What is my truth today? I have found that often truth changes, most times for the better, but not always. What I thought to be true, may either have hidden depths and meaning, or my perception of it has changed and I often have to adjust accordingly.
Sometimes things get blown out of proportion and we have to bring them down to size. Other times, we look at things with tunnel vision and we need to broaden our view of things to take in the whole thing. At other times, I develop a truth which works for me, only to find it works no more.
This is a spiritual journey. Hopefully as I travel the recovery road, I will continue to grow in awareness and open myself to new ideas and concepts. As we change, so does our opinions, options, and our choices; and as they come into view, we need to find our truth in what we experience along the way.
Today I met my first sponsor in the mall. When she saw me, she said, "Oh you look pretty." Just for a second, my dander went up and I was so glad it was just that moment, but the thought was still there. 1) I don't do pretty. 2) I don't feel like I have a pretty bone in my body. 3) The whole thing felt phony and too cutesy, and it was heaven forbid. I am dressed in a pair of skinny black jeans, a dark green 3/4 sleeve jersey top, with a black hooded jacket zipped up and I had a fuzzy black vest on as I had just come in from the cold. I had on my black orthodontics that are like a cut off boot. For some reason, the back went up, but I realized it was my issue not hers. She can call me what she wants to. It was good to see her and I did get a hug.
The fledgling left the nest. She was what I needed in early recovery and I still phone and call her. We are just not on the same page.
