One Day At A Time - January

[yukonm]

January 1

THE BOTTOM

"Those who cannot remember the past
are condemned to repeat it."
George Santayana



Sometimes we have to go to the absolute bottom. If we're extremely lucky, the absolute bottom is where we find our inspiration. Sometimes I think that people who don't hit absolute bottom are missing a valuable experience. Then again, living life on the edge of that precipice is no fun at all. The greatest gift is to be able to step away from the edge and live life without the fear of falling.

If we aren't extremely lucky, what we find at the absolute bottom is a trapdoor that opens to a vast, empty space. The door opens and the empty space gratefully accepts the body and the soul given to it.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will stop living on the edge;
I will stop regretting my past;
I will avoid the trapdoor.

~ Richard H.

[yukonm]

January 2

LETTING GO

“He who cannot rest, cannot work;
He who cannot let go, cannot hold on;
He who cannot find footing, cannot go forward.”

Harry Emerson Fosdick




Prior to walking through the doors of this program, my goal in life was to set up barricades against possible attacks. My mind was cluttered with battle strategies and defense tactics. I tried to predict every conceivable plot to topple me from my self-appointed throne. I sought to control situations in order to dominate the outcomes. To that end, I would bend over backwards to do for others what I didn’t want them to do for themselves. I maneuvered myself into positions of power so that I wasn’t presented with any surprises. Every situation was weighed for the probability of failure. I never took chances.

This process took time and vast amounts of energy. My mind was in a constant cacophony. Consequently, there was no room for growth, no space for acquiring new skills and no time to develop old ones. Every day was a constant juggling act between an ever-decreasing energy supply and an escalating demand to feel secure. The more I sought to control, the less I controlled.

Working through Step One brought my whole crusade to an end. I learned to let go of what I had laughingly called control. I learned to relinquish the helm and acknowledge that I wasn’t such a good driver. Almost instantly I became aware of a path beneath my feet. I was, for the first time in the longest time, moving forward. The scenery was changing and the outlook was brighter.


One Day at a Time . . .
I will accept what I cannot do alone, and let go and let God.

~ Sue G

[yukonm]

January 3

CHARACTER DEFECTS

God seldom delivers virtues all wrapped
in a package and ready for use. Rather He puts
us in situations where by His help we can develop those virtues.

C. R. Findley




I have been reading and studying a lot about the 6th and 7th Steps lately. I have realized that these steps are threefold. I must first become aware of the defect of character. Next, I must accept that I own it and it no longer works for me as it once did.

Lastly, I need to surrender that defect of character to my Higher Power. In the meantime, it is my job to act as if the change has already occurred. This means that I may come into contact with some seemingly obnoxious people who will mirror my character defects. I must remember that "Nothing happens in God's world by mistake," and they are here to teach me something. Maybe I am here to be the lesson for them. I may be the only example they ever see of a person trying to work and walk a spiritual path, in a 12 Step program of recovery.


One Day at a Time . . .
God, I ask that You continue to help me to be aware of my actions and how they affect others, and to accept and become willing to relinquish my character defects to You.

~ Jeanine ~

[yukonm]

January 4

HAPPINESS

Happiness is an achievement brought about by inner productiveness.
People succeed at being happy by building a liking for themselves.

Erich Fromm



It has been said that if one of us ever treated another human being the way we treated ourselves, we would be liable for criminal charges. I did not treat myself as a friend, someone I loved; I constantly fed into my unhappiness.

Alcoholics Anonymous co-founder Bill W. was asked, shortly before he died, to sum up the program in the lowest common denominator. He replied, "Get right with yourself, with God, then with your neighbor." Therefore, it stands to reason that I must start making friends with myself. I must treat myself with love and dignity, and the result will be happiness. To be happy, joyous, and free is the by-product of obedience to the program.

One Day at a Time . . .
Am I going to try being happy?
Am I going to make friends with myself?
If not today, when?

~ Jeremiah ~

[bluidkiti]

January 5

PERSEVERANCE

“Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds,
because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete,
not lacking anything.” . . . James 1:2



It’s always been easy for me to feel sorry for myself. My life has been difficult since I was a very young child, and early on I developed a chip on my shoulder the size of a boulder. “Surely no one has ever suffered what I suffer,” I often told myself. I used my pain and loneliness as excuses for bitterness, cynicism, arrogance, and harshness. In a twisted manifestation of my sickness, I held onto my suffering as though it were a precious testament to how “special” I was. I was actually Proud of my hardships! By doing this, I was mocking James’ instruction to consider trials of our faith as reasons to rejoice, and I was sentencing myself to years of immaturity, lack of faith, conflict, resentment, and heartache.

Because I held onto my arrogant, self-defeating attitude, the trials I faced led only to more and more illnesses of my body, mind, soul, and spirit. I was a prisoner in my own mind – ignoring the fact that I held in my hand the key to my freedom.

In the last six months I have been hit with more profoundly chaotic, agonizing, destructive trials of faith than I’ve encountered in the last ten years. The number, frequency, and intensity of these events did what my rational mind could not do – they brought me to my knees and led me to finally surrender my efforts to control my life.

I thank God for the friends He’s given me in Recovery. Trusted Servants have prayed for me, listened to me, and encouraged me. They have shared with me their own stories of suffering and the growth they have gained through it. With God’s grace and the support of dear friends, I am learning to release my twisted hold on Suffering, and to instead cooperate with God’s work in me. As I focus my attention on the lessons He has for me, I find that even the most painful trials I face can – and will – produce perseverance and maturity, one day at a time.


One day at a time ... I will choose to welcome the lessons and growth that God has for me – even when they come disguised as horrific events in my life. I will choose perseverance over bitterness.

~ Lisa

[yukonm]

January 6

LONELINESS

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted
is the most terrible poverty.

Mother Theresa




I remember being lonely for most of my growing up years. I never had many friends and never felt I fitted in, so I buried myself in studying and became an overachiever. I also buried myself in reading novels and lived in a fantasy world, always trying to escape that terrible empty feeling inside. I could be in a crowd of people or at home with my family, and yet the feeling of loneliness was always there. I didn't realize then that this was a kind of spiritual sickness, and I began to fill the "hole in my soul" with food; I was hoping food would take away the empty feeling. It took me years and a great deal of pain to realize that no amount of food could relieve that empty lonely feeling. Keeping busy couldn't help either. It was only when the pain of the food and the destructive things I was doing to myself became greater than the pain and the loneliness that I was trying to bury under mounds of food that I was brought to my knees and found the doors of my first program meeting.

Even though I wasn't sure that the program was for me at that first meeting, I knew then that I need never be alone. Other people suffered as I did and the feeling of not having to go it alone any more was very powerful. As I grow in the program and have discovered a Higher Power who is with me day and night, I have come to realize that I need never be alone. I can call on that Power at any time when I feel alone and scared. No longer do I have to feel the spiritual emptiness inside that used to drive me to food.


One Day at a Time . . .
I will remember to call on my Higher Power for guidance and help with my life; in that way, I need never be alone. When I follow the path that God intended me to follow in the first place, the loneliness disappears.

~ Sharon ~

[yukonm]

January 7

~ FEELING OVERWHELMED ~

The social workers have named a new syndrome.
It's called "compassion fatigue."
Why does it sound so familiar?



Anne Wilson Schaef



For most of my life I have always cared for others, and have always been in the caring professions. I didn't think that was a bad thing until I was brought to my knees and arrived at my first program meeting. One of the character defects that I found I had was people pleasing. Because I was always trying to help and fix others, I also knew that I had a problem with control and lack of acceptance.

One of the things I am learning in the program is that, because for so many years I had hidden my emotions in food, there are still many layers of the onion that I haven't even begun to peel away. The amazing thing is that it is only when I reach a rock bottom of some sort that I am forced to look deeper at many issues that I have blocked for years. What I realize now is that I have spent so many years of my life taking care of others that I have forgotten to take care of me. No wonder I feel so overwhelmed!

I'm a compulsive caregiver, but in doing that, I have often neglected to see to my own needs. I am so grateful that I have become open to looking further into why I have always put others' needs before mine, and to being able to detach with love from many issues over which I am powerless, so that I can take better care of me.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will remember that in order to be able to care for and love others, I must first learn to care for and love myself.


~ Sharon S. ~

[yukonm]

January 8

RESENTMENT

"You will not be punished for your anger,
you will be punished by your anger.
Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts
of resentment are cherished in the mind."
Buddha


It was not until I came into the program that I learned that resentment is just another name for anger. There are some areas in which letting go of resentment is not so easy, especially when dealing with hurtful words. Word wounds have a tendency to fester. The program shows me how to approach someone and make amends to them for saying something hurtful. That can be extremely healing. Unfortunately, there is no step in the program which makes provisions for others to make amends to me when my feelings are hurt.

I have learned something that has helped: telling others how I feel when my feelings are hurt. Instead of internalizing my feelings, I am beginning to speak up and ask, “Why did you say that? I felt hurt when you said that.”

Doing this releases the negativity and turns it into a positive action for me. Rather than just reacting to a bad situation, I am taking positive action. When I begin to take positive action, I find myself surrounded with positive influences and I am letting go of those friendships which are unhealthy.

One day at a time...
I will take positive action and surround myself with positive influences.


~ Marilyn S.

[yukonm]

January 9

~ SEEING CLEARLY ~
If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee,
you have to take the spoon out of the cup.

Norm Crosby


For so many years I had trouble seeing the obvious. I felt blind when dealing with emotions. I didn't know how to express anger properly. I was either furious (and eating) over little things, or emotionally void (and eating) over big things. I was told my feelings were hurt too easily, so I began to stifle my rightfully hurt feelings, using food to stuff the pain. But the worst was happiness. I was hysterically happy over the stupidest little things, and felt immensely unworthy of kindnesses done for me. Neither felt comfortable, so I always ended up eating.

It all began to come clear in the program. For once I could see my actions and my reactions and begin to understand myself and my motives. As I have worked this program, I no longer feel like my emotions swing on a pendulum from one extreme to the other. I can see things as they really are. I no longer make big mountains out of small hills or make small hills out of big mountains. I can now feel happiness, and express it, in complete comfort with myself. The nicest part is that while I may not be well-acquainted with my new behavior yet, it feels very comfortable, and I no longer have to practice my eating disorders to cover up my feelings.

One day at a time...
My eyes are opened by the program to the truth of what is and the feelings that are.


~ Rhonda H. ~

[yukonm]

January 10

~ FORGIVENESS ~

Don't carry a grudge.
While you're carrying the grudge, the other guy's out dancing.

Buddy Hackett


I have spent so much of my life wanting and, in my sickest moments, demanding amends from others. I truly have been treated poorly, wrongly and unfairly. But when I focus on how someone else owes me apologies and amends, I'm keeping myself in a negative attitude while trying to change someone else.


One of the best parts of Twelve Step recovery for me has been to let go of these grudges. I work on forgiving people. It sounds wacky, but forgiving them (not forgetting) allows me to let it go. One way I can find forgiveness is to know they never asked themselves how they could make me miserable today. From there, I can wish them well. It has been an absolute blessing to let go of these things rather than waiting for these people to make amends to me.

One day at a time...
I will remember that no one is intentionally doing harm to me. Forgiveness is a much more serene place.


Rhonda H.

[yukonm]

January 11

~ FOCUS ~

It takes a long time to become young.

Pablo Picasso



By the time I came to the Twelve Step program, I had forgotten how to have fun. My whole world revolved around food--eating it, planning to eat it, or not eating it (and being very aware of it). When asked to go anywhere, what first came to mind is what foods I could eat there. I would agree to go only if I were in the mood for the kind of food that would be available, and if the person going with me would be interested in eating it too. Parties were all about the food, not who I'd see and meet. Family reunions were about Aunt Betty's specialty dish and Uncle John's grilled meats.

This focus on food made me forget how to have fun. I even forgot what I liked to do, if I ever knew. The truth is that fun came to mean eating, and it was what I liked to do.

In the recovery program, I've learned that I have choices; I just couldn't see them for the food! The first time I went to a party where I didn't even think about the food, but enjoyed all the new people I met while reconnecting with old friends, I was shocked when I ended up at the refreshment table. The party was almost over, and I hadn't visited this area the second I walked in the door! What a relief! And what fun! I came home full of life and love and laughter. I hadn't felt so young in years.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will pray to keep my focus away from food and instead focus on life.


~ Rhonda ~

[yukonm]

January 12

~ GUILT ~

Who I am is what I have to give.
Quite simply, I must remember that's enough.

Anne Wilson Schaef



For most of my growing up years, I was fed on guilt, or so it seemed. I always felt that in order to justify being worthy of what others did for me, I had to be the best at whatever I did. I would feel guilty for not meeting others' expectations. My self-esteem was virtually non-existent. I was always there for other people rather than being there for myself. It was no wonder I turned to food to help me cope.

Now, I'm grateful that it took the pain of all those years of compulsive overeating to bring me into this wonderful fellowship of people who accept me just as I am. I don't need to do anything to justify myself. Through working the steps, I have been able to let go of a lot of guilt and I see that, even with all my character defects, I'm still a very special and unique human being. My self-esteem has improved, and I learned that I need to take care of myself if I'm to be of help to others.

I still struggle with those defects from time to time, but with the support I find in this fellowship, I am becoming comfortable with who I am, and I can let go of the guilt. What a relief that has been!

I don't need to be just the person who is always there for others; I need to be there for myself. I am learning that I am a worthwhile person and that I'm just the way God wants me to be.


One Day at a Time . . .
I don't need to be just the person who is always there for others;
I need to be there for myself.
I am learning that I am a worthwhile person and that I'm just the way God wants me to be.

~ Sharon ~

[yukonm]

January 13


CHANGE

”If you would truly wish to understand
something, try to change it.”
Kurt Lewin



There is nothing more powerful to me than this one thought. My entire program teaches me to change the fellow who came in or he will surely drag me back out. Without change there is no hope. Without hope there is no peace or serenity.

The "how to" is simply and strongly told in the Big Book of AA. On page 28 it is plain that we must find and maintain a spiritual fitness in order to survive. Change is the key to open the door, and change is impossible without a power greater than ourselves. This, truly, is the easier, softer way. May you find Him now.

One day at a time…
I am willing to allow the God of my understanding to change the person I was into the person He wishes me to be.

~ Danny

[yukonm]

January 14

~ RECOVERY ~

Survival is nothing more than recovery.

Dianne Feinstein



As a very young child, I had a loving relationship with my Higher Power. I talked to God all the time about the things I didn't understand. I asked for His help in making me a better person, daughter, granddaughter, etc.

Then, as happens in dysfunctional families, things got worse. Being the youngest, I became the scapegoat for people who didn't know how to express anger and pain properly. I, too, learned inappropriate ways to express my feelings. I also began to turn against my Higher Power. Why wasn't He helping me? Why was He letting me be so unhappy? Why wasn't He answering my prayers? Why hadn't I awakened thin yet?

It took me many years to destroy my relationship with God, but thankfully, it only took a few years of the Twelve Step program for me to rediscover my former relationship with Him. As my eating disorders have been lessened and abstinence has become the norm in my life, I am very grateful for the Higher Power in my life today. I truly feel as if I've gained something I once lost. Thanks to recovery, I've also gained things I never had or don't remember having. I have a peace, serenity, acceptance, understanding and love that I can never remember experiencing before. The more I trust in my Higher Power, the more rewards of recovery become mine.



One Day at a Time . . .
I will work my program and be grateful for the level of recovery I'm currently experiencing. When I feel a lack of growth within myself, I will look at how far I've come and trust that my growth is in my Higher Power's time, not mine.

~ Rhonda H. ~

[yukonm]

January 15

GOD OF MY UNDERSTANDING

“I believe in God, but not as one thing, not as an old man in the sky.
I believe that what people call God is something in all of us."
John Lennon


Like many people, I originally came to Program primarily seeking help with my compulsive overeating. My main concern was to gain control of my weight and my appetite. I was expecting some kind of diet program, but I found something quite different.

I already considered myself religious and didn't think I needed much help in this area. I also wasn't particularly interested in working on my shortcomings, but I was willing to overlook these "problem" areas of Program because I was so desperate for help.

Well, I did get my weight and appetite under control, but I got much more than that. Program's concept of being able to work with a God of my own understanding may have been the most radical and personally-enlightening theological tidbit I've ever had the pleasure of tripping over. It changed everything I thought I knew about spirituality and God. Through this shift in my understanding, my Higher Power began to change me and help me with my COE by gradually removing all of my past baggage and encumbrances.

Even though I've now reached my recovery goals, my purification continues daily, as does my spiritual growth. I went searching for a diet that actually worked and instead found a whole new way of life. Whoda thunk?

One day at a time...
I will continue to nurture my relationship with the God Of MY Understanding by working the tools of recovery.


~ Rob.