Quote:
STEP FOUR: Made a searching and fearless
moral inventory of ourselves.
"If we have been thorough about our personal
inventory, we have written down a lot. We have
listed and analyzed our resentments. We have
begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality.
We have commenced to see their terrible
destructiveness. We have begun to learn tolerance,
patience and good will toward all men, even our
enemies....We have listed the people we have hurt
by our conduct, and are willing to straighten out
the past if we can."
Alcoholics Anonymous, page 70
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The two biggest resentments that I carried were toward God and my life. The big "Why me?" The answer was, "Why not me?" What makes me so special that I should miss out on the experiences of 'life' and it was my decisions that put me on the path I chose.
The signs were there, but I ignored them. The direction was there, yet I was the one who exercised her freedom of choice. Then my addiction made the choices for me, yet I was the one who continued to use people, places and things. Always looking for love in all the wrong places, always looking for the next fix, the next potion that would make me feel better and escape my reality. Always outside of myself, not knowing it was an inside job.