• I list the names of people, places, and things that cause me to be angry, irritable, unreasonable, and discontented. I put them all down. At this time I do not say what they did, or why they bother me. I just make the list of who did it.
• First Column lesson: My head is full of resentments. There is no room for conscious contact with my higher power.

• After I am done with the list of names of people, places, and things that make me irritable, unreasonable, and discontent, I am ready to fill in the Second Column. For each First Column name, I state simply how they hurt me, what happened, what they (or I) did that makes me feel the way I do.
• Second Column lesson: It is less who the person is and more how his/her behavior made me angry. May I begin forgiveness of myself and others here?

• Now for each event in the Second Column, I write down in the Third Column what parts of my Self were hurt or threatened by the person, place, or thing. I consider the ‘three S’s of Self’: Security (material and emotional), Self-esteem (fear for very existence), Sex (and relationship, companionship) instincts. Also the ‘actor’s roles’ I play. How do my own negative feelings and reactions, my own worn out defenses, affect me?
• Third Column lesson: What leads me to a drink is not who or how they hurt me, but the way I REACT to what part of myself that was threatened. My own reactions and my own thought-habits lead me to drink.

• Now that I have completed the three column chart, I ask myself: What have I done to cause myself to feel this way? When have I done this before?
• What did I do in my conduct in relationship to this person, place, or thing to cause me to feel irritable, unreasonable, and discontent? Do I have unreasonable expectations? Have I been acting out of fear? What am I afraid of? Do my own reactions lead me to be hurt and to hurt others? How old is my behavior?

• • Other Columns Lessons: What is my part?
    • Where was I selfish (self-absorbed)?
    • Where was I dishonest (believing my own lies, or not genuine)?
    • Where was I self-seeking (wanting to control or be controlled by someone else)? (67: 2)
    • Where was I frightened (where did reliance solely upon myself fail me)? (68: 1)
    • Where was I at fault (out of bounds, or missing the mark)?
    • What could I have done instead? (69: 1,3)
• Answers to these questions will help me find my character defects, shortcomings, and the exact nature of our wrongs that I will address in Step 5 (59: 2). [We learned that if we were seriously disturbed, our first need was to quiet that disturbance, regardless of who or what we thought caused it. 12&12, 47: 2]
• [OR: I may write about how these old worn out defenses blocked me from growing up and growing spiritually – false pride, perfectionism, being phony, selfishness, impatience, self-pity, resentments, intolerance, alibis, dishonest thinking, putting things off, guilt and shame, fear, taking things for granted, etc.]

• Anger: The one that hurt or threatened me is also a sick person. I deeply wish for them (and me) the same serenity and peace of mind that I would have for myself. God, of my understanding, save me from being hurt, threatened, insulted, or angry. How may I help them? (67: 0; 552: 1) (I say this for myself too)
• Fear: I pray that my fear be removed and my attention directed to being who you would have me be today. May thy will, not mine, be done. (68: 3)
• Relationship: We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing.(70: 2)
• Willing to change: Today I may meditate, go to a meeting, talk with my sponsor to be more open to my higher power and less restless, irritable and discontent. Today I do not have to be hurt or to hurt myself, and I do not have to drink.

PART III

NOTES ON STEPS 5 - 12

Steps 5 – 8: We are building an arch through which we shall walk…free…at last. Is our work solid so far? (75: 3)

STEP 5

“My schoolmate visited me and I fully acquainted him with my problems and deficiencies.” (Bill’s Story, 13: 3)


We lied to others and to ourselves for years about who we were and what we did. Now, we turn and speak straight, in true perspective, to another person. We discuss our strengths and limitations without judgment or blame. We let it all out; we get real. We share the thoughts, actions, and motives in our lives that have worked and have not worked to make us happy, joyous, and free.
We show love and respect for ourselves when we ask others to hear our Fifth Step. As we share our inventory, we become clearer about the exact nature of our old worn out defenses, our wrongs, our defects and shortcomings. Now, we focus on what is behind the patterns of our alcoholism, and the reasons why we acted out in the ways we did. Step 5 calls for courage and a sense of trust in the process of recovery. With courage, we tell the truth about who we are – then, with trust, we listen to the response. Our lonely existence of shame is replaced by humility and self acceptance.
We ourselves are the ones to decide if we have now worked the first five Steps satisfactorily. (76: 0) The measure is our own peace of mind.


p. 69
http://www.stepsbybigbook.net/

STEP 7

…to have my new found Friendtake them away, root and branch. (Bill’s Story, 13: 3)
Heard in a meeting: "Step 7 is about DOING what you do not want to do. What are you going to do instead? Will you ask for help to make these changes?"


We may think of a shortcoming as falling short of our potential. In Step 7 we are going to practice new things in our lives, and a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery, a conversion, begins to take place. (567: 1) We are asking for help and strength from the power that we discover within us, through the discipline of the practice of working this program as understood by Alcoholics Anonymous. While we cannot - nor should not - deny our instincts, we are asking the higher power of our understanding to remove that habitual and insatiable demand for the satisfaction of our instincts beyond our true needs.



The effort, or the act of working this Step, is in the asking. We are asking for help to have wisdom and clarity, to be made strong. How we go about asking – through prayer, through meditation or other spiritual practices, or by thinking it over – is up to us. We are not going to ask just once, we will ask again and again throughout our lifetimes until in a moment of grace we find strength to go on without drinking or using. We need spiritual strength to go forth into the world and take those actions that are consistent with, and even demanded by, the understanding we have from our quiet time alone with our higher power. We take refuge in and cooperate with this ‘inner knowing’ in the process of letting go, of opening ourselves to change. We have come to see that we are a part of, rather than apart from, this universal family. This true perspective of humility gives us peace of mind. [12 & 12, 48: 0; 58: 1; 72: 2]



pp. 70-71
http://www.stepsbybigbook.net/

Steps 9 – 12: Heard in a meeting: “We practice Steps 9, 10, 11 and 12 on a daily basis.”

STEP 9

I expressed my entire willingness to approach these individuals, admitting my wrong. Never was I to be critical of them. I was to right all such matters to the utmost of my ability. (Bill’s Story, 13:3)


Heard in a meeting: “To make an amend = make an apology + change behavior.”
The goal is to directly make amends to those we have harmed, not excusing our behavior, blaming others, proving something, or arguing about those events.
[Optional: Step 9 in the 12 & 12 gives us clear cut directions for making amends:

• First we will wish to be reasonably certain we are on the A.A. beam.

• 1. • Then we are ready to go to these people
     • to tell them what A.A. is,
     • and what we are trying to do.
• Against this backdrop we can
  1. • freely admit the damage we have done
     • and make our apologies.
     • We can pay, or promise to pay
     • whatever obligations, financial or otherwise, we owe.

12 & 12, 84: 1]


The Big Book authors relate how another of AA’s founders, Dr. Bob, made his amends. This was on June 10, 1935, which is considered the anniversary date of Alcoholics Anonymous:
One morning he took the bull by the horns and set out to tell those he feared what his trouble had been. He found himself surprisingly well received, and learned that many knew of his drinking. Stepping into his car, he made the rounds of people he had hurt. He trembled as he went about, for this might mean ruin, particularly to a person in his line of business. At midnight he came home exhausted, but very happy. He has not had a drink since. (A Vision for You, 156: 1, 2)


Step 9 gives us a way to make restitution and to set right the damage we have caused in the past. We can admit the wrong and not feel we are groveling or obliged to hide in shame. Making amends is a commitment to a continuous process of change. We will spend the rest of our lives practicing the spiritual principles that will bring real change in the way we are partners with people.


p. 72
http://www.stepsbybigbook.net/

STEP 11

I was to sit quietly when in doubt asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems as He would have me. (Bill’s Story, 13: 4)


In Step 11, our work is to seek to improve the conscious contact we have always had with an unsuspected inner resource, (567: 4-568: 0) which is our higher power. As we work through the Steps, we discover more of the nature of this Spirit. Yet it is often easier to identify what is not God’s will for us than what is. It is understood that it is not God’s will for us to drink and lapse into active alcoholism.
Eventually, all things merge into one. And through it all is our common experience of healing from alcoholism as this power that is greater than ourselves is made manifest in our lives. Our practice changes as we change. We each grow into an evolving exercise of personal meditation and prayer as we progress on our own spiritual path. May we be cautious that our own private devotions do not take us away from the fellowship.


p. 73
http://www.stepsbybigbook.net/

• READ Read about Step 5 in Chapter 6, Into Action, pp. 72 – 75. Many read Step 5 in the 12 & 12. Step 5 is a step out of our isolation.

• WRITE Review the work you did on Step 4. Steps 4 and 5 are action Steps that explore denial and self-deception, and contribute to self acceptance. Have you left anything out? Write it down.

• TALK Find someone with whom to take Step 5. Let your higher power guide you in finding the right person. You may choose to share different parts of your story with different people. Make an appointment and take the Step.

• PRACTICE DAILY MEDITATION / PRAYER We are not alone.

• Step 4 and Step 5 are the most discussed and the most skipped Steps. Why?
• Do I have any fears or reservations about doing this Step? What are they?
• How has working the first four Steps prepared me for taking Step 5?
• Was I so numb that I did not realize my wrongs?

• Have I opened myself to the presence of a higher power before going over my inventory with my Fifth Step sponsor? How do I do this?
• How is my Third Step decision reaffirmed by working the Fifth Step?

• How am I very much the actor? (73: 1)
• Had I been under constant fear and tension, and did that make for more drinking? (73: 2)

• What may happen to those who hang on to some of the worst items in stock? or have nottold someone else all their life story? (73: 0)
• How will working Step 5 help me to begin to develop new ways of having relationships?
• Am I in complete readiness to talk to the right person, (74: 2) and to listen to their response?

• Can I …get down to causes and conditions? (64: 0)
• Have I inventoried my grosser handicaps? (71: 0)
• What does the exact nature of our defects mean? (72: 1) What is behind my alcoholism and the reasons I acted out in the ways I did?
• Why do I need to admit the exact nature of my wrongs and not simply the wrongs themselves?
• What is the distinction between my motives (86: 2) and my actions or behaviors?
• The 5th Step promises: Do I now feel I can look the world in the eye? (75: 2)

• How may I practice being honest with myself, accepting who I am, both the good and the harm that I do, and living up to my potential?
• Where am I responsible and where am I not responsible? What patterns would I rather not repeat in the future?
• How may I practice the courage to share the parts of myself that should never see the light of day? (73: 2)
• How may I practice being committed to trusting this process, trusting another person, and trusting myself to do it?
• How may I practice relying on my higher power, relying on the program of recovery and relying on the fellowship?

SESSION 14

STEP 6 Into Action p. 76: 1

Step 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Let go. (76: 1) We ask God to help us be willing. (76: 1)

Step 6 written inventory Take Step 6

ION YOUR OWN: STUDY – What did the Big Book authors say?

• READ Review Into Action p. 75: 3. Read of Step 6 on p. 76: 1. (See also 263: 0, 1, 2) Many read Step 6 in the 12 & 12.
  • • • Have you done the Step work so far to [your] satisfaction? (75: 3-76: 1)
      • Heard in a meeting: “When you were ready, you let your drinking go. You can do the same with your other defects and shortcomings.”

• WRITE List all of your character defects from Steps 4 and 5 and write brief descriptions of them. [Defect: A lack; an imperfection. To fall short; to miss the mark.] [Change: To substitute something else for. To exchange.]
  • • • You may have become so attached to your defenses, patterns, masks and roles (your defects) that you have begun to identify with them. There comes a point when it is more painful to stay in the old patterns than it is to risk something new and unknown.
      • The key to Step 6 is to maintain the honesty developed through all the Steps, and to be patient with yourself.

• TALK Call your sponsor and other members of the group to discuss your thoughts on Step 6.

• PRACTICE DAILY MEDITATION / PRAYER.

II WITH THE GROUP: PRACTICE – What does the Big Book say to me about my practice of Step 6?
Having gone through the process of recognizing and examining many defects and faulty motives in Step 4, and sharing about them in Step 5, consider having a round robin discussion about one particular defect. Members of the group may choose to speak on their experiences with Step 6 by the Big Book.


Points of Focus and Reflection (Consider 75:3-76: 1)Try saying these out loud.
1.) Awareness of Character Defects

• In what ways are my defects really basic human traits that have been distorted by my own self-centeredness?

• Can I list each defect I have and the ways I act on it?
• In what specific ways am I addicted to things to change my feelings?
• How do I feel when I act out on each defect? What feelings do my defects help me change or avoid? Is every defect another face of fear?
• What would my life be like without each defect?

2.) Willingness

• Am I ready to become willing?
• Which of my unwanted defects am I dismayed to find are still here?
• Which of my defects have I had most of my life, and are like survival skills? How did each defect (or pattern or defense or role or mask) protect me?
• Which unhealthy behaviors do I seem to repeat over and over?
• Am I afraid I am incapable of change? Is my personality my defects?
• How have I changed so far? What defects do I no longer have to act on?
• Can I see the principles of 12 Step recovery as being the opposite of my character defects?
• Am I entirely ready (59: 2) to let my higher power set my character defects at one remove from me?

.
3.) Letting Go

• When will the pain of holding on to my defects of character become greater than my fear of change?
• Have many of my thought-habits brought nothing but pain and degradation to my life? Do I need help in dealing with them?
• How may I let go through prayer and meditation and reflect on my higher power?
• How does my surrender deepen in this step? Can I relax since I do not do it alone?
• What action can I take that shows that I am entirely ready?

.
III DAILY PRACTICE OF STEP 6 PRINCIPLES

• How may I demonstrate my commitment to persevere in my recovery today?
• How am I willing to act differently?
• How may I increase my trust in the God of my understanding by working Step 6?
• How may I practice the principle of self-acceptance, even when once again I act on a defect against my will?
• Can I not do what “I want to do” today?
• Do I understand this is just for today, one day at a time?

……………………………………..
IV TAKE STEP 6
We take Step 6 in the first paragraph on page 76.


As we put our willingness to change into practice one day at a time, then according to the Big Book, and under the conditions of this day, we take Step 6.


Observe carrying out Step 6 in the manner that your group sees fit.

STEP 6 WRITTEN INVENTORY (optional) (Step 7 on reverse)
Step 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.


Make multiple copies or expand this template in your own notebook.

• Review the list of character defects that you elaborated in writing in Step 4.
• List each defect, and give a definition of it.
• Write about how you act on your character defects, and what effect it has on you and others.
• Ask yourself what feelings you are trying to suppress or change when you act out on the defect?
• What would your life be like without this behavior?
• Which spiritual principle may you apply instead? …………………………………………………………………………….

Defect:
Definition:
Effect of acting on it:
Feelings involved:
Alternatives:
Defect:
Definition:
Effect of acting on it:
Feelings involved:
Alternatives:
Defect:
Definition:
Effect of acting on it:
Feelings involved:
Alternatives:
Defect:
Definition:
Effect of acting on it:
Feelings involved:
Alternatives:
Etc, etc.


pp. 79-81
http://www.stepsbybigbook.net/

• READ Read Chapter 6, Into Action p. 76, paragraph 2 on Step 7. [See also 265: 0, 1, 2] Many also read Step 7 in the 12&12.

• 1. • Heard in a meeting: “Humility is our acceptance of who and what we really are, that we are worthwhile, and that we are grateful.”

• WRITE Write about the character defects and shortcomings you act out on, and the spiritual principles you might use instead. [Shortcoming: Failure to hit a target. To miss the mark. Out of bounds.]

• TALK Talk with your sponsor and other members of the group about your experiences with Step 7. Discuss your character defects and what you are doing about them.

• PRACTICE DAILY MEDITATION / PRAYER

• How has “my way” landed me in difficulty?
• Am I acting as my own higher power?
• How does my usefulness to myself and others depend on my being balanced?
• How does my gratitude for my life in recovery relate to my staying right size?
• How may I take a new perspective on the world and so act differently?
• How may I grow to have “solution-based” thinking?
• How is humility (55: 4) related to honesty (58: 1) and sanity (5: 5; 37: 1) in regards to my own sense of proportion and perspective?
• AA literature focuses on humility as seeing things in true perspective, as they really are. [Optional, see also 12&12 pp. 48: 0; 58: 1; 72: 2]
• Humility is a sense of our own humanness. We are truly just trying our best.

• How does the spiritual principle of surrender apply to getting out of the way so a higher power of my understanding can work in my life?
• Have I asked other recovering alcoholics to help me by sharing their experience, strength, and hope in this matter of prayer and meditation?
• Do I work very hard to act ‘on target,’ in ways that oppose my shortcomings?
• Does my higher power do Steps 6 and 7 for me?

• Why are defects of character in Step 6 called shortcomings in Step 7? (59: 2)
• How is my self-centered fear the chief activator of my character defects?
• Can I see the many faces of my fear (my defects) and not deny or suppress them?
• How may I recognize the fear and anger, bring it to awareness, and deal with it in a healthy manner? Can I ask for help to change my fears?
• How can I stop building walls, and act instead as if I want to be happy, serene and sane?
• Am I prepared to take an active role in the new and healthier world that I am now a part of?
• Can I ask for the strength to do the practice? What does the term ‘practice’ mean to me?

• Has my sense of perspective been out of proportion lately?
• How may I accept my powerlessness over my shortcomings as well as my alcoholism?
• How may I humbly ask for strength, practice spiritual principles, and get out of my higher power’s way?
• Can I become more conscious of my motives and intentions before I act?
• Instead of fear and anger, can I respond with love and patience?
• May I practice trust and being worthy by practicing being responsible?
• Today, can I do what “I don’t want to do”?
• Have there been times when I have been able to refrain from acting on a character defect and practice a spiritual principle instead? Do I recognize this as my higher power working in my life?