Steps By The Big Book

[bluidkiti]

a.) Selfishness Concern for self regardless of others.

• Selfishness: ego = me. Self-absorption: "It's all about me!" Regard for our own interest or happiness to the disregard of the well-being of others. Not aware of others and their needs. Instinctively putting our own needs first. A false sense of a separate self, etc.
  • Habitual selfishness: We could not see others’ or our real place in the universe. [Our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. 12&12, 53: 1]
  • ‘Turnaround’: We begin to see that we can change to our true nature – so that ultimately the best care of ourselves lies in our unselfish regard for the concern of the whole, that care for others includes us as well. Care of our selves becomes care of our soul, and is known to be care of all.

b.) Dishonesty A tendency to deceit, to conceal our true character.

• Dishonest: Fraudulent, not what purported. The reverse of honesty; lack of probity or integrity; disposition to deceive, defraud, or steal; thievishness; theft, fraud. Not corresponding to fact. Trying to be people pleasers in order to gain approval from other people. Believing the lies our mind tells us, etc.
  • Habitual dishonesty: We lost perspective. We often did not even know we were lying because we had a false way of seeing reality.
  • ‘Turnaround’: We begin to see that we can change to our true nature – to be who we truly are, free from concealment, to be a sincere person acting in direct, frank, open ways. We are good and caring people.

c.) Self-seeking, inconsiderate Concern for self over (or under) others.

• Self-seeking: The seeking after our own welfare before that of others, prosecution of selfish ends. To put ourselves either above or below others. Seeing ourselves as better or worse than others. Lacking perspective, etc
  • Inconsiderate: Thoughtless, negligent, rash, incautious, heedless.
  • Habitual self-seeking: As a matter of course we tended to put our needs first, including our needs to be first, to be last, to be liked, to be feared, and to be pitied. [Top of the heap, or to hide underneath it. 12&12, 53: 1]
  • ‘Turnaround’: We begin to see that we can change from self-seeking to our true nature – to be thoughtful and considerate and in partnership with others and to act with loving compassion toward ourselves and others.

d.) Fear Dread. Self-reliance failed us. (68: 1)

• Fear: To feel alarmed or uneasy. The emotion of pain or uneasiness caused by the sense of impending danger. Apprehension of some future evil. [Fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we wanted. 12&12, 76: 2], or be found out for who we are. To lose heart, etc.
  • Habitual fear: Our apprehension of impending danger, our anxiety, was the existential basis for our selfishness, our dishonesty and self-seeking and our drinking.

• • be free of alarm and apprehension, free of being restless, irritable and discontented, and to embrace a feeling of goodwill toward all creation. We can act with loving compassion.
  • [Heard in a meeting: “Fear is to lose heart. Courage is to take heart. Love is to open one's heart. Trust is to rely on heart. Faith is trust in heart.”]

3.) Our Faults
a.)The Inventory is ours.

• Though a situation had not been entirely our fault
• we tried to disregard the other personinvolved entirely. (67: 2)
• Where were we to blame? (67: 2) Did you step on their toes? (See 62: 1) [Blame: Responsibility for fault or error, or being not right. Blundering; out of bounds; missing the mark; defects, shortcomings.]
• Were your reactions out of bounds?
• The inventory was ours, not the other man's. (67: 2)

b.)List our faults.

• When we saw our faults, we listed them. (67: 2) [Fault: A seismic gap; a conflict between deeply held values; or instincts in collision, ie: We want to help others, but also we want our own way. Out of bounds; missing the mark; shortcomings.]
• We placed them before us in black and white. (67: 2) Write them down.
• Disregarding everyone and everything else involved, look at each angry reaction situation and see what, if anything, you did to cause each event, or to make it worse, or to react to it and hence create more troubles for yourself or others.
• We admitted our wrongs honestly (67: 2) [Wrong: Twisted way of thinking and acting. Error; not right; blunder; out of bounds; missing the mark; shortcomings.]

C. Our Turnarounds by four workings of the Grudge List. Willing?“Am I willing to set it straight?”

1.) Willing. And were willing to set these matters straight. (67: 2) [Straight: Not crooked. Honest; by the rules; right; in bounds. Selfless, honest, loving, pure motives.]


2.) Turnarounds In order to save our own lives, we are turning from our habitual point of view. We stood at the turning point. (59: 1) Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. (27:4) We become willing to do things differently. We are willing to change. We turn around.


3.) * Meditate / PrayWe meditate / pray for the benefit of all. Many in AA use such a composite prayer on behalf of others and for themselves.
[Optional: God of my understanding, bless _______ (including myself), for she/he is a sick person, and but by your grace, there go I. I pray for their health, happiness and prosperity. I pray I may show them the patience, kindliness and love I would want to be shown or that I would show a sick friend. God save me from being hurt, threatened, insulted, or angry. How may I help them? May thy will, not mine, be done. (See 67: 0; 552: 1)]



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