Newbee Just Saying "HI"

[RichardS]

New to this site.
Member AA since 12-13-12.
Currently a non-drinking alcoholic.
Searching for answers, and not knowing the questions.
Greatful, to once again, to be able to learn from my higher power.
God Bless My New Friends,
RichardS

[MajestyJo]

Welcome Richard. You remind me of me. My sponsor told me that I had all the answers within. I told her, "Yes, but I don't know what the questions are." I was told to keep coming back." I found that it is still one day at a time.

[RichardS]

I use to hate that phrase, ("Keep Coming Back"). It was like a cop out for the person who repeated it. It was as if that person really didn't have a comment or suggestion, so we through in that phrase to sound significant.
It wasn't until I recognized the importance of group conscience and how God speaks to me in that form and in other ways, that this phrase finally had meaning.
I will keep coming back and I will feel blessed that God, and my brothers & sisters can bestow the gifts of knowledge and understanding for those questions I have yet to discover.
Your Brother,
RichardS

[MajestyJo]

How true, I changed it for me. Keep coming so you don't have to come back.

I found so many people thought they could keep relapsing and AA was there when they had had enough and they could come back when they where ready. Unfortunately, some never made it back. Some lost not only a lot of 'stuff,' but themselves by the time they made it back. I am grateful for the people who did my research for me. I saw it wasn't any better out there and I chose to stay once I got here. The sad this was that I was one of those people who compared myself to others and thought, "I am not that bad, and didn't think I had a problem." Everyone else had the problem and it wasn't until I was alone AND had no one else to point a finger at, that I had to look at myself, and I reached out and asked for help. I was 49. When I looked back on my life and my thinking, patterns and behaviours, I qualified at 26. When you have a boyfriend who drinks so much and you are worried that you can't drink fast enough to keep up with him, you just might have a problem.

God Bless.

[RichardS]

Dear MJ,
Thanks for your quick response and insight. I find sine if the most intelligent people I know come through the doors of AA.
You know, I use to worry about relapse. That was until I realized a few realities about myself.
The big book says there will come a time that I will have no defense. If that is the case, why worry about it?
I know one thing for certain. If I were to relapse, it will be with the full intent to do so. I will have not excuses, I will have no defense. God gave me this gift of sobriety. If I choose to once again, (To be my own God), it could be nothing more than "MY WILL" that takes me to relapse.
I still believe in personal responsibility.
Great hearing from you and look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Sorry for the laps in time, but I just forget to log in.
God Bless,
RichardS

[MajestyJo]

Thank you for sharing. As they say, "Slip, sobriety losing it's priority." I had a lapse of mind, and didn't stop to think. I am give the opportunity, that choice and it is up to me, I am empowered through the program of recovery. I can't, the God of my understanding can, if I choose to let Him/Her.

The only defense I have is that spiritual one. I was raised in the Gospel Halls, nothing much more religious than that, and yet it didn't stop me from becoming an alcoholic or an addict. My grandfather was a travelling minister and my grandmother was a school teacher and their three sons were all alcoholics. My grandfather built the church and the community church, they had a saw mill and the family had 550 acres of farm land, a construction crew, a harvesting crew with big machinery that helped other farmers, and my father was the youngest son who went out to work on the railroad at 14, and was a carpenter and worked in a stainless steel sink factory. He had more common sense than most people and a smart man, except when it came to alcohol, and he died from his disease.

I started as a file clerk with the option that I would go to night school. I worked in every department in an office, became an office manager. Was a secretary, assistant accountant, payroll and personal, you name it, I did it, and yet in the end, I was unemployable because of my addiction. I ended up at the YWCA, reached out for help and in 2001, went back to school at the age of 59, and got a certificate for Business Administration on Computers. It helped me to do what I do today, use my computer and taught me that I no longer wanted to go back into the rat race of life and that I had done my time and I was going to spend the rest of my life trying to help others.

When I relapse in today, it is when I allow something in today to take me away from that purpose. It isn't about picking up a drink or a drug, it is about allowing others to dictate to me what they think I should be doing with my life.

May your journey be blessed.