Thank you for sharing. As they say, "Slip, sobriety losing it's priority." I had a lapse of mind, and didn't stop to think. I am give the opportunity, that choice and it is up to me, I am empowered through the program of recovery. I can't, the God of my understanding can, if I choose to let Him/Her.
The only defense I have is that spiritual one. I was raised in the Gospel Halls, nothing much more religious than that, and yet it didn't stop me from becoming an alcoholic or an addict. My grandfather was a travelling minister and my grandmother was a school teacher and their three sons were all alcoholics. My grandfather built the church and the community church, they had a saw mill and the family had 550 acres of farm land, a construction crew, a harvesting crew with big machinery that helped other farmers, and my father was the youngest son who went out to work on the railroad at 14, and was a carpenter and worked in a stainless steel sink factory. He had more common sense than most people and a smart man, except when it came to alcohol, and he died from his disease.
I started as a file clerk with the option that I would go to night school. I worked in every department in an office, became an office manager. Was a secretary, assistant accountant, payroll and personal, you name it, I did it, and yet in the end, I was unemployable because of my addiction. I ended up at the YWCA, reached out for help and in 2001, went back to school at the age of 59, and got a certificate for Business Administration on Computers. It helped me to do what I do today, use my computer and taught me that I no longer wanted to go back into the rat race of life and that I had done my time and I was going to spend the rest of my life trying to help others.
When I relapse in today, it is when I allow something in today to take me away from that purpose. It isn't about picking up a drink or a drug, it is about allowing others to dictate to me what they think I should be doing with my life.
May your journey be blessed.
