Steps By The Big Book

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Steps 9 – 12: Heard in a meeting: “We practice Steps 9, 10, 11 and 12 on a daily basis.”

STEP 9

I expressed my entire willingness to approach these individuals, admitting my wrong. Never was I to be critical of them. I was to right all such matters to the utmost of my ability. (Bill’s Story, 13:3)


Heard in a meeting: “To make an amend = make an apology + change behavior.”
The goal is to directly make amends to those we have harmed, not excusing our behavior, blaming others, proving something, or arguing about those events.
[Optional: Step 9 in the 12 & 12 gives us clear cut directions for making amends:

• First we will wish to be reasonably certain we are on the A.A. beam.

• 1. • Then we are ready to go to these people
     • to tell them what A.A. is,
     • and what we are trying to do.
• Against this backdrop we can
  1. • freely admit the damage we have done
     • and make our apologies.
     • We can pay, or promise to pay
     • whatever obligations, financial or otherwise, we owe.

12 & 12, 84: 1]


The Big Book authors relate how another of AA’s founders, Dr. Bob, made his amends. This was on June 10, 1935, which is considered the anniversary date of Alcoholics Anonymous:
One morning he took the bull by the horns and set out to tell those he feared what his trouble had been. He found himself surprisingly well received, and learned that many knew of his drinking. Stepping into his car, he made the rounds of people he had hurt. He trembled as he went about, for this might mean ruin, particularly to a person in his line of business. At midnight he came home exhausted, but very happy. He has not had a drink since. (A Vision for You, 156: 1, 2)


Step 9 gives us a way to make restitution and to set right the damage we have caused in the past. We can admit the wrong and not feel we are groveling or obliged to hide in shame. Making amends is a commitment to a continuous process of change. We will spend the rest of our lives practicing the spiritual principles that will bring real change in the way we are partners with people.


p. 72
http://www.stepsbybigbook.net/