"The Undisciplined"
"We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us..." ~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 88~
So what is discipline? In the online dictionary
www.dictionary.com the best definition for this conversation is: Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.
But didn't we have training? What was all of this growing up stuff? Didn't we receive the right information from our families, our teachers, our pastors, priests, and spiritual leaders? No! Maybe it is because we refused to listen?
It seems to me that one of the biggest problems that I suffered growing up is not listening to experience. Some might say that I was un-trainable. Sure there were the things in life that I learned, but when it came right down to the nuts and bolts of it, I had to do it my way. Some may think that is a great way to learn, but it leaves those who learn that way undisciplined.
So in this undisciplined action, the facade of self-knowledge grew into what was believed to be truth. The fact was I actually had not a clue if what I was doing had any effect on anything other than my ?self?. I knew neither truth or falsehood. Only what I made up in my mind.
Sure there were those who tried to show me discipline. Just ask the cops and the judges who kept on trying to show me the way. Ask all of the people who trusted in me, and were completely let down when they found out I had lied to them. What they didn't realize is that I didn't have a clue what they were trying to say to me. I didn't care, and I certainly didn't want to hear it!!!
See this is where selfishness and self-centeredness comes in. We as alcoholics are undisciplined. We were trained, but in a way that involved self. Most of us have stories about the this? and that?s of our life and how hard it was growing up. But the facts are if we had listened to all of the good advice that had passed our way, chances are we would not be in the shape we are today.
But getting away from the past and looking into the now. We need to realize that if we are going to look to God for this discipline that we are lacking, we also have to listen. God will train us, but we have to listen to Him.
This is exactly the reasoning behind why there are so many failures of sobriety, when it comes to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. We want what the people who have made sobriety a success have, but we don?t want to listen to how it is they did it. I have spent the last six years into researching this problem and have recognized that there are many people who seek what the program has to offer, but are not willing to go to any lengths to get it.
In the Big Book it states: 'If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it - then you are ready to take certain steps." "How It Works" pg. 58. Those steps are a design to bring us closer to God. People say they are ready, but are they willing?
God doesn't just snap His fingers and boom all of a sudden you find discipline. It has to be practiced. There is no better way to practice this discipline than to work diligently with other alcoholics. In fact it doesn't necessarily have to just be alcoholics, but to carry on the word of a spiritual experience to all that want to listen. It seems to me that this is His will for all us. That is if we are willing to listen!!!!
--Ed C.