving yourself means accepting and loving each and every part of you, and knowing– knowing– that you’re worthy, valuable, and lovable. It means loving and accepting yourself when you’re surrounded by people who love you, and during those times when you think everyone’s gone away, when you wonder if God’s gone away,too.

During one of the darkest parts of my life, Al Franken, a comedian and producer, asked me to write an introduction to the book he was writing– Stewart Smalley’s daily meditation book. I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me. I wasn’t able to do much during that time in my life, except walk to my fax machine and tear off the curled up pages. I’d take the pages back to my bed, lie down (because I felt too shattered to stand) and read them. I’d laugh a little at Stewarts outrageous behavior. But the pages made me smile about something else,too. Despite our search for sophisticated, sage advice and advanced learning, sometimes it helps to remember the simple wisdom of bumbling Stewart Smalley.

Sometimes, loving ourselves means accepting ourselves enough to tell ourselves other people like and approve of us. Sometimes, loving ourselves means approving of ourselves, even when they don’t. It takes courage to stop cowering and openly love, accept, and approve of ourselves.

Don’t just say the words. Love yourself until you experience that love.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Letting go to save our lives

I crouched in the doorway of the airplane, next to my skydiving coach. I held on to the doorway with my right hand for balance. With my left hand, I firmly grasped my coach’s gripper, a padded piece of cloth on his jumpsuit.

It was up to me to give the count. “Ready,” I hollered. “Set…”

I backed up and took another breath. “Ready, set…”

I heard a snicker. “Get out of the plane,” someone hollered.

“Go.”

I released my grip on the door, closed my eyes, and dived headfirst into the air– with my left hand firmly attached to my jump master’s gripper. We wobbled around for a moment. The plan was, we would turn to face each other in the air, I would grab his other shoulder grip, get my balance, then I’d release him.

He turned to face me. I grabbed his other grip. Now I was falling stable and holding on with both hands. He nodded, giving me my cue to let go.

I shook my head, carefully, so as not to lose my balance.

He looked confused, then nodded again.

I shook my head again, clinging more tightly.

I looked at my altimeter. Six thousand feet. Thank God. It was almost time to pull. I released my grips. I just let go. Obviously, I couldn’t safely pull my rip cord while I was hanging on to him.

It was time to save my own life.

My coach backed away.

I signaled, then pulled my rip cord. My parachute made that sweet whooshing sound, the one I had come to identify as the sound it makes when it opens correctly and fills with air, slowing my fall into a float.

Wow! I thought. This is really fun!

Sometimes we’re so scared, all we can think to do is hang on. Hanging on in this case was a silly illusion. We we’re both falling through the air. Holding on to a relationship that’s not working, a negative self-image, a job that isn’t working, moments and times that have passed, or emotions such as fear and hurt can be a silly illusion,too.

To save our own lives, sometimes we have to let go first.

God, show me what I need to let go of, and when it’s time to do that.

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The Miracle of Change
Boredom

by Madisyn Taylor

The sense of feeling bored in life can be an indicator that we need to be proactive in creating change.


Sometimes we feel that things aren’t moving along fast enough for us and that the world is passing us by. It may be that time seems to stand still and that we are simply bystanders in our own lives. Other times it might appear that there is nothing new left for us to experience and that we are locked into a never-ending cycle of stasis. If we take the time to listen to these feelings we will notice that there is probably more going on beneath the surface, like our apprehension to venture out into the unknown. By taking a new look at how we live our lives, however, it will be easier to break through our sense of boredom and enter into a more positive state of being.

When life seems monotonous, it is usually an indication that there is something we need to change. Boredom can easily lead us down the path to despondency. Acknowledging our feelings and then setting the intention to alter just one small thing in our life can give us a much more affirmative outlook. This act of change allows us to step outside of ourselves and discover new and exciting things that are often already present in our everyday lives. Simple things such as eating a healthier diet, taking a new class, or joining a club are all ways in which we can go beyond our comfort zone and explore the wonders that exist all around us. Keep in mind that the moment we do something different from our usual routine, the more fresh energy, hope, and blessings we will manifest in our life. What this means is that we’ll no longer see things as being tedious but will instead realize the preciousness of everything.

Being able to integrate these subtle changes on a daily basis allows us to recognize the miracles that are our lives. Even though we may think of change as doing something life-altering or drastic, gentle transitions from our habitual ways of doing things and an appreciation of all life offers us will truly bring about positive and lasting transformation.

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

Today is the day for which I asked and for which I have been given strength. That in itself is a miracle. In my old life, I constantly endangered myself as well as countless others. So the very fact that I am alive is the great miracle from which all other miracles will flow, providing I continue to do the things that have brought me this far in my new life. Am I grateful that I have been given this day?

Today I Pray

May God’s goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life. May I never cease to wonder at thee greatest miracle in my life — that I am alive, here, on the green earth, and growing healthier with the life preserving tools I have been given. Since God has chosen to give me life and to preserve my life, even through the dangers of addiction, may I always continue to listen for His plan for me. May I always believe in miracles.

Today I Will Remember

My life is a Miracle.

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One More Day

Along with success comes a reputation for wisdom. -Euripides

Our definition of success varies as we move through stages of life. While we once may have dreamed of a large lake home and a large salary, we may have settled for a modest home and salary. As we reevaluated our goals, we become aware that we have succeeded in our own way.

Success, for us, might mean we have many friends. Or that our children have become worthwhile citizens. We may feel successful largely because we have learned to accept ourselves — the total package of strengths and weaknesses. We set and reset out goals throughout a lifetime, and our successes are measured, not by specific deeds or accumulations of cash, but by how well we set our goals and how faithful we are to them.

I’ll look again at my values and goals to be sure they leave me room for success.

[bluidkiti]

January 9

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Life gives us so much time to collect bizarre thoughts and feelings. --Claire Weekes
As we go through life, we run into all kinds of negative messages: teasing on the school bus, insulting nicknames, and other put-downs. Pretty soon we may discover that some of these messages stick in our minds, repeating themselves over and over like broken records. These messages can make us feel bad about ourselves. But when we hear one of these tapes playing inside us, we have the power to push the STOP button. Then we can record a new message. We can even say it out loud, so that our voice settles emphatically into our thoughts. We can't make others stop saying these things, but we can stop listening to them. They only have power over us when we give it to them. We have the ability and freedom to let negative thoughts float by us, like water going downstream.
What positive message can I send to myself?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Fear is an emotion indispensable for survival. --Hannah Arendt
We men face fear many times in life. Sometimes it's an inner voice, warning us of danger. Some fears remain from the paranoia caused by our former abuses and excesses. In recovery, we feel many new emotions, and we're afraid because we don't understand them. Any normal feeling can seem abnormal and frightening to a man who is feeling it for the first few times. We may think it isn't manly to be afraid, so we become afraid of our fear! At these times, we need to turn to our Higher Power for guidance.
We have friends we can talk to. When we simply say, "I am afraid" to a trusted friend, the fear may vanish. Sometimes it's not that easy, and we have to talk in detail about our fear. In the end, when we submit our lives to the care of our Higher Power, we know that whatever happens, nothing can separate us from the love of God.
In my fear, help me remember the comfort of my closeness to my Higher Power and my loved ones. I can reach out, and I am never alone.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
The Chinese say that water is the most powerful element, because it is perfectly nonresistant. It can wear away a rock and sweep all before it. --Florence Scovel Shinn
Nonresistance, ironically, may be a posture we struggle with. Nonresistance means surrendering the ego absolutely. For many of us, the ego, particularly disguised as false pride, spurred us on to struggle after struggle. "Can't they see I'm right?" we moaned, and our resistance only created more of itself. Conversely, flowing with life, "bubbling" with the ripples, giving up our ego, releases from us an energy that heals the situation that smoothes the negative vibrations in our path. Peace comes to us. We will find serenity each time we willingly humble ourselves.
Resistance is more familiar. Nonresistance means growth and peace. I'll try for serenity today.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Responsibility for Ourselves
We have been doing the wrong things for the right reasons. --Codependent No More
Caretaking: the act of taking responsibility for other people while neglecting responsibility for ourselves. When we instinctively feel responsible for the feelings, thoughts, choices, problems, comfort, and destiny of others, we are caretakers. We may believe, at an unconscious level, that others are responsible for our happiness, just as we're responsible for theirs.
It's a worthy goal to be a considerate, loving, nurturing person. But caretaking is neglecting us to the point of feeling victimized. Caretaking involves caring for others in ways that hamper them in learning to take responsibility for themselves.
Caretaking doesn't work. It hurts other people; it hurts us. People get angry. They feel hurt, used, and victimized. So do we.
The kindest and most generous behavior we can choose is taking responsibility for ourselves - for what we think, feel, want, and need. The most beneficial act we can perform is to be true to ourselves, and let others take responsibility for themselves.
Today, I mil pay attention to my actual responsibilities to myself. I will let others do the same. If I am in doubt about what my actual responsibilities are, I will take an inventory.


I dare to listen to my inner voice with a new trust today. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

You’re Going Someplace New

You are opening up more and more. You are becoming clearer each day. Embrace the changes taking place. They are good. They will last. They will take you and your life to someplace new, someplace you can’t fully imagine now because it’s so different from where you have been.

All will be changed. Your love, your life, your friends, your work. Your quiet moments and your times of sharing. Your playtime, your rest time. Your attitude will change. Your ability to fully and joyfully experience your life will change.

Things that used to bother you, hold you down, hold you back will roll easily off you. Problems that used to plague and pester you, making you feel weighted down, will be lifted easily. You will know and trust that the answers you need will come to you.

Your powers will increase. You will find yourself doing, knowing, and feeling things that you thought only certain others could do. You will find yourself gliding through life in a way that brings you joy, and touches and heals others.

You will laugh a lot. And yes, you will cry a lot,too, because an open heart feels all it needs to feel. But you will not think twice about your emotions. You will feel then with the purity of a child and the wisdom of a sage. You will see, touch, taste, and feel life’s magic in a way you never imagined. You will love, and you will be loved. And you will learn that it is all the same.

You are open now, more open than you’ve ever been. Trust the process and trust your heart. The journey is not in vain. Its purpose is to lead you to love.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Detach in love

In the original Language of Letting Go, I told the gerbil story. It’s one of my favorite stories about letting go. Here it is again.

Many years ago, when I lived in Stillwater, Minnesota, my children wanted a pet. They wanted a puppy, but I said no. We had tried a bird, but its feathers fell off. I suggested a goldfish, but we settled on a gerbil instead.

One day, the gerbil got loose. It got out of its cage and scurried across the floor. It ran so fast that none of us could catch it. We watched as it disappeared under a crack in the wall. We stood around, wondering what to do, but there wasn’t much that could be done.

In the months that followed, the gerbil made timely appearances. It would scurry out from behind the walls, run across the room, then dart back into the walls. We’d chase it, lunging after it and screaming as we ran.

“There he is. Catch him.”

I worried about the gerbil, even when we didn’t see it. “This isn’t right,” I’d think. “I can’t have a gerbil running loose in the house. We’ve got to catch it. We’ve got to do something.”

A small animal the size of a mouse had the entire household in a tizzy.

One day, while sitting in the living room, I watched the animal scurry across the hallway. I started to lunge at it, as I usually did, then I stopped myself.

“No,” I said. “I’m all done. If that animal wants to live in the nooks and crannies of this house, I’m going to let it. I’m done worrying about it. I’m done chasing it.”

I let the gerbil run past without reacting. I felt slightly uncomfortable with my new reaction– not reacting– but I stuck to it anyway. Before long, I became downright peaceful with the situation. I had stopped fighting the gerbil. One afternoon, only weeks after I started practicing my new attitude, the gerbil ran by me, as it had so many times, and I barely glanced at it. The animal stopped in its tracks, turned around, and looked at me. I started to lunge at it. It started to run away. I relaxed.

“Fine,” I said. “Do what you want.” And I meant it.

About an hour later, the gerbil came and stood by me, and waited. I gently picked it up and placed it in its cage, where it happily reestablished its home. Don’t lunge at the gerbil. He’s already frightened, and chasing him just scares him more and makes us crazy,too.

Is there someone you’d like to get close to? Is there an irregular circumstance in your life that you can’t change? Detachment, particularly detaching in love, helps.

God, show me the power of using detachment as a tool in all my relationships.

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Tending the Emotions
Having a Breakdown

by Madisyn Taylor

Having a breakdown is often the catharsis that is needed to keep our emotional life in balance.


Most of us have had the experience of holding back our emotions for such a long period of time that when they finally come out, we have something resembling a breakdown. For a certain period of time, the overwhelming flood of feelings coursing through our bodies consumes us, and we stop functioning. Often, these outbursts take us by surprise, welling up within us as we drive to or from work, watch a movie, or engage in some otherwise mundane task. We may feel like we do not know what triggered us, or if we do know, it does not make sense of our overpowering emotional response. This is because we are releasing feelings that have accumulated over a long period of time, and whatever inspired the release was just a catalyst for a much larger, much needed catharsis.

When we find ourselves in the midst of such an experience, it is important that we allow it to happen, rather than fight it or try to shut down. Wherever we are, we can try to find a private, safe place in which to let our feelings out. If we can not access such a place immediately, we can promise to set aside some time for ourselves at our earliest possible convenience, perhaps taking a day off work. The important thing is that we need to give our emotional system some much-needed attention. It is essential that we allow ourselves to release the pent-up emotions inside ourselves so that they do not create imbalances in our bodies and minds.

When you are feeling better, make a plan to find a way to process your emotions more regularly. You can do this by employing a therapist or making a regular date to talk to a trusted friend. Journaling can also be a great way to acknowledge and release your emotions, as can certain forms of meditation. Making room in your life for tending your emotions on a regular basis will keep you healthy, balanced, and ready for life. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

In the past, and sometimes even now, I automatically have thought, “Why me?”, when I’m trying to learn that my first problem is to accept my present circumstances as they are, myself as I am and the people around me as they are. Just as I finally accepted my powerlessness over my addiction, so must I accept my powerlessness over people, places and things. Am I learning to accept life on life’s terms.

Today I Pray

May I learn to control my urge to control, my compulsion to manage, neaten, organize and label the lives of others. May I learn to accept situations and people as they are instead of as I would like them to be. Thus, may I do away with the ongoing frustrations that a controlling person, by nature, faces continually. May I be entirely ready to have God remove this defect of character.

Today I Will Remember

Control for the controller (me).

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One More Day

Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last.
– Charles Dickens

Place a newborn infant in any adult’s arms, and that adult will turn all attention to the tiny new life. Most of us feel overwhelmed with the miracle of birth and the beauty contained within that tiny body. Tod hold an infant is to feel perpetuity and an incredible sense of joy. In the infant, we see a projection of life and the full scope of life’s possibilities.

Long ago, others marveled at the fragility and wonder of life as we were placed as babes in their arms. Now we recognize we all had the same beginnings, we all had time before us. We still have time, and it is still full of possibilities.

I marvel at the gift of life and all that lies before me.

[bluidkiti]

January 10

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
You feel the way you do right now because of the thoughts you are thinking at this moment. --David D. Burns
Good thoughts are like bright colors in a painting. Negative thoughts are dark and dreary and drab. Each day we paint pictures of our own lives with our thoughts. If we step back and look at the canvas, we will see whether the picture is alive with bright colors or dreary and lifeless like a dark cloud. Our thoughts have the power to bring joy or sadness our way, depending on what we expect or look for in our surroundings. The choice of how we want our lives to be is ours. Since we paint a new picture each day, we are always free to change things when they don't please us. What better time than the present?
Is there something in my life I'd like to change today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
If you don't take chances, you can't do anything in life. --Michael Spinks
Many of us have done things that, in looking back, seem insane or dangerous. We may have had friends or family members who got into serious trouble and frightened us by their risky behavior. Out of fear, we may have become too cautious about everything.
Our dilemma is that growth is a risk, too. If we avoid all risk, we become stagnant. Life thrives on possibilities and options. Of course, risk means the outcome is unsure. We may not get the result we desire. But not all risk taking is as self-destructive as it was in our past. Now we have our relationship with our Higher Power and ourselves. Now taking a chance may help us grow, even when we don't get what we want.
Today let me see possibilities, and guide my inner sense of when to take a chance for growth.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
A complete revaluation takes place in your physical and mental being when you've laughed and had some fun. --Catherine Ponder
Norman Cousins, in his book Anatomy of an Illness, describes how he cured his fatal illness with laughter. Laughter recharges our entire being; every cell is activated. We come alive, and full vitality restores us physically and emotionally. Many of us need both emotional and physical healing, but perhaps we've overlooked the times to laugh because we've been caught in a negative posture.
Unfortunately, negativity becomes habitual for many of us. However, it's never too late to turn our lives around, to laugh instead of complain. Choosing to see the bright side of life, to laugh at our mistakes, lessens our pain, emotional and physical. Laughter encourages wellness. It is habit-forming and, better yet, contagious. Bringing laughter to others can heal them as well.
We all want health and happiness in ourselves and others, and we can find it by creating it. The best prescription for whatever ails us may well be a good laugh.
Today Ill seek out those chances to dispense a little medicine.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Fear
Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. What if they are a little coarse, and. you may get your coat soiled or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice? Up again; you shall never be so afraid of a tumble. --Ralph Waldo Emerson
Fear can be a big stopper for many of us: fear of fragility, fear of failure, fear of making a mistake, fear of what others might think, fear of success. We may second-guess our next action or word until we talk ourselves out of participating in life.
"But I failed before!" "I can't do it good enough!" "Look at what happened last time!" "What if.. .?" These statements may disguise fear. Sometimes the fear is disguising shame.
After I finished the first two chapters of a book I was writing, I read them and grimaced. "No good," I thought. "Can't do it." I was ready to pitch the chapters, and my writing career, out the window. A writer friend called, and I told her about my problem. She listened and told me: "those chapters are fine. Stop being afraid. Stop criticizing yourself. And keep on writing."
I followed her advice. The book I almost threw away became a New York Times best seller.
Relax. Our best is good enough. It may be better than we think. Even our failures may turn out to be important learning experiences that lead directly to - and are necessary for - an upcoming success.
Feel the fear, then let it go. Jump in and do it - whatever it is. If our instincts and path have led us there, it's where we need to be.
Today, I will participate in life to the best of my ability. Regardless of the outcome, that makes me a winner.


Today I am trusting the urge to move ahead... to grow...to risk new directions. --Ruth Fishel

*****

Journey to the Heart
Value Your Passion

For too long, we have wrongly judged our passion-- our passion for living, our vitality and zest for places, people, things, and ideas. I shouldn't have what I want. I shouldn't say what I like. I shouldn't get too excited. What helps us come to life? What takes us out of the motions and into our emotions? What connects us to the energy of life, the energy of love, the energy of the life force that permeates us all?

All your growth, all your work, has not been to lead you away from your passions, to turn you into a robot. It has been to bring you back to life, to put you in touch with the vital energy of the universe, an energy that permeates all that is. An energy that permeates you.

Honor your passion by honoring your emotions. Feeling your emotions releases passion into life. Feel them. Feel them all. Then you will know what you like, what instills passion in you. Once you know and can recognize that, you'll know which direction to go.

Expressing passion and gratitude will guide your life. Say it again and again. Say it until you believe it. Say it until you live it.

*****

more language of letting go
Push a different button

If you keep pushing the same button, you will get the same results. If you don't like the same results, maybe you could try pushing a different button.

"I try and I try and I try. Nothing seems to change. I don't know why he can't try to please me a little more. I've done so much for him." "The people at work just don't appreciate my efforts after all that I've done."

If you find yourself reacting to the same situations with the same responses over and over again, waiting for a change, stop! If you've been pushing the same button again and again, maybe the only result you're going to get is the one that's been taking place.

Look at your relationships. Is there a situation that has been moving steadily dowhill despite your best efforts to push the right button? Do you find yourself responding to the same situations in the same way over and over, never satisfied with the results? Are you trying the same thing over and over, waiting for something outside of yourself to change instead of doing something differently yourself? Maybe it's time to stop pushing the button, walk away, and do something else.

God, give me the clarity to see the situations in my life honestly and to act with wisdom and responsibility in the associations that I have.

*****

What We Are Made Of
Choose Love

by Madisyn Taylor

Make all decisions from pure love and the world will change.


Love is often presented as the opposite of fear, but true love is not opposite anything. True love is far more powerful than any negative emotions, as it is the environment in which all things arise. Negative emotions are like sharks swimming in the ocean of love. All things beautiful and fearful, ugly and kind, powerful and small, come into existence, do their thing, and disappear within the context of this great ocean. At the same time, they are made of the very love in which they swim and can never be separated. We are made of this love and live our whole lives at one with it, whether we know it or not.

It is only the illusion that we are separate from this great love that causes us to believe that choosing anything other than love makes sense or is even possible. In the relative, dualistic world of positive and negative, darkness and light, male and female, we make choices and we learn from them. This is exactly what we are meant to be doing here on earth. Underlying these relative choices, though, is the choice to be conscious of what we are, which is love, or to be unconscious of it. When we choose to be conscious of it, we choose love. We will still exist in the relative world of opposites and choices and cause and effect, and we will need to make our way here, but doing so with an awareness that we are all made of this love will enable us to be more playful, more joyful, more loving and wise, as we make our way. Ultimately, the choices we make will shed light on the love that makes us all one, enabling those who have forgotten to return to the source.

This world makes it easy to forget this great love, which is part of why we are here. We are here to remember and, when we forget to remember again, to choose love. Published with permission from Daily OM

*****

A Day at a Time

Reflection for the Day
Since I came to The Program, I’ve become increasingly aware of the Serenity Prayer. I see it on literature covers, the walls of meeting rooms, and in the homes of new-found friends. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Do I understand the Serenity Prayer? Do I believe in its power and repeat it often? Is it becoming easier for me to accept the things I cannot change?

Today I Pray
God grant that the words of the Serenity Prayer never become mechanical for me or lose their meaning in the lulling rhythms of repetition. I pray that these words will continue to take on new depths of significance as I fit life’s realities to them. I trust that I may find the solutions I need in this prayer which, in its simplicity, encompasses all of life’s situations.

Today I Will Remember
Share the prayer.

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One More Day

In loving myself I gain the power of identity that is necessary before love for others is possible.
– David G. Jones

Throughout our lives, we may have loved and cared for other people more than we did for ourselves. Some of us were raised to feel that self-love meant selfish. And some of us had trouble finding anything in ourselves that we could love.

Learning to love ourselves is not easy, especially if our lives are not going the way we had hoped. And those of us who had expected greater personal growth are often unable to take pride in what progress we’ve made. If we hoped for perfection, we were bound to be disappointed.

Now, we’re more likely to see self-love as meaning self-acceptance. We simply offer ourselves what we’ve so freely offered others — love, care, and a second chance.

I am a worthy person, deserving of love and forgiveness.

[bluidkiti]

January 11

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
It does make a difference what you call things. --Kate Douglas Wiggin
Most of us think of dandelions as weeds. We buy special tools and poisons when they crop up and complain about them as surely as we welcome the spring that brings them. Yet is there anything more lovely than a sea of yellow dandelions by the side of the road in June? Or as remarkable in transformation as the filaments of the mature dandelion blowing on the wind? Sometimes we let someone else define for us what are weeds and what are flowers. We don't have to. Much of the beauty of the world is that we ourselves decide what is beautiful according to our own feelings. How lucky we are that, when we choose to, we can open our eyes and see!
Can I see the beauty in those around me right now?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
All truth is an achievement. If you would have truth at its full value, go win it. --Munger
Truth can seem so elusive. Yet, at times it is so simple and obvious. In entering this program, many of us thought of ourselves as honest men. Some of us couldn't bear the anguish of our dishonesty. As we repeatedly face ourselves, take our personal inventories, and hold ourselves accountable, we realize we have all grown in our honesty. What seemed honest before now looks like half-truth. It was the best we could do at the time. Our perception of truth has deepened by the grace of God and as a result of our hard work.
Truth is won when we have the courage to feel the pain of knowing it. Some of our pain has been the grief of realizing what we missed or lost in our insanity. Some has been the anguish of facing the harm we caused the ones we love, and some in admitting honestly how we ourselves were hurt.
Truth does make me free. The richness in my life is a generous reward for courage.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Fear is only an illusion. It is the illusion that creates the feeling of separateness the false sense of isolation that exists only in. your imagination --Jeraldine Sounders
We are one. We are connected, interdependent parts of the whole. We are not separate from each other except in the mind, in our false understanding of reality. As we come to understand our connectedness, our need for one another to complete the whole of creation, our fears will die.
It is often said we learn who we really are by closely observing our behavior toward the people in our lives. We meet ourselves in those others. They are our reflections. They are, perhaps, parts we ourselves have not yet learned to love. The program's message is to trust, to have faith; our higher power is in control. We are faced with no person, no situation too big to handle if we trust the program, if we remember the connections among us all.
I will look around today at others, with knowledge of our oneness. Fearing not, I will smile upon the wholeness of life.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Letting Go of Guilt
"There's a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationships use," said one recovering woman. "The other person does something inappropriate or wrong, then stands there until you feel guilty and end up apologizing."
It's imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.
Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior, and the person gets angry and defensive. Then we feel guilty.
Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be in our best interests, and in other people's best interests. Guilt can stop us from taking healthy care of ourselves.
We don't have to let others count on the fact that we'll always feel guilty. We don't have to allow ourselves to be controlled by guilt - earned or unearned! We can break through the barrier of guilt that holds us back from self care. Push. Push harder. We are not at fault, crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set boundaries and to insist on appropriate treatment. We can separate another's issues from our issues, and let the person experience the consequences of his or her own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves to know when our boundaries are being violated.
Today, I will let go of my big and little guilty feelings. Light and love are on my side.


I am listening to the voice of truth and love today. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Let Go of the Blocks

I wandered into the bookstore in a small Southern California town, browsed for a while, then began chatting with the clerk. “Times are different now,” I said. “Changing fast. Turning into something so new, so different, many of us can’t imagine.”

“Yes,” she replied quietly and prophetically. “Things are going to be easier. Unless there’s something you’re still hanging on to.”

Is there something you’re still hanging on to? A remnant from the past that’s blocking you from stepping into the future? From stepping into today?

Look into your heart. The answer is there. Perhaps it’s a behavior, a person, a belief. Is there an issue from the past that’s blocking your ability to love yourself, to connect with God, life, others? Ask yourself if there’s something you’re hanging on to that has outworn its purpose. Old chains can tie us to the past, to past pain, to a path we’ve already trodden, a place we’ve already been.

Now is the time to let go. Gently, quietly, let go. Allow yourself a few looks back and as many tears as needed. Where you’ve been has been important. It has helped shape who you are. But have faith that where you’re going is important and wonderful,too.

Gently let go. Be free to step into your future of joy.

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The Language of Letting Go

Letting Go of Guilt

“There’s a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationships use,” said one recovering woman. “The other person does something inappropriate or wrong, then stands there until you feel guilty and end up apologizing.”

It’s imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.

Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior, and the person gets angry and defensive. Then we feel guilty.

Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be in our best interests, and in other people’s best interests. Guilt can stop us from taking healthy care of ourselves.

We don’t have to let others count on the fact that we’ll always feel guilty. We don’t have to allow ourselves to be controlled by guilt – earned or unearned! We can break through the barrier of guilt that holds us back from self care. Push. Push harder. We are not at fault, crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set boundaries and to insist on appropriate treatment. We can separate another’s issues from our issues, and let the person experience the consequences of his or her own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves to know when our boundaries are being violated.

Today, I will let go of my big and little guilty feelings. Light and love are on my side.

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Whole-Self Well-Being
How the Body Clears Energy

by Madisyn Taylor

When your body is physically ill, try treating your emotions too and view your body as a whole.


Whole-self well-being is, in part, the result of a harmonious flow of energy between our physical and mental selves. When this flow is thrown out of balance for any reason, the body and mind react to one another rather than act cooperatively. Ongoing stress, sadness, anxiety, excitement, and fear can overwhelm the cerebral self, causing traumatic energy to be channeled into the body. The body then responds by taking steps to organically dispel the energy that has burdened it and expressing it by means of physical symptoms such as illness, fatigue, or disease. In some cases, these symptoms can simply be allowed to run their natural course and recovery will come about naturally. In most instances, however, health and wellness can only be restored by a dual course of treatment that acknowledges both the physical manifestations of energy clearing and the underlying emotional causes.

Many of the ailments we experience over the course of our lives can be indicative of the body’s attempts to process intellectual and emotional energy. Swollen glands, for example, can signal that you are going through a period of emotional cleansing. Even something as simple as a pimple can indicate that your body is ridding itself of toxins and old energy. In Chinese medicine, intense emotions are held in the body’s organs as a matter of course. Grief lurks in the lungs, anger inhabits the liver, fretfulness lingers in the heart, worry is held in the stomach, and the kidneys harbor fright. Particular illnesses and symptoms represent the body’s attempts to clear emotional energy. Coughs or bronchitis can signify that the physical self is clearing away grief while a loss of appetite may signal that worry is being actively addressed.

When you feel ill or imbalanced, treating your whole self rather than treating the physical self alone can empower you to determine the root cause of sickness. Since you understand that your physical symptoms may be an expression of emotional discomfort, you can establish a balanced treatment regimen to ensure that you quickly recover your good health. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

The experiences of thousands upon thousands of people have proven that acceptance and faith are capable of producing freedom from dependence on chemicals. When we apply the same principles of acceptance and faith to our emotional problems, however, we discover that only relative results are possible. Obviously, for example, nobody can ever become completely free from fear, anger or pride. None of us will ever achieve perfect love, harmony or serenity. We’ll have to settle for very gradual progress, punctuated occasionally by very heavy setbacks. Have I begun to abandon my old attitude of “all or nothing?”

Today I Pray

May God grant me the patience to apply those same principles of faith and acceptance which are keys to my recovery to the whole of my emotional being. May I learn to recognize the festering of my own human anger, my hurt, my frustration, my sadness. With the help of God, may I find appropriate ways to deal with these feelings without doing harm to myself or others.

Today I Will Remember

Feelings are facts.

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One More Day

Always do one thing less than you think you can do.
– Bernard Baruch

Without even realizing it, we all have developed different levels of expertise. Too often, however, our knowledge of ourselves and of our physical capabilities is that we know the least of. The true measure of knowing ourselves, regardless of how capable we seem to be, is to stop the activity before we get too exhausted, before we have too much pain — before we cause an accident.

Understanding one’s own body has become a primary concern for many of us because now we realize that how we “used to” function doesn’t matter anymore. What does matter is how our bodies function right now, and we learn to structure our goals and expectations around those limitations.

I am learning, finally, how to recognize and heed my own body’s warning signals.

[bluidkiti]

January 12

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
I held a moment in my hand, brilliant as a star, fragile as a flower, a shiny sliver out of one hour. I dropped it carelessly. O God! I knew not I held an opportunity. --Hazel Lee
Once, a famous artist was hired to put stained glass windows into a great cathedral. His eager young apprentice pleaded for the chance to design just one small window. The master artist feared an experiment on even a small window would prove costly, but the persistent young apprentice kept up his pleas. Finally, the master agreed that he could try his hand on one small window if he furnished his own materials and worked on his own time.
The enterprising apprentice began gathering bits of glass his master had discarded, and set to work. When the cathedral doors were open, people stood in groups before the small window, praising its delicate excellence.
Our lives are like this. If we take the time to gather together the moments and opportunities we too often discard and waste, we find we can weave them into something beautiful.
What can I make of moments I usually waste today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
I should be content to look at a mountain for what it is and not as a comment on my life. --David Ignatow
We have recognized our self-centeredness as addicts and codependents. On the other side is the feeling of peace and well being when we are released from it. Self-centeredness caused us to take everything personally. We were hypersensitive to our surroundings, to other people, and to how they reacted. Yet, so often these things had very little to do with us. God sends rain for the just and the unjust.
When we can look at a mountain and lose ourselves in the sight, we are refreshed spiritually. But no mountain is necessary for this experience. When we listen to a friend and simply hear his perspective, when we pet a dog and just enjoy this loving creature, when we look at a sunset and drink it in for what it is - then we are growing.
God, grant me release from the oppression of my ego.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
It isn't sufficient to seek wholeness through men, it never was and it never will be for any woman, married or single.
--Patricia O'Brien
Most of us were encouraged from childhood on to "find a husband." The message, often subtle, was nonetheless there. And many of us did marry. However, no relationship carries a lifetime guarantee. Pinning our hopes on another person keeps us dependent; it keeps us in a "holding pattern." It keeps us from making those choices tailored to who we are and who we want to be.
Our recovery as women is closely aligned with our growth in decision-making, our choosing responsible behavior and activities, our personal achievement. We do, each of us, need to discover our own wholeness. We need to celebrate our personhood. We need to cheer one another on as women recovering from an addictive past, as worthwhile women in full measure.
I will respect my wholeness today. I will help another woman nurture hers.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Finding Balance
The goal of recovery is balance - that precious middle ground.
Many of us have gone from one extreme to another: years of taking care of everyone but ourselves, followed by a time of refusing to focus on anyone's needs but our own.
We may have spent years refusing to identify, feel, and deal with our feelings, followed by a period of absolute obsession with every trace of emotional energy that passes through our body.
We may succumb to powerlessness, helplessness, and victimization, then we swing to the other extreme by aggressively wielding power over those around us.
We can learn to give to others while taking responsibility for ourselves. We can learn to take care of our feelings, as well as our physical, mental, and spiritual needs. We can nurture the quiet confidence of owning our power as equals in our relationships with others.
The goal of recovery is balance, but sometimes we get there by going to extremes.
Today, I will be gentle with myself, understanding that sometimes to reach the middle ground of balance, I need to explore the peaks and valleys. Sometimes, the only way I can extricate myself from a valley is to jump high enough to land on a peak, and then slowly ease myself down.


Today I am willing to let go of all my fear so that I can find out what is real in my life. I will take whatever comes without judgment. I am ready to release all my resistance and struggle so that I can find out the good and truth inside me. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Let the Universe Help You

Let the universe help you. You are not in this world alone. You never have been, although your belief may have created that illusion.

Tell the universe what you want. Tell a friend. Tell God,too. Tell yourself. Write it down on a list. Be clear and forthright about what you need and want. Talk as if you were talking to a friend. That is not control. That is learning to own your own creative power– your power to help create your life. Then let go. Do not stand tapping your foot, impatiently waiting. Simply let go, the way you would if you trusted your friend to respond positively, in a way that was best for you.

Go naturally about the course of your life. Listen to your heart. Listen to your inner voice. What are you guided to do, where you are guided to go, where your attention is directed, the people you meet, the phone calls you receive, the experiences you have– even the problems that arise– these are some ways the universe can respond to you.

Open your eyes. Look around. See how the universe responds. Watch how it dances for you, with you. You are connected to a magical loving universe, one that will come alive for you, dance for you, in ways you cannot imagine– but in ways you will come to know as true.

Look within,too. Sometimes the most gentle, quiet, flickering thought– that glimmer of an idea, that awareness of a need or desire, or that small bit of inspiration or intuition– is how the universe prepares us for what it wants us to do or receive. Our inner voice, the one in our heart, is an important part of the way we’re guided and led down our path.

You stand at a gateway now. It’s the door to universal love.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Stop playing tug-of-war

Letting go can be like a tug-of-war with God.

Have you ever played tug-of-war with a puppy and an old sock or toy? You pull. He pulls. You pull it out of his mouth. He grabs hold again and shakes and shakes and says grrrrrr. The harder you tug, the harder the puppy tugs. Finally, you just let go. Then he comes right back again, for more.

I have never successfully treated or solved one problem in my life by obsessing or controlling. I’ve yet to accomplish anything by worrying. And manipulation has not wrought one successful outcome. But I forget that from time to time.

The best possible outcomes happen when I let go. That doesn’t mean I always get my way. But things work out and, ultimately, the lesson becomes clear. If we want to play tug-of-war, we can, but it’s not an efficient problem-solving skill.

God, help me surrender to your will.

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Releasing Negativity
Pity Party

We all have days when the bad things seem to outweigh the good ones and we begin to think that life isn’t fair. You get stuck in traffic, which makes you late for an important meeting, and then your car gets towed. You might ask yourself, “Why me?” Events like this one can test anyone’s ability to be grateful and feel optimistic. If you have a tendency to feel sorry for yourself, and many of us do, things usually progress to the next stage: the pity party. You begin to feel like the innocent victim of a dismal fate because you are seeing your life through inaccurate lenses. Most of the thoughts that run through your mind at times like these are not helpful, and they mainly serve to increase your indignation and feelings of powerlessness. What these feelings and thoughts don’t do is change your circumstances or make you feel better.

When you have a terrible day, there should definitely be a time and place to have your feelings so you can process them. It’s important not to pretend that you are fine with things when you aren’t. It’s also important, however, to notice when you’re having a pity party. It’s a good idea to set a time limit in which to fully express your emotions and not feel guilty, ashamed, or judge yourself. Having a friend witness you during this process can be helpful. You may also want to write about your feelings. When your time is up, let go of the negativity you just expressed. You can declare your intention to your friend. If you’ve written down your feelings, you can burn the piece of paper or throw it in the recycling bin.

Try not to dwell on unpleasant experiences and do everything you can to avoid holding on to negative emotions. When you indulge in self-pity, you only make a bad day worse. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, release the notion that you are a victim, and notice the good that exists in your life. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

When I sit quietly and compare my life today with the way it used to be, the difference is almost beyond belief. But things aren’t always rosy; some days are a lot better than others. I tend to accept the bad days more easily on an intellectual level than I do emotionally, or at gut-level. There are no pat answers, but part of the solution surely life’s in a constant effort to practice all of the Twelve Steps. Do I accept the fact that my Higher Power will never give me more than I can handle — one day at a time.

Today I Pray

That I may receive strength in the knowledge that God never gives us more than we can bear, that I can always, somehow, endure present pain, whereas the trials of a lifetime, condensed into on disastrous moment, would surely overcome me. Thanks be to God for giving us only those tribulations which are in proportion to our strength, never destroying us in our frailty. May I remember that fortitude grows out of suffering.

Today I Will Remember

Present pain is endurable.

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One More Day

It’s a fine thing to rise above pride, but you must have pride in order to do so.
– George Bernanos

We are entitled to feel proud of our accomplishments. Pride is an essential ingredient in the receipt of life, and it comes from an inner sense of well-being, from knowing we have done the best we could under difficult conditions.

When our day’s plans are upset by the unexpected, we may struggle with maintaining our pride.

[bluidkiti]

January 13

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in. --Robert Frost
Our home is a place of roots, a place where we can always turn in time of need. Some of us may have had the experience of being away from home and not being able to make it on our own. We know what a relief it was to reach out at last and call our family, who we knew would take us in.
We became people in our homes, we learned to eat and walk and talk there. We feel comfortable there, safe from the pressures of the outside world. It is up to us to keep it safe and healthy by growing in love and generosity there.
Home is a place to really give of ourselves and put our best into making it happy and secure. It will affect our futures more than almost anything else in our lives. It deserves our prayers of blessing. It is our foundation, the source of our first feelings for others. May we treasure our home and the people who make up our family.
What small thing can I do right now to make home a better place?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
The perfection of innocence, indeed, is madness. --Arthur Miller
We've all said, "I didn't do anything. Don't blame me; I didn't mean any harm." Overdevelopment of innocence contradicts our spiritual growth. The painful truth is, we do have an impact on other people. Many times we have cultivated innocence as a style, and it has stood in our way of being accountable.
We cannot be in a relationship without sometimes hurting the ones we love. Spiritual growth requires us to take action and to take responsibility for what we do. It is painful to acknowledge we made a mistake and hurt someone. But giving up our innocent style is constructive pain. It opens the possibility to correct our ways, make repairs, and be forgiven. Then we are in the mainstream of a hearty spiritual life.
May I nave the grace to let go of my innocence by taking action and admitting my mistakes.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
I want, by understanding myself, to understand others. I want to be all that I am capable of becoming . . . This all sounds very strenuous and serious. But now that I have wrestled with it, it's no longer so. I feel happy--deep down. All is well.
--Katherine Mansfield
All is well. In the midst of turmoil, let us remember, all is well; in the midst of the pain of self-awareness, all is well. The struggle of the turmoil, the pain that accompanies the lessons of self-awareness, are preparing us for becoming all we are meant to become. We each have a special gift to offer in this life. We will come to understand those gifts and be able to give them as we grow with the pain of self-understanding. All is well. Deep down happiness ripples, it's rippling to the surface of our lives.
My lesson for today is understanding, of myself and others. Happiness is the grade I earn each day of my "becoming."


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Good Feelings
When we talk about feelings in recovery, we often focus on the troublesome trio - pain, fear, and anger. But there are other feelings available in the emotional realm - happiness, joy, peace, contentment, love, closeness, and excitement.
It's okay to let ourselves feel pleasurable feelings too.
We don't have to worry when we experience good feelings; we don't have to scare ourselves out of them; we don't have to sabotage our happiness. We do that, sometimes, to get to the more familiar, less joyous terrain.
It's okay to feel good. We don't have to analyze, judge, or justify. We don't have to bring ourselves down, or let others bring us down, by injecting negativity.
We can let ourselves feel good.
Today, I will remind myself that it is my right to feel as good as I can. I can have many moments of feeling good; I can find a balanced place of feeling content, peaceful, and good.


Protect Your Energy
Just as we strive to protect and conserve earth's energy resources we can strive to protect and conserve our own.
Become more aware of the impact of things, people, and activities on you and your energy.
What feeds you, charges you?
What drains and depletes you?
As you grow and become more sensitive to how things feel to you, you'll naturally grow dislike and be uncomfortable with whatever drains or negatively impacts your energy.
Yes, some difficult, draining situations.
Sometimes we need to let go of people, places, and behaviors that don't work for us anymore, that drain, exhaust, and deplete us.
Pay attention to the impact of certain people, places, behaviors, and events on your energy.
Pay attention to how you feel when you eat certain foods, drink certain beverages, go certain places.
Learn to listen to your body, your emotions, and your heart.
Be prepared to let go of some things and people along the way.
Be gentle with yourself while you do.
Learn to conserve your energy.
It is precious, valuable resource. --Melody Beattie


I celebrate myself today and know that my feelings are okay. I am me, unique and alive. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Honor Winter’s Lesson

“See the pine trees and learn their lesson,” a friend once said. “Pine trees are nature’s reminder that growth continues even in the winter.”

Winter is an important season in our lives. It is more than a time of coldness and snow. It’s a time of going within. A time to rest from the work that’s been done, a time to prepare for the lessons ahead. Long for the sun on your shoulders, but let the frost and cold come. The ground has been left fallow in preparation for nourishing the seeds of new llife.

Honor winter’s lesson. Despite this time of lifelessness and inactivity, this is still a season of growth. Trust what’s being worked out in your soul. The snow will melt. The sun will shine again. The time will come to remove your heavy garb and return to the activity of life.

Cherish the winter. Cherish its quietness, the time of going within to rest and heal. Cherish this time of preparation that must come before new life. Cherish the hope that lies beneath the snow.

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More Language Of Letting Go

Take care of yourself

For once a person begins on this path of knowledge they will only look inward, learning how to fix themselves, instead of trying to fix other people.
–Rav Brandwein

Letting go doesn’t mean we don’t care. Letting go doesn’t mean we shut down.

Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave. It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible– controlling that which we cannot– and instead, focus on what is possible– which usually means taking care of ourselves. And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible.

Have you tricked yourself into believing there’s someone you can control? If you have, tell yourself the truth. Stop trying to have power where you truly have none. Instead, exercise your will in a way that will bring results. The one power you always have is the ability to let go and take care of yourself.

God, help me make letting go and taking care of myself a way of life.

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The Black Sheep
One of a Kind

Many of us have had an experience in which we felt like the lone black sheep in a vast sea of white sheep. For some of us, however, this sense of not belonging runs more deeply and spans a period of many years. It is possible to feel like the black sheep in families and peer groups that are supportive, as well as in those that are not. Even if we receive no overt criticism regarding our values, there will likely be times when it seems that relatives and friends are humoring us or waiting for us to grow out of a phase. Sometimes we may even think we have been adopted because we are so different from our family members. These feelings are not a sign that we have failed in some way to connect with others. Rather, they should be perceived as the natural result of our willingness to articulate our individuality.

Many black sheep respond to the separateness they feel by pulling back from the very people to whom they might otherwise feel closest and embracing a different group with whom they enjoy a greater degree of commonality. But if you feel that your very nature has set you apart from your peers and relatives, consider that you chose long ago to be raised by a specific family and to come together with specific people so that you could have certain experiences that would contribute to your ongoing evolution. You may be much more sensitive than the people around you or more artistic, aware, spiritual, or imaginative. The disparate temperament of your values and those of your family or peers need not be a catalyst for interpersonal conflict. If you can move beyond comparisons and accept these differences, you will come to appreciate the significant role your upbringing and socialization have played in your life's unique journey.

In time, most black sheep learn to embrace their differences and be thankful for those aspects of their individuality that set them apart from others. We cannot expect that our peers and relatives will suddenly choose to embrace our values and offer us the precise form of support we need. But we can acknowledge the importance of these individuals by devoting a portion of our energy to keeping these relationships healthy while continuing to define our own identities apart from them. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

The Program and my friends in the fellowship have provided me with a whole new set of tools for living. Even the slogans that once seemed so trite and corny are now becoming an important part of my daily life: Easy Does It; First Things First; This, Too, Will Pass. If I use all of my tools regularly and well, they’ll also help rid me of such negative feelings as guilt, anxiety, rebellion and pride. When I’m feeling depressed, do i use the tools that have been proven effective? Or do I grit my teeth and suffer in painful silence.

Today I Pray

I praise my wonder-working Higher Power for giving me the tools for recovery, once I admitted I was powerless over alcohol or other drugs or addictions and gave myself over to the will of God as I understand Him. I give thanks for the Twelve Steps, and for the fellowship of the group, which can help me see myself honestly. I give thanks for those words and phrases which become, as we understand them more completely, banners in our celebration of sobriety.

Today I Will Remember

Pass on the passwords to recovery.

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One More Day

We cannot live, sorrow or die for somebody else….
– Edward Dahlberg

Our need to protect a stick child becomes frustration as we can do so little to protect the child from pain. When we become ill, our families and friends sometimes make awkward efforts to help protect us. They may try to make us laugh by telling jokes or recounting funny moments we’ve shared with them. Or, these people might become overly helpful, trying to save us some steps or inconveniences.

We understand their need to help us; all of us want to comfort and protect our loved ones as we would a child. However, we are not children, and the maturity we’ve gained has reversed the roles we play with our family and friends. We can comfort and protect them by laughing with them and by letting them help us, and this becomes a two-way expression of love.

Today, I will allow others to express their love for me.

[bluidkiti]

January 14

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
The universe is made up of stories, not atoms. --Muriel Rukeyser
There was once a storyteller who told many people of her life. They listened and heard their own stories in hers. Hearing her story, they didn't feel so lonely anymore. Hearing about someone else who had lost things and people she loved, who had felt lonely, scared, and unsure of herself, let them feel less crazy when similar things happened to them.
Because of the healing they felt through hearing someone else's story, some of the listeners decided to become storytellers themselves. As they recounted their stories, they found that letting out secrets that had bothered them for years freed them to feel good about who they were and who they had always wanted to be.
What secrets can I share today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
If I am not for myself, who is for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when? --Hillel
Some of us were treated badly as young boys and never learned how to live for ourselves. We can see only two choices: either be submissive and caretaking or be abusive and demanding. Many of us have so much guilt and shame that we feel we don't deserve to stand up for ourselves. This program demands that in recovery we be for ourselves. If we don't know how, we learn. If we are unsure, we must experiment. When we make mistakes, we must admit them and know we have a right to be imperfect learners. And we can't be only for ourselves, because that keeps us small and turns us back to where we came from.
As we accept ourselves and come to know our imperfections and weaknesses, we can understand others better. We are stronger in giving to others and more effective because we have a place to stand.
Today, even if I don't feel good about myself, I will stand up for my dignity as a man.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
In a culture where approval/disapproval has become the predominant regulator of effort and position, and often the substitute for love, our personal freedoms are dissipated. --Viola Spolin
Wanting others to approve our efforts, our appearance, our aspirations and behavior is perfectly normal, certainly not unhealthy. However, needing the approval in order to proceed with our lives is.
In early childhood we are taught to obey others and to please them. We confuse love with approval, and we begin to march to someone else's drum. Then we get even more approval. But soon we get out of step with ourselves; we neglect our personal needs and become puppets. Giving away our power to the whims of others weakens our Spirit. Personal freedom means choosing our own behavior; it means acting rather than reacting. It also means allowing ourselves the full adventure of living, of meeting each moment wholly, of responding in a pure, spontaneous, personally honest manner. Only then can we give to life what is ours to give.
Each of us has a unique part to play in the drama of life. And we need to rely on our higher power for our cues, not on those whose approval we think we need. When we turn within for guidance, all the approval we could hope for will be ours.
I will be free today. I will let no one control my actions. I will let God give the only approval that counts. Aligning my will with God's will guarantees it.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Accepting Anger
Anger is one of the many profound effects life has on us. It's one of our emotions. And we're going to feel it when it comes our way -- or else repress it. --Codependent No More
If I were working a good program, I wouldn't get angry.... If I were a good Christian, I wouldn't feel angry.... If I were really using my affirmations about how happy I am, I wouldn't be angry.... Those are old messages that seduce us into not feeling again. Anger is part of life. We need not dwell in it or seek it out, but we can't afford to ignore it.
In recovery, we learn we can shamelessly feel all our feelings, including anger, and still take responsibility for what we do when we feel angry. We don't have to let anger control us, but it surely will if we prevent ourselves from feeling it.
Being grateful, being positive, being healthy, does not mean we never feel angry. Being grateful, positive, and healthy means we feel angry when we need to.
Today, I will let myself be angry, if I need to. I can feel and release my emotions, including anger, constructively. I will be grateful for my anger and the things it is trying to show me. I can feel and accept all my emotions without shame, and I can take responsibility for my actions.


I am clearing out old confusion and doubt so that I can see the miracle today. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart

Release Your Fears

The Royal Gorge Bridge in Colorado is the world’s highest suspension bridge. Visiting it was a significant part of my journey, an important turning point.

Spanning a section of the Grand Canyon of the Arkansas River, the bridge is constructed of small wooden slats. You can drive across or you can walk it, peering down through the slats to see the river 1,050 feet below.

When I reached the park surrounding the bridge, I parked my car, grabbed my backpack, and got out to walk across the bridge. I neared the bridge, then turned around. I was too afraid to walk across, certain I’d blow off. I decided to drive.

I returned to the jeep, drove to the bridge, but stopped again. I backed up, drove back to the toll booth, and hailed the man working inside. “Will I be fine?” I said. He looked at me strangely. “Will I be fine?” I repeated.

He finally got it. “You’ll be fine,” he said with a smile.

I drove back to the bridge. Inch by inch, I drove the car across the wooden slats. I was afraid to look to the right or left. Afraid to look down. Afraid to look. Afraid not to look… I never knew how much fear was in me until I drove across the bridge. And to get back, I had to turn the jeep around and drive across the bridge once more.

Sometimes, we’re so afraid we don’t know how afraid we are. Sometimes, we carry so much fear that it interferes with our ability to enjoy life.

Feel and release your fears. See how needless they are? See how they keep you from enjoying life? Unclench your hands. Don’t always look straight ahead. Experience. Adventure. Let yourself live.

As the man said, “You’ll be fine.”

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More Language Of Letting Go

Say yes to yourself

Are you balanced? Do you share your time, you energy, your life, as much with yourself as you do with those around you? We all know how simple it is to say “yes,yes,yes” each time someone makes a request. After all, it makes us feel good, makes us feel needed, makes us feel loved. And the more we say yes, the more they ask of us. And we tell ourselves this is an example of even more love.

But soon we say yes to too many things. We get bitter about our relationships. Can’t they do anything for themselves? Nothing would get done around here if it weren’t for me. Isn’t there anyone else who can help? After a while, things don’t get done, promises go unfulfilled, relationships break down. And so do we.

It doesn’t have to be that way. Know your limits. You are one of the most important people you need to look after and love. Balance your time, your energy, your life with those around you. You will be able to give more freely and joyfully as a result, and you’ll be more open to the gifts of the universe.

It’s not wrong to give to others. But it’s okay to say yes to ourselves,too.

God, help me live a balanced life. Help me learn when it’s time to say yes to myself.

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It’s Never Too Late
Getting Back To What You Love

There are times in life when we are committed to pursuing our passions. Every molecule in our body is focused on doing what we love. At other times, necessity and responsibility dictate that we put our dreams aside and do what needs to be done. It is during these moments that we may choose to forget what it is that we love to do. There are many other reasons for why we may leave our passions behind. A hobby may lose its appeal once we’ve realize it will never turn into our dream job. Someone important to us may keep telling us that our passions are childish and unsuitable – until we finally believe them.

Forgetting about what you love to do can be a form of self-sabotage. If you can forget about your dreams, then you never have to risk failure. But just because we’ve decided to ignore our passions doesn’t mean they no longer exist. Nothing can fill the emptiness that remains in a space vacated by a passion that we have tossed aside. Besides, life is too short to stop doing what you love, and it is never too late to rediscover your favorite things. If you gave up playing an instrument, painting, drawing, spending time in nature, or any other activity or interest that you once loved to do, now may be the time to take up that passion again. If you don’t remember what it is that you used to be passionate about, you may want to think about the activities or interests that you used to love or the dreams that you always wished you could pursue.

You don’t have to neglect your responsibilities to pursue your passions, and you don’t have to neglect your commitments to do what you love. When you make an effort to incorporate your interests into your life, the fire within you ignites. You feel excited, inspired, and fed by the flames that are sparked by living your life with passion for what you love. Published with permission from Daily OM

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A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

I admitted that I couldn’t win the booze and chemical battle on my own. So I finally began to accept the critically important fact that dependence on a Higher Power could help me achieve what had always seemed impossible. I stopped running. I stopped fighting. For the first time, I began accepting. And for the first time, I began to be really free. Do I realize that it doesn’t matter what kind of shoes I’m wearing when I’m running away?

Today I Pray

May I know the freedom that comes with surrender to a Higher Power — that most important kind of surrender that means neither “giving in” nor “giving up” but “giving over” my will to the will of God. Like a weary fugitive from spiritual order, may I stop hiding, dodging, running. May I find peace in surrender, in the knowledge that God wills hat I be whole and healthy and He will show me the way.

Today I Will Remember

First surrender, then serenity.

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One More Day

Ill health of body or of mind, is defeat. Health alone is victory. Let all men, if they can manage it, contrive to be healthy.
– Thomas Carlyle

This message, on the surface, could be upsetting to people who are chronically ill. Can we be sick and healthy at the same time? We learn that we can. Even if we have an ongoing health need, we can still create a new frame of reference which allows us to be as healthy as we can. Rather than letting our problems run us into the ground, we can make the opposite choice.

We can choose balance in our lives, by deciding to put the problem in its place as only one facet of our lives. At the moment we decide, at the moment we make a conscious decision to be a fighter, we will be striving toward wellness once again.

By constructively choosing to keep a strong attitude emotionally and physically, I will be on the road to balanced health.

[bluidkiti]

January 15

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Always remember that no matter what the problem may be, there is an infinity of solutions. --Marion Weinstein
A girl named Iris was tormented by the boys at school. Whenever she walked by they would make rude noises. Sometimes, when no one was looking, they would block her way and not let her go home. She was too inexperienced at taking care of herself to realize that believing she couldn't do anything made it true. Feeling helpless kept her from thinking about what she might do.
One day she got so scared that she told her best friend what was happening. Together they began to think of all sorts of things she could do. Knowing she could do something took away the helpless feeling, and the boys noticed and stopped teasing her. It wasn't fun for them anymore.
We often feel helpless in situations that seem too much for us to handle. In fact, help is always available--through friends and family, and through God, who helps us see how we can help ourselves. All we have to do is stop being distracted by that helpless feeling and ask for what we need.
Can I see the many solutions to my problems today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back into the same box. --Italian proverb
Much of our time has been spent saying, "I'm not good enough for that job," "She's too good for me," or "1 don't deserve that compliment." Sometimes we have been very status conscious because underneath we felt unworthy. Many of us have taken either superior or inferior roles with everyone we've dealt with. We ended up with no one who could be our peer or our friend.
True humility occurs when we stop shaming or inflating ourselves and begin accepting ourselves as no worse and no better than anyone else. Then all people are our peers. At our meetings, our powerlessness puts us all in the same box. In the sight of God we are all equal - and status games, which have seemed so important are ultimately silly.
Today, I will remember we are all brothers and sisters in the sight of God.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Everything is so dangerous that nothing is really very frightening. --Gertrude Stein
Life is full of dangers and risks and challenges. We can choose to meet them fearfully or in a spirit of welcome. To choose fear, to say, "I won't take that risk because I might lose," is to prevent ourselves from ever winning. If we welcome the danger, the risk, or the challenge, we acknowledge that life is made up of losses as well as victories, of gains as well as pain.
Life holds the dangers as well as the rewards. We choose how we will act. Sometimes we may feel trapped in a cycle of fearfulness. If we examine our own part, will we find that we are neglecting to take a balanced view? Perhaps, through a fear of losing, we are missing many chances for satisfaction.
I will remember: I have the power to choose what my attitude will be toward this day's offerings.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Standing Up for Ourselves
We learn some behaviors have self-defeating consequences, while others have beneficial consequences. We learn we have choices. --Beyond Codependency
It is so easy to come to the defense of others. How clear it is when others are being used, controlled, manipulated, or abused. It is so easy to fight their battles, become righteously indignant, rally to their aid, and spur them on to victory.
"You have rights," we tell them. "And those rights are being violated. Stand up for yourself, without guilt."
Why is it so hard, then, for us to rally to our own behalf? Why can't we see when we are being used, victimized, lied to, manipulated, or otherwise violated? Why is it so difficult for us to stand up for ourselves?
There are times in life when we can walk a gentle, loving path. There are times, however, when we need to stand up for ourselves - when walking the gentle, loving path puts us deeper into the hands of those who could mistreat us.
Some days, the lesson we're to be learning and practicing is one of setting boundaries. Some days, the lesson we're learning is that of fighting for our own rights and ourselves.
Sometimes, the lesson won't stop until we do.
Today, I will rally to my own cause. I will remember that it is okay to stand up for myself when that action is appropriate. Help me, God, to let go of my need to be victimized. Help me appropriately, and with confidence, stand up for myself.


I celebrate myself today. I am alive. I am growing. I am willing to do all I am able to do to be the best of who I am. --Ruth Fishel

*****

Journey to the Heart
You're Free to Follow Your Heart

No one has taken your freedom away. You may have relinquished it for reasons known or unknown. But you've always been free-- free to choose.

And you have been choosing, whether or not you have been conscious of your choices. For many years, you chose not to be free. Then you felt stifled, so you groused and rebelled. That was an important part of your journey. It helped you break out of your prison, loosened the chains around you. Now you see the truth. You have always been free.

Celebrate the breaking of the chains. Celebrate your freedom. And share it joyfully with others. Tell yourself, tell others,too, that you're free to trust and follow your own heart.

*****

more language of letting go
Discipline yourself to let go

It may sound odd, but the way to give up being over controlled is to become more disciplined about letting go.
--Stella Resnick, The Pleasure Zone

I was sitting at home worrying one day when a friend called. He asked how I was. I told him I was worrying. Actually, I was crossing the line into obsessing about something that was going on in my life then. "There's nothing you can do about it," he said. "Just relax. It's out of your control."

What my friend was really talking about was practicing the discipline of letting go. After I hung up the phone, I deliberately put my worries and obsessions aside. I surrendered to the way things were. I simply relaxed. It was like a miracle. I was able to move forward with my life.

When we begin letting go, it may seem almost impossible just to relax and let go. As with anything else, with practice and repetition, we will become more skilled. That doesn't mean we won't need to remember to do it. It just means letting go will become easier, in time.

If you've become highly skilled at worrying, obsessing, or trying to control, deliberately practice relaxing and letting go until you're good at that,too.

God, help me make the discipline of relaxing and letting go a daily part of my life. Teach me to let go with poise, dignity, and ease.

*****

Allowing Spirit In
Clearing Your Mind

by Madisyn Taylor

The more we practice settling our minds, the easier it will become over time.


After a full day out in the world, stories, words, images, and songs from any number of sources continue to play in our heads hours after we encounter them. Even as we lie in bed, in the quiet dark, our minds continue noisily processing all the input from our day. This can leave us feeling unsettled and harassed. It also makes it difficult to take in any new information or inspiration. Like a cluttered house that needs to be cleared if it is to have room for movement and new life, our minds need clearing if they are to be open to new information, ideas, and inspiration.

Too often, the activities we choose to help us relax only add to the clutter. Watching television, seeing a movie, reading a book, or talking to a friend all involve taking in more information. In order to really clear our minds, we need a break from mental stimulation. Activities like yoga, dancing, or taking a long walk help to draw our attention to our bodies, slowing our mental activity enough that our minds begin to settle. Deep breathing is an even simpler way to draw attention away from our mental activities. Once we are mentally relaxed, we can begin the process of clearing our minds. Most of us instinctively know what allows our minds to relax and release any unnecessary clutter. It may be meditation or time spent staring at the stars. Whatever it is, these exercises feel like a cool, cleansing bath for the brain and leave our minds feeling clear and open.

Setting aside time to clear our minds once a day creates a ritual that becomes second nature over time. Our minds will begin to settle with less effort the more we practice. Ultimately, the practice of clearing our minds allows us to be increasingly more open so that we can perceive the world as the fresh offering it is, free of yesterday’s mental clutter. Published with permission from Daily OM

*****

A Day at a Time

Reflection for the Day
I must never forget who and what I am and where I come from. I have to remember the nature of my illness and what it was like before I came to The Program. I’ll try to keep the memory green, yet not spend my time dwelling morbidly on the past. I won’t be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to others, so others will give to me.

Can I ever afford to forget what it used to be like, even for one minute?

Today I Pray
May I never forget the painful days of my addiction. May I never forget that the same misery awaits me if I should slip back into the old patterns. At the same time, may such backwards glances serve only to bolster my own present strength and the strength of others like me. Please, God, do not let me dredge up these recollections in order to outdo or “out-drunk” my fellow members. Like others who are chemically dependent, I must be wary of my desire to be center stage in the spotlight.

Today I Will Remember
I do more when I don’t “outdo.”

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One More Day

The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being.
– Pearl S. Buck

We all enjoy going out to dinner or to a movie. Some of us who are not well, however, choose to become stay-at-homes. Our reasons are many, and one big reason is we don’t want to be stared at or singled out as different. But, in hiding from the stares, we also hide from ourselves.

We don’t want to put ourselves on the line, but we must if we are to become “public” once again. It may mean using a cane or a brace; it may mean utilizing some of the fine adaptive living aids invented to help us. It’s a hard decision, but not as hard as being alone and staying at home.

It takes tremendous inner strength to venture from the protective cocoon of my home. I have the same inner strength as always, and I can use it to survive tough times.