Owning Our Power

[MajestyJo]

Sunday, January 19, 2014

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Owning Our Power

There is one feeling we need to pay particular attention to in recovery: feeling victimized. We do not need to become comfortable with that feeling.

How do we feel when we've been victimized? Helpless. Rageful. Powerless. Frustrated.

Feeling victimized is dangerous. Often, it can prompt us into addictive or other compulsive behaviors.

In recovery, we're learning to identify when we're feeling victimized, when we are actually being victimized, and why we're feeling victimized. We're learning to own our power, to take care of ourselves, and to remove ourselves as victims.

Sometimes, owning our power means we realize we are victimizing ourselves - and others are not doing anything to hurt us. They are living their lives, as they have a right to, and we are feeling victimized because we're attempting to control their process or we're unreasonably expecting them to take care of us. We may feel victimized if we get stuck in a codependent belief such as: Other people make me feel.... Others hold the key to my happiness and destiny.... Or, I can't be happy unless another behaves in a particular way, or a certain event takes place...

Other times, owning our power means we realize that we are being victimized by another's behavior. Our boundaries are being invaded. In that case, we figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves to stop the victimization; we need to set boundaries.

Sometimes, a change of attitude is all that's required. We are not victims.

We strive to have compassion for the person who victimized us but understand that compassion often comes later, after we've removed ourselves as victims in body, mind, and spirit. We also understand that too much compassion can put us right back into the victim slot. Too much pity for a person who is victimizing us may set up a situation where the person can victimize us again.

We try not to force consequences or crises upon another person, but we also do not rescue that person from logical consequences of his or her behavior. If there is a part that is our responsibility to play in delivering those consequences, we do our part - not to control or punish, but to be responsible for ourselves and to others.

We try to figure out what we may be doing that is causing us to feel victimized, or what part we are playing in the system, and we stop doing that too. We are powerless over others and their behavior, but we can own our power to remove ourselves as victims.

Today, I will take responsibility for myself and show it to others by not allowing myself to be victimized, I cannot control outcomes, but I can control my attitude toward being victimized. I am not a victim; I do not deserve to be victimized.

No one can take it away unless we allow it.

[MajestyJo]

Today I was sharing with my friend and she said, "You raised a good son." I said, "Thank you." He did some work for her and she was quite happy with the results.

He has his own place that he shares with a friend. He is working part time at the moment, but he still finds time to come and help me out. He chooses to continue to use, and that is his choice.

The other day I confronted him about two missing steaks from my freezer. He said, "Oh that must have been the day that I came in drunk." That was quite a while ago, I don't know when it was or if I was even here, I just know that when I wanted a steak, it wasn't there.

It is what addicts do, I don't have to like it, but I do understand and accept it. I don't believe in leaving the words unsaid, I just don't react the way I use to. I also confronted him with the two pay-for-view movies that he ordered. I put a parental block on my TV and he will get a surprise if he tries to order any more. I don't need an extra $12. added to my telephone bill, it wasn't in my budget. Some may say, "What is $12?" It is a lot when you don't have it and you need it for something else.

Thanks for letting me share.